Gerry Is an Idiot

Paul Jeffers went up to his brother Gerry and told him straight out, what an idiot he was, he had caused this problem and he needed to fix it. How did Gerry get here?

Gerry Jeffers is a 5'11", 27 year old graphic designer from London, he works at Shoreditch, with all the rest of hipsters, but Gerry is not a hipster, he is just a guy who is great at design. Away from work he spends his time with the family and friends he grew up with and his beautiful wife, Shelly, or Michelle, to use her Sunday name. Shelly is a 5'5", 25 year old, red-head from Liverpool. Gerry and Shelly met watching a Liverpool-Arsenal match in the pub, on holiday in Croatia, Gerry was supporting Arsenal and Shelly, Liverpool. Liverpool have only beaten Arsenal once since then, so Gerry calls Shelly his good luck charm. Shelly is a social media advisor for a fashion house.

Gerry and Shelly met and bonded over football, and they both loved to go to the games and talk about it and the whole atmosphere. Gerry and his three brothers had 2 season ticket for Arsenal and they took turns to go. Since Shelly moved to London, to be with Gerry, she only made about 4 home games a season, but usually got to a few away ones. They both had a great time watching the games and really following with people they knew.

Gerry and Shelly were passionate about each other and completely trusted each other. If either went out, on their own, they spent half their time chatting to each other on Twitter, Instagram, FB, Snapchat and just plain texting. On more than one occasion, their friends told them to leave their phones alone and concentrate on the people there. Though one of Shelly's friends suggested that Gerry was just checking up on her. Shelly was insulted by this idea. When this had been suggested, another of Shelly's friends, who knew Gerry, said no he is just as bad, always updating Shelly about what he is doing.

One day Shelly came home really excited. She texted Gerry that she had some amazing news for him and he would be impresses. Gerry at first thought that she might be pregnant, and a couple of work mates had suggested that as a possibility, then he realised that she would not send a text like that, she would just wait until he got home. Gerry was intrigued and made sure he was home from work at 7.

When Gerry walked through the door, Shelly was laying out the takeaway she had collected on the way home and Gerry immediately wanted to know what the big news was. When he noticed that Shelly had laid out some wine, he knew for certain that she was not pregnant. Shelly decided to tease him and put off telling him until after they had finished their dinner. Gerry even skipped dessert to get to the news. The meal seemed to take forever for Gerry.

Gerry did the dishes while Shelly went through with the rest of the bottle of wine. The kitchen was cleaned in a flash and Gerry rushed into the living room and wanted the news. Shelly said that Arsenal had awarded the fashion house where she work a media tie up and she, with lots of other media members of staff were invited to a match and a post-match buffet at The Emirates on a week on Saturday. The buffet would include a meeting the staff and tour of the stadium, including parts not on the normal tour. The staff could bring one guest, and Shelly was wondering who to bring because she knew so many Arsenal fans since meeting Gerry.

Gerry was delighted because that was for Spurs match, Arsenal's biggest local rivals, and Gerry knew that two of his brothers would be going, so no ticket for him. Gerry was drooling over the idea of going to this game, the buffet, the tour, and particularly meeting the manager and players. Shelly looked at him as if he was a teenager at a 1D concert and laughed. Gerry started that Shelly had to take him, and Shelly enjoyed teasing him about alternatives like his last brother who couldn't go or suggested that Gerry should be doing things for her, some of which he loved the idea for.

They both knew that this was just a dance because Shelly would not want to take anyone else, she loved Gerry so much. Later that evening they went out and met up with Gerry's brothers and told them about the Shelly's good news. John Jeffers, his elder brother, told them that when he said he had news, he was expecting to hear that Shelly was pregnant and that Gerry should get a move on. Gerry and Shelly went bright red at this. Brian Jeffers, the brother who did not have a ticket suggested on several occasions that Gerry should look after the youngest in the family and encourage his wife to take him instead. At the end of the night, John shouted to them "mum and dad want some more grandkids, get to it." Shelly and Gerry took him to his words.

The next ten days were a drudge and they waited for the match, and just like before the holidays, their minds were rarely on their work. They did discuss having kids and decided that they would wait until after the New Year.

