For The Kids

This story has no sex.

Yes, I know this is an erotic literature website.

This is not as long as some of my previous ones.

This piece is one man's thoughts about a life changing event and how it affected him.

It would be great to have your comments about the ideas/concepts brought forth in this story.

As always, all comments, both negative as well as positive are appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

"Honey, we need to talk." Selma said to me as we made the car ride back home from dropping our daughter, Ashley, off at college. We are one hour into our 3 hour trip back home to Rocky Mount, North Carolina, so we would have plenty of time to talk. It would be an uncomfortable ride though.

"Yeah, I guess we should." I responded. I knew what she was going to say, "You still haven't fully forgiven me, even after 8 years. I think we need to go to counseling again. We need to be able to put that in the past and look forward to our future; growing old together, traveling, and spoiling out future grandchildren."

I had been thinking of this road trip home. I had been thinking of it for the last 8 years, since shortly after that fateful day. The day I found out my wife was cheating on me.

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It was spring of 2001. I was running some errands for work when I saw something bright yellow out of the corner of my eye. I looked and saw a new yellow Nissan Xterra in the DoubleTree Hotel parking lot. We had just bought one about 6 months before, so the yellow color caught my eye. Parked next to it was a slightly different shade of yellow, Pontiac Aztek. Our friends, Jim and Sheila Henderson, had purchased one a few months before.

"Selma and Sheila must be having lunch at the restaurant in the Hotel." I thought to myself. "I'll just pop in and say 'Hi'." So I swung into the parking lot and parked next to my wife's and Sheila's vehicles.

I walked into the restaurant and looked around. I didn't see them, but there was a table that looked like it had just had two people eating there. "They must have gone to the restroom." I thought. So, I went toward the entrance to the hotel where the restrooms were.

I waited there for about 5 minutes. "I must have missed them." I thought. "They probably were going out the hotel exit as I was coming into the other entrance." So I walked to the front and looked out. Both cars were still there and nobody was around them. I turned back around and saw my wife, arm in arm with Sheila's husband, Jim. Then Jim leans down and kisses her, a passionate kiss. They then turn to the front desk counter and return a room keycard.

I was stunned, to say the least, but I wasn't paralyzed into non-action. I made a bee-line to the couple standing at the counter. I wheeled Jim around and yelled, "You BASTARD!" as I punched him square in the nose. Blood started gushing almost immediately.

My wife gasped and I turned to her and said, "You Fucking Cheating CUNT! Don't come home tonight! I can't promise I won't do the same to you!!"

I turned and stormed out of the hotel. I briskly walked to our cars. In the parking lot there were several dividers that held trees and were filled with hand-sized landscaping stones. I picked one up and threw it directly into the windshield of Jim's car. The impact left a large dent and spiderweb cracks cascaded from it.

I jumped into my car and took off out of the parking lot. I was so keyed up that within a couple blocks I had to pull into a McDonald's parking lot to try to calm down. As I sat there, trying to relax, my phone went off. I looked at the number, it was Selma. I screamed, "Bitch!" and turned my phone off. Then I said out loud, "I don't want to talk to you SLUT!"

"How long had this been going on?" I thought. "They sure looked quite comfortable with each other. Also, they didn't look like they were trying to sneak around, their willingness to kiss while standing at the front desk was telltale enough to know that they had been screwing around for quite some time."

I had to tell Sheila. She would have to hear it from me before Jim or Selma could try to put some spin on it. I turned my phone back on, there were 3 messages already. I ignored them and called Sheila.

She was a stay at home mom that worked only parttime at the library while her kids were in school. I hope sha had today off, or at least would be able to answer her phone. I was in luck, she answered. Now how do I tell her that her husband is a cheating snake? I've always been kind of a direct person, so direct is what I did.

"Oh, hi Kurt." She said, "What can I help you with?" She was in her work mode and so that expression just naturally came out.

