Guilt

For several weeks after his wife Janet confessed to her affair, Dave did his very best to be as normal as possible.

But each day he woke up with the incident of his own down in Dallas on his mind.

"Incident?" What a poor word to fit the situation. A married man, out of town, in love with his own long term wife finds himself involved in a brief but steamy sexual encounter with a woman that is almost a stranger?

That can't be called an incident, really. What it was, was a disaster. His wife Janet, the three kids, the close to perfect relationship and everything they had built together was now threatened by what he had done.

If Dave could have just allowed that to slide into the past, fade into something that happened to someone else, perhaps become more like a story than truth, things might have been better.

That way no one needed to ever know.

That is what he tried to tell himself but he had gotten so very close to a confession anyway. His thoughts were to admit it, try to explain, beg her for her forgiveness.

Then Janet had confessed her own indiscretion. In shock at that revelation, Dave opened his mouth to speak but the well rehearsed words would not come.

Instead, his reaction had appeared to be almost cold, calm, unconcerned. Wrapped totally in her own fear at what Dave would do, Janet missed what should have been obvious. There was no sign of real upset in her husband's reaction to her blurted confession.

That first night she put on the little nightie she knew he liked, and even attempted a sexy pose. She knew that Dave delighted in looking at her, the way his expression would change was a wonderful thing to her.

"I suppose that guy saw you like THAT?" He snapped when he saw her.

Janet stifled her tears, managed to protest that she had never brought the man home, never. Not in their own bed.

The very next evening she came to bed naked, all she got was the same reaction from him. Finally with effort he did make love to her, if that was what it could be called.

Dave did snap at her at times, make comments, but other than that he was cold and distant. It was like he was going though the motions of their marriage but not really involved. Janet felt it all coming apart, slipping away.

Determined to save the more than a decade and a half of what had been a good and loving relationship, Janet went to see her mother. She managed to blurt out her shame, concerns, her worries.

Her Mother's advice was to try to be as normal as possible, love her man, pour all of her energy into being the perfect wife. She also mentioned that it can be best to just let some things fade into a memory, although it was far too late for that.

Careful to do her best to not hurt Dave any more than she already had, Janet lied and passed her own affair off as almost nothing when Dave pressed her again for more details.

That meant even more lies, but in the constant effort she made to find some buoy of normalcy that they could grasp to, her own period of depression lifted.

Telling her husband that Randy was a poor lover and no match for him appeared to help, Dave made love to her, fully firm for the first time in quite awhile. He was overly gentle with her, more so than he even normally was.

Janet faked her own orgasm very well. Then she lay there quietly for a very long time, listening to her husband's soft snores. For awhile she had hope, but things did not improve much.

She was aching for his light kiss as he left for work, the buss he would place on the tip of her nose when he got home. The way he would always say thank you when she brought him a cup of Tea without being asked? Those simple touches he would give her as he passed by to do something.

All of that was normal, done without thought, just signs of love and caring. Most of that was now gone, Janet desperately wanted that all back.

Her wonderful life was sorely damaged by her moment of weakness, now compounded by her lies to her man that it was nothing to her.

The real truth was that it had been amazing sex, she had felt sensations she didn't know she even could with Randy. So much so that she had felt no will to resist. Her mind had protested no but her body did not that first time. After that, the brief but intense affair became an total orgy of sex.

That first time with Randy had been almost accidental. It was certainly an accident that he happened to be there in that bar, when she stopped for a drink, for some peace and quiet with her thoughts. All she knew of the man then was the few dances they had shared more than a full year before, he was good at it, and he made her laugh.

Janet felt unloved that night, ignored, all alone. The man was again fun to talk to, fun to talk with, he filled a need. Somehow he had managed to cancel the incredible depression she was engulfed with.

She became almost giddy, she felt alive for the first time in a very long time. Randy had teased, with such an easy manner and at the very moment in her life when she needed to laugh.

She felt much better when she got home that night, and she even slept very well. When Randy called the next afternoon to ask her if she would like to share a meal with him, she accepted without concern.