Then the match day arrived, Gerry was upset that he had to leave behind his scarf, but it was pointed out that they were going to the executive boxes. They arrived early by taxi. Gerry jumped into the ground superstore, Shelly had to pull him out of there because it was time to go for the match. They were taken to the Diamond Club for a drink and to meet other guests and to see their seats in one of the boxes for the match. Arsenal, like lots of football clubs employ ex-players to act as hosts on these occasions and hosts in the Diamond Club were Graham Lincoln, Alex Romney and Junior North.

Junior North had been the star winger 15-20 years ago and a childhood hero for Gerry. When Gerry saw Junior he was tongue-tied, he thought about how much he had loved him when he was younger. When he played football, he was always Junior North, so Gerry immediately texted his brothers and told them who their hosts were. John joked with him that you should never meet your heroes after they finish, it will just ruin the memory.

All the hosts wandered around the tables, greeting the guests and when Junior arrived beside Gerry he was still tongue-tied but thrust a match programme forward for him to sign. Shelly was watching this and laughing, she knew how much Junior had meant to Gerry and explained this to Junior and asked for him to autograph it. Shelly joked that he would probably say it's the most precious thing he has. Junior looked at Shelly and thought she looks good and joked having the love of someone who understands you is the most precious thing and he seems to have that with you. Shelly blushed at this.

When Junior went away, Gerry was still babbling away, he seemed overawed by the occasion and Shelly started to rib him about Junior, suggesting that he loved Junior more than her. Shelly texted his brothers, so that they could join in the teasing.

Shelly and Gerry then watched the game, which was free flowing and ended in a draw. While watching the game, Shelly and Gerry took advantage of the refreshments on offer and they were glad that they had a taxi booked to take them home afterwards.

There was still the buffet and the tour to come. During the buffet, the stars of the past and the present came around and chatted to the visitors. This was the normal PR for the club and they all understood what they needed to do. Junior was used to the fans idolisation and he just took it as part of everyday life. Unlike some sports stars, Junior loved interacting with the fans, probably because they tended to see him as one of the good guys. He was well liked and had a lovely family to go home to. He was one of the more grounded stars of Arsenal, partly because he came from the area and had lots of connections to the area.

Gerry and Shelly had a wonderful time and Shelly was left with lots of opportunities to tease Gerry. When they went home, Shelly was tired from the excitement of the day but Gerry was still buzzing from it. Shelly went to bed and Gerry took out his Arsenal DVD collection, just to watch old matches with Junior North in it. Gerry was on a high for the whole week. Shelly was happy because Gerry was happy.

The following weekend they went out, with family and friends, around Highbury, where they lived, to the pubs and clubs. When wandering around Shelly noticed Junior in a pub with some friends. She pointed him out to Gerry, who was soon back to a gibbering wreck, although his brothers took the opportunity to get in on the act of teasing him, although they also loved Junior from when he played for Arsenal. They pushed him to introduce them to him, but he was too awestruck. Shelly then said, "if you want a job done, ask a women" and said "come with me."

When the brothers went up with Shelly, she said, you might not remember me, but I was at the Fashion House buffet last week with my drooling husband, anyway these are his brothers and John, Paul and Brian. Junior remembered the striking red-head from the week before and told her that anyone would remember meeting such a beautiful lady and he hoped her husband was alright. Paul pointed out that his problem was that he was busy slavering at the other side of the bar. Everyone had a laugh at Gerry's expense. The two groups chatted for about 10 minutes and then Junior said that they had to leave, they had to visit some other people. Gerry's group stayed because some people who were joining them hadn't arrived yet.

Gerry complained that they had not come back for 10 minutes and he was left all on his own, that they should have invited Junior over, and what did he say? About a minute after they left, Dessie, one of Junior's group came back with a signed photo for Gerry, which he thought was great. Dessie then cheekily asked for a kiss from Shelly as a reward and Gerry said "that was the least she would do". Shelly looked at him abruptly and his sheepish look suggested that he realised he had over-stepped the line. Dessie said "just joking" but Shelly said "as my master desires and gave him a kiss, a proper kiss and then said, just as well you haven't got anything else of Junior's with you, or you don't know what my master will command me to do." With a wink and then Dessie left.

