Energy Saving

My wife Elaine is a teacher. She got us into this mess.

Earth Day was approaching and she wanted to set a project for her class. She decided that she intended to ask them on Earth Day to avoid using energy or anything that didn't come from renewable resources.

Each student would keep a record of a normal day and also a record for Earth Day with figures showing the 'savings' that had been made. So far so good, but she wanted us to try it out first.

She announced on Friday evening that next Tuesday would be our Earth Day try-out. She had recorded everything she could for last Tuesday. She had read the gas, electricity and water meters at 10pm on Monday and 10pm on Tuesday. She had worked out how much petrol we had used in our cars.

Our trial 'Earth Day' would start at 10pm on Monday evening and end at 10pm Tuesday evening. Between those hours we should try to use as little energy as possible and keep a record of what we had done instead.

I wasn't keen but I do try to help my wife. We had been married for only three months so I was still wildly in love with her. If she wanted me to swing from the chandelier by my toes I would probably do it for the reward I'd get later.

If I'd known...

"Jim," Elaine said "Do you want to shave now?"

"Now?"

It was half past nine on Monday evening. I usually shave just before going to bed at eleven.

"I thought it might be easier for you instead of wet shaving. You normally use an electric razor and..."

"You want me to save the electricity. OK. OK. But isn't that starting off on the wrong foot? If we are doing this properly I shouldn't use electricity before 10pm to avoid using it afterwards."

"Yes, Jim, you shouldn't. I just thought..."

"That you would break me in gently?"

"Perhaps. What I do know is that I don't want to sleep nestled up against a bristly chin."

"Elaine. I do have a clockwork razor that I used to use when camping."

"Does it work? You haven't used it in years. Camp sites have shaver points now."

"I'll check it over."

I did. It took some finding. Then it needed oiling. Then I found that it didn't give the close shave I was used to. In the end I shaved with lather and a disposable razor. That was wrong. I should have used a razor with a replaceable blade. The blade could have been recycled but I don't think that the recyclers would be pleased to have razorblades in the recycling. I admit that the shave was closer than my electric razor but what a procedure. I cut my face twice. I wasn't in a good mood when I got into bed just before 10. I normally read for about ten minutes. No reading. No light.

Elaine had switched off our electronic alarm and replaced it with a wind-up travel alarm that had been hers as a student. The damn thing ticked like Big Ben and kept waking me up.

That alarm went off at 6am.

"What the hell?" I shouted. "The alarm should go off at 7am! Why 6?"

"We need more time this morning, Jim." Elaine said sweetly.

"Why?"

"If you want coffee you'll have to light the barbecue."

"What!"

"You'll need the barbecue to heat water for our wash and your shave. Of course you could have a cold shower..."

"I'll give you cold showers," I said, slapping her rump.

"There are some things that don't require fossil fuels."

Elaine opened her arms and pulled me to her. We kissed. She stripped off her night-dress. I kissed her nipples, tongued her breasts and moved my tongue slowly down her body to her bush. Her legs parted and she sighed as I moved my face between her legs. I kissed, licked, nibbled, tongued until she pulled by head up.

"I want you to start the day right," she said. "Come to me."

I rode her until her legs wound behind my back and pulled me deep inside. When she does that I have the restraint of a dog with a bitch on heat. I pounded into her until I came. She held me tight.

"Cold shower?" she asked coyly.

"I don't need it now."

"I think you do. You worked up a good sweat. So did I. After you with the shower."

I hadn't realised just how cold a cold shower could be. I was tingling all over when I had washed the lather off.

Back in the bedroom Elaine was still naked.

"How was it?"

"Cold."

"You had better get that barbecue going. No firelighters, nor lighting fluid, please. Just paper and sticks."

I swore under my breath but if I wanted a shave I needed hot water.

That barbecue took half an hour to boil one kettle. I made coffee first and took a mug to Elaine. She was dressed but her skin looked very pink.

"Cold showers are an acquired taste," she said. "I don't think I want to acquire it."

"I agree. Hot water in a few minutes."

Now the barbecue was going properly heating kettles of water was easy. I filled the kitchen sink for the washing up. More coffee, cereal and milk was all we had for breakfast.

"How are the bicycles, Jim?"

"The bicycles?"

"How are we going to get to work if not by bicycle?"

"I could walk..."

"Five miles? Have you got time?"

I went to the garage and looked at the bicycles. They were dusty and two tyres were flat. I pumped them up. They seemed to hold their pressure. I wiped a rag over them to remove most of the dust.

I went back to the barbecue and poured water over it to put it out. It took much more water than I expected and covered me in dust. I left the resulting sludgy mess to cool down and had another cold shower. Brr!

