Hearts On Hold Scene 09

He still couldn't explain Lara's behavior from the night before. She had seemed closer, at times. Not completely, but she had sought that affection that had always kept them together. He pondered this while late at night he put on his headphones and listened again to the day's recording. Another series of indistinct noises, nothing to discover, nothing unusual, he told himself.

At a certain point, while fast-forwarding through the file, he heard a voice. He startled. Quickly rewound. First, a voice too far away to catch anything. Then he heard Lara's steps entering the room. Every second heavy as lead in Mario's ears. Sitting at his study desk, eyes fixed on the wall in front of him, he listened breathlessly, fingers tense around the mouse. Lara's voice appeared clear, vibrant, a mix of sparkling joy and guilty hesitation.

"I don't know, Giada... I want to see him again. Maybe I'll write to him about going out Friday night... Mario will be in the mountains anyway. So he won't start filling me with questions. I don't know what the fuck to do."

Mario felt a stab in his stomach, like a blade slowly sinking in, first penetrating his skin and gradually sliding into his viscera. Lara's voice had that lightness that once belonged only to them, a tone he had learned to recognize in their most intimate moments, those when they laughed under the covers or made plans in whispers in the heart of the night.

Silence. An indistinct murmur, probably Giada responding something.

"I know, fuck, I feel guilty though. Like I'm doing something wrong."

A pause. Murmur. Lara resumed, her tone more determined, almost defensive:

"Yeah, you're right... we're on a break. I shouldn't feel guilty about anything. I need to feel alive, to feel that sensation again. I don't have to answer to anyone."

Those words, "feel alive," were a direct hit to the chest. Mario was trembling, his breathing short and irregular. He had always known that Lara needed something he could no longer give her, but hearing it so clearly, said to another person, made him feel naked and vulnerable.

"God, I can't wait, Giada. It's like being a teenager again. The first times, when you go out with someone, when you discover their hands, their smell... everything is new and... damn, it's so beautiful."

Murmur. Lara bursting into laughter.

"Fuck, it's crazy. Also, holy shit, ask Francesca if I can stop by her place tomorrow for a cleanup. It's been ages since I went."

Lara bursts out laughing.

"No, no, I don't know, nothing will happen. But better to be prepared. Always."

Another laugh.

"God, you have no idea."

Murmur. Giggles. Lara's voice is overcome with emotion. As if she had just won a contest or something important.

"I've got to go now, I need to see what I could wear if I really go out. I want to wear something nice. Be beautiful. Fuck, all the nice lingerie was either given to me by Mario or I bought it for him, I don't want that. Maybe I need to go shopping."

Another thunderous laugh full of electricity.

"Haha exactly, always because you never know. Fuck, I want to be different, to do something just for me. To feel free, light. I want to let go without worries. Okay sweetie, I'm going. I'll keep you updated."

And then there was silence. Deafening. Interspersed with drawers opening. Sighs. Drawers closing. Steps leaving the room and then silence. Mario was trembling, staring dumbfounded at the computer screen, his pupils dilated like those of a feline adapting to darkness. His heart was beating so hard he could feel it pounding in his temples. Every fiber of his body was crossed by a wave of conflicting emotions: anger, pain, desire, and that unhealthy excitement he couldn't chase away. He touched himself. He was hard, pushing against his pants.

Lara, that same Lara who now seemed like a stranger to him, was choosing to erase traces of him even in the most intimate folds of her life.

Lara shopping around, choosing delicate pieces of lingerie for her date, hit him like a punch in the stomach. The thought that these new purchases might be intended not for him, but for someone else, made him nauseous and, at the same time, ignited a spark of that unhealthy excitement he couldn't chase away. The small room where he now lived started spinning, he couldn't move. It was constricting, taking his breath away.

His knuckles were white with tension, his limbs tense and immobile while his right hand still wielded the mouse, proceeding quickly through the rest of the file that revealed nothing but silence.

Lara preparing for a date with someone else, choosing a dress, putting on makeup, laughing nervously before going out... it all made him tremble. He imagined her hands arranging her long blonde hair, the same gentleness in her gestures that was once only for him. Lara putting on lipstick, looking in the mirror. The idea that Lara wanted to be attractive for another. That she wanted to be ready for any eventuality. The beautician. The lingerie.

His eyes felt swollen as if with tears that couldn't fall. He ran a hand over his face, trying to regain control. He needed air. To escape from that vortex of thoughts. But above all, he needed to understand if this break was really leading to the end of everything, or to a new, painful truth. He stood up, holding onto the chair. He collapsed onto the sofa bed that had remained open. He slipped a hand into his jeans finding his cock still hard. Why did all this excite him so much. Lara. His Lara. On a date. He pulled down his pants and started moving his hand quickly. He wanted to come and chase away the images that were compressing in his mind one after another. He came shortly after, on the floor, kneeling to avoid making too much mess. And he remained there motionless for a few minutes. Kneeling with his cock in hand that was slowly losing vigor and a very loud noise in his head. He cleaned the floor and after fixing himself, he ran down the stairs, exiting through the main entrance until he found himself in the garden. He wanted to scream. He bent over exhausted, trying to catch his breath that seemed crazy. The biting evening air began to take effect.

Friday was getting closer, and Mario knew that, whatever would happen, he wouldn't be able to take his thoughts away from Lara, from that new piece of life that she already seemed determined to explore without him.