"Sheila, I don't know how to tell you this, ... but I just caught Jim with Selma, checking out of a hotel. They were quite affectionate, so I have no doubt they have been cheating on us."

She gasped, the said, "Not again! Well he just screwed himself to the wall!"

Wow, that was not the response I was expecting.

"Huh?" I said, confused.

"This isn't the first time. In fact, it is the third time, that I know of. After the last one I had a post-nuptial agreement made up and we both signed it. Any cheating on either of our parts meant that the cheater walks away with nothing and has to contribute to the household expenses and pay child support based on the percentage of income at the time.

He will be paying the mortgage, child support, and spousal support! He's screwed! I knew it would happen again, but he begged me. He didn't want to be a parttime dad. Well, that is what he is going to be now!"

She was pissed! However, I could tell she had thought about this, probably a lot since the first two times.

When she mentioned the kids, that made me think. Our kids, Jason and Ashley, were the same ages as Sheila and Jim's kids, Ethan and Emily. They were 12 and 10 respectively.

I knew I wanted a divorce, but I also knew I didn't want to be a parttime dad.

Then Sheila said, "How are you doing, Kurt."

"Truthfully? I'm kind of numb. I don't know what to think or what to do. I guess I'll need to talk to a lawyer, see what my options are."

"I hate to say this, Kurt, but Selma will probably get custody of the kids and the house. You'll be a parttime dad. I know you love your kids, maybe you and Selma can work it out."

"I don't know, I'm just so mad right now I can't even picture being in the same room with her!"

"Trust me, I know, I've been there. I can't say I'm numb to it, but having gone through it twice before, I am not astonished and therefore not as emotional about it. I

am

going to rake him over the coals though.".

"When he comes home, he'll probably have a broken nose. I hit him pretty hard, there was a lot of blood." I told her.

"Serves him right!" She said in a harsh tone. Then she said, more softly, "I'm sorry Kurt. I'm sure it was him that started it. Maybe you can work it out."

"I don't know. I haven't had enough time to think about it. At this point I need to start thinking of my kids, and what's best for them."

"And you, Kurt. Don't forget to take into account what is best for you."

I appreciated her insight. She had had a lot more time to think about it than I. More time to look at it more objectively.

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That was year 2001. Now it was 8 years later.

I had spoken to a lawyer. The sad truth was that unless I could prove Selma was an unfit mother, or was dangerous, or abusive to our 10 and 12 year old children, she would most likely get custodial possession of our children and I would be stuck being a parttime dad, all the while paying for the house and child support. We made about the same amount of money so there wouldn't be any spousal support, but that was a hollow victory if I couldn't be there for my kids.

So, I decided to suck it up. I would not divorce her. She said she was sorry and didn't want a divorce either. She had come from a broken home and didn't want to put our kids through that.

We went to counseling, it helped a little. I went to counseling, other than being able to speak my mind, it really didn't help much.

Three years later we were back in counseling because our marriage, "wasn't what it once was." NO SHIT, of course not. I still had trust issues. Her job didn't help with that. I was a chemist with Pfizer and she was a sales rep, also with Pfizer. She was out on the road most of the time, also going to conventions. In my mind she had every opportunity to cheat on me. How did I know she wasn't?

Obviously, our marriage was never the same. I had decided early on that the day we dropped Ashley off at college I would start divorce proceedings. Now 8 years after that fateful day we were driving home from dropping off our daughter. Today was the day. Today was the day that I would be making phone calls to talk to a lawyer.

She had said, "Honey, we need to talk." Little did she know that I had decided the "we needed to talk" 8 years ago. Now that the kids were gone there was no reason to continue this sham. I had thought about this day many times. "Selma," I would say, "I'm filing for divorce."

I looked over at Selma. She was still good looking, but the age lines were starting to show her 45 years.

"Kurt," She said hesitantly, "I'm filing for divorce."

"WHAT THE FUCK???" I thought. "She's stealing my thunder!! That was going to be me dropping the bombshell on her. Now

she

is telling me that

she

is filing for divorce?

