Finding Himself

Copyright 2020, PostScriptor

Apologies to anyone who read the first 4 parts of the story, only to have the fifth part never show. I had a major hard system disk crash that took down my entire computer, and then, despite the fact that I usually have back-ups in multiple places, I lost my copy of the last two parts, 4 &5. Finally I got some smarts and asked my beta readers if any of them had kept a copy, and mirabile dictu, one of them had and forwarded it to me.

~~~ 23 ~~~

Sam was sitting waiting for me in the living room when I returned from walking Susan out to her car.

"Ted?"

"Yes, love."

"Did Susan spend last night here with you?"

"Can I take the 5th Amendment?" I responded, impressed with myself for being so quick witted.

Alas, Sam didn't seem to be quite so impressed. Women — who knows?

"Okay, I take it that means that you and Susan have been sleeping together."

"Yes. We did sleep at least part of the night," I affirmed.

"TMI," Sam said, chastising me.

"I hope that you know what you are doing. Joe was NOT sleeping with any other women," she said in a rather firm tone of voice.

"That is his loss. He moved out because he INTENDED to have sex with other women. His lack of success has no bearing on his moral position. I actually warned him against moving out to 'find himself'. And believe it or not, he gave me permission to take Susan out!" I started laughing. The irony was too rich.

"To be honest, I would have tried to be there for Susan in any circumstances, but when Joe really, really, really hurt her feelings and insulted her, she wanted — no, take that back — she NEEDED some morale boosting. Remember how you felt after your divorce? That was how Susan was feeling. So I gave her the same kind of TLC that you and I gave each other.

"But! Last night...Okay, well this morning was the last time and we'd cut it off even before you showed up this morning."

Sam shrugged her shoulders. "I just hope you haven't done something that is going to drive them apart even worse than before."

I nodded at her, but we both knew that at a certain point, there was nothing to do about it except wait and see how things turned out.

"Ted," Sam said, in a suddenly much brighter tone of voice, "It's going to be terribly hot out today. Can the kids come over and swim in the pool?"

"Absolutely. You didn't even have to ask; you guys can use the pool any time. It makes me feel less guilty about having a pool that I almost never use. But I can't get up the energy to use it by myself."

"Great; thanks! Oh, you don't mind if they bring a guest with them do you?"

"Their guest can swim, right? If so, sure invite them over too. So long as it's okay with their parents."

Sam had a look on her face that made me wonder what kind of funny secret she was hiding from me. But she took her phone into the kitchen to call the babysitter who would bring them by and drop them off.

While we were waiting for the kids to arrive, Sam got quiet in a way that I knew meant she was trying to build up the courage to talk to me about something.

"Do you remember when you offered to help support me to go back to school to improve my job skills?" she asked, when she finally worked up the nerve.

"Sure."

"Is there any chance that the offer might still be open?"

"For you? Of course. But why now?" I replied, wondering what had changed.

"There's a guy who I'm very interested in, but as long as I'm working as an escort, it's too difficult for him. He won't even think of having a serious relationship with me. We are stuck in a Catch-22 position: I can't make enough money to live with my kids without working as an escort, but as long as I'm working as an escort, he and I have no future.

"I'm desperate. I want out of my current life — and it's a good time for me to make the change, if I can afford it."

"Wait a minute," I said, suddenly having a small epiphany, "This isn't the guy who was so upset when he saw us out at dinner that time about six months ago is it?"

"Yeah," she answered her eyes suddenly tearing up a little.

Right then the doorbell rang again, but this time Sam went out to bring her kids in.

It only took about 5 seconds for the sounds of a thundering herd of elephants to reach my ears, followed by screaming children running into my arms.

"Uncle TED!! We're here. We've come to go swimming. Are you coming out with us? We brought our bathing suits..." The cacophony was music to my ears. It had been too long since I'd had children running amuck in my house!

Then Sam re-entered the room with another woman. A lovely women. A woman with blond hair, like Sam's, albeit much shorter in length. A woman with the same light blue eyes, filled with intelligence and twinkling like Sam's. A women who looked so much like an older version of Sam with her curves that there was only one possibility.

"Ted, I'd like to introduce you to my mother, Clair Collins. Mom, this is my friend, my mentor and someone who I've leaned on when times were tough for me and the kids, Ted Barnes."

I stepped forward to take Clair's hand in mine and we looked at each other eye-to-eye. We didn't say anything for a longer than usual time. I was tongue-tied. It was finally Clair who was able to speak.

"Ted, it's so good to finally meet you. Sam has told me so much about you. I hope that you and I will be friends as well."

I was finally able to break myself away from just quite impolitely looking at her beautiful face to say, "I'm sure that we will. I don't think it could be any other way."

