Feb Sucs Details Matter - Alt Ending

KitDeLuca is one of my favorite authors, and wrote a fabulous alt-ending entitled "February Sucks - the Details Matter," which is of course a permitted sequel to George Anderson's famous story "February Sucks." She gave me permission to write a sequel to her story.

Why?

Kit wrote the story from Linda's perspective and examined the drivers behind potential infidelity and the emotional turmoil for Jim in trying to manage the emotions of a betrayed spouse as he worked to keep his marriage and family together.

KitDeLuca's story really hit me when she wrote how Linda was "sorry but not regretful" and near the end of the story during an argument Linda, the adulterer, said she had "too much self-respect" to put up with some of Jim's accusations. So I asked Kit if I could write an alternate ending to her story.

Likely many readers will argue the difference between "sorry" and "regret." Have at it. It's my version of the story, and it doesn't mean Jim or Linda are right or wrong in their views. After all, they're human albeit fictional people.

My account has some financial transactions those in the field may argue technically, as well as some legal assumptions others may take issue with. Please friends, this is fiction. This account also is not RAAC, so guess where this is heading...

Kit's story picks up about 9 months after the February "Big Dance" for Linda and a reconciliation between Linda and Jim. My introduction:

Linda's "Big Dance" with the infamous Marc LaValliere was the prior February, followed by the upheaval in Jim and Linda's marriage, her remorse, and their eventual reconciliation. However, while avoiding a divorce in the summer Jim still had emotional issues plaguing him, visions of Linda and Marc's immorality and infidelity, while LInda was beginning to look back and reminisce the passion, thrills and emotion in graphic detail. She even wrote it all down in a lengthy, graphic diary entry on her laptop.

But as much as Jim wanted to stay in the marriage and with his children, he continued to struggle controlling his thoughts, at times even spiraling down into the abyss.

Jim recalled how LW recommended he invest in Linda completely in spite of how cruelly she hurt him. To Jim all this did, it appears, is let her off the hook, letting her get away from it. She healed because she wasn't the one who got hurt - it was Jim. "And her impatience with me is my fault?"

Yet now he sat in his car on the precipice of a life-changing decision, the ultimatum his wife had given him: Come home, or divorce.

Linda's rant last night over the phone spilled a spiteful and hurtful review of her sordid unfaithful pleasures with Marc LaValliere all over Jim's emotions - and in detail. True, Jim had wanted more detail, but to have it delivered in such a cruel manner was stunning behavior toward a loving husband who was just trying to come to grips with the situation.

He admitted to himself that he'd never really get the answer to 'why,' but felt from Linda's rant last night over the phone that he now knew all the details and could start to move on.

But moving on, according to his wife last night, was

her

ultimatum of instructions of either him moving to a hotel and divorce, or coming home never to bring up her affair again. Of course, that was in so many words because her other words were exceedingly harsh and hurtful.

He started the car and pulled forward, not to the hotel, but into the driveway of his home. "

My

home," he thought. "It's time to forgive Linda and rebuild this marriage once and for all."

For as the expression goes, "forgiveness doesn't make the other person right, it just makes you free."

As he pulled into the driveway he experienced a flashback, one of those scenes that appear in one's eyes so briefly so as to not ever have been there. But even with the brevity of the mental scene, so briefly vivid, it required a little thought to put meaning to it. But as he put the car gear into park it hit him: the flashback was of watching Marc's car pull into his driveway that fateful morning.

"Shit," he thought. "Will I ever be able to get past these scenes in my mind? Maybe it wasn't a good idea to know all the details. But I'm damned if I know them, I'm damned if I don't." As he sat and reflected on his quandary one of Linda's statements made in her rage last night came back to mind. She said "I have too much self-respect to ever have to put up with the demeaning bullshit that just came out of your mouth" after which she gave him the ultimatum to forgive her and "all that entails."

"Whoa, wait a minute here" Jim thought. "Wait just a doggone second. That statement pissed me off but before I could respond she interrupted me and kept screaming more insults, calling me a "tormented, bitter, moping roommate." How

dare

she accuse me of that after

all

that she did!"

