The party inside was in full swing, but I'd gone outside for a cigarette. The muted sounds of thumping music and laughter filled the air as I took a long drag. The orange ember burned brighter for a few seconds, and when I pulled it away from my mouth, a thick plume of gray smoke spewed forth. I caught sight of my reflection in the large glass window of the door that led from the bottom floor of the house to the backyard. Fortunately, the blinds were closed, so nobody else could see me staring glassy-eyed at myself.
Normally, I felt like every time I saw my face, I noticed new wrinkles had formed. However, I couldn't deny that I looked beautiful tonight. The long-sleeved, mid-thigh length, black and white colorblock I was wearing hugged my curves like it had been painted on. A pair of black pumps gave my ass enough lift to appear quite perky, and my dark brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail, showing off my slender neck. Even with how intoxicated as I'd already gotten, my brown eyes weren't too bloodshot. Not bad for a woman who had just turned forty-five.
After I finished my cigarette, I decided to have one more. It was a gorgeous spring night, and I wasn't ready to return to the chaos of the party yet. I had just lit up again when the door opened, and my husband's friend Jeremy stumbled into the backyard. He sidled over to the edge of the patio, and I could hear his pants unzip. I let out a cough, not from the smoke, but to alert him of my presence. He whirled around, and when he realized he wasn't alone, his eyes went wide with alarm.
"Shit—sorry, Faith!" he exclaimed. "I didn't see you there." Quickly reaching down, he tugged his zipper back up and gave me a sheepish grin. "There was a long line of people waiting for the bathroom. I figured I could step outside and drain the lizard real fast without anyone noticing."
"Do whatever you need to do, Jeremy," I told him, exhaling a puff of smoke. "Just pretend I'm not here."
"Nah, it's okay—I can hold it," he insisted. "Mind if I bum one of those, though?"
I picked up my pack of cigarettes from the table and offered it to him. "Go ahead."
"Thanks." Jeremy popped it into his mouth and patted down his pockets before glancing at me again. "Can I get a light, too?" Retrieving my lighter, I flicked on the flame and held it in front of him. He got the end of his cigarette burning and nodded gratefully. "Thanks again."
"Tell me—what was my darling husband doing the last time you saw him?"
"Oh, uh...I think he was chatting with some of the guys from work," Jeremy replied.
I knew he was lying. My husband Steve was holed up in the downstairs bedroom with Pam and Susan from the country club. "I don't suppose those 'guys from work' happen to be wearing tight minidresses with their cleavage spilling out, do they?"
Jeremy scratched the back of his head and shot me a guilty expression. "Ah, well...I don't know. Maybe? Look, I don't wanna get anyone in trouble. It's none of my business."
I rolled my eyes at him and said, "Guy Code, right? Heaven forbid you rat out your 'bros' for betraying their wives. It's crazy to me that you guys follow that stupid 'code' like it's the law, but see nothing wrong with breaking your marital vows."
"I don't always follow the 'Guy Code,'" he insisted, averting his eyes.
"Really? Cause you sure don't seem like you want to tell me about my husband's cheating. And I
know
this isn't the first time. There's no way you haven't seen him do it before. So when exactly do you break your hallowed code?"
"You're not supposed to fall in love with your friends' wives either," he explained.
"Whose wife are you in love with?" I asked in surprise. He glanced at me and blushed, then looked away again. "Oh, come on—you can't be serious!"
"Why would I lie about this? It's not something I'm proud of."
"You've never once given me any indication that you're in love with me," I told him. "I don't buy it."
Turning to stare into my eyes, Jeremy stated plainly, "I've been in love with you since the first day we met. Steve invited me over for dinner, and you were so warm and funny and beautiful. I couldn't help it."
"I remember when I met you," I replied. "Steve never bothered to tell me you were coming, and I had to scramble to make some extra food. I was a total mess that day, because again, I wasn't expecting company. I think I was just wearing an old pair of sweatpants and a half-torn t-shirt."
"Yeah, you had on that black Taking Back Sunday shirt from their 2002 tour and some purple sweats," he confirmed. "Your hair was in a messy bun, you weren't wearing any makeup, and you even had some paint on the side of your face cause you guys were redoing the dining room. And I thought you were the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen."
"Why didn't you ever say anything?" I questioned in disbelief.
"What do you mean? Why didn't I ever tell my good friend's wife that I spend every waking moment wishing I could touch her and kiss her and hold her, even though I know it's wrong and would never happen even in my wildest dreams? Is that a real question?"
I sighed at him and said, "I don't think you've ever even complimented my looks once. Surely if you were in love with me,
something