Female Relationships

It's really hard for me, Brad Owens (no not the former governor of Washington State, the PhD journalism lecturer at Baylor, or anyone else with that name who's famous), to understand female relationships. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think so. Many of my guy friends have the same lack of perception though maybe not to the extent that I do. Maybe the female relationships that I am aware of and are important to me are bizarre, and that they are outliers and I'm not as clueless as I think? I really don't know.

Female relationships that have always puzzled me include those between my mother and two sisters (co-dependent); between two of my aunts who are sisters (love-hate); between the nicest and meanest girls in my High School class (president and vice-president of our class who worked together almost daily without rancor even if not friendly); between the captain of the cheerleaders and the cheerleader coach at Ohio State (nice to their faces, vicious behind their backs), and between Katy Perry and Taylor Swift (feud -- I don't waste any time or brain power on this latter puzzle but state it to prove my point). I could get by with the above relationships without being bothered even if they confused me but there is one that I can't; between my wife Veronica Owens and her bff Audrey Prentice.

As this story begins to my way of thinking there is no way that Veronica and Audrey should have been friends, let alone bffs. Again, as this story starts, Veronica is warm -- calling Audrey "icy" is like calling a glacier "somewhat cold." Veronica is welcoming -- Audrey considers herself superior to everyone else. Veronica usually wears casual clothes -- Audrey always looks like she just stepped out of a Louis Vuitton ad in a fashion magazine. Veronica has short blonde hair and blue eyes and is as cute as a baby Panda -- Audrey has black hair and eyes and looks either exotic or frightening depending upon one's constitution. At five feet four inches (163 cm) tall and 121 pounds (59 kg) Veronica is closer to short than tall -- Audrey is tall at five feet eleven inches (181 cm) and 148 pounds (67 kg). Veronica is fresh -- Audrey is sultry. Veronica is happy-go-lucky -- Audrey is intensely competitive. I could go on, but you get the picture.

There are five obvious things that Veronica and Audrey have in common, however; they both can keep a secret, they are both smart, they are both sexy, they are both educated (having obtained degrees from Stanford for Veronica and Harvard for Audrey), and they both keep in good shape by religiously working out at the gym usually together and by playing tennis against or with each other. It is only in this latter regard that Audrey is not obnoxiously competitive. Also in this latter regard, however, in keeping with their differences Veronica sweats as she works out in clothes from Dick's Sporting Goods, while Audrey "glows" as she works out in clothes from Vuori and Adanola, or at the very least Lululemon.

Apparently the Veronica-Audrey friendship started in third grade and despite the fact that they went to colleges on opposite coasts they stayed in touch weekly (if not daily) and were inseparable during the summers. They hug and kiss on the cheek at every greeting and each will tell you that the other saved their life twice (although keeping the details secret because they are embarrassing). They now talk on the phone or meet daily and probably text 4 or 5 times a day. They now both work for the same large multi-national company although fortunately in completely different departments.

I'm quite certain that Audrey dislikes me as much as I dislike her. Since my wife is so close to Audrey (who was maid of honor at our wedding and she was matron of honor at Audrey's) I make every effort not to bad mouth her to Veronica or to others and try to be pleasant around her. It is difficult, however, because she seems to look at me with an air of superiority because I'm just a dumb jock (I played football at Ohio State and took five years to graduate since I was red-shirted my freshman year) and because she always has comments to and about me that can be interpreted two different ways: the innocuous or kind way that Veronica interprets them, or the dismissive or denigrating way that I'm sure that Audrey means them. Audrey greets me with an air kiss, or once in a while a side hug, not the crushing frontal hug she greets Veronica with.

I also have to report that Audrey's husband Reginald Worthington (yes that really is his name -- in keeping with her personality and intelligence Audrey didn't change her last name to his when they married) is what I would, if being polite, call "an effete intellectual snob." He does have pretty-boy good looks (not the rugged, though I hope handsome, looks a dumb jock like me has) and lots of money but is very difficult to get along with even for Veronica, and she gets along with everyone.