~~~ 24 ~~~

Susan had returned home and was sitting there alone in the living room, the curtains still drawn and no lights on. She was sitting sideways on their brown leather living room couch where she often read, but this time she was thinking.

Once she had thought through everything she wanted to say and how she wanted to say it, with a smile she picked up her phone and dialed Joe's number.

"Joe? Yes, it's me. We need to talk.

"No, not here. Let's meet for coffee. You know where.

"No, forty-five minutes is too soon. Give me an hour-and-a-half. OK. See you then.

"Yes, I know. I still love you too. Bye."

~~~ 25 ~~~

Sam and the kids were out playing and having a grand old time out in the pool, leaving Clair and me with the house to ourselves. First, I gave her the 'grand tour' of the place. She was curious about why a single man needed such a large house. She also thought that the kitchen was something out of a dream.

That was where we ended up — doesn't everyone — sitting in the kitchen having iced tea at the little breakfast table that sat in its own little nook overlooking the pool. From there we could watch Sam and the kids while sipping away at our drinks.

"So anyway, Pam and I bought the place while all of our kids were still living with us, plus we wanted a guest room and an office for me as well. But to be completely honest, I've just been too lazy and complacent to move after the kids all left and Pam passed away," I explained to her.

"Well, that, plus the fact that its paid for so all I pay is my property taxes, insurance, utilities and what I pay to have various people keep up the pool and the yard. I have a lady every week who spends the day cleaning up for me. So despite the size of it, it is still the least expensive place for me to live."

I looked out at Sam in her modest one-piece bathing suit. Claire caught me looking.

"Beautiful, isn't she?" she asked, obviously proud of her daughter. I nodded in agreement.

She continued, "I'm glad you've been there to help her out since her splitting up with that, that, that," she was practically sputtering, "complete idiot who she married.

"He was a handsome devil, I will admit. And he always had that 'bad boy' attraction going for him. But they were too young and she gave up her intention of going to college, so when the marriage finally died its long over-due death, there she was, completely unprepared to support herself, much less a couple of children."

Then she looked at me a little embarrassed.

"And where was I, you might ask? Where was her mother when she needed me?

"I was stuck back east.

"After Sam's father died, years ago, I remarried. Sam was never happy about her stepfather, Kevin, and that may have even contributed to her decision to get married to the moron. Unfortunately, Sam's assessment of my ex was more right than wrong.

"Just about the time that Sam had finally had enough and was getting her divorce, Kevin up and left me one day. I came home from work and he was gone. Along with all of the bank accounts and any other valuables that he could fit into his car. The police were absolutely no help.

"They couldn't divert resources to a mere 'property crime' as a priority. So I've never recovered any of what he stole from me. The good news is that I've never heard from him or seen him since then.

"Needless to say — I lost the house and was forced to declare bankruptcy. I was living on the kindness of friends for a while until I could get back on my feet. The one thing in my favor was that I did have a good job teaching at the local Junior College. But just about the time I thought I was recovering, along came the IRS.

"It seems that my ex hadn't just been stealing all of my money; he also left me with a sizable debt in unpaid taxes. And the IRS is absolutely implacable about getting their damn taxes, regardless of the hardships that it may impose on people.

"So until a couple of months ago, I was basically broke and stuck where I was. I couldn't afford to move out here. I didn't even have enough to send anything to Sam..." By this time Claire was crying.

"You have no idea what it was like for me. Knowing that my daughter and my grandchildren needed me and I couldn't be there for them."

Claire looked back from Sam and the kids to me and reached out to take my hand.

"I can't thank you enough for being there for Sam when I couldn't be."

I smiled and accepted her thanks and thought to myself, "You better find out just what Sam has told her mother about my relationship with her."

"Let's get our suits on and join the gang out there," I suggested. "Then we can find something to BBQ for dinner and start making plans."

Clair agreed with me and we joined the wild bunch out at the pool.

