Hang in There

"Hang in there" he said as he walked away. I had to smile a bit when he said that. The story of my life in three little words. That's pretty much all I've done in life is hang in there. When I was dead and gone that is what it would say on my tombstone.

Frank Dalton

1962 -20??

He hung in there

When I started school I was a chubby kid and all the kids would laugh at me and call me "Fatso" and when I told my dad about it he said:

"Things will change son. All you have to do is hang in there."

By age seven I was wearing glasses because of near-sightedness and the taunts changed to "Four-eyed fatso." When I came home from school in a downer of a mood because of it my mom asked me what was wrong. I told her and she said:

"Don't let it worry you Frankie. Give it some time. Just hang in there and it will get better."

But they didn't. I got interested in sports and the more active I got the more the pounds started falling away. The word "Fatso" disappeared, but things didn't get any better. I just went from "Four-eyed Fatso" to "Frankie Four-eyes."

I wasn't the only kid picked on and some of them had it even worse than I did. Sally Meyers was a bit heavy and her mother always sent her to school in pig-tails so she was "Piggy Pig-tails." Louis Altman was born with one leg shorter than the other and because of it he looked awkward when he walked and that earned him two nicknames. To some he was "Lurching Lou" and to others he was "Limping Louie." I often wondered if their parents told them to hang in there and things would get better.

In school I had trouble getting my head around the concept of imaginary numbers in math class and from my math teacher I got "Hang in there Frank; it'll come to you" but it never did. Not that it mattered since once out of school I never encountered imaginary numbers again.

Of course some of the times I was told to hang in there and it would get better I hung in there and they did. Contact lenses came along and Frankie Four-eyes disappeared. I went out for football and I thought I was pretty good, but the coach thought Danny Marks was better so I sat on the bench. I was talking to my Uncle Bob about it and got the "Hang in there Frank; you'll get your chance." One Friday night in a game against Weston Danny wasn't doing well and the coach said "Dalton! Get in there for Marks" and I never sat on the bench again.

Naturally a lot of the times I was told to hang in there and things would change or get better they never did. A case in point was my infatuation with Pauline French. She was my sister's best friend and as such she was always around. I'd been hung up on her since the seventh grade, but I didn't exist as far as Paulie was concerned. It seemed like Paulie changed boyfriends about as often as I changed my socks and each one she had was a loser. Once I asked my sister why I couldn't get anywhere with Pauline.

"Why is she always going out with meatheads and losers when she could be going out with me?"

"Just hang in there Frankie and you'll get your chance."

But I never did. We graduated from high school and Pauline went back east to go to college.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I might have been infatuated with Pauline, but I didn't sit back and wait for her to decide to give me a shot. I dated a lot until I hooked up with Nancy Wilde halfway through the eleventh grade. We were going steady by the end of the eleventh and we hung together all through the summer vacation.

My eighteenth birthday was a week before school started and as a birthday present Nance (who was two months older) gave me my first blow job. Did I like it? Fucking A I did! When she told me that there were more where that one came from and I could have all I wanted if I would eat her pussy I said:

"Let's get to it!"

Never having done it and not having the slightest idea of what I was doing I naturally didn't give a good showing the first time out. Luckily Nance didn't hold it against me. What she did was teach me how she wanted it done. Next she took my cherry and boy- o-boy did I like that!

A month into the twelfth grade she dumped me for Roger Medow. No easing me into it just a flat out "I'm going with Roger now" when I asked her what she wanted to do on Friday after school. I went looking for Roger. I was going to have a 'little talk' with him about stealing my girl. I found him talking to Tony Bates and Jerry Watts. I fully expected a fist-fight when I jumped him about moving in on Nance, but it didn't happen.

"I didn't move in on her Dalton; she came to me and asked me for a date."

Tony said "He isn't bullshitting you Frank. I was there with him when she did it. She walked up to him and said that since it didn't look like he was ever going to ask her out she was asking him."

"I though you guys must have broken up" Roger said "Why else would she come up to me and since I know she puts out I made a date with her."

"Then it looks like I've got no beef with you" and I walked away.

