Welcome to this next story. This is my followup to my followup to KitDeLuca164's followup of GeorgeAnderson's story. We're in too deep and if you hate the FS multiverse and keep on reading them and mine that's on you.
With that said, thank you all for coming in to satiate your curiosity. I promise I took my time with this one. And to be honest, imma take that "our" criticism more to my grave more than anything else that could have been said in The Umpteenth One.
I think this will be my last venture into the FS multiverse, at least in terms of what I write. Maybe I'll upload an audio of my reactions to the comments in my last story. Thought that would be fun and maybe put myself on here more. Lemme know what you think about that.
And yes, you do have to read GA's original...
and KitDeLuca164's...and my last one...in order to understand this.
But as is, this is my final literary project regarding these two. So to Jim and Linda; Jinda if you will. This is my swan song to them. So without further ado, let's get into it!
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"I was thinking, when winter's over, we could rework
our
garden." She let out a happy sob, as she reached out for him again. "What?"
"You said our." She smiled and kissed him again. Looking deep into his eyes, she spoke the biggest truth she knew.
"I love you, Jim."
"I love you too, Linda."
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Jim and Linda had come a long way. A very long way. Longer than most couples in their situation could ever have gotten. It wasn't easy. Holy hell was it not. And in certain ways, it was still a struggle.
Was it the same now that Jim forgave her? No. Neither of them were naive enough to believe in 'same' anymore. The Jim and Linda that existed now, were different. Experienced. Scarred by an event, hurt by words, and traumatized by the events, they were stronger now for it.
Jim accepted this new position in his life. He and Linda were still separated, but they both often saw each other as much as possible. Whether it was as a family outing and dinner, to lunch breaks, to little dates between them once more, they were both putting the work into this new relationship.
Linda wished they could hurry up and live together as a big family once more, but knew and understood these things took time. She most certainly wasn't going to rush Jim into anything again for a long, long time.
But the desire to wake up next to him, their children rushing into their room to wake them up, was the memory she wanted to relive most of all. But alas that would have to wait.
She was happy Jim had forgiven her. But if anything these last couple of years have taught her is that she was not a good person. At least, she didn't feel like one anymore. This crisis had really left her with traumatic stress regarding her perception of herself. She had come to grips with what she did to Jim was terrible and looking back, would never have done it in the first place.
But now came the journey of forgiving herself. Jim, her strong and merciful Jim, had taken her back with open arms. She was over the moon that he loved her and proclaimed that love to her daily once more.
A part of her felt undeserving now of that love. She had been waiting for a punishment that wouldn't come. She was hung over her own words. How could she have turned on Jim with such vitriol. Worse, the constant comparisons she had done.
She often dreamed of other ways their life could have turned out were it not for the exceptional man her Jim was. Nightmares would plague her mind of different scenarios in which things could have gone differently for them because of her actions.
From a permanent divorce, to being in an accident and not being saved by him, taking the kids with him and never seeing them again, or him coming after her in violent ways, these nightmares wouldn't let up.
Linda was doing her best to make amends with him. But deep down she felt she deserved worse. She wished to be back in her and Jim's marital bed. He would hold her and soothe her fears away with his words and actions.
It ate at her, and she found herself caught in moments of self doubt and questioning about her own image. She loved Jim deeply, but needed to find a way to kill the part of her that was capable of hurting him in such an emasculating way.
On their next date, she spoke to him about this. The Linda that kept secrets from him was beat away so this new and improving one could build a better foundation in this new relationship with Jim.
"I'm scared Jim." She laid her head on his chest. "I will never do that to you again, but I also don't want to go after you the way I have." She kissed his chest. A habit she'd taken on since getting back together was remembering every bit of him. His scent, his flavor, the feel of him. She'd lost him once already and was going to take in as much of him each time. Who knew what could happen?
"Linda, I've already told you that I forgave you. We're passed it." He assured her.
"I know you have, baby. The problem is me. I keep expecting the worst." She admitted to him. "I know you've forgiven, lord knows more than I should have." She stroked his chin. "But the things I said and did to you. They weren't normal, Dear Jim." He recalled her words too well. It panged at his heart. But she was putting in the effort to better herself. "I don't want to do that. Never again." She kissed his lips.
Most husbands, to keep the status quo, would say something simple like 'then don't' and leave it at that. Why complicate things when they were at a good standstill. Old Jim certainly felt that way in many ways. However, after everything they've been through, simple was not something that could be taken at face value. Jim listened. This concerned his Linda and he wanted to help her. For both their sake.
"I think." He thought hard about this. "You're a very defensive person when in the wrong. You got very heated with me when I couldn't accept it, and when I wouldn't and wanted out." Linda nodded, looking down in shame. God, she was terrible to him. "But," he lifted her chin and let her look at him. "You're trying not to be like that anymore. And I appreciate that." She smiled and sobbed.
"Thank you. What can I do for you?" She asked.
He recalled how hard he'd tried to put their family back to normal when he came back after her ultimatum. Trying too hard was not the same as putting in the effort, something her threat didn't give them the chance to. It would be vain, guilt-ridden, and fake.
"You don't have to try so hard, Linda." He offered. "I see you." Taking her hand in his, he kissed the inside of it. "If this haunts you, we'll figure this out together." Inadvertently, he struck another chord and she was quick to tell him then and there too.
"Thank you, Jim. I'm sorry I wasn't there to support you. I should have. At every turn." And now here he was, helping her heal in turn.
"I think we should find something to do as a couple." He recalled what Ellen told him. Specifically about her maintaining spice in their sex life. This peaked Linda's interest. "Something more, just between us."