Janet showered carefully, shaved her legs, even to the point of carefully trimming her pubic hair. The thoughts in her mind were of Dave, she wanted to be sure and look good for him when he got home in a few short days.

She thought quite awhile on what to wear for dinner, finally selecting a conservative blouse and skirt. She had tried on a couple of her nicer dresses, but they looked to be a bit too fancy for just having dinner.

There was no point in giving Randy the wrong idea, although he had been so polite she wasn't concerned.

Randy was just a friend, he happened to be a man but still, that was all it was. It was only a meal, conversation between two people that were becoming friends, totally innocent. They had a few drinks, talked, even danced. Janet loved to dance, and Randy was a fine dancer. There was no groping, nothing out of the ordinary. If he had, that would have ended it right there. It was like Randy knew exactly what to say and do, so she felt completely comfortable with him. Forgotten was her husband, thousands of miles away, busy with his work. There was just the moment, and fun.

Randy had proven to be quite expert at techniques of seduction. He did not attempt making a pass, he simply gently steered her mind and emotions, then followed along, placing himself in the right place at the right moment. A few drinks to relax her, a few comments to build up her comfort level and he felt she was ready. He was sure of it when while dancing, she settled against his body and allowed herself to flow with his motions.

He knew she could feel the warmth of his body, and he could see that she was basking in his complete attention to her.

When it came time for the evening to end and he was ready to take her home, Randy mentioned almost in passing that he was waiting for an important email message about his work.

He invited her up to his apartment for a moment while he checked.

"It will just take me a moment. Hey, come on up, you can see how I have to live when I am out of town on jobs." He gave her a disarming grin.

"Sure." She said, hopping out of the car and following him.

She wasn't really even concerned about that, even if he did make a pass at her, she was sure she could handle that with a simple "No!" Besides, she was feeling so good, so happy that she did not want the evening to end just yet, and find herself once again all alone in her own house.

Randy showed no signs at all of even doing anything, she was completely relaxed as she went up the stairs with him. Inside, he had lightly kissed her, a quick and simple brush of the lips, brotherly, also completely innocent in her own mind.

"It's been a fun evening, thank you for joining me." He told her, looking into her eyes and smiling at her, his hands gentle on her shoulders.

He released her and turned to his laptop at the exactly correct moment, before she could even realize that there had been an instant of..something else?

"Thank you too, I did enjoy it." She answered, feeling a tiny flutter at the unexpected brush of their lips.

Then she opened her phone, expecting that there would be a message from her husband Dave. Out of the corner of her eye she saw her friend Randy check his email on the laptop, then close it.

There was no message from Dave, that upset her. She needed that, she needed that thread to sanity.

Janet turned back to Randy, expecting him to just take her home. He was standing right there, close. So very close. He reached out for her, she slid into his arms for a quick hug, another brief kiss. At least that is what she told herself as his mouth pressed to hers in what was not an innocent kiss. The word "NO!" formed in her mind, but only a gasp escaped her lips. He held her, his hands splayed up her back. She felt her own arms reach out to encircle him.

It felt so good to be held, she thought of being home, alone, and didn't quite want to go.

There was a blur of activity, she saw Randy's bare upper body with the shirt he wore now undone and hanging loosely, his chest so muscular and attractive. Pleasure wafted over her, it was all a haze. His lips suckled at her breasts, wrapped around her quickly hardening nipples which were now bare and she was not sure how that even happened.

It felt so good, her body shuddered and she knew she should stop this but instead she allowed it. When she felt hands at her hips, tugging at the waistband of her pantie, her loins flooded with moisture. She thought again to stop that, but lifted her hips slightly to assist.

The sensations took over, her thought was to allow it just a bit more, then stop him.

His mouth pressed to her sex, pleasure flowed over her and there was now no way to stop. She saw the blur of Randy's huge erection, she felt it approach and the large end of it pressed against her. Her body flooded with more wetness, she felt Randy press, then slide fully inside her body.

