Her Sophie's Choice

It's been a while since I submitted anything on L.E. to stir up the readership. Sorry, but life intervened and I had to focus on that for a while. Hopefully this little bit of fiction can make some of you smile or think, or both. The heaters will hate it anyway so I don't worry about them.

There isn't any graphic sex in this story.

Thanks to jo for editing and suggesting a rewrite at the end.

Copyright © 2014 by the author.

********

"Thank you, no more for me. Check please."

Enrique the bartender smiled as he slid the tab over to Sarah.

As she rummaged through her purse searching for enough cash to pay the bill she thought about why she was sitting by herself at Chubby's Bar on a weeknight in the first place.

"Boy I am so fucked! I've gotten myself in this 'damned if I do and damned if I don't' situation and can't figure a way out. I was hoping a couple drinks would oil the rusty wheels in my head and I could finally make up my mind, but the wheels just keep going around and around and around never stopping on an answer. Shit!"

Sarah dropped a twenty on the bar and shoved everything back in her purse.

"You okay to drive Mrs. Watts?" Enrique asked as he retrieved the cash. "I can call you a cab if you like."

Sarah smiled her sweet smile in his direction shaking her head. "That won't be necessary Enrique. I only had two and since my husband asked you to cut my alcohol intake I'm perfectly okay to drive. Thanks anyway."

Enrique sidled back over to the cash register embarrassed that she knew he was watering her drinks as her husband had asked. Sarah stood letting her dress slide back to her knees and headed for the ladies room. Once sitting in the stall getting rid of part of the martinis she drank she went over everything again.

"Bill or Malcolm? Malcolm or Bill? Two of the most wonderful men in the entire world and no matter what I do I'm going to destroy one of them, big time! I just can't decide. I can't hurt either one but I've been spinning my wheels for a month now and getting no closer to making a choice. I've got to do something.

"Bill. Darling Bill, the love of my life for the past 13 years. No woman could ask for a more loving husband - loyal, kind, adoring, great with our two kids, and always doting on everything I say or do. How could I do anything to hurt him? But Malcolm, dear sweet Malcolm, the first man I ever truly loved. I was stupid and let him get away. He broke my heart and I broke his. But ever since he's been back I've been walking on air. My heart hasn't stopped fluttering since we reunited five months ago. It's like we were never apart. We feel the same way now that we felt 18 years ago. I love him now just as much as I did way back then. Yeah, I love Malcolm, but I love Bill too. I love them both!

"I know I'm treading on thin ice when I'm with Malcolm. If Bill found out he'd divorce me in a heartbeat. It would destroy Bill and I love him too much to ever do anything like that to him. But Malcolm would be there for me. He said he'd marry me in a New York minute if Bill wasn't in the picture. He would too. But I can't give him up either. I just can't tell Malcolm I can't be with him any more. It would destroy him just like it would Bill. And he'd probably tell Bill about us anyway. Shit, I can't do anything to hurt either man. I love them both equally, and I'd certainly die if I lost either one. God, what a mess!"

Sarah stood in front of the mirror drying her hands and looking at the woman staring back at her. "Not bad looking for a middle-aged broad," she thought. "Wait, 37 isn't middle aged, is it?" She was no longer the tall thin blond beauty she was when she shared Malcolm's bed in college. She wasn't even as thin as she was when she stood next to Bill on their wedding day. Time and two kids take a toll. But her beauty wasn't merely physical, it was in the way she carried herself. Many a man would turn and look as she passed by. She was still lusted after and she delighted in the warm feelings those lusty looks gave her. And Bill always received the benefit of those randy thoughts. Even after two kids, a slightly spreading backside, and a little downward tilt upstairs, she was still the most beautiful woman in the neighborhood. Beautiful and in love with two men. Her eyes fell downward and she saw the reflection of her watch in the mirror.

"Shit, it's almost nine o'clock. I've got to get home. I told Bill I was going to be a little late but that usually means seven or eight o'clock at the latest. Oh well, what nights do I get home on time anymore? Ever since Malcolm's been in my life again being with him after work for a couple hours is heaven. It's heaven when I get home to Bill. God, what kind of purgatory have I created?"