Jim sat in his car and replayed that entire conversation with a sudden mental clarity. He wondered "how did I not see this before? What just happened so that my mind is so clear?" It was as if a huge amount of energy had been released all at one time. The tremendous energy that had built up from his effort over the past nine months in trying to somehow accept the unacceptable had suddenly been released like the air deflating from an almost overfilled balloon.

Jim's mental clarity brought his reasoning into equilibrium where he now felt in complete control of his reasoning capacity, now immunized from false reasonings, unfair accusations, self-doubts and self-loathings. He realized the 'old Jim' was back, no longer to be whipsawed back and forth with mental gyrations and uncertainties.

Sitting in his car, now calm and relaxed, he smiled the first sincere smile in a long time. Then he reached into his briefcase and pulled out a notebook and wrote out as much as he could remember of Linda's recent comments word-for-word, then sat and looked at it.

Linda had seen Jim pull into the driveway, actually relieved at the sight. Her conscience was bothering her about the fight they had late last night. She knew this entire situation and Jim's anger was all her fault, but in her own hurt of herself she turned the fault back on him and belittled and demeaned him. "How could I have done that when all I had to do was answer his questions, as difficult as it was to fill-in the details? How will he get closure if I throw it all back on him?"

Last night she had seen the caller ID and knew that it was Jim calling, and it was just after she finished writing in her journal and graphically reliving the sexual moments with Marc. She was in more of a pleasurable mental and emotional state at that very time when Jim called and desperately needed reassurance, sounding defeated and sad as ever.

But this had tried her patience, or more accurately, or more honestly, it had interrupted the emotional bliss she was in after concluding those hot memories in her journal. Consequently in her effort to at least appease Jim she provided false comfort when she actually pleaded with him to "please let me keep this memory" and further emphasized the request with a second "

please.

"

Wrong time plus wrong words equaled Jim's fury reaching through the phone. True, she had withstood his anger several times over the past nine months and this should have just been one more on the road to his recovery and repair of the marriage she wanted to keep. Yet her tsunami of emotion, partly from reliving her wonderfully adulterous time with Marc and partly from her frustration of just wanting Jim to get over it - as unfair as she knew she was being - led to her rage of vicious hurtful words to Jim, spitefully hurled through the phone, of the detailed sexual acts her lover performed on Jim's wife.

How could she have expected any other reaction from Jim than to hurl hurtful words back at her? Yet, she had only poured fuel on the rage of his fire by calling her long-devoted husband a "bitter, moping roommate." She now questioned the wisdom of her ultimatum of either coming home and putting it all behind him, or going to a hotel followed by divorce.

In reality, she admitted to herself, it was unwise to put her husband in such a bind. After 10 years of marriage she knew how self-assured he was, or at least had been. He made friends easily, and was handsome, charming and attractive. Linda wondered if she had gone too far and pushed him over the edge, if she had lost him, because she knew if he made up his mind either way there would be no going back.

As she continued to peek through the curtains looking at Jim sitting in the car, she recalled months ago how she told him "Hard things always bring out the best in you. They always have. You may not see a way forward now, but I'm betting my life that you'll find a way that will work for both of us."

She mused "Did she still believe that? Jim always came up with solutions, he was so good at that. And isn't that why he came home to us rather than head to the hotel?"

"But why has he been sitting in the car so long? Isn't he going to come into the house? I'll hug him and kiss him and tell him how sorry I am for what I said last night. I'll tell him I'll do whatever I need to make it up to him."

Linda became ever more anxious as she peeked through the curtains with mixed feelings - happy that he came home instead of going to the hotel which would represent the end of their marriage, but unsettled at how long he had been sitting in the car.

As Jim looked at his notes recollecting the prior night's conversation he thought of how words spoken in rage and anger are similar to words spoken when drunk. "In vino veritas." In many cases they're the truth, the raw underlying feelings that so often go unspoken when sober, which are normally suppressed by a clear head as socially unacceptable to any relationship.

