My dual life continued with me switching between my role as a wife who was desperate to please her husband and a college girl who had no responsibilities or guilt. It was only with much effort that I was able to keep these two lives separate in my own mind. This ability has been what has let me survive all the regret and remorse I have felt through the years.
My husband Tom and I had gotten involved with a younger couple across the street. Tom was 29 and I was 28. Mark was 23 and Donna was just 21. They had been the aggressive ones and we had swapped partners for the first time a week earlier. I had gone along with what happened because I knew Tom wanted to do something like that. I hadn't really wanted to become involved sexually with anyone in my role as a wife and mother.
I had classes three days a week at the college where I had returned to school the year before. At school, I had developed a group of friends with whom I played the role of a single college student. They had no idea I was married with three kids and was 7 or 8 years older than them.
I had kept myself in shape since cheerleading in school, and at 5-8, 125, 36-25-37 I easily passed as much younger. I had become sexually involved with several of them and I kept that part of my life secret and separated from everyone. I didn't really need any further involvement, but Tom was very hot for this sort of relationship with Mark and Donna. I felt like I had to do this because it satisfied my husband and it eased my guilt about my college affairs.
After the night we had changed partners and all ended up in Mark and Donna's bed, things at home were quiet. The next Saturday, I was studying for a big exam. Tom had been puttering around the yard while I had my nose in my books.
After dinner, Tom pulled me into our bedroom and told me he had been with Donna across the street for about an hour while I had been studying. He said he didn't want to lie to me, so he just told me about it. I was upset, more hurt than angry.
Tom said they had both been outside doing some yard work and she had offered him a beer. When he went into the house with her, they just started kissing and stripping each other's clothes off. She had sucked him and stroked him until he almost came right there in the kitchen. Then they had gone to the bedroom.