FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE
PART TWO OF TWO
~~~~~
THE INEVITABLE
I. DRAMA QUEEN
Once we were in our room, we used the bathroom, changed into robes and waited for room service. Figuring it would be a little bit, I headed to the balcony. I walked out and stood in the frigid air. It was silent except for the melody from the waterfall. Snow had started to fall again. The cold air felt good, but it did nothing to clear my head. My brain was still muddled.
As I came back inside, I heard a knock at the door. It was room service. The attendant wheeled in the cart, set the table, then in English, asked if there was anything else we needed. I replied in Russian assuring him we were fine and thanked him. Jan came out from the bathroom and joined me at the table. We ate in silence, and consumed everything I had ordered. We agreed to take a nap before dinner, set an alarm, disrobed, and crawled under the sheets. I slept fitfully, and awakened about a half hour before the alarm. I put my robe and slippers on and went back out on the balcony.
What little sleep I got, allowed me to clear my head, and I tried to think my way through this situation. I wanted to have sex with Hanna. How could I not? Besides my pure unadulterated lust for her (or would that be 'adulterated' lust?), there was the element of curiosity, and the anticipation of a new, exciting sexual experience - all lending to a considerable desire to bed the woman. But did I want it bad enough for my wife to screw Viktor? Jan, I knew, wanted the same thing I did - to fulfill a fantasy that we have both shared since we started using role-play to add to our already vibrant sex life.
Some might ask why, if you have a vibrant sex life, would you need to role-play or fantasize - or seek a sexual liaison with another couple? It's a fair question.
My reply is: Why would you need to do felatio or cunnilingus if you can satisfy your sexual desires with intercourse; why would you need to eat filet mignon if you can satisfy your palate with sirloin; why do you need to buy a faster, better equipped car if you can be satisfied with the one you have?
The answer is simple - you don't
need
to do any of those things, but life isn't just about fulfilling needs. If it was, we would all drive the same kind of practical car; live in the same kind of basic house; wear the same kind of nondescript, functional clothes. But long ago, humans advanced beyond just satisfying their needs, to seeking variety, pursuing their desires - for the new, the different, the unique, the unattainable. Otherwise, there would have been no industrial revolution, no technical advances, no conquering Mount Everest, and so on.
And desires are different for
every
person. At this juncture, Jan and I had to figure out just how much we wanted to risk, in order to satisfy our desire to expand our 'sexual horizons' to include this sexual liaison with another couple. We are both very sexually oriented, always have been. Yes, sexual satisfaction has always been important to us; we have always made a concerted effort to satisfy each other - and we have. This wasn't about satisfaction. Sexually, and in every other way, I know I am more than satisfied with Jan. I know she is more than satisfied with me.
Of course, this was a big step - going from fantasizing to realizing. Were we ready for that? At the moment, I honestly didn't know. I knew what she wanted and what I wanted, but would it be a step we could take without making a misstep, without falling over a precipice?
I realized I was freezing and went back inside. Jan was sitting on the bed, looking at the floor. I went and sat beside her.
She looked up at me, "James, I don't want to do this. Will you call?"
I didn't believe her.
She turned and looked down at the floor again. At that moment, she looked so small, so lost. Tears started running down her cheeks.
I put my arm around her, "Honey, I'm sorry. Between us, it turns out I'm the drama queen here. You had the opportunity to initiate one of our fantasies - an even better version than we had come up with, and I screwed it up. I don't know why I reacted so..."
She interrupted me, "I do, James. I do. I didn't. I didn't think of it before, but I know why you got upset. When Hanna said she wanted to 'feel you deep in her' or however she said it, I had a flash of serious jealousy. My stomach flip-flopped when I imagined you inside her, pleasing her, and her pleasing you. And I realized why. Because unlike in my fantasies, the woman was never as beautiful or desirable as Hanna. And in my fantasies, you never lusted after that woman. She was just a plaything to have fun with. That's when I realized why you got so upset. Viktor is handsome and..."
She hesitated, so I helped, "Hung like a mule," then gave her a smile.
She weakly smiled in return and answered, "yes...well endowed. But mostly, I think you were jealous of Viktor because I was desiring, lusting after another man, a flesh and blood man. And honey, I want you to know when Hanna brought up the massage thing, I thought, hey, this is like our fantasy play over the years, and now we could actually do something, do one of our fantasies, with people I believe we're equally attracted to, and in a situation that is safe, you know, while we're 'strangers in a strange land', so to speak."
"Baby, you are so right. So, the question is, can we get past this? Can we get over our jealousy? I mean, I don't want Hanna more than you. I don't love Hanna. I'm not going to leave you for her. I don't even 'need' her. And yes, she is more than just a fantasy 'plaything'; she's a real person. And all the same applies to Viktor. I think we both let our fears and insecurities get the best of us."
Jan had stopped crying and was nodding agreement.
I continued, "Look, I'm going to say it first - I want to do this. I know you want to. I'm still jealous; can't help that. I'll always be jealous of any other man you're attracted to, but I can handle it. I'm not afraid now. But I'm not saying I want you to go along with me on this. I want to know, very honestly, how you feel."
With a serious look, she fixed me with those beautiful, emerald-green eyes, "Honestly?"
I nodded, unsure of her answer.
With a quirky smile, she replied, "I think I can fuck Viktor into a coma before you can make Hanna cum so hard she pisses herself!"
She busted up laughing. Her bell-like laughter always made me feel like - like everything was right in the world. I joined her cracking up.