Had Auld Acquaintance been forgot
... her life would have been a lot better.
My name is Clay Berry and our marriage was in its ninth year when things changed.
At the time our two sons, Joseph and Timothy (Joe and Tim), were seven and six. Dom (Dominque) had been in marketing, but we decided she should be a stay at home mom. We didn't need her income because mine was more than enough to keep us sheltered, clothed and fed. I am a chemical engineer and was recruited in college by a Federal Agency.
So Dom stayed home until both boys were in school full time before going back into the workforce. She had been employed by a national food distributor and her job was basically to find new markets for their products. Over the years, she had developed contacts throughout the United States and was sought by at least three of her company's competitors, but her sense of loyalty kept her from changing. Well, loyalty and the fact that we would have to move, and neither of us wanted that.
She had done some consulting work while staying at home and raising the boys. When we decided it was time for her to go back to work fulltime her company jumped at the chance to get her back.
I wasn't recruited to be "an agent", by my organization, but was needed in R&D, and I was perfectly content there. I had no desire to know any more about what went on around me than was necessary for my job. I was surprised, however, at how wide-spread chemical projects and research extended throughout the agency.
I had been there almost eight years when I was put in charge of a small lab and was given specific goals. What I wasn't given were perimeters and was free to go where my research took me. I was also given a budget and staff that boggled my mind. At the onset of my project, I was told that there would be virtually no travel involved, but by the end of my second year, I was travelling all over the world consulting with other chemists and touring their facilities.
Dom had been back to work just short of a year when her mother had a stroke and Dom went home to California to visit. She was not prepared for what she saw. Her mother's right side was almost completely paralyzed and she couldn't speak.
It didn't take Dom long to determine that her mother needed her. Her father had died when she was 11 and she was an only child so there was no other family to care for mom. Dom felt it was her job; no, not job or duty. She wanted to do it. When she told me that she had decided to take care of her mother for a while, I supported her wholeheartedly.
"Take as long as you like," I told her. "The boys and I will be fine."
Her company supported her as well and told her she could work on her projects remotely.
With both her company and me behind her, she basically moved into her mother's house. The medical types told her that her mother's speech would probably come back in time, but the paralysis was going to be permanent.
The shock of her mother's stoke hit Dom hard, but the fact that she was going to be at least partially paralyzed for the rest of her life, was almost too much for her.
The first two weeks she was with her mother, it was 24/7. She never left the house except for medical appointments and grocery shopping. The medical appointments, of course, Mom went; but the shopping trips were done by Dom alone. It was the only time she had to herself. Of course those trips had to be planned, so a visiting nurse was brought in to care for Mom.
It was Dom's third or fourth trip to the local department/grocery store when she ran into an old friend. Her name was Denise and they had been friends all through childhood and high school. They separated because Dom went to college out of state and met me. After the usual greetings and hugs, they exchanged phone numbers.
Two days later, Denise called Dom and invited her out for drinks. Dom was more than ready for a little freedom, so she made arrangements for a nurse to sit with Mom for the evening, and met Denise at a local watering hole.
That was the beginning of the end of our marriage.
"God, it's good to see you again." Denise said as she stood to hug Dom.
"I know," Dom answered. "It's been a long time."
"Tell me what you've been doing."
"Oh, my God. It's been wonderful. I married the best man in the world and we have two handsome, smart sons. Clay has the perfect job and it allowed me to be a stay-at-home Mom until the boys went to school. And even I have the perfect job. I tell you Denise, my life was perfect until my mother had a stroke." There was a pause while she took a sip of her wine. She wasn't much of a drinker, but she did enjoy a nice wine occasionally. "I've been here for three weeks and nothing has changed. She needs constant care and it is wearing on me. I miss my family, but I can't leave my mother." She took another sip of wine. A larger sip that time.
"Poor baby. You need to make more time for yourself. Just relax tonight and have fun. Things will look better tomorrow."
She was right. The night out with her friend worked wonders for Dom. The next several days went quickly and she didn't hesitate when Denise asked her to have dinner on Friday.
Dom and I usually talked four times per week, and that week was no exception. She was pleased to have renewed her friendship with Denise and enjoyed her night out. She was also looking forward to dinner with her that Friday. I was happy that she had the opportunity to reunite with an old friend.
They met at a hotel restaurant and ordered dinner. The food was great and they stayed for drinks and music after eating.
The following week we had our customary four phone calls, declared we missed each other and proclaimed our love. I tried to pin her down to a date when she could come home, but understood when no such date was forthcoming. She did mention, for the first time, the need of her mother for long-term care and casually threw out the possibility of her coming to live with us. I quickly assured her that would be no problem, and I would certainly not object should that need arise.
The week after that conversation, we only talked twice. During the second conversation, I asked her to give me an idea when she would be home, with or without her mother. I informed her that if her mother were coming to live with us, I needed time to get the spare bedroom ready and that we might rearrange the boy's bedrooms to accommodate her. We could easily move the younger boy's room so the two boys could share a bathroom. That would leave her mother with her own bathroom.
Dom was enthusiastic about my idea and she even suggested we go ahead and make that move. She also suggested we paint the room yellow because it was her mother's favorite color, and that we would move all of her mother's bedroom furniture cross country to our house. We ended the call with our normal "I love and miss you".
The following week, I found myself moving our younger son out of his old room and into his new. Before moving him in, I moved all of the furniture out, donated it, and painted the room the color our son wanted. Green was his favorite color, so the boys and I painted it green. They were excited because they were closer to each other. I painted the old room yellow and waited for word when Dom and her mother would get there.
I never heard from Dom the following week. I even tried calling her mother's phone, but got no answer.
We lived on the east coast and her mother on the west, so popping in to see what was going on was a bit difficult, but I had to find out, so I went to my boss and asked for the next week off and I told him why. I was told that there was a high level, highly classified conference in Germany that I needed to attend and he couldn't let me have the time off, but one of our agents was on her way back to the east coast and would be passing through where Dom was, so she could be asked to stop in and check on things if I wanted her to.
I hesitated because I didn't want anyone to think that I suspected something was going on, because I didn't. I was just concerned because I hadn't heard. I told him I didn't think that was necessary, and returned to my office.
What I did do was call the Santa Barbara Police Department and asked if they could make a welfare check of the residence. They agreed and within an hour, Dom called me. The only word I was able to get in was "hello" when I answered the phone. She was absolutely livid and accused me of not trusting her. The call only lasted about two minutes, and I was called everything in the book before she ended the call. The pressure of caring for her mother had apparently gotten to her because I had never heard her talk like that before.
I was in a daze. I sat there for several minutes before returning to my boss's office.
"I changed my mind," I told him. "I would appreciate any information the agent is able to garner." Then I told him about the phone call.