Exploring Swinging

Hello to all you couples out there who are curious about the swinging lifestyle and what really goes on at a swing club party. My name is Ann and my husband’s name is Jared. We wanted to write a REAL account of our experiences at a swing club. We don’t know how erotic this story will be… it is actually intended to be informational more than erotic. Most parts of this are written from my point of view, but some are from Jared’s.

THE DISCUSSION

Jared and I have been together for almost seven years, and begin talking about the swinging lifestyle about three years ago. We read every story and article we could find on the subject, and at one point even got our hands on a swinging magazine. All we can say about 90% of the information we got is EWWW! For instance, one article about a swingers club near us stated that there was on on-sight daycare facility available, and when the daycare provider wasn’t watching the kids, you could find her swinging on the pole in the ballroom. Ok… who would leave their children in a situation like that???

Several stories we read were about couples who went to a swing club party for the first time and ended up in the orgy room, or having lesbian or gay sex, or at the very least doing a full swap. These stories talked about porno movies playing continually on a big screen TV in the background, and strippers (female of course) abound. These articles and stories would lead you to believe you could be sitting and having a drink with your spouse, and at the next table, someone could be having sex. (Sorry I spilled your drink!). So, we kept reading this crapola and thinking, ‘this can’t be right… this can’t be what most couple like us find erotic and intriguing about this.’ Our thought about the whole thing was that it would be a sexually charged atmosphere, like an intimate dance bar, where people would feel free to kiss and do a little dirty dancing, but where everyone was basically there to have fun. No strippers, no porno movies 10 feet high on the wall… just an intimate and sexy atmosphere with couples around our age. (We are both around 40). We finally got our courage up and decided to go and see for ourselves.

We learned some things in our reading, and we found there are two types of clubs. On premise and off premise. On premise clubs own the building where the parties are held, or they are held at someone’s home. Alcohol may not be sold at these functions, but you can bring your own. These clubs are much more open and blatantly more sexual than an off premise club. Many have orgy rooms, rooms where couples may be together while others watch, or you may watch couples. This type of party did not appeal to us, so we chose an off premise club.

Off premise clubs hold their parties in public places such as a hotel ballroom. The club we chose was started in 1969, and still had some original members. They met twice a month, always at the same hotel ballroom. This club appealed to us for several reasons. First of all, in a public place like that, we knew the atmosphere would have to be restrained: there would be no porn movies or people having sex at the next table. The web site stated that a cash bar would be available and DJ style music. The club parties all had a theme, and we picked 50s & 60s rock and roll night, because we figured at least we would like the music.

THE PREPARATION

After we registered to attend the new couples seminar, which was required before you could attend a party, my next thought was, ‘what should I wear?’ Once again, in the silly stories we had read, the women always wore something really short, tight and sexy, complete with spiked heel shoes and hooker makeup. This is very much not my usual style, and after doing some soul searching, I decided to wear a nice pair of jeans, low-heeled boots, and a pink blouse. Jared chose nice jeans, boots and a denim shirt. We thought about dressing 50s or 60s style, but we didn’t know if people actually dressed to the theme.

Over the next 3 weeks we had to prepare before our big night, we talked about everything we could think of. How far did we intend to go? How late would we stay? What if we walked in and instantly got grossed out? What if one of us loved it and the other hated it? Our game plan was basically to stick together no matter what, and if one of us didn’t like it, we would leave, no questions asked and no bad feelings. We had no intention of doing a full swing that night, in fact, we didn’t think we would ever want to do a full swing. What we eventually hoped to find was a couple that we both liked, that we could do a little flirting and dancing with, then go home (or to our hotel room) and have fun with each other. For the first night, we decided that dancing with others would be ok, but no dirty dancing, no fondling, rubbing, kissing, etc.

THE SEMINAR

We were both so nervous when the big night finally came. We got to the hotel early, and had a couple drinks in the hotel bar. We could see the front desk, and people coming in and out of the hotel. We tried to guess who the swingers might be. Finally it was time for the new couple seminar, which was to take place at 8:00 PM, and the dance (this club likes to call them socials) begins at 9:00. We made our way back to the ball room area, and saw a group of about 10 people sitting around a large conference table in a well-lit room. The couple at the head of the table greeted us cheerfully and we sat down.

The couple leading the seminar were excellent. They were business like, yet friendly, they spoke openly, but not trashy. Their appearance surprised us. He was a big, handsome cowboy type, complete with hat, and she was a pretty, vivacious woman, who acknowledged our nervousness and made everyone feel as at ease as possible. They were both wearing jeans and nice shirts. As they discussed the swinging lifestyle, rules and expectations (more about that shortly), we had a chance to look around the table at the other couples. The first couple was odd. The man, who bore an eerie resemblance to Woody Allen, seemed really excited to be there. His wife sat like a statue, slumped in her chair, arms folded across her chest, and looked like she would rather be anywhere but there. She never spoke. They appeared to be in their late 40s.