Sarah rushed through the bar on her way to the parking lot, waving at Enrique as she passed. She didn't notice the eyes following her every move. As she started to open her car door she heard a woman's voice behind her.

"Excuse me. Could you help me?"

Sarah turned toward the voice. Before her mind could register the person standing there the world went crazy. Her head exploded with intense pain. Every muscle in her body contracted. She fell to the pavement in a heap and immediately started contorting in spasms. Every part of her body jerked and jumped bouncing off the two cars she fell between. Coherent thoughts were impossible. She just flopped around on the ground like a fish on dry land, slobbering down her cheeks and peeing herself. She didn't see the two people standing there watching.

A Taser will do that to you.

As the convulsions subsided somewhat one of the two witnesses pushed up the sleeve of Sarah's blouse and stuck something in her arm. Her mind was coming back down from the rocket flight it just took when she saw a needle disappear under her skin. She looked up to ask what was going on but before a single word came out her world went black. The two people calmly picked Sarah up and put her onto the backseat of the minivan parked next to her car and drove into the night.

********

"God he's gorgeous," Sarah said under her breath. She peered through her fingers as he read his book and sipped his coffee oblivious to the fact she was watching his every move. Sarah ignored what she was doing for a long time, long enough for her own coffee to get cold. She just couldn't take her eyes off of him, too enamored by the handsome man sitting at the table next to hers. As she watched his eyes left his book and seemed to peer right through Sara's own. He smiled, leaned back, and gave a little wave. Sarah blushed. She didn't know what to do. He was smiling at her and he just waved. Her heart sank. All energy drained out through her toes as she sat dumbfounded looking back at him. She started to raise her hand and wave back and saw his head turn slightly. He reached across the table taking the hand of the woman sitting down in the chair across from him, his eyes never leaving hers, his smile never diminishing. Sarah's heart sank, landing with a thud on the floor. She gathered her cold coffee and book and made a hasty retreat out the café door.

She stood on the sidewalk hyperventilating. The most incredible man she'd ever seen wasn't smiling at her, he was smiling at the beautiful woman who came in and sat down across from him. "Stupid, stupid, stupid," Sarah thought. As quickly as her legs would take her she retreated back to her dorm slamming as she entered her room.

"And what's your problem?" The woman on the other bed asked as Sarah plopped herself down on her own.

"I saw him again Paige. He was in the campus café this time, just sitting there drinking his coffee and reading. Then some woman came over and sat down with him. He was all smiles and touchy feely with her. I just ran out of there as fast as my legs would take me."

"God Sarah, why don't you just go over and talk to him? What's the worst that can happen?"

"He could tell me to get lost for one thing. For another he could say he has a girlfriend. And another..."

"Okay, I get the point," Paige interrupted. "You're afraid to say anything because he might blow you off. But, he might just ask you to join him too. Fifty-fifty chance if you ask me. I'd say go for it. Take the risk. Maybe you could end up in his bed instead of your own wondering what might have been. God girl, take a chance, live a little." Paige slammed her book closed and got up grabbing a jacket. "I'm going over to the library. You stay here and fantasize about mister gorgeous. I'll be back before dinner."

The door slammed and Sarah turned over hugging her pillow. She took Paige's advice and thought about things that could be. Before long she found that her hand had snaked itself inside her sweatpants and her fingers were gently caressing the damp folds between her thighs. Her mind filled with images of mister gorgeous' naked body intertwined with her own, images of warm bodies and hot passion, images fueling her intoxication. Her fingers danced and probed, stroking the fire already burning in her mind, driving her imagination wild. Mister gorgeous pushed her on her back, spread her legs, and entered her with a single mighty stroke. The image of the two of them joined together, writhing around on her bed, pushed her over the brink. She shoved her face into her pillow and let out a scream as her orgasm hit. For the few glorious seconds her body was out of control exploding with delight, she touched the heart and soul of the most wonderful man she'd never met.

A week later she got her wish.

Same café, same table, different result. This time Sarah spoke.

"Excuse me," Sarah said. "Would you mind if I sat here? It looks like all the seats are taken."

Mister gorgeous looked up and smiled. "Of course not. Please."

