Just a hopefully amusing four parter before life gets terribly busy again. All parts are written and should be posted on subsequent days. Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoy!
Heroine Addiction
Part 1
My name's Barry. My wife is Kari. Yeah, cute rhyme, right? I can't help it; those are our names. We live in a nice neighborhood. It's not a gated community or anything, but a good number of couples in our mid-twenties found this charming forgotten neighborhood of older homes and have come together to make it our own little corner of the universe. It's like everyone there was "pre-qual'ed" because we were all drawn there for the same reasons.
For the price of a regular starter home, we got a house with much better bones and an actual yard. Our corner of the neighborhood is also quite close to a large old municipal park. With a lot of elbow grease and TLC we'll have something much better than a starter home, in a few years we'll be even further ahead as these are great houses for starting a family.
There was a neighborhood party coming up. They were great fun, as we all got along. Well almost all of us, there's always an outlier, right? That one jerk who sees to it he becomes the standout bad memory in an otherwise perfect day. We're a group of young married couples in our mid-twenties who have in our midst a still young, but five-year older, single guy. He's already a rung or two ahead of most of us career-wise as he was unhampered by career-hindering considerations such as a spouse or family.
Our particular snake got a whole rung higher by accepting a quick transfer from his hometown to our fair town. He moved five hundred miles to fill an unexpected vacancy. He could make up his mind on the spot not having to worry about his partner's job or his kid's school. As far as any other familial entanglements, he's so loathsome surely even his mother disowned him years ago.
Our pestilence is named Lewis, he tries to lord it over us that he's slightly older, which he thinks means wiser, more experienced, and better positioned. He disproves his first assertion every time he opens his mouth, which is normally to tout his third assertion. He boasts about his past fast sports car and present lux SUV. And the vacations... you'd think Zeus himself is this guy's vacation planner. He makes every little trip to the mountains or the beach sound like his personal ascension to the lofty heights of Olympus. He's not sure which to rub in more, the decadently luxurious nature of his vacations, which the rest of us can't yet afford, or his six weeks of annual vacation, which he reminds us, is more than the rest of us have accrued.
If our neighborhood is a body, then Lewis is our asshole. He thinks way too much of himself. Oh yeah, he always hits on the wives. We all hate him, wives included, but he doesn't seem to notice. It's hard not to notice that the ladies don't seem to stay for his entire tale, which he spins eloquently about some gold encrusted trip, or the ambrosia and cornucopia he sustains himself on, or the views from the lofty heights he frequents. Sometimes he comes on as so worldly I want to interrupt his tale to ask him which kids are naughty and nice this year.
So why was I wasting my time fretting over the neighborhood's designated asshat? Precisely because there was a neighborhood party coming the next weekend, and I couldn't be there. I had to travel for work. The ladies walk away from Lewis' stories when they're almost over, but they actually listen until that point. Which is more than any man in our group does. That was how my wife, Kari, used to be too.
Except at the last get together I was shocked to see my wife not only in the group assembled for story time, but hanging on Lewis' every word, even asking follow-up questions like a White House Press Corp member. She seemed impressed by his tale, in fact, overly impressed. I also noted the two of them came together occasionally the rest of the evening. When this occurred Kari would talk to him like she actually wanted to, more than merely exchanging a nicety. Lewis is not a guy you mix with, and no nicety applies to him. Once you've talked to him, to do so again that same evening is asking for punishment, like coming across a rattlesnake while hiking, and after circumnavigating the hazard deciding to go back for a second look.
Worse was Kari's response when I gently prodded her about it. I think my exact words were, "Why the hell are you giving numb-nuts the time of day? Especially several times of day?"
My wife gasped as her eyes went wide. She seemed guilty as hell. Her shock seemed to stem from the notion that I wasn't supposed to notice. Worse, that I'd picked up on the fact meant there WAS something to notice.
Kari saw the dismay on my face at her reaction. For a second, I thought she was going to run away or maybe cry.
My reaction was directly tied to hers, "Oh shit," I said starting to become angry.
Kari shook her head rapidly back and forth, in a small arc of stiff upset. Then she did something that twisted my tail feathers even more tightly. She purposely looked around the party to see who might have noticed our exchange.
"What Kari? Are you afraid your beau might not like you spending time with your husband?" I thought her eyes were going to roll back in her head and pop out of her mouth like a skier on a downhill jump ramp. She seemed unsteady, which seemed damning.
Kari noticed my reaction to her every move and that my reaction was getting worse as her shock was increasing. Now my anger had shown up at the punch-bowl-of-emotion for a quick drink, and it too was growing. The cascade we'd started was building a damn big snowball, pretty damn quickly.
My wife took me by the arm, "Please take me home. We need to talk."
Wow, the "We need to talk" phrase. I felt the ground fall out from under me.
Kari saw my dismay multiply, and frankly I'm sure she saw some hurt I couldn't hide. Her face blanked in shock. She thought about what could have caused my sudden onset heart attack and remembered what she'd said.