~~~ 26 ~~~

When Susan walked into the coffee shop she saw Joe already there with two cups of coffee in front of him. She figured that he had already ordered her coffee for her, so she headed directly over to the small table and pulled out the empty chair and seated herself.

She and Joe silently sat and looked at each other for perhaps ten seconds before Joe volunteered, "I got your coffee for you. Its fixed just the way you like it."

Susan nodded, but didn't smile, "Thanks Joe, that was nice of you."

Joe smiled at her and then spoke, "You're looking good Susan. Thank you for seeing me."

"It's good to see you again too, Joe. I've missed you. But I've got to tell you that I'm still very hurt about what you said and the way that you just abandoned me. It was mean and selfish."

Joe looked away for a moment until he could collect himself. He had things he wanted to say, but he needed to get his thoughts organized before he started.

"Susan, I can't tell you how sorry I am about the things I said. I knew they weren't true and I was embarrassed by what I'd said almost immediately. I think that the only reason I said them to try to justify what I was doing in my own mind. I was a complete idiot.

"I suspect what was really bothering me was a sort of mid-life panic, that somehow I was getting older and missing out on life — and I laid the blame at your doorstep. But when Pami stopped by, she actually lifted the blinders from my eyes. I realized that if we were living a boring life, it was because I was boring. If we weren't out traveling or having a good time, it was because I wasn't willing to put out the effort to have a good time.

"One of the things that I need and I hope you would be supportive of the idea, would be marriage counseling to help reopen our ability to really honestly talk to each other. Which I hope will help you find a place in your heart to forgive me."

Susan nodded gravely.

"Joe, I think that marriage counseling is a great idea and I look forward to seeing how it can help us come back together the way that we used to be — when we were young, when the kids were still with us, only this time without quite the financial struggle!

"If we work at this I believe that we can develop an even better, closer relationship than we had before. But I hope that you understand there will be a number of changes as well.

"That said, I think that we have both learned things about ourselves while you were gone, so I actually don't think that it was entirely without some benefit if we view it in a positive way. Let's put the time we were apart behind us and look forward."

With that Susan reached across the table and took Joe's hand in her own.

"Will that work for you?" she asked.

Joe smiled, relieved and happy, and replied, "That will work."

Then Joe asked with a tentative voice, "Does that mean I can move back home?"

Finally Susan smiled, one of her big, all of her teeth showing smiles, "Yes, dear, you can move home."

Joe looked at her expectantly, waiting.

"As soon as you want to," she added.