His mind was going in circles trying to understand that if he was the one cheated on, embarrassed, cucked, humiliated, even emasculated - then, how is anything he

says

any more demeaning than her outright willful cheating? "And what right does she have to tell me that my bitterness and torment and pouting is wrong and childish? And who is she to make the demand to either return to her or divorce? That's

my choice!"

Perhaps it had taken him these nine months to try and repair his marriage for things to start to settle into the right places in his mind, permitting his subconscious to reason on different parts of his emotions, letting the background of his mind begin to put all the emotions in proper order.

Now his one clear thought was that Linda's actions showed she considered her own enjoyment and needs as more important than her husband's. It wasn't a marriage of equals anymore. And her insulting and demeaning words last night said in anger had revealed her true underlying feelings, that he is not as important as her own feelings, needs, and wants.

This led to an important question. Jim asked himself, "So if that's the case, why did she go so far as to threaten me with divorce?" He picked up his pen as he remembered the exact words she said: "I won't spend another minute with a man that loathes me."

"Loathe her? How could she possibly think that after me remaining with a cheater after nine months! She fucked outside of marriage, got over it quick, and doesn't see the efforts I've been making to wade through my feelings? And accuses me of loathing her?"

"Wow," he thought. "She creates the problem that affects so many people, then refuses to work through the emotions of the people she hurt? That's just more of the selfishness that led to her leaving with that asshole!"

She may have been sorry, but not regretful.

After a few more minutes of meditation it occurred to him he had been sitting in the driveway for quite some time. He also realized that his wife's underlying attitude toward him would not likely recover to pre-adultery form. It was as if the pleasure she received in the arms of her adulterous lover awakened Linda's true nature - at her husband's expense.

As his head cleared it occurred to him that to know someone's character one must remove their emotions from the evaluation.

"What was her true nature? If she could do this, did I really know her? If she went with Asshole before, would it be easier to do it again if the opportunity arose?"

Even if he gave in to her ultimatum of coming home rather than going to the hotel and ending the marriage, they would not be the loving couple of the past. Of course, it might really work for Linda who would have happy memories of her infidelity while reaping the benefits of her husband's work and so-called 'love.' But this would be at Jim's constant emotional expense psychologically, emotionally, socially, and even professionally.

Could he really live with himself like that?

What about the kids? Jim knew that children see and feel things that parents don't realize, but the kids will know there is less love in the home, that their parents are not the same with each other despite the words and smiles. So will it be any different if there is a divorce? Jim asked himself, "do I want the kids to see a weak father - or - one with his self-respect intact?"

And now, she was awaiting him to come into the home and supposedly give in to her demands? "She probably knows I'm out here in the car instead of having headed to the hotel and divorce. To risk saying what she said last night, I'm sure she's ready for a divorce, perhaps has been expecting it, and might be steps ahead of me in planning it."

Jim's mental clarity was crystal clear now. He immediately knew the outline of a plan to retain his self-respect, regain respect from friends and family, and be the example of a good father to his children. There would be a cost to this plan for everyone - himself, LInda, the children, family and friends, and even financially. But he did not incur the cost: Linda did.

And while some of those affected will disagree with him and perhaps even blame him, in the end, in the long-run, playing the long-game, it will be clear that none of this was his fault or was instigated by him.

Life's lessons began to pop back into his mind. As a man you either find a mission and attack to be on the winning side, or else capitulate and find a distraction and stay lonely and broke and with no self-respect. Play by other's rules, and you'll lose. Strike first or get struck. Appear virtuous and wear the mask of kindness, but never hesitate to be brutal when the situation demands it.

His plan became clear: Be strategic, be happy, and be deceptive while getting all the information he needs for the tactics to protect himself and the children and his assets. There cannot be a reconciliation, certainly not at all costs, for he had suffered enough and now was being blamed for his feelings. Everyone will suffer somewhat, including the kids, but they'll grow up to see their father as a loving but strong man, dependable and reliable for them, and in-time as they grow they'll come to know the truth, that it was their mother that caused their pain.