When my sister asked why I was so down I told her what had happened.

"Rumor has it that his package is a bit large and I guess Nancy wanted to see for herself if it was true. Don't let it get you down. Hang in there and wait. She'll get what's coming to her for being a bitch to you."

And she did. She got pregnant and Roger told her the kid wasn't his and to fuck off. By the time Nancy had the baby we had graduated and Roger had joined the Army and was long gone.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When Nancy dumped me I made another run at Pauline and as usual I got nowhere. I went into a funk and once again my sister told me to:

"Hang in there Frankie. It will get better. There are a lot of girls who are interested in you and I'll bet a couple of them will make a run at you."

"How could you know that?"

"Girls talk Frankie. Nancy told several girls about what she calls 'your magic mouth' and I'm sure that some of them are going to try and find out if it is true."

"What is this magic mouth stuff?"

"Eating pussy. Girls want it and a lot of guys won't do it. According to what Nancy says you are one who does it."

Yes my sister could and did talk to me like that. We'd had no secrets from each other since the day I walked into the house a couple hours earlier than expected and found her and her then current boyfriend going at it on the living room couch.

So I hung in there and sure enough Bev Abbeg came up to me in the student cafeteria and asked me for a date. I of course said yes and on our third date we were steaming up the windows of the car with our make out sessions.

Our fifth date was at her house. Her parents were gone for the weekend and when I arrived she said she would rather stay home and we could watch some of her dad's collection of movies. We popped a movie into the VCR and were watching "Pretty Woman" when Bev got up to go to the bathroom. When she came back she was naked. She walked over and turned off the TV and then turned to me and said:

"I'll let you fuck me if you'll eat my pussy."

Bev and I lasted until she left to go to college in Texas. I was staying home and going to community college intending to move to a four year college later on. We had a tearful farewell even though we already knew we weren't meant to be as a fulltime couple. I told her that I'd miss her and she knew that what I really meant was that I would miss getting steady pussy from her and she said:

"Just hang in there Frankie and you'll meet someone."

She gave me a hot kiss and then she was gone.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Even though I knew that Bev and I weren't forever I was still bummed that she was gone and as usual my sister picked up on my mood.

"Snap out of it Frankie; she's gone, but someone will take her place before too long. What was it; three weeks between the time that Nancy dropped you and Bev picked up the slack? There are still a lot of girls out there who would like to have their beaver snacked on. Hell; if you weren't my brother I'd have you up in my bedroom munching on mine."

I looked at her when she said that and she misread the expression on my face and said "Oh no Frank; not going there. Either go to your room and beat your meat or go out and find Bev's replacement, but you and I are a no no."

I took her advice and got out of the house.

I hit the arcade and found several of my friends there. I played some of the machines and then Wendell said there was a party going on at Jake Elrod's house and we decided to crash it. I hadn't been there ten minutes when Tanya Ensign came up to me and asked:

"Why, in all the years we have known each other, have you never asked me out?"

"You were always with someone else and it was always someone I knew. The Guy Code says you can't mess with the woman of a friend or acquaintance. And then there is the fact that you are going to State so I don't see you very often."

"I'm not dating anyone now."

I know an invitation when I hear it so I said "Why don't we get out of here and go somewhere more private?"

"Let me grab my purse and say my goodbyes and I'll meet you at the front door in three minutes."

It was closer to five, but who was counting.

When we got in the car she asked what I had in mind when I'd said "Go somewhere more private."

"Just get away from all the noise and interruptions at the party. Go someplace where we can sit and talk."

"Talk about what?"

"You coming up to me and hitting on me for one thing. Girls as hot as you are don't need to go after guys. You are probably beating them off with a stick so why me?"

"I've heard good things about you Frank and I wanted to see for myself if they are true."

"What kind of things?"

"Don't play coy with me Frank. You know damned well what I mean. Girls talk and Nancy Wilde and Beverly Abbeg give you high marks."

"So you are just looking for a sex toy?"