************

My real story starts when Veronica, Audrey and I were all twenty eight years old and Reginald thirty two. Despite the fact that I was a dumb jock I had a good white collar job that sometimes took me out-of-town. Veronica almost never travelled for work but Audrey did about as often as I did. It was either serendipitous, or unfortunate (depending upon your outlook) when Audrey and I were scheduled to travel to Chicago at roughly the same time. Of course it was Veronica that put me onto that fact and cheerily insisted "If you don't have anything to do one night" (I would only be gone three) "you should look up Audrey and go to dinner with her."

When Veronica saw the disgusted look on my face that I instinctively revealed for a few seconds before I got myself under control and smiled she chastised me "Don't be like that Brad she's my forever best friend and she likes you."

I knew the first part of her statement to be true but despite Veronica's normal honesty I very much doubted the second part.

"Listen, Hon, I'm going to be busy and I'm not sure that I'll have the time -- plus we're probably staying far away from each other, you know there are more than 100 hotels in Chicago."

Not to be deterred, with a big smile, Veronica said "I looked it up on Google and the Omni she's staying at is only three blocks along Michigan Avenue from the Westin that you're at. I've already told her that you'll try to have dinner with her Wednesday night -- here's her cellphone number," she continued, handing me a slip of paper.

I fake smiled, then decided that since this would be hard to wiggle out of I might as well get a benefit from it. Humorously raising and lowering my eyebrows I chuckled "What's in it for me, little lady?"

"You animal," she grinned. "How about a snack at the Y and then a blow job."

That "snack at the Y and then a blow job" that night turned out to be me giving her two hellacious orgasms compliments of my tongue and lips, a world class cowgirl ride where I continued sucking her tits until I had to ejaculate, and then a rare visit by my cock to her dark hole after her first three orgasms rendered her almost delirious.

After the festivities as we lay naked cuddling she kissed me hard, said "You're such an animal, why do I love you so much," then fell asleep on my shoulder.

***************

After Veronica's show of affection I steeled myself to call the bitch -- I mean Audrey -- Wednesday at my lunch break from my meetings. I won't try to mimic her perfect diction and proper word choice but it went something like this:

"Hello, Audrey Prentice speaking."

"Hi Audrey, this is Brad. Veronica said that you're in Chicago tonight just like I am, and I wondered if you'd like to meet for dinner."

"Oh, how very refined of you to inquire Bradley" [to me that meant "you mean that even a Neanderthal like you can show some humanity once-in-a-while"]. "How flexible are you as to time?"

"Well, I'll be done by 6:00 p. m. and if you want to go someplace near the Omni I can come by sometime after that."

"If you would be so kind, could you come by about 7:00 p. m. I probably am expected to have a drink with my co-workers and customers around six, but would be done by then."

"Great, I'll see you at the Omni about 7 o'clock Audrey."

"Bye now," she signed off.

I got to the Omni about ten to seven just in time to see two guys escorting Audrey -- who seemed to be spaced-out -- into one of the elevators. I sprinted to the door and stopped it from closing and in a no-nonsense tone said to the two guys "Get out of the elevator, now."

[Before I go on I need to tell you one more detail about me. At Ohio State I played defensive end. While I didn't start because I'm "only" six feet four inches (194 cm), 245 pounds (112 kg), I played in passing situations and was second on the team in combined quarterback sacks and pressures my senior year. I was also in the top ten on the team in four different lifts in the weight room.]

The guy closest to me said "Who do you think that you are -- this is none of your business."

My reply left nothing to the imagination. "I'm the husband of Audrey's best friend so it is my business and if you don't bring her out of the elevator in three seconds -- for which I'll provide no verbal countdown -- you're going to the hospital."

The guy closest to me continued to mouth off while I counted three Mississippis to myself then without another word I punched him in the throat causing him to collapse. Seeing that the other guy started moving an almost catatonic Audrey out of the elevator and when he was out I took Audrey from him and laid her down on a nearby lobby couch. The guy tried to sneak away but I sprinted after him and tackled him, making sure that his face hit the marble lobby floor, and then dragged him by his hair toward the prone first guy. The prone first guy was gasping, holding his throat, lying so that he was stopping the elevator doors from closing so I dragged him out of the elevator by his hair.