"Hi, I'm Sarah," she said extending her hand almost knocking his coffee off the table.

"Malcolm. Malcolm Fitzgerald," he said with a distinctive English accent. "Nice to meet you Sarah. I've seen you in here before. Still reading Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment I see. Tough book."

"No I finished it a while ago. I just carry it to look like I'm studying. Actually I'm just here to get my daily infusion of caffeine."

"Have you tried the coffee over at Cuppa Joe's? Nice selection of just about everything."

"No. I just come here because it's close to my dorm. I don't have a car and Cuppa Joe's is too far to walk."

"I've got a car. Why don't I drive you over the next time you have a caffeine attack."

Sarah's heart started thumping, her hands sweating, her mind racing. Mister gorgeous, Malcolm Fitzgerald had just asked her out. "I'd like that, how about tomorrow after lunch sometime?"

"Sounds good, here's my number. Call me the next time the urge hits."

They went for coffee every day. They talked and got to know one another and just before the Christmas break he asked her out on a 'real, official type date' as he put it. The date was wonderful; the weather was wonderful; even the walk around the campus lake afterwards was wonderful: Cold, but wonderful. Sarah found herself walking on cloud nine as she held his hand. Their first kiss in the darkest corner of the quad set her heart on fire.

At home during the Christmas break, Sarah found herself thinking about Malcolm all the time, especially late at night when she had an opportunity to fantasize and work out her tensions by hand. By the time she arrived back on campus she had worked the area between her legs daily, making it tender and slightly raw.

Malcolm confessed that he missed her too during the break. He didn't say if he did the same thing she did to relieve his tension but he did say something Sarah had felt from the first day she saw him. He said, "I love you." From that point on the floodgates were open and their emotions flowing. They made love for the first time during a raging blizzard in his off-campus apartment. While everyone else fretted about going to work or school or how to get milk and toilet paper from the local grocery store, they just stayed in bed and explored every square inch of each other's body. They tried every position in the Kama Sutra, found unusual uses for ordinary household utensils, and got cramped up licking and sucking every pore of their bodies clean. They talked about where they came from, they made love, they talked about their studies, they made love again, they talked about their hopes and desires, they made love again, and finally they ate. They couldn't leave the apartment for three days because of the weather but when they did they were no longer two people, Sarah and Malcolm, they were now one, although they did walk a bit bowlegged.

Sarah finished her freshman year and Malcolm his sophomore. Every minute since the day in the coffee shop they were together, Sarah spending more time in Malcolm's apartment than her own dorm room, so much so that Paige moved her own boyfriend in to replace Sarah.

A month before Malcolm's graduation there was an emergency at home and he had to leave abruptly. Sarah wanted to go with him but he insisted she stay and finish out the semester. He never returned. Over the phone he told her that he had to go back to England because his family was in deep trouble. He had to help bring the family business out of turmoil. He said he'd be gone a few months at most. When Sarah started her senior year Malcolm hadn't returned. The calls from England started getting less and less frequent: First every week, then every other, finally they stopped altogether just before Christmas. Sarah was frantic. She did everything she could think of to get in touch with Malcolm but couldn't. Now when she called his phone was out of order. Letters she wrote came back 'addressee unknown.' And even calls to his parents' home went unanswered.

One weekend she borrowed a car and drove to Malcolm's parents' house only to find they no longer lived there. The new residents said they moved back to England just before Christmas, some sort of family emergency. They left no forwarding address. She had to concentrate on her studies to graduate in June so she just spent her evenings sitting by the telephone waiting for some word from Malcolm, and studying. The week before graduation she received a letter. It was from Malcolm.

My dearest Sarah,

I'm sorry I disappeared like I did but there's a lot of trouble in my family at the moment. My father's in jail, my mother's disappeared, and both of my sisters are running around like crazy women. I'm trying to hold the business together in everyone's absence but I feel it's all about to go under. If it does I'm going to be in trouble too. We owe a lot of money we can't pay back and I'm afraid of what's going to happen.