"Being a sex toy isn't a bad thing to be Frankie. There are benefits. You think I'm hot so I doubt you will feel ashamed if people see me on your arm. And then there is the fact that I give as good as I get."

She looked out the window, frowned and then asked where we were going.

"My Uncle Jim is in Calgary for three weeks and I'm watching his house. Cutting the grass and things like that. No sense in sitting at the Village Inn and talking when we can get right to your finding out for yourself if the things you've heard are true."

She looked at me and said "I expected a little more romance in leading up to it."

"Then you shouldn't have come right out and said you wanted to find out if what you'd heard was true. No sense in wasting time is the way I see it. I get the impression that if I don't measure up you are in the wind so let's just get it over with."

She said nothing and after a minutes or so I said "Yes or no babe. If it is no I can hang a U-turn and head for a place where we can sit, talk and waste time in getting to where you've already said you want to go."

"You're right. Let's do it."

I must have measured up because six months later Tanya and I were still seeing a lot of each other. We were not a steady couple even though I wanted us to be, but Tanya had promised her mother she wouldn't attach herself to any one guy until she got out of college. She dated other guys, but I got eighty-five percent of her free time. She did promise me she wouldn't fuck any of them and I was naïve enough (or pussy whipped enough) to believe her.

There were some awkward times when I showed up where she and her date were or she and her date walked into someplace where I was. I was always alone when those things happened because even though Tanya hadn't committed to me I had committed me to her. I fully expected that we would be a fully committed couple as soon as she finished school.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Can you spell STUPID? I got my rude awakening at a party at Jake Elrod's house. Talk about irony. It was at a Jake Elrod party that Tanya and I first hooked up. I'd been there about an hour when Tanya showed up with a guy I didn't know and another couple who I'd never seen before. Probably people she knew from school.

As usual when we ended up somewhere and she was with another guy I avoided her as much as I could. I was out on Jake's patio taking a break from the smoke filled room when the two guys who had arrived with Tanya came out. They were talking and didn't seem to care if anyone overheard them or not. The one guy was saying to the guy who was Tanya's date:

"Why are you wasting time on her if she won't give up some pussy?"

"She gives great head and even though she won't give me any pussy she does let me have her ass."

"No shit? She takes it up the dirt road?"

"It's probably tighter than her cunt anyway."

"I've never done anal."

That makes two of us I thought. I didn't know if Tanya's date was lying to his buddy, but she sure as hell was lying to me. When she promised me she wouldn't fuck any of her other dates I took it to mean she wouldn't have sex with any of them, but to me giving head was having sex and if her date wasn't lying taking a cock in her ass was fucking any way you wanted to look at it. What made it even worse was that she had always refused me when I asked if we could try it. They were still talking when I went back into the house. I went and found Jake and thanked him for inviting me and then I left.

It was a Friday night and I went home intending to pack and head up to the lake and camp out for the weekend. Get away from things. Sis was there when I got there and she took one look at me and said:

"You look like someone pissed in your beer."

I told her and got the "Just hang in there Frankie; you'll find a good one in time" speech. I asked her why she wasn't out partying on a Friday night and she said:

"I'm having the same luck with guys that you are having with girls."

I jokingly said "Maybe we should give incest a try and then we could just stay home and not waste time on the slugs out there. You did once mention that you would like to have your muffin munched on."

"Don't tempt me Frankie; just don't tempt me."

I got all my gear together and headed for the campground at the lake. As I put up my tent I was wondering how Tanya would take my not showing up for our Saturday date. Probably call one of the others she had been going out with and fucking.

When I got home Sunday night mom told me that Tanya had called twice and that I probably should give her a call. I hadn't intended to talk to Tanya until later on in the week, but I knew my mom and I knew I would get a ration of crap from her if I didn't return Tanya's call right away. I bit the bullet, picked up the phone and made the call. Mom left the room to give me a little privacy.

"Hello?"

"Mom says you called."

"Frankie? Where were you Saturday?"

"I went camping."

"But we had a date."

"I know" I said and then deliberately trying to give the impression that he had talked with me I went on to say "After hearing what your date had to say about you and the things that you and he had done together I just decided not to waste any more time on you."