"I'll be home tonight!"

~~~ 27 ~~~

Clair and I had joined Sam and the kids out by the pool where we both had gone in and done a little swimming and mostly played with the children. I always accused them of doing various nefarious things but the truth was, Sam had raised her children to be polite and well behaved.

Julia was six-years old, in First Grade, and was a small, young version of Sam and Clair. Her son, Seth, had just turned five...a fact that he quickly let everyone know and was a sturdy little fellow with light brown hair and hazel eyes. Sam and Clair both told me that he looked almost exactly like his father at the same age. They had both adopted me as 'Uncle Ted' when they had been living with me in the house with their mother.

My vanity told me that they were unhappy when their mother moved out into the apartment they were living in. I understood why Sam wanted her independence. She had gone from living with her father and mother, to living with her mother and stepfather later on, to living with her husband. She had never been 'on her own.'

We finally dragged the exhausted children out of the pool and while Sam took them into the house to dry them off and get them into dry clothes, Clair and I looked after dinner.

I didn't want to misread the situation, but Clair and I worked together so smoothly it was as if we had known each other for years. I didn't have to tell or ask her to do something or get something before it appeared in her hands. She seemed to instinctively know where to find things — plates, glasses, utensils. I was more comfortable with her over the course of an afternoon than I had been with any other woman since my Pam had passed away.

Simple was the word for our first dinner together — Clair, Sam, Julia, Seth and me. Hamburgers on buns and a salad with blueberries and peach slices, candied pecan pieces, with a raspberry-pecan dressing. Mustard, ketchup and mayo for the burgers. Lettuce and tomato slices for the grow-ups. Simple. And the rest of the Moose Tracks ice cream for dessert.

No one went to bed hungry or complaining.

The kids were delighted to find that the room they had shared when they had lived with me was in exactly the same condition it was when they left. Including the X-Box under the television...

The decision was made that Sam, Clair and the kids would stay over with me for the night. That would give the adults a chance to plan and organize for the immediate future

"Okay, ladies," I said when we finally had put Julia and Seth down for the night, "let's figure out how we are going to make this work.

"Claire, Sam wants to go back to school or for some training, where she can get a job that will sustain her and the children while giving up working as an escort. Understand that I offered to help her out with this before, but she wanted to be out on her own for a while.

"Earlier tonight she asked if the offer would still be open, and I told her yes.

"I'm telling you this, and you too Sam, because it will mean that all of you need to move back into the house here while you are doing your schooling or training. I will pay for all of your school expenses, but I can't see paying for you, Sam, to have an apartment, and I don't want you working to pay for an apartment when you should be devoting yourself to your studies.

"Now, Claire, Sam and the kids have lived here before, so they know what to expect. You've seen the house, so you know there is plenty of room for all of you."

During the afternoon Claire had told me that she had secured a teaching job in the science department at the local community college — but it didn't start until September, still a couple of months away. So I wasn't surprised when she began to object.

"Ted, we can't accept your charity. You are being very generous, but we can't be freeloaders depending on your generosity!"

I had to smile at her outburst.

"What are you smiling about? Do you think I'm being funny?" Claire exclaimed, getting red in the face, reminding me of my Pam.

"No, you're not being funny, but I was sure that your first response would be to say 'NO'.

But who said anything about allowing you to be freeloaders? I was thinking of ways that you could 'pay your way' through an exchange of services," I said with a leer.

With that the volcano that was Claire was about to erupt. I swear that steam was coming out of her ears.

"If you think that..." she got out before Sam interrupted her.

"Calm down Mom, he's just tweaking you. Alright, Ted, what would our duties be?"

"Your primary duty will be your studies. After that, being there for your children. Claire, at least until school starts, you will be head childcare giver, lifeguard, and all around supervisor for Julia and Seth. You would also help with the shopping, the cooking, and other tasks around the house. Washing your clothes, making your beds — that sort of thing."

"House cleaning?" Claire chimed in.

"No, I have a lady who comes in one day a week to do the dusting, vacuuming, all of that kind of thing."

A still suspicious Claire looked at me, "That sounds like most of what I'd be doing is really to help out Sam and the kids."

I grinned, "There will be plenty of things to do that will help me too. Plus, if you are anything like your daughter, a big part of my reward will be just having you around to keep me company.

"So is that settled?" I looked at them both and neither was arguing, which I took as assent. Even Claire seemed to think it was the most 'practical' solution.

"Good. We will move you in tomorrow."

I didn't say anything but I silently considered contacting a few friends who had offered me jobs over the past couple of years, just to arrange to be out of the house a little more.

I wanted Claire to get comfortable being in the house without feeling like I was always hovering over her.

~~~

"Sam," her mother addressed her sitting on the chair in the bedroom while Sam sat on the queen-sized bed, "Time to tell mother the truth. Just what kind of a relationship do you now, or have ever had with 'Uncle Ted'? And you know I can tell when you're lying!"

"You cannot!" Sam replied, trying to evade answering the question.

"Well, maybe not anymore," Claire smiled at her daughter, "but I can tell when you are trying to change the subject. Come on — 'fess up."

"What makes you think that I have any sort of 'relationship' — and I understand what you are implying — with Ted?"