Thank you as always to my editor, ErikThread. I count on him to unscramble my random thoughts and reckless punctuation.
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When you've been pushed as far as you can go, anything can happen, and in all probability -- will.
Tom's Story:
"Yes, I'm considering having an affair," I answered calmly.
"How could you ... after all these years ... how could you betray me?" she asked incredulously.
"I really don't think of it as betrayal. It was more like alternative comfort. Someone I could talk to, share a few peaceful hours. Someone who won't argue or complain or otherwise spoil a perfectly good evening. It's something I've been missing for a while and I want to get it back," I explained.
"I can't believe you'd do this to me!" The look on my wife's face was one of both shock and incredulity.
"Oh come, Sarah. What do you care? We haven't made love in years. Yes, we've had sex once in a blue moon, but I would hardly call it making love when you just lie there dormant. I decided to find someone who would actually enjoy the act," I explained.
My wife began to sputter and turn red in the face and shake her head. She was apparently having difficulty with the idea that I would find someone more compatible than she.
My name is Thomas Lufton. I am a successful investment advisor, and I have made myself and my family quite wealthy over the past twenty years. I am forty eight years old. I am in good health and fitness due to my consistent attention to exercise and proper diet. I am married to Sarah Gaines Lufton, and have been for twenty-four years.
We have two children, Aaron, age twenty-two and Bonita, age twenty. Aaron will be a graduate of M.I.T. and by all accounts, is a genius. He will be a very wealthy young man if he chooses to use his intellect for profit. Bonita is still at Wellesley, studying some obscure art-history topic that will gain her no profit, and goodness knows what for a career.
In the past two years, I have found Sarah has changed. Changed for the worse, I'm sorry to say. She has become very negative. For someone who has been spoiled and who has "everything," she is not satisfied. She sees the dark side of everything and finds fault where no fault lies.
One of the things she finds fault with is me. I am forever disappointing her in some way or another. In her view, I am stupid, thoughtless, inane, forgetful, lazy, arrogant, irresponsible ... well, I could go on. You will notice that none of these faults relates to my lack of love for Sarah. I think she is afraid to broach that topic. I, however, am not.
The thing about newly acquired wealth is the removal of fear. Fear of loneliness is one that comes to mind. I can live without Sarah. I know that now. If she wants a divorce, I will regretfully grant her one. In fact, I plan to suggest it. Since she now thinks that I might seek another bed to lie in, she may indeed want to be rid of me. Her loss won't matter to me as much as I thought it would.
Sarah Gaines, as I first knew her, was a bright, lively, wonderfully attractive young woman from a nice, middle-class family in Boston. She was great company because she was so effervescent. She was never the most beautiful woman in my world, but she was the most spirited and compelling I had ever met. It was those qualities which drew me to her, and ultimately caused me to propose. Of course, she accepted.
Our early years together were wonderful. I delighted in our lovemaking.
When our children came along, Sarah proved a very capable and loving mother. She impressed me with her child-rearing skills. That they turned out to be bright, accomplished, and polite children I attribute entirely to Sarah. She was their guide and their mentor in all things. I loved them dearly, but their mother was their inspiration.
It wasn't until the children left home to attend college that I began to notice the change in Sarah. I wouldn't call it depression, but the joy and liveliness of my wife began to fade. This change in mood was never more apparent than in the bedroom. She had always been a willing and provocative sex partner. When that began to decline, I was upset.
I tried to discuss the problem with her, but she denied there was anything different, saying she loved me and always would. However, there was no denying our love life was dwindling. I lived with the situation far too long. I allowed our relationship to deteriorate, even if I was not the instigator. I should have challenged her and forced her to recognize the changes. To my regret, I did not.
As you have already gathered, our sexual relationship dwindled to an occasional perfunctory indulgence, with my ardor unsatisfied by her passive response. To put it crudely, she was a lousy lay! The question then became what to do about it?
In contrast to my implied intent to take a lover, I have a very low opinion of infidelity. It violates the marriage vows and destroys trust within the married couple. However, I was not yet past my prime. I had an active libido which was not just unsatisfied, but virtually starved. Desperate, I decided I would do something dramatic. But first, I chose to make one more try at talking to Sarah about my concerns.
"Sarah, I am very discouraged about our relationship. We seem to have drifted apart. Worse, you seem to be very unhappy with me. You find fault with me over the smallest thing and you seldom seem happy any more. Our lovemaking is so infrequent that I can't remember the last time we had sex. Perhaps the time has come to talk about our future together," I said very seriously.