Sarah, I can't come back to the United States for a while, maybe never. And you can't come here either. If you do you could be in harm's way. I can't watch out for you and do what I have to do here. I don't know what I'm going to do without you but I'm afraid I'm going to find out. See Sarah, a lot of what my family does in their business dealings is not strictly legal and some of my father's business associates are not very nice people. I don't want you to get hurt because of me. I think it would be best if we went our separate ways. Maybe sometime in the future we can find each other again and see if we can start up from where we left off. I hope so because I dearly love you. Sarah, please go on with your life without me. Live life, and if you can find it, love again. I have to let you go and you have to let me go too.

Please don't call or write because it could cause problems for me, us actually. Just remember the good times we had and go on without me. I'll remember you with love and hope to see you again some day. For now, I have to say goodbye, and so do you.

Please forgive me for hurting you.

All my love,

Malcolm

Thankfully by the time Malcom's letter arrived all of Sarah's studies, exams, papers, and responsibilities were finished. Sarah was inconsolable. She cried almost constantly. When it was time for the graduation ceremony she walked through it like a zombie holding hands with Paige and moving when someone said to move. Packing up her dorm room was agonizing because everything reminded her of Malcolm. But Malcolm was gone, forever. She knew what she had to do but the hole in her heart was still immense. She had to live again in spite of how she felt. Somehow she moved back home. Somehow she found a job. Somehow she started living again. Somehow...

********

Sarah awoke for a moment and looked around. She was on the floor in the back of a moving car or van. She looked up to see out the window but everything was too dark to make out any details. Her eyes wouldn't focus anyway. Her body ached, she smelled bad, and everything she heard was at an octave too high. She was hypersensitive to everything. Blinking to clear the cobwebs allowed her to see a shadowy figure sitting in the front seat but she was unable to make out who or what was there. She tried to sit up but fell back onto the floor in a heap. She was too weak to do anything.

Then the lights went out again.

********

"Paige thanks for the invitation but I don't feel up to going to your family reunion," Sarah said looking up from her desk. "I'm just going to go over some files from work, take a hot bath, and probably turn in early."

"Girl that's all you do," Paige shot back. "Ever since college all you've done is work, eat, and sleep. Face it, he's gone and isn't coming back. What you've got to do is get out among the living again. Going to my family reunion isn't exactly one of the Delta house frat parties but the food is good and some of my cousins are right cute, and a couple of them are even single. At least you can help me fend off that old letch Uncle Carmine."

"I thought you told me he wasn't your uncle?" Sarah asked scrunching up her nose.

"He's not. He's just been part of the family like forever. But he's still a letch. He's always trying to corner me for a quick feel and if I had you there he wouldn't pay me any attention."

"Well thanks for nothing. I get to be your Uncle Carmine decoy, with him all over me while you run around and have fun. No thanks."

"It won't be like that Sarah. We can work together. We'll set up some signal that lets the other one know to come to the rescue. Then we can go into the kitchen and out the back door. Come on, It'll be fun, and you need to get out into the sun. You're looking pale and need a little color in your face. And you'll love my uncle's farm. I'll buy you a new dress."

"Well maybe, but it depends on the dress. Come on, let's go shopping."

Sarah and Paige arrived fashionably late. They had to stop by the mall for Sarah's dress. Sarah had settled on a light yellow, flower print sun dress that hugged all the right places and was short enough to turn heads, but not too short for Paige's ultra-conservative mother to go on the warpath. Right away Uncle Carmine came over and hugged Paige. She pulled on her right ear during the hug.

"Come on Paige," Sarah said interrupting the grope. "We've got to take our dishes into the kitchen."

"Yeah, I forgot. Good to see you Uncle Carmine. See you around." Both girls made a beeline for the other room. Once inside they started laughing. Paige peeked through the door to see where Uncle Carmine was. "He's gone. Come on." Paige and Sarah ran out the back door and found a couple lawn chairs in a secluded spot under a tree.

"Here, I got these on the way out," Paige said handing Sarah a beer.

The day was very relaxing and Sarah enjoyed getting away from the apartment for a change. Just as the sun was setting Sarah and Paige took a walk trying to avoid a certain uncle. They walked the path around horse paddock talking about anything and everything, not paying too much attention to where they were. In mid sentence Sarah disappeared from the path. Paige happened to be looking the other way when she vanished.