Forever There Than Gone

In death I dream of you. You are beautiful and you are there and you reside in me yet like the perfect stillness of a mist that rises and rests over a calm body of water in the early predawn morning; forever there, forever perfect.

The tub you've taken was long and warm and scented and was meant to help with your uncertainties and calm your anticipation. And it did, not completely of course, but it helped.

Your long and freshly straightened black hair falls over your heavy white robe that you wear now and that provides you with warmth and comfort. You walk to our room and you sit at the end of the bed and you rest. The heat of the tub has weakened you and you feel your resolve slipping. You need your strength, and so you remind yourself that this is something that you can do, something that you need to do, something, if you're honest, that you've wanted to do for a very long time now. Please, you plead with yourself; do it. Don't back down.

The day's light has begun to fade and you realize that you have been sitting for a while now. You stand and walk to the dresser and pick up the pile of things that you placed there earlier. You carry them back to the bed. You let your robe fall open as you select from the pile the lace and silk g-string you bought just for this occasion. You slip your legs through the thin lace straps and pull them up. You feel the coolness of the fine red silk front against you. You strap on the black lace garter. You roll up your leg one of the silk black stockings, then the other. You put on your new red lace bra, it fits well and it makes you feel better and little more assured. You look amazing, but there is no one there to tell you that. You hope it's true. You walk back to the dresser and finish the glass of red wine that you started while in the tub. You place the empty wine glass back on the dresser. You put on your jewelry; all fake, of course, nevertheless it shines and it glitters and it too makes you feel good. You apply your red lipstick and dab on your perfume.

You're downstairs now and it's just slightly past the time you should have left. If you're going to back out, now is the time to do it. You look in the long hallway mirror and you're happy with how you look. The short tight black dress fits well. Your high black boots are on and you know you're ready. You put on your long black coat and take one last look in the mirror; just fucking do it, you tell yourself, and before you can change your mind you open the door to the cold winter darkness and you go.

A slight wind picks up and so you put your hand to your hair to stop it from blowing. You start to run. You hope no one sees you; but why should you care? Why would anyone possibly think you were doing something you shouldn't? But you feel like they would. You can't help it.

A black town car is parked in front of the coffee shop and a driver waits by the door. You approach at a slow walk, uncertain and scared. Good evening, he says and opens the door. You don't answer. He waits, and then you get in. The sound of the door closing behind you makes you jump.

The driver gets in and pulls the car out into the oncoming traffic. There's a fully stocked bar, he says, help yourself. You thank him in a voice you know he could not possibly hear and then you proceed to pour two small bottles of red wine into a glass. You look out the window as you sip the wine that is both warm and soothing. It helps to settle your nerves, but only just enough to stop you from shaking, which you know you must not do; for if it starts, you won't be able to stop it. You mustn't start to shake and so you put back the rest of the wine. It helps.

The car pulls up in front of an elegant and very expensive-looking hotel. The driver opens the door and as you get out you see her standing there; and she is stunning, more beautiful than you remember. Her long blonde hair is done, her jewelry, real, glitters from beneath her slightly open dark mink coat. Her 5 inch high heels make her tower over you. She takes you by the arm and leads you towards the door.

Are you okay? she asks.

You nod slightly, unable yet to speak. Your pulse is racing and you're glad she has you by the arm, leading you, as your legs feel weak and you're unsure otherwise that you could even walk.

She stops at the door and looks down. You look up at her. Baby, don't worry, she says. Everything will be okay. I promise. I'll be with you every step of the way.

You enter the hotel.

The hotel suite is large and dimly lit. You can't see anyone. She leads you through the room and through an open set of double doors. This room is even darker yet, with just one soft light spilling out from a single lamp positioned in the far corner of the room. You make out a large poster bed in front of you and nothing else. She leaves you standing there as she walks towards an empty chair and removes her coat. She comes back to you and takes your coat. She places it with hers on the chair.

From somewhere behind you comes the sound of a man's voice; put her on the bed, he tells the blonde.

She speaks to you softly; it'll be fine. She guides you to the large, high poster bed and you climb up onto it.

Again you hear the man's voice; put her on her hands and knees, he says, his voice still coming from somewhere behind you.

And so you do, you get on your hands and knees; your heart racing now even harder than it was earlier and you close your eyes to try and stop everything from spinning.

For a moment nothing happens and no one speaks and for you this seems to go on forever. Your chest is pounding. Your head is pounding. You're afraid your whole body is about to start to shake violently when suddenly he speaks again; ok, he says to the blond, go ahead.

She too climbs up onto the bed. You can sense her behind you. And then it happens; you feel her hand on your leg, it slowly moves up your leg. You feel her slowly pushing your dress above your hip, her other hand moving slowly up your other leg. Her touch feels soft and reassuring. From behind you, she gently spreads your legs apart while you stay on your hands and knees. She moves along side you and you feel her warm curving body next to yours, you feel her breasts lightly graze your back as she leans over you to softly stroke your hair. She leans closer, her mouth next to your ear, her breath warm and soft and sweetly scented; shhh, she whispers, everything's okay. Keep your eyes closed and just let me do everything. Ok? she asks. Unable to speak, you just nod your head slightly.

She lays her hands softly upon your back as she moves her body back down behind you. And then you feel her hands slide gently down your back, her nails digging slightly into your skin. It feels good; just the right amount of pressure, but not too much.