A panicked assistant manager came over at that time. "Call the police and two ambulances," I snapped at him. "These two guys roofied one of your female guests.

The startled manager started to say something more but when he saw my apparently blood-shot angry eyes he pulled out his cellphone and made the call.

Once I was sure that the miscreants weren't able to get away I went over to Audrey and rubbed her head. "Hi Brad," she said in a sing-song voice very uncharacteristic of her. "What's happening?"

"Some EMTs are coming over to look at you; just rest. I'll call Veronica."

Audrey made a few other nonsensical statements before a middle-aged woman came over to us. "I'm Dr. Wooten," she said in an authoritative voice, "what's wrong?"

"I think that she's been roofied," I replied.

"Let me have a look," the doctor said as she knelt by Audrey. I moved away to give her some space and called Veronica on my cellphone. I gave Veronica a short version, she told me that she'd be on the next plane, and then the cops and ambulance arrived.

The EMTs in consultation with Dr. Wooten concluded that Audrey had been roofied and insisted that she needed to go to the hospital. I didn't argue but I took her purse except for her insurance card, which I gave to the EMTs, and made sure that they told me the name and address of the hospital.

I was perfunctorily interviewed by uniformed cops for five minutes -- who I insisted handcuff the miscreants, which they did after hearing the EMTs' assessment -- until two detectives arrived. Looking at the condition of the two miscreants the younger of the detectives started to give me a ration of shit about what I had done to them. I wasn't kind in my response.

"Change your fucking attitude immediately Cochran," I snarled using the name that he had identified himself by. "These guys roofied my wife's best friend and wouldn't release her when I told them to so they paid the price. I'm sure that you've heard of 'defense of others' haven't you? If not go back to detective school."

Tipton, the older detective, calmed things down. They interviewed me for another ten minutes, I gave them my card, the uniformed cops took one of the miscreants away while an ambulance took the other, handcuffed to his gurney, and I hailed a cab to get to the hospital.

I called Veronica in the cab and she told me that her flight was leaving in an hour and that she should be there by midnight. I gave her the name and address of the hospital. "Stay with Audrey until I get there," she instructed in the steeliest voice I'd ever heard from her, "she needs to see a friendly face."

I was not about to question Veronica's instruction and just reported I was halfway there already.

It took a little convincing for a hospital administrator to let me stay in Audrey's room but by telling the administrator the circumstances and then tongue-in-cheek with a smile on my face saying "Plus, you'll save me from my wife if when she gets here I'm not in Audrey's room. If intensity and aggressiveness were translated into size my wife would be seven feet tall and weigh 400 pounds and neither you nor I want to be on her bad side."

The administrator laughed, wrote out a "permission slip" for me and said she'd leave one for my wife at the reception desk. I thanked her, and hustled up to Audrey's room.

A nurse told me that Audrey was experiencing many of the signs of being roofied, and a blood test had already confirmed Rohypnol (flunitrazepam) in her system. Audrey was drowsy, confused, weak, had impaired speaking, and mild hallucinations. She uncharacteristically extended her hand to me when I sat down next to her. While I held her hand we spoke while she went in and out of sleep or consciousness (I couldn't tell which). In a lucid moment she did ask me if I had saved her and when I said "I might have" she replied with a smile "Modest to the core," and then shortly after that fell into a deep sleep.

The whirling dervish known as Veronica arrived almost exactly at midnight and threw her arms around me and patted sleeping Audrey on the head. After I told Veronica all of the details she kissed me with the passion of a Shakespearean sonnet then said "You are soooo going to be rewarded when we get home; your wildest sexual dreams will be fulfilled."

The sound of Veronica's voice apparently roused Audrey from her slumber. Veronica immediately went to her, held her hand and kissed her on the forehead. Their bond was so close that it didn't surprise me in the least when Audrey didn't even ask "What are you doing here?" It was understood that no matter what either would be there for the other in their time of need.

After a few minutes of hugs, kisses, and soothing words Veronica turned to me and grinned while in a diabolical voice snickered "Get ready for your meetings tomorrow big boy -- and your upcoming reward; I got it now."

I got to sleep surprisingly quickly and was almost in good condition when I met my male boss and female co-worker for breakfast the next morning. I was shocked that the cops had already talked to him.

