I knew where the camera shop was in town, I had bought several cameras from them over the years. However, the last couple of cameras I had bought on the Internet to save money but neither of them turned out quite what I wanted. I learned the hard way that if you didn't quite know enough about what you were buying, it was better going to a specialist.
"I am about twenty minutes from the town centre," I told Gordon, "meet you at the shop, the one at the top of the High Street, isn't it?"
"That's the one," said Gordon, "See you in twenty."
Before I forgot, I booked the appointment for Adrienne at her hairdressers. Maisie's credit card paid for the works: hair cut, colour, nails, full scrub and make-up for the afternoon before her big date with her idiot wayward husband. I didn't do this for him, although he was going to get the benefit, I did it for his lovely wife, who was now guaranteed to be even more knock-out gorgeous than ever on the night. Once we've added the right dress and underwear, she was going to look absolutely fabulous. I wanted her to be so fantastic that she would have a real boost to her confidence, turn every male head in that restaurant and teach Gavin he could easily be losing her if he didn't shape up and take responsibility for his family. I sent Adrienne a quick text giving her the booking times. I got a heart in reply, that was a first for me.
I was five minutes late getting to the photography store and Gordon was already checking out what they had available to hire.
"How much you wanna spend?" he grinned, after looking up as I entered the musty shop and rang the bell under the welcome mat.
"I want the best, so the sky's the limited, Maisie's paying."
"Thought as much," Gordon said, spreading his arms to the kit spread out on the counter, "You are going to need all this, my friend".
"Gosh!" I said, perhaps rethinking how high the sky was, I had already maxed out one joint credit card and I had a fair idea that shopping with Adrienne would max out the second. "How much does this lot come to?"
"£220, for hire for the week, including these lenses and extra memory cards. I worked a special deal with Max here."
Behind the shop counter, Max looked like a wrestler, he had visible tattoos on his forehead, neck and arms, so I guess he was covered in them. He smiled, displaying a mouth filled with what looked like an elephants' graveyard, held out a hand and crushed mine - and I had hands that could undo wheel nuts!
"Been there myself, man, I caught the bitch red-handed. I'm still making dough from putting her sex video on-line though, so if you need any help there, fella", he growled through his yellow teeth.
"I think I've got that covered," I grinned, "But I'll let you know if I have any difficulties."
"You do that," growled Max through his ivory tombstones, "I have sommat else to show you over here."
Further down the counter he had a sign up saying 'Home Security'. Big Max menaced his way down the counter and turned under the sign.
"Here!" Max said.
Gordon and I followed his command, recognising the alpha male when we saw him. He reached under the counter and pulled out a medium-sized box. He pointed to the upside down pictures on the box as he explained.
"Three pinhole cameras which have limited pan and tilt, and auto focus lenses which work great in low light. They are motion-sensitive so they don't come on until someone comes into the room and they turn off if no activity for a few minutes. Any idiot can easily connect them to lighting circuits for power or use a battery pack connected to this transmitter box. They don't record on tape in situ but send a streaming signal to the HD of your PC," Max explained.
"What about a Mac? I don't have a PC."
Max stared me in the eye with a look that could melt glass, put the box away under the counter and rummaged around for a full minute before pulling up another very similar box.
"As I was saying, sends a signal to your ... Mac. You can pan, alter focus and zoom from distance. This should work with your Airport Extreme, range about 500-750 feet, depending on how much ferro-concrete is in the way. I sell a lot of these babies. Take it home and try it out. That'll be £299, or £249 with Gordon's discount."
Thank goodness for Maisie's excellent credit rating, I thought. Max had no problem with the name on the card when I told him it was her card. Have you ever heard a grizzly bear laugh? It's funny, yet somehow particularly disturbing at the same time.
We were both pretty laden down with photographic goodies on our way back to my van. I needed to talk to Gordon about my intentions.
"Time for a coffee before you go back to the bank?" I asked.
"Sure, I've taken the rest of the afternoon off, remember?"
We went to a small cafe, well off the High Street. It was quiet. I hadn't had anything to eat so far, so I opted for a baked jacket potato with cheese and beans. Gordon was good, he said, he had taken sandwiches to work for lunch.
"You know earlier I said the S would hit the F?"