I regrouped. "Play it cool." I said to myself.

"Okay." I said out loud, unemotionally. The expression on her face was one of disappointment. I don't think she expected my reaction. At least I had surprised her with something.

What, was she thinking that I would beg her, "NO" that we could, "work it out?" That I would try harder, go to more counseling? That after over 20 years of marriage I would not want to give up?

She looked over at me. She could see by my expression, that I felt the same way, that this marriage had died 8 years ago. It just hadn't been pronounced dead yet.

Then she said, "I've been offered a sales manager position at Bristol-Myer Squibb in Atlanta. I'll be moving there in about 6 weeks."

So, she had been planning this for a while also. I probably could have foreseen that. The last 8 years have not been perfect, not by a long stretch. It took me almost 9 months to get to a point that I could have sex with her. And that is what it was, sex. The emotional loving connection we used to share was all but gone. I know it was all me, but she had been the reason for it. The woman I loved, without reservation, had destroyed my trust. "How could she do that to our family?" I had thought.

She

had

done it to our family. It wasn't just done to me. It forever changed how our family would look at life and relationships.

That fateful night Selma didn't come home. I never asked her where she stayed, or with whom. I have to believe that, unless she felt extremely guilty, she stayed at the DoubleTree Hotel. Why not? The room was already paid for.

I know from talking to Sheila that Jim came home acting like nothing had happened. He said he tripped going up some stairs and hit his nose on one of the steps. He was already sporting two black eyes from the impact.

She told him to, "Grab your shit and get the fuck out!!" He tried to deny everything, saying, "Nothing happened!" Sheila knew better. When he tried to fight the post-nuptial I told Sheila to subpoena Selma to testify that they, indeed, had had sex on numerous occasions.

Selma had tried to deny it at first too, but I told her that if she thought I was that stupid, then we would get a divorce right away. She didn't want to do that to Ashley and Jason. She wanted them to grow up with both parents in the household. I told her, "You either confess your guilt before the judge, or we have no chance for reconciliation."

Jim was pissed that Selma had turned on him, but I told him, "A

man

owns up to his mistakes. Are you a

man

, Jim, or are you a piece of shit, lowlife scumbag?"

Needless to say, we haven't spoken to each other since. In fact, he moved to Des Moines, a transfer with his job. So, he was not even a parttime dad, he was an absentee dad. He hardly ever visited his kids.

Our kids knew there was something wrong, but they adjusted to the new normal. I was not abusive, either physically or verbally, toward their mother. I just didn't go the extra mile to show my love to her like I had before.

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"Kurt, if I thought there was still a chance for us, I would stay and try to make it work. Now, with the kids gone, it's just you and me, and you don't love me the way you used to." Selma said.

"I understand." I said. It was true, but how can a husband love a wife, like he used to, if she didn't love him enough to rebuff another man's advances?

Through the counseling sessions and discussions we had afterwards, I had a pretty good picture of what happened.

First, they were our friends, so spending time with them was natural. Getting to know them and having a rapport with them was also natural. So, when Jim stopped by one day when I was out, it was no big deal to sit and talk. Then as they were finishing up their talk, Jim had asked Selma, "Are you hungry? Would you like to join me at the Texas Steakhouse and Saloon?" That is the restaurant in the DoubleTree Hotel. The one I caught them at.

She accepted and after a half dozen times meeting for lunch, because Selma's schedule was so flexible, he finally talked her into getting a room.

She told me that it was a "forbidden thrill." It was, "only going to be one time", but once Pandora's Box was opened, and I hadn't noticed her guilt that night, it was easier to justify an occasional "afternoon delight."

"It never took anything away from you." She had said, "It was just harmless fun."

Well, that "harmless fun" lasted for about 3 months and they got away with it, until they didn't.

Even now, I don't think she understands how much that betrayal hurt me. To love someone and trust them explicitly, only to have that trust trivialized by some "harmless fun", that changes a person. That is probably why I never really recommitted myself to our marriage. Why commit to someone when they see no problem with their behavior. She probably felt that the only real problem was that she had got caught.