If I was going to get to work on time I had to leave now. I put Elaine's bicycle by the front door.

"Bye, Elaine," I called. "See you about six o'clock."

"Bye, Jim. Mind the traffic."

I climbed on the bicycle and teetered down the drive. By the end of our street I had got back the knack. I had forgotten just what little gradients make a difference on a bicycle. The gears wouldn't change but luckily I was stuck in a medium gear. Uphill was hard work but just possible. Downhill was fun until I got into the town. I was more worried about the cars. They passed me so close that I wobbled each time.

I switched to the pavement and pedestrians swore at me. Then the back tyre deflated. I walked the last mile muttering imprecations about Earth Day and Elaine's enthusiasms.

At the office I was plunged straight into an unscheduled meeting. I knew I was sweaty, my suit was dusty and creased, and I felt uncomfortable. My neighbour was uncomfortable too. I think I must have had a distinct odour.

Immediately after the meeting I told my secretary that I would be unavailable for a quarter of an hour. I took my spare clothes from my office cupboard and headed for the executive washroom. I had a warm shower which was bliss and changed. I went down to the basement to find the building superintendent. I asked him where I could get my punctured tyre fixed.

"No problem, sir," he said. "I can fix that. Shall I give the bicycle a quick once-over as well?"

"Yes please, Mike," I said. "The gears are stuck. I have used it for years."

"OK. It'll be ready by lunchtime."

It was but I over-tipped Mike. Earth Day was proving expensive.

I took a client out to lunch. I didn't need to but I wanted at least one reasonable meal. Elaine would have a school dinner. That wouldn't be exciting for her but I wouldn't get covered in smoke to cook it.

I thought of Elaine when I returned to work. This morning's reward had been worth the effort of trying to fit to the Earth Day theme but the effect was wearing off. I knew I'd be sweaty when I got home. I'd have to have a cold shower. Then I'd cook our meal on the barbecue, get covered in smoke and barbecue smells – then I'd have to have a cold shower. Was making love to Elaine worth TWO cold showers?

Yes it was. But I wouldn't be taking two cold showers in exchange for making love to Elaine. I'd be taking them just for going along with her enthusiasm for her Earth Day project. I wasn't sure that was a fair exchange. If she had been in front of me with that smile on her face I'd agree to anything, but now she was a few miles away I felt used. I didn't feel like swinging from a chandelier. I was thinking of riding that bicycle back home.

My phone rang. It was Elaine.

"Jim. I'm getting a lift home. The bicycle has a puncture."

"So had mine. Mike, the building super, has fixed it for me."

"We should have..."

"Prepared for our version of Earth Day?"

"Yes. Will you forgive me, Jim? It seems more effort than I intended."

I sighed silently. When she asked in that tone of voice I couldn't refuse her anything.

"Of course, Elaine. I'll see you when I get home."

"OK," she replied. "I'll have coffee waiting."

"You're sure? The barbecue is a mess."

"I'll manage. It can't be that hard. You did it."

I ignored the dig.

"Good luck with the barbecue. See you."

"See you, Jim. I love you."

"I love you too, Elaine."

She hung up. I didn't expect her to have lit that barbecue before I got home. It would take some time to clean out the sludge, dry it, and I wasn't convinced she could light it without firelighters.

I settled down to work feeling comfortable. I had a good meal inside me, electric light, air conditioning and my computer. I think that afternoon was productive. It ended too soon. I changed back into my dusty clothes and retrieved the bicycle.

Our home is about 400 feet above the town centre. I felt every one of those feet as a personal challenge. Even with useable gears the five miles home seemed interminable. As I turned into our drive I stalled. The slope up to the garage was the last straw. I climbed wearily off the bicycle and wheeled it. My legs felt like jelly. I was awash with sweat. I had thought I was reasonably fit. Now I knew that I wasn't.

I put the bike in the garage. Elaine's bike was there with two flat tyres. I walked to the back garden. The barbecue was well alight and glowing a lovely red. Elaine was relaxing in a deckchair looking cool and elegant in a long button-through cotton dress. The long waist sash draped to the ground. I felt like an unwashed coal miner beside that vision. She held up a mug of coffee for me.

"How?" I asked.

"I tried to light the barbecue. I couldn't. So I showered, changed, then fluttered my eyes at Bob. He started it nearly as quickly as you did."

Bob is our elderly next door neighbour. He liked Elaine but treated her like one of his grandchildren who are her age. I had done some chores for him and we worked well together whenever two pairs of hands were needed.

I drank that mug of coffee with unspoken gratitude to Bob.

"I think I need another shower," I stated baldly. "You look cool and delicious enough to eat but I feel like a dirty oily rag."

"You look like one too," she retorted. "If you shower I might let you do some eating."