The couple next to them seemed nice. They were from a small mountain town and appeared to be mid-late 40s, and they smiled at everyone and seemed happy to be there. She was wearing a pretty black lace cocktail dress, sexy but not inappropriate or too revealing. He was wearing a nice shirt and Dockers type pants.

The couple next to them had come from 2 states away to attend the social. They appeared to be mid-thirties. The man was dressed in an expensive looking shirt and nice slacks. His wife was dressed in a very short, very revealing black dress. The dress had spaghetti criss-crosses in the back, and was slit completely up both sides, held together by more spaghetti criss-crosses. It was very short, very tight and complete with CFM shoes. She looked very cold and uncomfortable and we wondered later if that dress was her choice or her husband’s.

On the other side of us was a couple who appeared to be about our age. The man wore nice jeans, and the woman wore a pretty broom style skirt and boots. That woman said she had been a member years before, but it was her partner’s first time.

The seminar couple went over a lot of information in that hour before the social. We were given literature that contained some commonly used terms, and they discussed at length things to watch out for and ground rules that each couple needed to establish for themselves. They emphasized that swinging was for couples who had a strong, positive relationship and it was NOT a fix for a relationship going bad. They encouraged everyone to set rules for the evening, and DON’T change them once you are at the social. They emphasized NOT to do anything you didn’t want to do for the sake of your partner because this would lead to bad feelings later. They warned against drinking too much because nervousness tended to make people get drunk faster.

The fee for the social was $30.00 for both of us, which is the guest fee. We were told we could pay the $30.00, then if we decided later in the evening we wanted to join, we could pay the additional $15.00 at any time to become members. You could attend 3 times as a guest.

THE SOCIAL

The room was dimly lit, the usual hotel ballroom like you would expect at a wedding reception or class reunion. It was nicely decorated with the 50’s theme; hula-hoops and old records on the wall. The DJ was located near the dance floor, which was small but cozy. There was a small cash bar by one of the exit doors. We were surprised by the variety of ages; we had expected people mostly our age, but the average age was probably 50. We were also surprised at the number of people in attendance. There were many large, round tables, with seating for 10-12 at each for socializing. Each table had a white tablecloth, 50’s style decorations, confetti, 50’s & 60’s trivia quizzes, and a local publication based on the swinging lifestyle and other soft erotica. We chose an empty table near the back where we could see everything. Some people had gone all out for the occasion, donning poodle skirts, ducktail hair-dos, leather jackets and the works, while others chose to wear their usual jeans, or regular evening wear.

We left to eat dinner, and returned about an hour later. We were surprised that the room had thinned out considerably. As couples began returning, we tried to pair up who was with whom. It was a difficult task because of the amount of swapping on the dance floor. Even after the dance ended, many times a person wouldn’t return to their spouse, but would continue to hang out with their dance partner or other friends. Watching the dancing, we were again surprised how quickly the intimacy between the dancers escalated. No one actually broke the rules, but there was much bun grabbing by both sexes, rubbing (on top of clothes, of course), the occasional breast grab, and very deep kissing. Everyone was very friendly and non-pressuring and the atmosphere was relaxed and fun.

Over the course of the evening, some couples joined us and we were able to visit a bit. We talked about their experiences, our experiences (or lack thereof) and where our swinging limits might be. We talked about everyday things too, but the conversations always seemed to return to sex. When we told them our limits for the evening were just visiting and maybe dancing, they were accepting of that. During the evening, we tried to keep tabs on our fellow seminar couples.

The couple from two states away didn’t stay long. I saw them in the hall as they were leaving and asked if everything was okay. They replied that they were going to check out some local strip clubs and they might return, but they never did. I wondered if part of the reason they left so early was because she seemed so self-conscious in her skimpy dress.

The woman who had been a member of the club previously seemed perfectly at ease from the start. She and her partner sat at a table crowded with people and danced and chatted all night. They were still in attendance at the evening’s end.

Woody and his wife were also at the crowded table. Although she did not dance right away, Woody wasted no time in getting to know people and dancing. Later in the evening, I ran into this lady in the lady’s room and she appeared angry, and maybe even tearful. I offered her aspirin, but she declined in an abrupt manner, stating she had already taken some. Although she danced a bit later, we got the overwhelming feeling that she really didn’t want to be there.

The couple from the small mountain town sat with the rowdy table for awhile, then came and sat with us. They both seemed to have a good time. She danced quite a bit, he danced a little bit, and they stuck together.

The first couple to greet us at our table was a couple in their mid 40’s who were on the board of directors for the club. He had long, salt and pepper hair, tied back in a ponytail. He was about 6’ tall and lean with a pleasantly average face. His wife had long brown hair, waist length, straight and parted in the middle. She was about 5’5”, somewhat curvy, but not overly so. She had a pleasant smile and both seemed genuinely interested in who we were, and they were happy we had decided to attend. They asked us about our experiences (none) and they in turn told us about some of theirs. Including a trip to Hedonism. She apparently was less than enthused about the trip, but once they arrived she very much enjoyed their stay. This couple left to visit others and soon after went home, having previously explained they had to go to work early the next morning.

