When I was finished, I went to all the rooms and stuffed the shrimp leftovers, dipped in caviar, inside all of the curtain rods. Afterward, I cleaned up the kitchen and left.
Eventually, Jake returned with his new flame. I heard from some mutual friends that for a couple of days it was as if the two were in paradise, but then it began to smell everywhere in the house. The smell became torture...
They tried everything, cleaning, wiping, and vacuuming. They checked the air conditioning, thinking there may have been a dead mouse inside. The rugs were steam cleaned and they hung up air fresheners everywhere. Exterminators even came to drop the chemical death sentence on any possible vermin. Nothing helped.
As the stench worsened, friends stopped visiting. Even handymen refused to work in the house, and the maid quit. Ultimately, the couple could no longer withstand the odor and decided to find a new home. It was like a curse; no one wanted to buy the house, even after the price was cut in half after one month on the market. Rumors of the "stinkhouse" began to spread. Eventually, even realtors wanted nothing to do with the house.
In the end, Jake had to take out a loan to buy a new house. After some time had passed, I called him one day and asked him how he was doing. He proceeded to complain about his ordeal with the house. I listened to his story politely. I told him how I missed the house and that I would be willing to lower his alimony payments if he would give me the house back.
Jake believed that I had no idea how horrible the smell really was, so he agreed under the condition that I sign the papers on the same day. With the contract signed, I bought the house for a tenth of its actual worth. After a couple of hours, everything was settled.
A week later, Jake and his lover stood smiling and full of relief in front of their former house, watching the moving company transport their belongings away.
After they drove away, I had a small dumpster delivered. I put on goggles, a mask and rubber gloves, removed the curtain rods and tossed them into the dumpster!
Even after removing the curtain rods, there was still some residual odor. I did some research and had the entire interior re-painted with KILZ® paint, completely eliminating the odor.
It took some convincing, due to the house's reputation, but I had a big house-warming party that was a great success.
I took no small amount of satisfaction when I looked outside and saw Jake and "Bambi," standing on the sidewalk watching all the guests having a grand old time, wondering just what happened.
Ah, the sweet smell of success!
