Forgiveness 21

There is no sex in this story. Just a conversation between a husband and wife about cheating.

*****

"Sit down Honey. We need to talk." I said to my wife as she walked into the house.

She had just come home from work and looked at me strangely as she tossed her keys onto the end table and put her purse next to her recliner.

"I don't know what has gotten into you but I need a shower and I'm tired. We can talk later," she replied rather bossily and turned for the stairs.

"Sit down," I said. "Our marriage is at stake."

I had been agonizing over this moment for weeks. I wasn't entirely sure that this was the right idea but I had made my decision. I was committed. Let the chips fall where they may and I would have to live with the consequences. It was time to see just how important our marriage was to my wife, to find out just how much she loved me, to find out if we would be together after tonight.

"What is so important that it can't wait a few minutes?" she said sitting down with a frown on her face. "and what do you mean our marriage is at stake?"

I drew in a deep breath.

"I have a confession to make," I said. "I have a story to tell and I need you to listen to me. Let me get through it without any interruptions. When I'm done I'll ask you what you want to do about it. Can you do that?"

"I guess so," she answered. "But this is really strange. You're starting to scare me a bit."

"Let me start by telling you how much I love you. We have had 32 years together and I love you more today than the day I married you. Our children grew up in a loving home with a fantastic caring mother. I have never once felt that you were giving any less than your best in this life we have built. You have made my life complete."

I started pacing the living room floor. This was harder than I thought it would be. I was glad our kids were grown and living on their own. I wouldn't have wanted them to hear this conversation. My guts were churning and I broke out in a sweat.

"This is so hard but I'm just going to have to say it. I cheated on you."

She started to stand, already opening her mouth to reply. Her face looked confused but the confusion was turning to anger.

"Let me finish...This happened a long time ago. I was depressed and feeling like a failure and in a moment of weakness I allowed myself to be seduced. I have felt guilty about it ever since. It's a secret that I thought I would take to the grave. In fact, I had not thought about it in years."

"So why are you telling me now?" she asked. She still looked angry but seemed to be in control of herself.

"I got some news recently," I replied. "It brought the memories back. It brought the feelings back and I realized that our marriage deserved honesty. Our marriage is more important to me than anything in the world except for the lives of our kids."

"If our marriage was so important," she snapped at me, "then why in the HELL DID YOU FUCK SOMEBODY ELSE!"

"It was a mistake. One mistake in 32 years. I don't expect you to be happy about this, but can you honestly tell me that I've been a bad husband? Haven't I supported you emotionally and financially for all of our life together? Haven't I shown you every day how important you are to me? How much I love you? How important our union is?"

"You are an asshole!" she said. From the look on her face I could tell that she was building up a head of steam and it was about to get really loud.

"A good husband?" she laughed. "I would have said so before this but now it all seems like a lie. You aren't being a good husband if you are just an asshole who is being on your best behavior because you feel guilty."

"That night was an isolated incident. It had nothing to do with our marriage. It was just a moment of weakness. The feelings I have for you are genuine. I will love you forever. I want to be with you forever. I want you to...I need you to forgive me."

"You betrayed me and you want forgiveness? You shit on our wedding vows and you want me to pretend everything is fine? You hurt me like this and you want me to stay with you?"

"Yes I do." I said firmly. "I want you to remember the 32 years that I have been a good husband and provider. I want you to balance that against a mistake I made one night over 20 years ago. I believe that although it was wrong, that the relationship we have had is more important than one night of betrayal. I want you to be my loving wife. I want you to open up your heart and recognize that forgiveness is better than anger and conflict."

"Get out of my sight. You disgust me," she said coldly. "I will be calling a lawyer tomorrow to start divorce proceedings and you can be sure I will tell the kids why when they ask."

"I love you. Can't you find it in your heart to forgive me? Can't we please let the past go and concentrate on our future?"

"I said get out."

"No chance of forgiveness then? No chance that we can move past this together? You want to throw our marriage away without giving me one more chance? Can you just think about it first? Maybe for a night? Sleep on it before you make a life changing decision?"

Something in my voice must have warned her that she might be rushing into a decision without all of the information. She did know me very well after all. I could tell she was thinking hard. Trying to figure out what I had left out. What I was holding back.

"I wish you hadn't told me. I was happy," she finally said. "I would have been by your side until I died but I can't forget what I now know. I will never be able to stay with you now, knowing your betrayal."

The anger seemed to be gone and she just looked sad now. She looked as sad as I had felt for the last few weeks leading up to this confrontation.

"Please don't give up on us," I said with tears in my eyes. "Please?"

"You had better leave," she replied sadly. "I still love you but it's over. I don't want to be married to a cheater."

I still had tears in my eyes but my sadness was being replaced by righteous anger.

"That's a shame," I said. "I gave you every chance to save this marriage. I was ready to forgive you. I was ready to ignore what I had found out even though it destroyed me inside."

"Forgive me?" she said looking confused again. "Forgive me for what?"

For a moment she stared at me. She could see my tears, but now she noticed that there was anger in my expression. Doubt flickered across her face as I continued.

"I know about James."

Her shocked expression and sudden tears confirmed my information. I had still been hoping that somehow the e-mail I had gotten 3 weeks ago with the pictures was a cruel hoax.

"I was devastated when I found out. It has taken my weeks to figure out what to do about it. I just couldn't decide."

"Wait!" she cried. "I can..."

I interrupted her.

"So I decided to let YOU decide. I decided to let you determine how I would handle things. Everything I said tonight was a lie. I never cheated. I have always been true to you. If you had been willing to forgive a single indiscretion on my part I was willing to forgive your year-long affair."

"But you don't understand," she began again. "I..."

"I am giving you the same forgiveness you were willing to give me."

That seemed to deflate her and she stopped trying to talk to me. I walked over to my desk and picked up the divorce agreement I had picked up from my lawyer earlier that day. Walking back over to her I placed it in her lap as she sat there crying and looking lost.

"I am not vindictive. It's a fair split of our assets and I filed under irreconcilable differences. You can have the house. Tell the kids whatever you want. I wouldn't damage your relationship with them."

As I picked up the keys to my truck and headed for the door she screamed "NOOOOOOOO!"

The slamming door cut off her scream and my tears began again. Driving away I thought back on our years together. I couldn't figure out why she was unwilling to forgive me for what she thought I did considering her own indiscretions. I guess I'll never know.

*****

This is not a true story. It's just another foray into my twisted mind.