The cowboy couple who did the introductory seminar was the next to join us. Once again we were asked about our swinging experiences. (Have I mentioned none?) The man asked me to dance. I was somewhat surprised, but I agreed. The dance was fast, so there wasn’t any cause for cuddling up or giving much opportunity to bun grab, etc. The man danced gentlemanly and these things were not an issue. While on the dance floor, the man from the small town asked Jared if seeing me dancing with another man was arousing, or made him angry. He said that it was just dancing and it wasn’t a big deal. After the first dance, the music turned slow and I returned to the table. While Jared and I visited I was again asked to dance, but we had decided to just dance with each other the rest of the evening. Between dances the DJ gave the answers to the trivia quiz and introduced the new couples. We danced, enjoyed our drinks and visited with our new friends. We had a lot in common, being new to the whole swinging thing, being close to our age and being more reserved.

Jared and I danced a few more times together, but his stomach was somewhat queasy, and before we knew it the social was over and we were heading home. Along the way we talked about what surprised us, what turned us on or off and whether we wanted to do it again. We both agreed that all in all we had a very enjoyable evening.

Once we arrived home, we were both very frisky. The sexually charged atmosphere at the social had done its work. The seminar couple had talked about how attending a social increased their libidos whether they swung or not. We found this to be true for us as well. We had a wild enjoyable evening while teasing each other about people we had met and seen at the social. Jared has often teased me about being with him and another man, and we were able to use real people in our teasing that night, instead of alluding to a fantasy person. Needless to say, we decided to go again.

HIS VIEW: I don’t remember when Ann and I discovered our mutual fantasy about a male joining our sexual play, but I do know it is a very strong part of our sexual lovemaking and role-playing. One of the fist times it became apparent for us both was when we were watching an adult movie. Overall it was a pretty good movie with the usual one boy one girl scenes, then in another scene, a woman was seduced by two men at the same time. I remember Ann and I looking at each other and I asked, “Do you like this?” We never finished the movie. After we discussed what had fueled our desires and I assured Ann I did not think less of her for enjoying this form of erotica, we decided to have fun with it. We started calling singles lines and Ann would tell the guys what we wanted while we made love. It was a harmless way to invite a man into our bed through fantasy.

Years later our desires only grew in this area so we decided to try single dating services. We tried this for a few months and although we met a few promising guys on the phone, most single men were too aggressive and overbearing. After more discussion we decided to try swinger’s clubs. We hoped married men would be more settled, less aggressive and wouldn’t jeopardize their marriages for a possible one-time thing. The one variable, especially for Ann, was having another woman involved. Ann says she’s comfortable with the possibility of the other woman wanting the same pleasure that she’s being given. Her only stipulation is that there is no sexual interaction between her and the other woman. We both realize that for anything to happen we have to find exactly the right couple and then several events have to fall into place. As of now we both comfort ourselves with the fact that we are very choosy and the odds of meeting that couple are slim at best. We both agree for now that our fantasy is left as just that: fantasy. But we will continue our search for our couple and enjoy whatever games lie ahead for us.

HER VIEW: I was really nervous that we would get there and I would be totally turned off by the whole thing. I imagined scary people leering at us and trying to make us do things we didn’t want to do. I trust Jared completely and I believed him when he said we would leave if either one of us didn’t like it. But a part of me worried that every woman in the room would be a Pamela Anderson look alike all wanting HIM and if I stopped the evening he would be angry or disappointed in me. These fears were completely unfounded. First of all, Jared ended up being the more conservative of us. I was really surprised when he suggested we only dance with each other, and we never left each other’s sides. The women there were not a bunch of painted up vamps, but real people; wives and mothers, and I got the feeling that I could be friends with these women.

I think most couples are there for the social part of swinging. Of course there is always a sexual vibe in the room that you wouldn’t get from a bowling league, but I really felt that most people were there for the social part. Even if they are full swingers, and you aren’t, and never will be, they still want to be your friend. Attending this event was kind of a leap of faith. It was scary, especially after the stories we had read. I’m happy to say I came away feeling more than ever that my husband is my best friend and I can trust him. I also came away feeling more sure than ever that I never want to attend a on premise club, see or participate in an orgy room or do a full swap. I also came away feeling, however, that I would enjoy going to another social and maybe dancing with other men and doing a little flirting. It was a little like a High School dance, or clubbing in college. It was sexy and exciting. I guess if a friend asked me about it I would say to go to an off premise club with an open mind. If you never swing, it’s okay, you will still have a good time and a really wild night ahead afterward. NOTE: Watch your alcohol consumption. When adrenaline starts flowing the wine hits harder than usual.

Please send us feedback. Was this helpful to you to decide whether or not to attend a swing club and what did you think of our story?