God Bless Telemarketers

Author's note: This is my contribution to the 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover stories. Hope you enjoy.

ALISHA

The timing has to be perfect. I cannot let my anxiety cause me to make a mistake at the last minute. It has taken almost six months to get this right. I can't blow it now.

I am Alisha Walker, just turned 45 and am about to make a major lifestyle change. I have been married to Bill Walker for just over 20 years. We dated and were later engaged for an additional five years. We have one daughter who is in college. Our 25

th

anniversary of our first date is this Friday night. He is sentimental about things like that. Bill has arranged for a special dinner for us at our favorite restaurant. Unfortunately, he is going to get the biggest, worst surprise of his life.

Even now, I love the big lug. Our first few years of marriage were ideal. I had no doubt that we would spend our lives together. Oh, we had to work hard and share chores especially after our daughter Elizabeth was born. Bill made me quit work until she was old enough to go to school. Once I went back to work, our primary goals were to pay college for Elizabeth and build towards our retirement. Our bank accounts have soared from increased income from work promotions and raises, Bill's wise investments, and inheritances from our deceased parents.

I completely supported Bill during this time. Although we would disagree at times, we never really fought. We made love on a regular basis and fucked a few times when one or both of us was particularly horny. I never, ever considered cheating on him even though I was hit on regularly by men at the office or even at neighborhood get togethers. It wasn't anything I wanted to do. I was satisfied with Bill. Now, I have to admit to being a hypocrite. I publicly professed condemnation of cheaters but loved to hear the illicit details of their affairs.

I had heard of women who were affected with Empty Nest Syndrome. Women are supposed to go emotionally haywire and become sluts or nuns. Personalities would supposedly change overnight. Personally, I thought that was nonsense. I assumed that having no children at home was a chance to enhance my and Bill's marriage. Elizabeth was mostly independent before she went off to college. It was rare for her to be home before bedtime. We were pretty much already used to it just being by ourselves. I saw no reason to prepare to change anything in my life. Maybe I should have.

With more time to think about myself, I had time to wonder if men still found me attractive. I finally decided to do something I hadn't done in a while. I looked in the full-length mirror without any clothes on. Where it used to be smooth, I was wrinkled. What used to stand out by themselves, now sagged. What used to be flat, acquired a muffin top. What used to be broad, deserved a wide load sign.

I started to take note of men's compliments and double entendres. Either I had not being paying attention or the interest of men other than my husband had dwindled. I started working out more, using more makeup, and dressing more to accentuate my finest qualities: my breasts. The admiration of men increased. I felt better about myself. Still, I felt I needed something more, something different, something exciting, something frisky and risky. I started reading cheating stories and watching porn on the internet. I began masturbating more and picturing my husband as my lover less.

When I reviewed what was going on at home, I could see no difference in how my husband was treating me than he had before Elizabeth left. That was the problem. It was the same old, same old. Oh, I got compliments from him and he never missed a birthday or anniversary. We still had our regular sex sessions. But they were the same old compliments and the same old sex -- nice but it felt like re-runs and not original episodes. I wanted a change, a boost of energy. I thought I was giving Bill the chance to give me the change.

I tried to interest Bill in different positions for sex or different techniques to liven things up. The poor dear did try, but there was no excitement for me. The sexual activities were different and okay, but it was the same old Bill with his same old dick that wasn't going to get any longer, bigger, or more talented. My only orgasms were fake. I don't think he had a clue. That's when I first began to consider finding someone to give me a thrill, maybe even become my lover.

My priority in finding someone new was first and foremost secrecy. Getting caught would kill me because it would devastate my husband and daughter. That meant no fake late nights working or overnight business trips. Hotels or times at his place or mine were seen as too dangerous for me. I began to think it would have to be an office romance during office hours. Even that would take careful planning.

As I looked at the possibilities from the office, I ruled out almost every man. There were a couple of nice single men, but I had heard them bragging about the sluts they were dating, including some married women. I could not take the chance they wouldn't brag about me.

Every day at home became more and more a drag. Our routine was stuck in a rut. Something had to change, or I would go crazy. Even new sex toys provided little more than a brief respite from dullsville. Then it, or rather, HE happened.

He was Darnell, Darn for short. Some other men would say, 'Damn' and then apologize they got his name wrong while laughing. Approximately six months ago, he came into a midlevel position at the office. The women all noticed his good looks and charm. I was afraid a couple of the women were going to try to rape him. They certainly did so with their eyes. Although he flirted a bit, he never seemed to pursue any relationship beyond cordial and professional. I noticed that he did seem to hold his gaze and smile a few seconds when he looked at me. My heart would flutter and I would get wet. Every few days he stopped by for small talk and ask me something about my husband or daughter. Very cautious and not alarming to anyone but my lust buds.

The first change in our relationship came when he asked to sit with me at lunch. I knew this might be the first step to what I thought I wanted, so I said yes. He immediately said, "I hope this does not mean the office gossip machine will have us as a 'couple' now."