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Driving along the highway it was quiet, then I said, "At least our kids didn't grow up in a broken household."

"Yes, I'm happy for that." She said. "Stability through the teen years is important and they are better for it."

"I would do anything for my kids." I thought. My initial thought was to divorce her and move on with my life. We could each find someone else we could commit to, someone to love and share everything with, someone to trust.

It all came back to trust. Our kids saw that, no matter what, they could trust that when they were home everyday that we would be there, together. Stability in a sometimes unstable world, especially during the tumultuous puberty years. I was glad I decided to stick it out, for them.

The Henderson kids went through some rebellious times. With Sheila being a single mom and with an absent dad, they had a hard time of it.

I kept in touch with Sheila. We spoke on the phone about once a month or so. I had told her, since Jim was gone, that if she needed anything fixed at home that I would look at it to see if I could save her some money. If I couldn't I would give her my thoughts on whether to repair or replace. She seemed to appreciate my opinion. It was nice to see her kids too.

Our kids had been the impetus of our family's friendship. They were in the same grades so, although they lived in another neighborhood, there were plenty of functions that we would see them at.

I wish that we would never have started seeing them socially, then Selma and I would not be in this situation. However, was it because of Jim, or would it have been someone else. I'd like to believe it was Jim, that at least would allow me to have some faith in the woman I love.

I say love, not loved, because I do still love her, just not as much or in the same way as I had.

It's strange, love, how do you define or put parameters on it. There are so many types of love, probably as many as there are different relationships.

Unconditional love, however, is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Is there even such a thing? You could say you love someone unconditionally, your kids for example, but if they started disrespecting you or, heaven forbid, became physically or verbally abusive to you and turning actively negative toward you every time you interacted with them, would you still love them? What if they told you, "I want nothing to do with you, ever again!" and cut you out of their life? Would you still love them, unconditionally? Thankfully, that is not something I have to agonize about. My relationship with my children is a strong one.

As if reading my mind Selma said, "I'm glad we have good kids that love us. They have grown into fine adults and someday will make great parents, and us grandparents."

"They have." I said. They truly had. They showed respect for each of us and for others around them. They are well adjusted and I had no concerns for their future. They would move right into society, being an active part of making our world a better place to live.

As I said before, Sheila's kids had gone through some rebellious times. They seem to be straightening themselves out now though. I pray for them.

Thinking about praying for them, I started thinking about my faith. I had never been a very religious person, but when Selma cheated on me, I started praying to God. At first I was praying for understanding, then I was praying to make the right decision, since then I have been praying for strength to get through this. I know I should probably be praying for the ability to forgive Selma, but I didn't see any real contrition on Selma's part. So, I couldn't make that leap, maybe some day. It might be easier to forgive her when we no longer have to see each other every day. They say, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Maybe absence will make the heart more conciliatory.

I asked Sheila what she thought about the subject. She still has a lot of enmity towards her ex due to the fact that it was multiple times. She told me, "There are days that I don't think about him at all. That is probably the closest I have come to forgiveness. Falls far short, I know it, but fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, fool me three times just makes me look like a fool."

I hadn't been fooled 3 times, but I was fooled for 3 months. It makes a guy question his powers of observation. That is probably another reason why I had a hard time trusting Selma after she cheated on me. If she did it again would I miss it again? How would I ever know? That is why, as I sit here driving toward home, I am pondering how to trust again, not Just Selma, but any woman that may come along in the future.

"Once Bitten, Twice Shy." Is the saying. I know me, and going forward that expression would definitely be a part of my personality. Just another piece of my baggage that I would probably carry with me throughout the rest of my life.

"We'll need to decide what to do about the house and everything in it." Selma said. "They are putting me up in a furnished apartment for 6 months, until I get settled in, so I won't need any of the furniture. I may want a few pieces though, for when I get my own place."