"You aren't Dave!" Her mind screamed, but her hips began to thrust back.

The soft and gentle loving touch of her husband Dave was not there, this man was thrusting, pounding at her. She felt a brief stab of pain as his rigid member rammed against her cervix, that faded to unbelievable waves of pleasure as he used his strength to forcefully jam at her womb. She began to lift her hips to meet his thrusts.

Then her first orgasm came, it started somewhere deep inside and flowed outward to take total control of her entire body. Someone was crying out, she realized it was herself.

The waves began to slow, a feeling of calm came over her, but he was not done. He slowed his strokes, it felt like he was dragging her insides outwards each time he pulled back. Then she began to build again, as she reached the second powerful peak she felt the spurts of his semen as he ejaculated deep inside. Her legs splayed widely as she jammed her pelvis against him, accepting. She could feel his wiry pubic hair against her flesh as his rigid body plunged into her.

"Oh my God! How..how did this happen?" She thought, feeling Randy still deeply embedded in her, his strokes now slow, easy.

That was the moment that it struck her that there was no condom, nothing between her naked insides and him. There was a brief flash of worry, then she crazily remembered that she had taken her pills.

There was another fearful moment as the thought of other possibles crossed her mind, but she remembered him speaking of his wife so she dismissed that. Randy now was still, his sweaty chest pressed against her naked breasts. She felt his penis soften, there was a slight movement of his hips as he tried to stay inside her, then he slipped out.

She rolled over onto her side, he back to Randy. He reached out and stroked her side with one hand.

After, Janet felt herself overwhelmed by shame.

She quickly dressed, her back to Randy as he lay there and watched. Then he stood up, naked, smiling at her. She could not stop herself from looking down at his long penis, the odd shaped overly large head of it hanging there, still half erect. Randy just grinned at her glances, then he dressed and drove her to her house.

Once she was back at her home, she tried very hard to convince herself that it was all a dream, it never really happened. She showered in water as hot as she could withstand, then flushed her body over and over inside.

Next she sat by the phone and waited for her husband to call. She wanted desperately to cry, but no tears would come. Finally, very late, she went to bed.

When the phone rang the next day she grabbed it, expecting it to be her husband. But it was Randy and he asked her out again.

She went. She went knowing what would happen. It was like the man had somehow gained complete control of her.

How many times did he take her? Janet had no idea, it was at least a half dozen times, all crazy, insane. At one point Randy pressed himself against her anus, no one had ever done that, not even her husband Dave. Somehow he managed to get a good portion of himself inside her there, into her most secret spot, but it hurt too much and she pulled away.

Another time later that same afternoon, she sat cross legged and played with Randy's penis. Everything felt odd as she sat surrounded by the strangeness of the room, holding his shaft which was thinner than her husband's. The very head of it was more than twice the diameter of the shaft, she slid her hands up to the base of his large bulbous head and tugged slightly, watching it change to a deeper color each time she did that. Randy lay there quietly with his eyes closed. There was no foreskin so curious, she leaned down and sucked him inside her mouth, something she only very rarely had even done with Dave.

Sliding her tongue around the big knob was delightful, so much so that when she felt Randy tense, she sucked even harder, feeling the blasts of his sperm fill her mouth. Her body went into orgasm as Randy filled her mouth with his seed.

That short period was a blur of crazy sexual acts, Janet allowed Randy to do almost whatever he wanted to with her body. His hands pressed her breasts together over his erection at one point, she watched in fascination as the big head appeared and then vanished as his thumbs repeatedly brushed her nipples. His large testicles brushed up and back on her chest and abdomen, the sensation was different, mildly tickling from the hair on his testicles. She even expected him to climax and she waited for that, staring at the slit in the end of his penis, but he didn't. Instead he slid down between her wide spread legs, using his fingers to open her vagina and look deep inside. Once again he began to lap at her with his tongue, finally slipping upwards and sliding himself inside her.

By then she had completely forgotten her husband, their life, everything.