I rushed off to the shower. The anticipation took the sting out of it.

I dressed casually and returned to another cup of coffee.

"Feel like eating?" Elaine asked.

"Yes."

She leant back in the deckchair and spread leg legs, hitching up her skirt. I dropped to my knees and buried my face in her clean soft bush.

My tongue explored the delights of her pussy. Her hands clenched at the back of my head and pulled me in to her. Her taste was so much better than my Cordon Bleu lunch. I felt her body arch under my mouth as she reached her first climax and the taste grew stronger.

Soon she pulled me away and led me upstairs to our bed. As I stripped bare she relaxed back on the bed and made a production of unbuttoning her dress. She had nothing underneath. She pulled the dress apart and I kissed her navel. My lips moved slowly up her body before teasing each nipple erect.

Elaine grabbed my head and forced a breast deep into my mouth. I nibbled gently with my teeth as I struggled to breathe. She rolled us over with me still silenced by an overfull mouth. Her fingers eased her breast out. She slid down my body and impaled herself on my eager erection. I struggled to think of anything but her so that I wouldn't disappoint. I failed to divert my attention. The excitement of Elaine's body was too much and I shuddered with release.

She stroked my head before raising herself so I had a wonderful view of her breasts.

"Never mind," she crooned. "We can do it again soon. There isn't much else to do with no television or music. We're having a salad that I prepared yesterday. We have nothing to divert us except this."

Her muscles squeezed my limpness. Her hands stroked my body, then she shook her hair loose. She swept her long tresses to and fro across my chest before pressing her breasts against me. Her lips sought mine and her tongue insinuated itself inside my mouth. I appreciated yet again that she and I were of similar height. She could kiss me while we were coupled without risk of uncoupling.

Her attentions brought my erection back. She pushed me down to the bed and rode me violently. I tried to caress her breasts as she thrust down on me but her frantic movements made that difficult. Only when she had passed her first vehemence could I stroke her warm flesh. A few seconds of my attention and she was pounding my body again. All I could do was endure her passion.

Eventually she slowed down and I could roll our entwined bodies over. Her long legs suddenly clamped around me. That brought the usual reaction. I subsided upon her. Her hands moved behind my back.

"What are you doing?" I asked sleepily.

"Making sure you don't creep away."

"Eh?"

Her finger had fastened some of the buttons on the skirt of her dress with both of us inside. I reached back to undo them again. She smiled at me as her hands entwined my wrists with her sash.

"Don't resist," she urged as she tied the sash. She rolled us on our sides and pulled my head to her shoulder. I let her and enjoyed the scent of her body and the perfume of her hair as I drifted off to sleep.

I awoke to find myself being ridden again, gently and slowly this time. My tied wrists were digging into the small of my back. I opened my mouth to object but her hand silenced me. She shuddered once and reclined on me.

"Sorry, Jim," she said. "I needed that one last time before we get up."

"Up?"

"Yes, up. We have to eat my salad and then I have to read the meters."

We got up. I was reluctant. It had been a wonderful evening but I was gradually aware that a couple of mugs of coffee were not much sustenance for the strenuous activity.

We ate the salad in the gathering gloom. I revived the barbecue for more coffee.

We had to use a torch to read the meters. After ten o'clock we switched on the lights, then switched them off again quickly. We hadn't dressed nor had we shut the curtains. I shut the curtains while Elaine stood by the light switch.

Elaine worked out the energy saving with a pocket calculator. Fuel for the cars was the greatest saving. We had used no gas but one day's normal usage for hot water and cooking was low. The electricity saving was disappointing perhaps because we already had low energy bulbs. Then we remembered the fridge and freezer. Between them they used three quarters of our day's electricity. We had saved only forty per cent of our normal energy use from non-renewable sources. To do that we had expended more than double our normal body energy.

Elaine was disappointed. So was I. Had it been worth the effort? We agreed that we might have done better if we had prepared in advance.

My stomach rumbled. I was still hungry. I looked at Elaine. She laughed at me.

"You're hungry, aren't you?" she accused.

"Yes. You know that I like eating after..."

"You like 'eating' before."

"That too. How about a pizza?"

Her eyes lit up.

"And wine?"

"And wine."

I picked up the telephone and ordered the pizzas. Twenty minutes later we were stuffing our faces and drinking a pleasant red Bordeaux.

An hour later we shared a warm shower and retired to bed. We slept like logs until morning. The clockwork alarm went off at 6 am. We had forgotten to change back to the electronic alarm.

I looked at Elaine. She looked at me.

"What would you like for breakfast, Jim?" she asked.

"A full English Breakfast," I replied, "but first I want to eat... you."

I did.

On the real Earth Day we spent our day normally. Elaine's students had a hard time.