So what would you do if your wife told you, out of the blue, that she had fucked one of your best friends? Yeah, I didn't know what to do or say either. It blew my mind as I stretched out next to her in bed after a pretty good session of afternoon lovemaking, but for some strange reason I was a whole lot more relaxed about it than I ever would have expected after such a bombshell being dropped on my post-orgasmic tranquility. Maybe it was because I was so drained, but I stammered and stuttered around, and looked over at her, wondering if I'd heard right. Although seemingly composed on the outside, I was falling apart inside. I felt like I'd been hit in the head with a bowling ball, like I would throw up, my head throbbed, and my heart beat like an old watch.
She just cooly announced one night as she lay there after sex and said she had to "talk". I really thought I had fucked up, you know, the old we-have-to-talk routine, but she simply said there was something she wanted to be honest with me about.
She did at least wait until we both had climaxed. I guess she felt I'd be too exhausted to react badly, and I was totally spent and incapable of anything more physical than turning my head in her direction. She gave her "we have to talk" speech, and of course, like every husband, I thought it was something I had done to fuck up, so when she confessed having fucked Jake, I was actually relieved in a way. At least it wasn't me.
"Okay," I said, too exhausted to say much else, "and when did this fucking happen? I guess you want my blessing," I said sarcastically.
"I don't need your fucking blessing," she barked, taking the aggressive approach, forcing me out of my after-sex stupor.
"Well, what are my choices?" I asked, not knowing where the hell I was going with that line of question.
"We just thought you should know," she said.
"We?" She nodded without further explanation. "Well, when did "we" do this, when did all this happen?" I asked. She said the week before, but I detected a bit of hesitancy in her answer. "So that was the first time" I asked, skeptical and suspicious of the look on her face. She nodded again, but there was not a lot of conviction to her gesture. "Not ever before that?" I knew by her expression that it was not the case. "So what did you do, fuck?" She nodded. "Anything else?"
"He kissed me," she said chagrined.
"And you him?" She didn't nod but she didn't have to. "So you made out with my buddy, fucked him, and that was the first time, really?" As if she were afraid I somehow knew more, she shook her head. "Okay, when did you two first fuck?"
"Last year," she finally admitted. "In the summer when you were in the east."
"So you've been fucking my friend since last summer? I guess I should get angry and yell and scream?"
"I hope you won't," she said timidly.
"Would you have?" I asked. "You know, I shouldn't be surprised. I should have seen it coming." She told me that they had been together at least once a week since that time. They mostly fucked, but had oral as well, spent time making out like teenagers, and even fingered one another occasionally when the situation didn't allow fucking.
"So, what do you want from me?" I asked.
"I don't know," she replied, guilt written all over her face.
"I want him here, so we can "talk", man to couple. I need to talk it out," I said with more conviction than I felt.
The next night Jake and Claire sat on opposite sides of the kitchen table, with me on the third side, between them.
"All right," I said even before either of them spoke. "I'll accept your relationship on one condition." They both looked at me. "We can break up, if that's what you want. You can move in together, if that's your plan. We can continue as we are and have the two of you exist as fuck buddies, if that is what you'd be called, if that would make you happy, but you two can have sex with one another only if I have the same freedom."
Now this is the amazing part. My wife looked at me like I had just announced that I'd been fucking her sister for a year, in front of the Pope and on television, instead of accepting her having had an affair with my old friend for the same amount of time. They both looked at each other, then at me. He looked like he'd been reprieved, she looked as if she were the cuckold. "You want to fuck other women?" she barked.