The whole group then teased Gerry for the rest of the evening and was feeling so guilty. Next morning, when Shelly suggested a trip to Liverpool, the following weekend together, Gerry quickly agreed, even although it was his turn to go to the football.

On the Tuesday at lunchtime, Gerry went for lunch at a local coffee shop. Normally he just took his lunch back, but today, he saw Dessie sitting, on his own having a coffee. He thought this would be a chance to get to know someone who knows the great man himself. He got his lunch and went to join him. Gerry was pleased that Dessie remembered him, although he wasn't so sure when he was described as Junior's No 1 Fan.

Most of Junior's family and friends were good people, unfortunately, Dessie was the one exception, he was an opportunist and he saw an opportunity with Gerry because he fancied Shelly. Dessie knew that Junior had loads of memorabilia, and getting some to use as bait would be easy.

Gerry spent the lunch hour asking what was it like knowing Junior when he was the big star and what is he like. In part Dessie thought the adulation was sweet and in part really sad, he knew Junior and he thought that he didn't make the most of his chances and that he would not make the same mistake. Dessie feed him titbits of information and gently hooked him. Gerry complained that he would be missing the match at the weekend because the wife was dragging him away to Liverpool. Dessie said that he better watch out in case the natives were restless. Dessie said that he would be working around Shoreditch for the next week, so he might catch him another time.

When Gerry went home, he told Shelly about meeting Dessie and Shelly teased him as to whether he had kissed him. Gerry said the only person I ever want to kiss is you, and they moved together to practice for the New Year.

Next day Gerry shot down at lunchtime, hoping to meet Dessie, but was disappointed that he wasn't there. He was there, watching from a distance, to see if Gerry had been hooked and was pleased that he was. The next day again, Dessie was a no-show, just watching.

Then on Friday, Dessie arrived just as Gerry was leaving, Gerry was overjoyed that Dessie was there and they could talk about Junior. Dessie was sorry but he had had to go for lunch with some workmates on the past two days and then he gave Gerry a package, saying it was for Junior's No 1 Fan. It was an autographed strip from the final year Junior played for Arsenal. Gerry was mesmerised by this and just kept thanking Dessie for it. Dessie joked, "I couldn't imagine what you would tell your missus to do now." Gerry thinking that Dessie was joking "A blowjob at least." Dessie was thinking at least as well. They continued to chat about Junior and Gerry was really in his element.

Shelly and Gerry went to Liverpool and had a great time. This time Shelly started getting hassle from her relatives to have children, her father didn't have any grandchildren, while her mother died of cancer 3 years earlier.

On the Friday of the following week Dessie 'bumped' into Gerry as he was leaving work, they chatted for a while and then Dessie said that he had to go but if Shelly and Gerry wanted to join Junior that weekend, then on the Saturday he would be at Sheba, a club in Highbury, any time after 9. Gerry jumped at the chance and didn't even think to suggest including his brothers. Dessie said that he would put them on the guest list. Gerry went away very happy. They even swapped numbers so that Dessie could contact him if there was a problem.

So did Dessie, he planned a couple of surprises for Gerry and Shelly. The club was primarily a black club and it had very few white clients, Junior didn't like the club because it seemed to reinforce a lot of stereotypes about black people he hated. Dessie loved it and really felt at home there, all the staff and most of the regulars knew him.

When Gerry got home, he told Shelly and she thought it would be fun, she knew the club vaguely and had noticed that it seemed to have a large black clientele, but didn't think anything of it because the area was very mixed anyway.

On Saturday Shelly got dressed to impress because she knew that Gerry wanted to make a good impression, she hoped that Gerry would be less tongue-tied this time and would chat away with his hero. They got to the club just after 9, although Gerry wanted to get there earlier and were met by Dessie. Dessie told them that would be along later and they should get a drink and have some fun. Shelly and Dessie went into the club and got a booth and some drinks. Shelly commented about how few whites there seemed to be in the club, but they thought nothing of it, since Junior was black, they thought he would be at home here. Soon they were up dancing and having a great time.

