I was dressed to the nines, and I thought I looked great. My husband, Mike, was at work, and we were to meet at the restaurant in two hours. It was our tenth wedding anniversary. I checked myself out in the mirror: showing some pretty cleavage? Check. Tight dress accentuating my derriere? Check.
I am not too humble to say I look very good for a woman in her late thirties.
As I sat on the sofa with a glass of wine, I glanced at the book on the coffee table. A book I had written, and which had been published only a few days ago. It was a book I had spent three years writing, while also teaching Women's Studies at the university.
The book's title? "Toxic Masculinity."
Which now seemed to me slightly hilarious, as you'll soon understand.
I had spent considerable time on my makeup--it was subtle but, I hoped, lovely.
Me and my sweet, devoted husband were going to have a great evening, and then some passionate sex. So what if it would last only five minutes? I love Mike so dearly, and do not resent him for his lack of game in the bedroom...and lack of other things, too.
And I am definitely trying to focus a little less on the intensity of my sexual needs.
Because the focus of my sexual needs is very much a man named David.
David is an Adonis. He is 6'3 to my 5'2. Powerful chest and shoulders and arms...oh my, those arms! He is wealthy and powerful and arrogant. Though not a particularly nice man, he is utterly magnetic. When he decided, quite casually I might add, that he was going to seduce me, it took him all of ten minutes. I mean, I didn't even like the man, partly because my husband detested him, but mostly because he hit my feminist red flag triggers.
He is also Mike's boss.
Mike had no idea whatsoever that his pretty little wife had become part of his boss's harem of married bitches. David almost exclusively only used married women, including the wives of some of his employees. The overconfident jerk got off on the power dynamic.
And I'm embarrassed to admit that I got a thrill from this also.
However, the guilt was terrible. But I couldn't break it off with him. I was addicted to his masculine arrogance....and to his ridiculously enormous penis.
Still, part of me was almost relived that he hadn't contacted me in over a month. He had relentlessly ignored my dozens of texts and secretive attempts to phone him. Evidently he had dumped me. He had even told me once, as I lay spread-eagled in my marital bed, his copious semen leaking out of my gaping pussy, my eyes and mind out of focus thanks to multiple screaming orgasms:
"When I get bored with one of my bitches, I toss them away like garbage. So remember you've always got some competition." He grinned cockily.
"Yes daddy," I replied in the sing-songy girl's voice that I only use with him. He elicits it from me, I can't help myself.
So he had ended things, which made me upset and worried and jealous, but also, in the back of my mind, relieved. Back to being a faithful wife, finally! This was definitely a good thing.
And then: someone knocked on the front door. Twice. Hard.
And somehow I knew it was him.