"Oh my God, no. No Barry! Take me home honey and I'll set your mind at ease," Kari clarified quickly with genuine affection and concern.
We went home and she proceeded to screw my eyes out, which seemed very suspicious. I called her on it... after we were finished. I swear she shivered, saying, "No honey, I have NO romantic interest in Lewis. He's, he's repulsive."
"Oh yeah? I could tell that by your asking him many rock-salt crystals he put on his deep-sea grouper filet with cuttlefish imperial."
"Cuttlefish imperial?"
My wife suddenly no longer being my firmament in this world had discombobulated my entire interface with reality. I was full of fragments of ideas loosely strung together in a stream of consciousness that had become a roiling rapid of frenetic confusion.
"Never you mind that. You acted like a young girl at story time in front of him. I was waiting for either of the phrases "Tell me another tale, Grandpa" or "Yes, I would love to go for a drive with you Mr. Kennedy." Neither are appropriate for you Kari, or probably safe."
She gasped, "I-I... you really think I have a thing for him?"
"Well, let's see, Kari. You acted like a schoolgirl with a crush." Her eyes widened again. Distressingly, she almost seemed happy at my revelation. "Later you put yourself in front of his path so he would eventually come across you again; don't think I didn't see that little trick. You did it several times, and when you first arrived on station you searched for something to do, so you could "look natural." And when he showed up, you flirted with him."
"Oh!"
"Yeah. You were sending out the signals and frankly were sending them out with flares and spotlights attached."
Now she was almost angry, "I do not telegraph my flirtations like that!"
"Oh, so you were doing a better job of covering your flirting?"
Poor Kari started to respond in the affirmative. Sheesh! At least she caught herself before admitting it. Didn't matter, I already knew it. Her reaction confirmed that this was a serious problem. I got out of bed, she called out for me. I stopped. I knew I should make some tough guy ultimatum. I was too focused on trying to keep my heart beating.
"I couldn't believe it happened, Kari. Now I realize it's worse than I thought; it's still going on; it's still happening. You brought it home and are still trying to cover for it, even knowing your cover is already blown. It must mean a lot to you for you to protect it with this level of energy, and to be desperate enough to do it this clumsily." I didn't continue down the listing of accusations; I got to the point. "You've called my whole world into question. I was so sure about you. I never thought you'd be interested in cheating on me. And most of all, if you were going to cheat on me, I can't believe it's with HIM."
Her container of sturm und drang repellent was broken and draining.
"Nooo, no cheat, no romance, nooo. You can't believe that!"
"I know what I saw, Kari. Your every motion and expression since just seems to emphasize the horrible fact of it. I know we need to talk this out. I can tell this isn't a silly thing, it's serious. I need some space and time to salve my warped continuum. This isn't leaving you or running away, I just need to compose myself before we get into this. You've done a real number on me Kari, I can feel myself losing it."
Kari evaluated me with a few quick looks. Her lower lip trembled. This was a first for us. She wasn't scared for herself; I wasn't a threat, I'd always been her protector. I was hurt and she could tell I didn't want to break down in front of her. She sounded heartbroken asking, "Don't you want comfort from me?"
"Comfort? Hell, love of my life, you caused this."
Kari's eyes were wide now and with none of that damn happiness lurking. Her mouth had also fallen wide open.
I walked away quickly, speeding up as I went, trying to reach my home office as I was breaking down; Kari was my world. She said she didn't care for Lewis, but she acted guilty as hell. I'm a typical man that believes actions speak louder than words. It took a half hour to calm down and walk back out into a world that didn't seem as happy or familiar.
Kari's worry magnified as my discomfort didn't lessen. It grew as we failed to clear the air. She kept telling me there was no problem and I kept telling her a wife doesn't have to convince her husband there's no problem if there really is no problem. She'd stare back at me at those times like we had a big problem. I'd stick my finger in the air and say, "See!" She all but nodded her head.
Although she didn't convince me there was no problem, she did manage to calm me down over the next week. The neighborhood parties were frequent in the summer, we skipped the block party the next week and she was happy to stay with me and be romantic; actually, she was down-right bawdy. Yet at times she seemed overly occupied by something; something she wasn't sharing with me.
* * * * *
For two more weeks I kept bringing up the party that would occur while I was gone. I told Kari it might be a great time to stay home and catch up on her reading. She said she'd probably go out and socialize with the other ladies. So help me, she knew I was suggesting she not go and was deflecting my concern. That's not what you do to put a suspicious hubby at ease. We kept dancing around it. I don't really care much for dancing.
It was finally time for me to go. I wished my wife well, figuring she might blow off the party just because Lewis might be there. But I wanted assurance, so I said as much.
"Reconsider going to the block party. You should NOT be around Lewis."
Kari looked at me trying to close her lips slowly so her jaw dropping open wouldn't appear so obvious. There wasn't much wiggle room in what
I'd said, so much for her deflection. I'd just gone right at our problem. I wasn't letting the matter slip or slide.