As the night progressed they were slowly getting mellow and loved Dessie and his friends company as they kept the banter up all night. Shelly and Gerry were soon dancing with other people in the group and it didn't bother either of them at all. About 11.30, Shelly and Gerry got back to the booth and Dessie seemed a little bothered. When Shelly asked if something was wrong, Dessie said that he had just spoken to Junior and he wasn't going to make it and he felt guilty about inviting them here for a no-show. Shelly and Gerry were not that upset because they had enjoyed a great evening and they were thankful that they hadn't told Gerry's brothers because they knew that they would be mocked for the turn of events.

Dessie said they should all call it a night but he was going to a party if they wanted to join him and some mates. Dessie suggested that he fancied some pot and they could get it at the party. Shelly and Gerry were mellow enough for this and thought that it would be a great idea.

Dessie, Gerry and Shelly made their way to a party at Stoke Newington. When they got to the party, there was a fair crowd and Gerry and Shelly enjoyed meeting lots of new people. Soon they had a couple more drinks and Dessie passed around some joints, everyone was having a great time. Shelly spent half her time dancing with Gerry and then with other guys at the party, she even did some dirty dancing with one of the girls there. When Gerry danced with her, they got very close up and personal and lots of the people suggested that they got a room.

Gerry and Shelly were quite wasted and very horny by this point, but Dessie wasn't too high. Dessie started teasing Gerry about when he gave him Junior's top and his reaction. Gerry was just laughing at this as he thought everything was funny just now. Dessie joked "Shelly, Gerry thinks you should give me a blow job for the strip." He was testing the waters. Gerry laughed "well it would only be fair." Giggling. Shelly was a bit taken back by this.

Dessie, seeing Shelly's reaction tried to joke it off, but Gerry was so wasted and he kept saying "it's only fair." And giggling and then repeated his comment. Shelly just looked at her husband in stunned amazement. Dessie then pushed it slightly "I'm sure that a kiss is more than enough, eh Gerry." Giggling Gerry responded "Yeah, Shelly give him a kiss." Gerry was thinking that it was just harmless flirting.

Shelly thought "didn't know you were like that, well this could be fun" and then said "is this what you want dear husband" as she turn to Dessie and climbed on his lap for a fervent kiss. Soon their tongues were dancing together and Dessie was running his hands over Shelly's body. Shelly started to run her hands over Dessie's body and soon found that Dessie was about the same size as Gerry, so perhaps the BBC myths are that. Shelly was dry humping Dessie and seemed to be riding him.

As Gerry watched Shelly and Dessie get into it, suddenly he felt sick, from the drinking and pot he had been doing. Gerry ran to the toilet to be sick and then he just had to lay down, he was feeling really wasted. Someone at the party showed him to a room and he laid down and quickly fell asleep.

Dessie noticed Gerry going but were expecting him to return soon, so he really worked hard on turning her on, sliding his fingers around her tits and then down to her pussy. When Dessie tried to work his fingers up her legs, Shelly pushed them away every time, she didn't mind a kiss, but didn't want any more than that. Dessie saw one of his mates come into the room and he signalled that Gerry had gone for a sleep upstairs, Dessie thought that this was his chance. Dessie turned Shelly around and laid her on the couch, then he continued to kiss her and started to dry hump her. Shelly had already been turned on with dancing with Gerry and the pot, and this just seemed to push her closer to the edge. Dessie tried again to slide his fingers up Shelly's legs, and again Shelly wasn't interested. Shelly pushed herself up, and was a little confused, and started looking for Gerry as she was getting horny with Dessie and his advances. Shelly asked about Gerry and was told he was sleeping upstairs.

Shelly started to get up, but was a little drunk and fell back down on the couch, beside Dessie. Dessie laughed that she didn't want to leave him, and Shelly giggled at this, she said she had to go and get Gerry and go home. Dessie said that one of his friends would get Gerry and she should just wait there. Shelly just nodded and went back to flirting and bantering with Dessie, knowing that Gerry would soon be coming back and she would be going home. Dessie went in for another kiss, but this time Shelly put him off, giggling that it was too much fun, but she was a married woman. Dessie joked that perhaps for the next souvenir, he could get her dress, which again caused Shelly to blush and chuckled well she could hardly do a strip tease there. Dessie pushing it and whispered that any other items of clothing would be fine, with a wink. Shelly thought this was comical and took off her knickers, which she gave him.