I laughed and explained, "I'll take the risk. I could use a little excitement in my life right now." I don't think that I had meant, at least consciously, to let him know that my life was lacking something, but out it spilled. Too late to take it back even if I had wanted to.

Our contacts continued to be brief and random. I found out that his wife, Mary Alice, was from money and they had no kids. He talked kindly of her, but not lovingly. Her family did not want her to marry him. If they fought, she liked to use the fact in their arguments that she had married him despite what her family wanted, therefore, he should be grateful.

I told him about my daughter and how proud I was with her. I described being with my husband as comfortable, predictable, and unchanging. Gradually, I let him know that I was not happy with my home life. I eventually hinted at the lack of enjoyable sex with my husband. I didn't tell Darnell I thought I needed another man to have sex with. He figured out what I needed on his own.

Darnell made me aware he wanted us to be more than friendly colleagues. I shyly confessed I felt the same way being fully aware of the road I was starting down. We took precautions. We were careful not to 'look longingly' at each other. No touching and no overt flirting. We perceived everyone assumed we were friends who were happily married to other people. As a smoke screen, I even teased Ted, another man in our office, about him being my "office husband" and told him he needed to up his game to stay "married" to me. The diversion appeared to work.

Things finally escalated the day we just happened to find ourselves in the elevator by ourselves. Darn pushed the stop button. I guessed correctly why. He brazenly attacked me with a passionate kiss that I returned eagerly. Hands quickly explored all over each other's bodies. In the minutes that followed, everything was forgotten except pleasuring each other. I didn't want to break it off when he released the button and the elevator moved. All he said was, "We need to talk." I nodded my head and hoped my fluids were not running down my legs before I got to a restroom.

I got nothing done that afternoon except think of our time in the elevator. There was a tiny bit of guilt, but a lot of a 'I want more' feeling blocked my guilt. Darn called me and suggested I tell my husband I had to stay a few minutes late tonight. I wondered if he was wanting to go further in our sexual exploration that night. I hoped so.

He came by my office and established right off the bat that we needed to be quick and that staying late could not become common. There were no moves on his part to approach me. Instead we talked. We agreed we both wanted an intimate relationship from each other but needed to be extremely cautious in doing so. We both left to go home and start thinking of a safe way for us to able to do what we wanted.

I have read that cheating women often tell their spouse that the marriage had not suffered because the husband still got to have sex with her whenever he wanted. What they could not see was how they were cheating the husband outside the bedroom too. I immediately started treating Bill differently without realizing it. I guess I was wanting to find fault with him so I would not feel so guilty when I was with my lover. I was with my potential lover in my head almost constantly since the elevator episode. Things that Bill did at home that were minor irritants I had ignored before, now became points of contention. When I brought up problems, I brought up loudly. Things I normally asked him to do that I knew he would do eventually, now provoked nagging from me if not done quickly. I was becoming a bitch.

Meanwhile, Darnell came up with a solution for our meetings. He rented a small vacant office space on the floor above us in the office building. I asked how he could afford that. He replied, "That's an advantage of having a rich wife." I wasn't complaining. We got some basic furniture that, most importantly, included a big couch with a covering that was easily washable. We christened it as soon as we could.

Sex with Darnell was even better than expected. He was larger than Bill, and I orgasmed easily and frequently. We were euphoric and both said the 'L' word. I'm sure we really meant 'Lust' instead of 'Love.' From then on, when we took breaks to meet, we left our desks at different times. One might take the stairs while the other took the elevator. We were never together going to or coming from our love nest. Our days and times for sex were random and varied. We would take a few days off every now and then to help reduce the chances of getting caught.

We tried to think of every way our spouses might catch us. We continuously checked for cameras or recording devices at the office and home. We never emailed or texted each other. Darnell got us special phones we only used to talk to each other. If our spouses saw the phone, they were to be told that was a business only phone. We chose passwords not connected to our families that might be easy to guess. We thought of everything, supposedly.

As my relationship with Darnell grew, the desire to be with him all the time grew. I still loved Bill, but he no longer made me feel what Darnell did. Bill was the old pair of comfortable slippers you hated to throw away. Darnell was the new shoes that were too expensive I just had to have. Darn was the first to bring up how we could be together forever by ourselves. Together we came up with a definite plan.

We casually brought up to our spouses that a person we knew had a spouse that died suddenly. Even though there was a will, accounts in the dead spouse's name were frozen, therefore, the remaining spouse could not access them right away. Probate took over six months and the living spouse had to borrow money until the estate was settled. We said it could have been avoided if their banking accounts had been put in both their names. Mary Alice agreed so she could finally prove to Darnell that she, unlike her family, had faith he was not a gold digger. In our case, Bill took the hint and we both added each other 's name to our existing accounts. He was the one who suggested that the safe deposit box he had some old jewelry, gold coins and savings bonds stored be in both our names also. I thanked him with one of our better nights of sex in a while. It may have been Bill's body, but it was Darnell in my mind.