She had just finished drying herself off from a quick shower when his cell phone rang, Janet suddenly realized that Randy was calmly speaking with his own wife as she stood there naked. He had what looked to be a sly smirk on his face as he spoke.

That was the moment reality returned. The mannerism he had as he spoke calmly to his wife was almost like a shock to her. He was sitting there naked, in a room with another woman also naked, talking to his mate as if nothing was going on?

Overwhelmed again by shame, Janet dressed and hurried out, needing desperately to get away from him.

"Suit yourself!" Randy called out after she refused his offer of a ride home.

Finally nearly a mile down the road she managed to hail a taxi. She checked her messages on the ride home, there were several of them from Dave.

Her mind raged at the taxi to go faster.

My God. What was she going to tell Dave, how could she explain that? She had allowed herself to be seduced, no, far more than that.

She had done it willingly, she had no excuse. For a moment her thoughts flashed back to how Randy had laid there on his back, his erection jutting upwards. She had squatted on the bed, her legs splayed seeking him with her loins. Finally she had settled down on top of him.

How to explain? There really was no way to explain any of it.

"You OK, lady?" The can driver asked, looking at her in his mirror.

"I'm fine, please hurry." She answered, wiping at a tear streaming down her cheek.

Dave was sitting in his chair when she opened the door and walked in. It was a surprise, she had forgotten the time difference. Now she had no way to hide anything, she was trapped.

Stopping herself from just leaping onto him, grabbing him for protection, for safety was the hardest thing she ever did. Instead she went and sat on the couch, her hands folded in her lap.

Janet sat down and tearfully blurted out what she had done expecting, even hoping he would erupt, call her names in outrage.

Perhaps strike her? She waited for that, expected it, wanted him to. Her thoughts screamed out for him to punish her as wet tears streamed down her cheek.

Dave sat and listened calmly, he showed almost no reaction at all.

__

Over the next couple of days Dave was feeling deep inside that a huge blowup, a terrible fight might have been much better. He very likely would have blown up, except for the fact that he had his own terrible feelings of guilt. He had carefully rehearsed what he was going to say, how he was going to beg for her forgiveness and do anything at all to make it right.

He opened his mouth to speak several times, but the shock of what Janet told him deterred him. Instead, he kept that bottled up, and it became a secret, a lie of his own, a lie by not telling it.

One does not need to be a good liar when they simply tell the truth. The result was an undercurrent of...something, that tugged at every fiber of his soul.

Now every time the phone rang he jumped, every time the mail arrived, he looked at it more closely. Even at work, when his secretary buzzed him with a phone call, he answered halfway expecting it to be Carla.

He really didn't think she would but the worry was always there.

He found himself torn between the guilt he felt over the brief fling he had had with Carla and anger that bordered on rage at knowing his wife Janet had willingly been in another man's arms.

Each time that thought crossed his mind he wanted to smash something. The only control he had was to not think about that, force it out of his mind.

He was very careful to try to not let his anger show when he was around Janet, it wasn't an easy thing to do. He also mostly failed at that.

He wanted to know all of the details, everything, like somehow that would help, but he just could not bring himself to broach the subject with her.

Not in the way he wanted. Janet had said the words but not the ones he wanted to hear. She had said "affair". Then telling him when he had asked who it was about the man named Randy. Dave had no memory at all of him, he did remember Janet dancing with someone but had no idea who.

He did remember them sneaking into the rear seat of their car later in the darkened parking lot, and having naughty delicious sex right there.

That was the night little Sarah was conceived, of that Dave was sure.

"Affair?" That was just a catchall phrase meaning nothing. What had they done, how had they done it? Was the man better, stronger? Was he larger, more handsome?

Several times during the next few weeks he found himself unable to respond when Janet made her obvious attempts at lovemaking. This was new, another thing he had never had to deal with before.

It was like withholding sex, intimacy, was a form of punishment?

The few times he did manage, it was weak and without the normal passion. Days went by with no real intimacy, even though Janet tried, his body would not respond. She even opened her mouth and took him inside, something she had seldom done before.