And now she is there, on her back, her hands pulling you down towards her; gently, slowly, controlling you. You can feel her pull your panties to the side and then you feel her breath; warm. You are still tentative, a little ridge and yet you feel a slight urge to push yourself down so that you can feel her tongue on you, but she doesn't let you. She makes you wait. And then finally she lets you and you can feel her moist tongue as it gently touches you, ever so slightly, moving lightly all around you; on you and then off, and then on you again. It feels good; it feels so good. You're warm now; relaxed and you can feel your own wetness starting to well up inside you, on you. You want more. You desperately want more, you can't wait, and she senses that, and yet she still won't let you. Her tongue is still there, just barely touching you, teasing you. You start to ache, badly. Your every desire is now pulsating and pushing you to a place you have never been before and you want her to fuck you even though you have only just begun. And then suddenly you feel her tongue; it pushes long and hard and up inside you and you moan. You almost cum, and then she pulls you down hard onto her face and she starts to gently rock you back and forth; then firmer and harder. Oh God it feels so fucking good and so you push down harder yet onto her face which you now feel around your wet pussy. And now she's right up inside you, eating you; eating you out. Oh fuck you want to cum so badly all over her, and then suddenly she stops; and then nothing.

She quietly removes herself from under you. And now you feel her soft kiss on your shoulder as she gently rolls you onto your back. Your chest is pounding, your breathing is heavy. She lies next to you and begins to stroke the side of your head, your hair, your neck; you close your eyes. You can smell her, smell her perfume, and it smells wonderful and soothing in such a way that it makes you feel warm and good and right about everything that you are doing. You feel her warm breath and then her soft lips behind your ear. You're calm now, your breathing settles. You feel her light kisses behind your ear and on your neck. You're completely relaxed now and ready for more. And now, somehow, she knows it too.

You become aware suddenly of her fingers on your neck, you feel the pressure, not too much, but enough, and then you feel her mouth against yours and both your tongues suddenly explode looking for one another; both hard and firm and ramming and sucking. You can taste your own pussy and it makes you want hers.

She pulls her mouth away from yours and moves her head down to your chest, she waits for you to move your bra and you do. She cups your breast in her hand as she takes it inside her mouth. Her other hand finds your other breast and her fingers begin to gently tease your nipple. Now she is firmer with it. Now she is hard; rubbing and squeezing and pinching and you arch your back, your aching returning. You moan. Your wildest desires are burning again, but not for her to fuck you, no, now you want her pussy: Oh God, you think, right now, please. Give it to me!

You can't take it any longer and so you place your hands on her shoulders and you push her up and she knows what you want and so she moves onto her back. You're on your hands and knees again, your long hair dangling down over her, her beautiful curving breasts moving up and down with her heavy breathing. You pull her white lace bra down so that her large full breast is there waiting for your mouth, you take and take it again, then you run your tongue hard around the edges of her nipple, but you can't wait, and so you take her knees which are right in front of you and spread them apart, her pussy now right in front of you; smooth, soft and waiting. You fight your impulse to go down on her, you wait, looking, and then you take your thumbs and you spread her pussy open exposing her full beautiful pink wetness. And then you do it, you put your head between her legs; your firm tongue searching and tasting and wanting. Your tongue is everywhere; down her lips, her clit, outside, inside, and she's wet, so wet and she taste so good, she tastes so amazingly good. You want more and so you push your mouth right up inside of her so that now her whole soaked pussy is all around you, she's thrusting now as she too wants more, so you push down harder, pushing, pushing, you're eating her out now hard and full and she can't take it and she lets out a low deep moan as she cums long and wet and all over you.

Just as you lift your face you feel two strong hands on your hips. At first you're caught by surprise and then you realize what is about to happen and you think that you'll be fine, you hope. Beneath you, she too knows what is about to happen and she takes your head in her hands. You look at one another, not saying anything, and then it happens; he penetrates you, and he is large and he is hard and it makes you gasp. You can tell he is a thin man with a firm middle as you feel him press up against you. He will not make love to you, you know; he will fuck you. And he does, your wetness allowing him in, deeper and harder each time he thrusts, pulling you to him by your hips. You're panting, his largeness filling you. It's slightly painful and yet it feels good and so you raise your head and close your eyes as you're pounded harder and harder. With your eyes still closed you feel her take your hand, she guides it down to herself and you slip your fingers into her; first three, and then four. And it's all faster and harder now, grinding and fucking; him you and you her. And then suddenly all of you gasp and cum at the same time. You feel him collapse against you. Nobody moves, there's just gasping and breathing.

He removes himself from you without saying anything and leaves the bed. Your arms can't support you any longer and so you ease yourself down onto the bed next to her. You lay there together and neither one of you speaks. You move your head slightly closer to her so that her hair surrounds your face. You take in her smell and you breath, calmly and quietly; content. After awhile she gets up and returns to the bed with a warm bowl of water, a wash cloth and a towel. She gently washes and cleans you and towels you dry.

The car is waiting as together you walk out of the hotel. Splashed in the hard lights of the hotel you stop at the open car door. You hug. You did just fine, she tells you. I'll call you tomorrow and we'll have coffee and figure out where we go from here. She leans forward and kisses your cheek. Get some rest, she tells you before she leaves.

In the car you lean back in the leather seat and you think to yourself; I did it. Better yet, now you know you can do this. Even more than that, you liked it. But most importantly, you'll be fine, and he won't mind, gone as he is, because now you can pay the rent; take care of the kids, and everything will be just fine.

And now in his dreams, she is not there. She is gone; forever and free. Gone.