I wasn't consciously aware of how differently I was treating Bill until Elizabeth visited. Both Bill and I were happy to see her. The three of us laughed and told stories from her childhood. It was like a trip back in time. She took me aside and told me that her Dad had informed her that I had been moody lately and he wondered what was wrong. Liz mentioned that I had seemed normal to her this trip. I said her dad was probably right in some ways. I admitted being moody and suggested I might be going into menopause. I assured her that our marriage was as rock solid as ever. It hurt to lie to my daughter, but I couldn't tell her the truth, yet.

When Darnell and I had a chance to talk next, I told him that I thought Bill was getting worried about me. I said I thought we should make plans to be together sooner than we had talked about before. What we came up with was really unfair to Bill and Mary Alice, but we were already cheating, so what the hell. We were going to take all the money we could and disappear together. It wouldn't be that harsh for them. Both of our spouses had access to more money, Bill from his job and Mary Alice from her family. Neither of them would be hurting financially for too long. Darnell disliked Mary Alice's family so he didn't mind taking the family money. I made up some kind of illegitimate excuse in my mind to justify robbing my husband blind. I had tried to get him to change, but nothing worked. I didn't want to think about that. I focused on getting away with my lover and doing whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted, and wherever we wanted.

Enough of the trip down Memory Lane. It's almost time. I called the restaurant and made sure Bill had indeed made the reservation for 6:00. He had and a bottle of our favorite wine was being chilled. Bill said he had to work a little late and would meet me there. At 3:30 I was at our bank.

I gave the girl my ID and said that I wanted to draw out all our money from our joint accounts. When she looked up our accounts, she got a puzzled look on her face. "I think you and your husband may have miscommunicated. He was in earlier today and already withdrew almost all the funds. Whenever that much money is withdrawn, we are told to ask why in case it had something to do with customer services. According to the note in the computer, he said he was afraid that the stock market was going to crash and wanted to pay everything by cash for a while. Whoever made the transaction, tried to assure him the money was safe, but your husband insisted."

"What about the safe deposit box?"

"He might have put the cash in there, but I don't work in that department. You see the man in the tan blazer by the elevator? He can help you there. Do you have the key for the box with you?"

"Yes."

I went over to the man and was asked to sign the logbook. As I was doing that, I noticed Bill's signature several names ahead of mine. Either he parked the cash in the box, or he beat me to cleaning it out. Big difference, huge. I went down and we opened the door to the box. There was much trepidation on my part at what I would find. I was extremely nervous. Our box was put on a table and I was left alone to open it. My heart fell. There was nothing in it. Except a letter.

"Alisha,

"If you are reading this, you know I beat you to our money. Darnell should be finding out the same thing about now too. When Mary Alice and I found out what you and Darnell were up to, we started planning what to do. Although we had been thinking of divorce, we realized that the plan you two had was better: absconding with the money and disappearing.

"You two were very good at hiding your affair. If you want to blame somebody for us finding out, blame the telemarketer that called your cheater's phone while you were in another room on your cell phone. Evidently, you didn't turn off the vibrator. When I dug the phone out of your purse, all I could see was that a telemarketer had called. I didn't think anything of it for a while, but I started wondering: Why would she need a second phone? There might be several good reasons, but I instantly thought of one terrible reason: to cover up an affair. I had considered that as a rationale for her recent behavior but hadn't hinted to her that I was beginning to wonder despite any other signs of cheating.

"Do you remember when I bought that box of gel pens because I was constantly losing pens? I gave you a few and I scattered many around the house so I could find one whenever I needed a pen. Well, each pen had a transmitter that forwarded any conversations to my computer. I made sure you always had one in your purse. It took several days for us to get the whole story, but we did. In the process of our planning together, we tried to help mend each other's broken heart, and we fell in love. It was revenge sex at first, but it became more. The idea of taking off to romantic places with a new exciting lover was plagiarized from you two but suited us fine especially since you two thought it was good enough for you.

"I have sent Liz my side of the story, so she in a couple of days she will know what is happening. I assured her I will make sure the rest of her schooling paid for. She will probably want to talk to you as soon as she gets the information. I told her about you and Darnell, so be prepared.

"As Mary Alice and I travel the world together, we will keep an eye out for you guys. I'm not sure where you will find the money to start traveling especially since your boss has been notified of your trysts during work time. We'll send post cards in case you don't make it. Oh, by the way, Mary Alice and I cancelled your airline ticket a little while ago. I don't think you would want to go out of the country with no cash or credit cards.

"One of the things I told Mary Alice I never told you was that I had a nickname I got in grade school. I was called 'Toad' after playing the part of a frog in a school play. That fact caused me to think of another way of leaving your lover, not mentioned in the Simon and Garfunkel's song. My version of what we are doing is, "Take it on the road, Toad." I'm sure that isn't funny to you or Darnell. Too bad. We like it.

"I guess I should thank you for almost 20 years of marriage and a wonderful daughter. Somehow hearing what you really thought of me as a husband and lover as well was what you planned to do to me, it's hard for me to play nice. Anyway, I hope the sex with Darnell was worth it. At least you still have that.

"Good-bye, Bill and Mary Alice"