"My date? What he said? What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about what your date to Jake's party on Friday night had to say about your sexual activities with him."

"Rory talked about us?"

"He did indeed. He thinks you give the best head he's ever gotten and that your ass is the tightest thing he has ever been in. I know about the head, but I couldn't comment on the tightness of your ass since you never let me have it. As I remember it you said it was something too filthy and disgusting to even talk about let alone do."

There was silence on the other end so I said "Goodbye Tanya" and hung up the phone.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When I got out of class Monday I found Tanya sitting in her car and parked right next to mine. When she saw me coming she got out of her car and moved to where she was between me and mine. As soon as I was up to her she asked:

"Why did you hang up on me last night?"

"Because you weren't talking."

"That's because I was stunned by what you said. None of it was true and I couldn't believe what I was hearing from you. This morning when I got to class I jumped Rory about it and he told me he never talked to you. Told me he didn't even know you and had never laid eyes on you."

"That's probably true, but I just happened to be standing where I could overhear him talking to the guy from the couple you came into the party with and what I heard was just what I told you on the phone."

"It isn't true baby; none of it."

"I don't believe you Tanya. I know about you and promises. That's why you are dating other guys. Because of a promise you made your mother right? You promised me that you wouldn't fuck any of the others you dated and that's a promise you both kept and broke at the same time."

She gave me a look that fairly screamed out "What the fuck are you saying? I kept it and broke it at the same time?"

"You promised me you wouldn't fuck them and you kept your promise. To you fucking meant cock in pussy and this Rory guy said you wouldn't let him have your pussy, but you gave him blow jobs and anal sex. To me when you said you wouldn't fuck your other dates it meant that you wouldn't have sex with any of them. Head and anal are sex so as far as I'm concerned you didn't keep your promise to me. That's it in a nutshell Tanya. As far as you are concerned you kept it and as far as I'm concerned you didn't.

"And before you even say he is lying I'm going to say I won't believe you if you do. Just the fact he said he could have everything except pussy from you will set in my mind from now on. The sad thing is it could even be true, but doubt has been firmly planted in my mind and it will always be there."

This is bullshit Frankie and I'll prove it."

"And just how are you going to do that?"

"Just meet me at Harry's Malt Shack tomorrow when you get out of class. Say about four-thirty and I'll prove it."

I was doubtful and it must have shown because she said "Hang in there with me Frankie. We will be all right; you'll see."

When I got to Harry's the next day Tanya was already in a booth and she had her date from Jake's party with her. They were sitting opposite each other and I sat down next to Tanya. She introduced me to Rory and then said:

"Tell him Rory."

He looked like he'd just taken a bite of something rotten and then said "None of what you heard at the party was true. I was trying to make myself look like a stud to Cliff. Tanya and I have been dating off and on for about six weeks and there have been some make out sessions, but she always shut me down whenever I tried getting touchy-feely. The thing was that Tanya had dated Cliff and Cliff knew she wouldn't put out so when he asked me why I was dating a girl who wouldn't put out I tried to put myself one up on him. I lied and said she gave head and would take it up her butt."

"And you expect me to believe this bullshit?"

"I'm hoping like hell you do. She flat told if she if she losses you over this shit she'll ruin me."

"How could she do that?"

"She says she will tell every girl she knows about what I did. If girls think I blabbed about them I'll never get another date in school and I've got three years to go yet."

He looked at Tanya and asked "Are we cool?"

Tanya nodded a yes and then said "Just don't waste your time trying to get me to date you anymore."

He nodded, slid out of the booth and left. Tanya nudged me and said "Scoot."

"What?"

"I want you sitting on the other side."

I moved and once I was seated across from her she said "I'm not all that happy that you were so quick to jump on what that asshole said and kick me to the curb. The least you could have done was call me, tell me what you'd heard and then talked with me before kicking me loose. It makes me think the feelings you have for me are nowhere near the feelings I have for you. I want you to take a few days and think about it Frank. Is all that I am to you is a steady piece of ass? Take a few days to think about it"