Linda saw the car door open as her husband stepped out. She smiled as he pulled his luggage out and walked up to the door. As Jim walked in she cried out "Jim, you're home! I'm so happy!" and ran up to him with a big hug, then looked at him, seeing clear eyes and a smile when she felt his arms pull her to him with a loving kiss.

As he was kissing his wife he realized how easy it was to enjoy some female attention once his mind was clear, once it was made up. This kiss was the start of the rest of his life, of his plan for the redemption of his manhood, his masculinity, his dignity.

As the kiss ended he looked at his wife and said, "My love, this is the start of the rebuilding of the rest of our lives" and smiled at her. Linda certainly did not know the true meaning of his words but took them at face value as if her husband had given in to her demands and replied "oh honey, it will be as if nothing ever happened between us!"

It was all that Jim could do not to choke at those words. Linda felt Jim's chest heave at her statement and asked him if he's alright. Jim responded with the lie that he was choked up with happiness and wondered if the kids were home, so Linda invited him to go with her to pick them up and eat out as a family.

He agreed, but said "First things first Linda" and picked her up and carried her over his shoulder as she wiggled and gasped as he took her up the stairs and tossed her on their marital bed. Linda's face was shocked and uncertain as her husband removed his necktie and leaned forward to kiss her.

Their tongues slurped together, deeply, where their mutual passion and perhaps sexual needs hungered for release at any cost. Linda felt her husband's strong arms pull her arms above her when she felt the silk tie being wrapped around her wrists tying them together. Before she knew it he had secured the tie to the headboard and scooted down to her face again.

Gently placing both hands on the sides of her face she could feel her husband's breath against her cheek as he slid his lips once again over hers. Linda parted her lips and their tongues began their dance once again. Linda's emotions were beginning to take over, the realization her husband came back, of how strong and attractive her husband was, of how firm his actions just now showed his desire and love for her.

The assertiveness Jim used in taking his wife to bed upon walking into

his home began to flow through his bloodstream, seeming to fill his muscles with strength and virility as he carried his wife. Her gasp of surprise, her whimpers as he took the steps upstairs, all served to give rise to a hunger he wanted to satisfy. Yet while his blood pulsed through his veins with hot desire he also was acting according to a plan gestating in his mind.

Yes, the plan included getting as much of his physical needs met as he could while working the rest of his plan, but in a way that his disloyal wife would misinterpret. "Don't rely on loyalty, manipulate it" he was once told by an old mentor. Yes, it would be mutually satisfying but in the end would make her realize what she gave up nine months ago.

As their lips parted Jim raised his head and was sitting up with his legs on both sides of Linda's hips. As his hands left the gentle caressing of her face and slowly edged down her neck to her shoulders she felt her skin flushing, the light touch generating a current of electricity right to her brain.

The strong hands rested on her shoulders as she drank in the emotion flooding her brain when suddenly the hands grasped the collar of her blouse and ripped it open violently, buttons popping and flying onto the bed! Her eyes opened wide at the shock as her husband reached around her back and unsnapped her bra, then yanked it off her shoulders.

With her bare breasts exposed, naked to the sight of her husband's intense eyes, her nipples hardened and extended and betrayed her excitement, her chest heaving as she tried to breathe. Jim lowered his head and began kissing and licking and sucking her breasts.

Beginning that night Jim began to enjoy the marital intimacies that are the right of committed spouses. After all, he was certainly committed to a plan with his spouse, for as long as she would be his spouse. And with his clear head and a clear plan he was able to simply focus on the enjoyment of sexual satisfaction and companionship.

However, while Linda accepted her husband's seeming submission to her demands, she was unaware of the detailed planning he was making outside of the home.

Over the following days and weeks homelife appeared to go back to somewhat normal routines between the kid's schooling, work, housework, homework, and family dinner conversations were more animated. Even the children seemed to feel things were happier with their parents.