"I understand that you had an interesting evening Brad," my boss chuckled as he put his menu down. "Tell me about it."

I related the major events while trying to downplay my exact activities but my female co-worker is as curious as a prosecutor and by the time that breakfast was over she had extracted every bit of information out of me. As we left the table my boss shook my hand and smiled at me; "I hope you do as good a job today as you did last night."

My female co-worker pulled me down to her level with my tie and said "Audrey was lucky to have a horse like you around," and despite the fact that I never saw her display any affection toward anyone, and always seemed to be stand-offish with me, gave me a kiss on the cheek.

************

It turned out that one of the two miscreants was actually a co-worker of Audrey's, and the other was a friend of his who lived in suburban Chicago. The co-worker was fired immediately and when all of the dust settled both guys spent three years in prison and settled a civil suit from Audrey that almost bankrupted her former co-worker and got more than $100,000 from his friend since he was a man of means. As part of the civil suit Audrey got a copy of the video from the Omni and saw everything that happened in the lobby, and of course related it to Veronica.

Also, Audrey's ex-co-worker had to have plastic surgery on his face and his friend had to have reconstructive surgery on his vocal cords.

Veronica was true to her word. The weekend after Audrey was fully 100% recovered Veronica left me talking in tongues. She must have read up on ways to sexually please a man because some of the things that she did to me I had never heard of before -- but boy were they enjoyable.

More important to this story there was a sea change in the way that Audrey treated me. The weekend after we got back although she was not quite 100% yet she came over to our house, threw herself at me, and uncontrollably sobbed into my arms for a good five minutes while Veronica patted her on the back. She was embarrassed that her leaking mascara might have ruined my shirt but Veronica and I convinced her not to worry about it.

After a thousand thank-yous Audrey finally left. Despite the fact that it was not yet the occasion for my reward, Veronica and I had an all-time nooner before we exercised together that afternoon and went to a play that night.

Since that night at the Omni, every time that Audrey sees me she greets me a frontal hug -- no more side-hugs -- and a kiss on the cheek -- no more air kisses. I try to always be nice in return. While until a later event I still wouldn't say that I really liked Audrey I did like her much more than I had -- but I was disturbed by her tight hugs since unobservant dude that I am I hadn't previously noticed how prodigious her tits were. When they were crushed into me I couldn't help notice.

Although I thought it impossible, after the "Omni incident," which is how we referred to it, Veronica and Audrey got even closer. Audrey seemed to be over at our house all of the time but I never resented it because now she no longer made the dual-meaning comments that I interpreted as being unfriendly toward me -- in fact, just the opposite.

************

The next major event in our lives was when Veronica got pregnant, about a year after the "Omni incident." She and Audrey were both excited. Audrey wanted to come with us to Lamaze classes but I put my foot down on that scenario -- just me and Veronica, although Veronica insisted that Audrey be in the delivery room.

Our baby girl Denise Audrey Owens -- Denise is my widowed mother's name and is one Veronica has always liked (she didn't like her mother's name of Gertrude), and the Audrey part is obvious -- was the cutest little thing I had ever seen in my life. Audrey appeared to want to be her third parent, but wisely deferred to the grandmothers otherwise there could have been a bloodbath.

It was when the grandmothers had left to go back home, about three weeks into Denise's life, when Veronica suggested that we go to a resort for a few days. That really confused me since a resort is hardly a place for a baby, but this resort included detached cabins on a beach as well as an eight story main building, se we rented one of the cabins.

At that point in time, despite the joy of having a new baby, I was suffering. The last six weeks of Veronica's pregnancy had been difficult so no sex, and she wouldn't be cleared for vaginal sex for at least another six weeks. After being used to sex at least four days a week, with some super-events on weekends, I was as horny as a three-dick billy goat.

When we got to the resort I was surprised to see Audrey in the next cabin over. She didn't really significantly intrude on our time but it was still slightly uncomfortable. When I inquired about it with Veronica she said "I thought for sure that I told you that Audrey would be here, Brad. If I didn't I'm sorry, but she really needed a vacation -- she has been under lots of stress lately."