Don't Call Me Stubby

It's fun when you know more about the plans of the person who's going to try to screw you over than she thinks you do. It's even more fun when you have a plan of your own to return the favor.

My wife had been fucking her boss for some time, about six months I reckon. She is a beautiful woman, she enjoys sex very much, and one would think she'd be the perfect wife. But she has one terrible fault - she is a cheat. Add to that the fact that she's a lousy liar and it isn't hard to know something is up when something is up. Like her boss's cock.

Some people when they suspect their spouse is cheating hire a private investigator. I didn't have to, because sweet Julie was so damned obvious. And our marriage had deteriorated to the point that she didn't even really try to conceal her indiscretions from me. She seemed to think that if I knew, I'll just put up with it.

And up to a point, she was right. So long as she continued to make the effort to appear to be a good wife, I looked the other way. She never pulled any of that sick shit of trying to get me to clean her lover's cum from her pussy, or take sloppy seconds. On days when she had been playing with him, she steered clear of me. And that was fine, because I made it a point to fuck her on her off days. And also, I quit going down on her any more, just in case she decided to change the unspoken deal.

Oh, I had a little fun with her from time to time. A couple of times I parked my car next to hers outside their motel room and walked away. She knows my "Fighting Illini" bumper sticker and I would leave stuff she'd recognize on the seat. She never saw me, but I would take up a post where I could get a good photo of them coming out the door when they were finished. I've seen her spot my car, look startled, then look around for me. But when she didn't see me, she shrugged it off, climbed in her car and drove off.

I guess you would say we had kind of a "don't ask, don't tell" game going on. She clearly did not want to bring things to a head by confessing anything, and I did not want to spring my trap until I was ready. In the meantime, the sex was still good and we got along amiably.

Some people would fault me for tolerating her behavior. But don't mistake inaction for acceptance. I had a plan and all I needed to do is wait for the proper moment to put it into play. And, truth be told, I wasn't completely inactive. I work for a technology company. I'm not a geek, I'm a bean counter, but I have access to some goodies from time to time. Like a tiny audio recorder, disguised in what looks like a tube of lipstick. Real James Bond stuff. She carried that voice activated recorder in her purse for several weeks. I downloaded it to my computer every once in a while when she was in the shower or otherwise not paying attention. I learned about their dates before they happened. I learned their code words. "I'm going to eat a bologna sandwich" means, well, you can guess. "I have tickets for the ball game" means they're getting together to fuck. I also learned that their nickname for me was "Stubby." Which is really rather amusing, because I pack a bigger-than-average male member. I guess she told him otherwise to make him feel superior. Trust me, I know this guy, and he ain't superior in any important way. He's taller than I am, and spends more time in the gym, but that's about all he can claim.

I should tell you that Julie is a very attractive woman. She's 40 now, and could pass for 39. She has a curvy figure - a little better-padded now than it was when we got married 15 years ago, but still shapely and desirable. Some men like their women with a little padding on them, and I happen to be one of them. So, apparently, was her lover. They worked for a company that manufactures home furnishings. Well, actually they don't manufacture anything. They import stuff from China and slap their logo on it. He was a regional sales manager, and she was his "personal assistant." Very personal.

I had been working on my plan for several weeks. One night when Julie was "out with the girls," AKA fucking her boss, I made a short trip to a place that was known as a pick-up bar. I had never patronized the establishment because picking up barflies is not my thing. But on this occasion I had a couple of drinks at the bar and chatted up the bartender a little bit. Trying to be conversational, I told him I wanted to give my cheating wife a little mischief and asked if he knew where I could score ruffies. I needn't have been coy. Without blinking he pointed out a guy in a corner booth. "Vito will have whatever you need. Tell him Phil sent you."

I sidled over to the booth after leaving Phil a cash token of appreciation. Vito didn't get up when I introduced myself. I told him Phil had sent me over. I told him my story about the cheating wife. "Y'know, I really don't give a shit about your problems," he said with a sardonic grin. "I'm interested in your money. Just what do you need?"

I told him I needed some ruffies, he told me $50 a pop, and I bought four. He pocketed my $200. He had me reach my hand under the table and he slipped me four paper packets each with a pill inside. He told me they were pretty much tasteless, so they wouldn't be noticed in a drink, "Especially if they've already had a few." He winked. I thanked him and went back to my car. I did a little self-examination sobriety test to be sure I could drive. Evidently Phil had watered down my drinks enough that I was still functional.

I beat Julie home, took a quick shower to wash off the smell of the bar, hid my purchases in my shaving kit, and was feigning sleep when Julie arrived home, trying to be quiet. She went straight to the shower, then crawled in next to me a little while later. We didn't cuddle.

Two days later I contacted one of those "We will buy your house in 72 hours" companies that advertise on TV. I made an appointment. The guy came to the house the next day while Julie was at work. I had taken comp time off from work for the afternoon. We agreed on a price, and I had him make out all the paperwork except for the date. As it happened, I had bought the house before Julie and I got married, so only my name was on the deed.

I went to a divorce attorney and had papers drawn up. Ours is a no-fault state, so there would be no drama around the divorce. I told him to hang onto the papers until I called him.

Those pieces in place, I relaxed and bided my time, waiting for Julie to tell me about the convention in New Orleans that was coming up in a week. She told me over dinner one night. She said that her boss had asked her to come along to help him to cover sessions and to assist him when he made a presentation on the details of the new tax law and how it would impact their industry. Somebody in their accounting department had written it, but as he was the face of the company at conventions, Julie's boss would be presenting it.

I had been waiting for her to spring this on me - it's an annual convention after all, and she had gone with her boss to "help him" the year before. And, of course, I had eavesdropped on them making their plans with my little recorder.

"The convention lasts a week, so I guess you'll have to fend for yourself," she told me. "We'll leave Sunday afternoon and return the Saturday morning." I noted to myself that they were giving themselves an extra night together at the beginning and end of the week. "I'll make some casseroles you can heat up and I'll leave you some frozen meals," she said. She closed in for a hug and kissed me. "I'm sorry about this, honey, but Jerry really needs my help. I'll miss you so much."

"Hey, I have a better idea," I said. "It's been a long time since I've been to New Orleans. Why don't I tag along with you? I can go out and see the sights while you're working, and I can join you for the couple's events in the evenings. I have time off coming and if I don't use it soon I'll lose it."

I straightened up out of the hug and smiled at her, looking her in the eyes as I had my outstretched hands on her shoulders. You should have seen the look on her face. She was trying to be cool, but the look of panic in her eyes was priceless. You could almost hear the wheels turning in her head as she tried to figure out what to say.

"Oh, Sweetheart, that is such a sweet idea," she finally said, pasting a smile on her face. "But I'll be tied up with Jerry most of the time. Besides, the company is paying my way, I don't think I can add another person to my expense report."

"Oh, I don't mind paying my own way," I said. "It's decided. I'll let them know at the office tomorrow that I'll be out for that week. My secretary can clear my calendar. Just tell Jerry that I'll be coming along, and I promise not to get in the way of your work activities." There really wasn't anything she could say to that without blowing her cover, so she smiled and decided to make the most of it.

I wish you could have heard the recording of the phone call she made to Asswipe (that's my name for him) about five minutes later, after I had gone out to buy a six pack. Since I was out of the house she put the phone on speaker, which meant my recorder could hear both sides of the conversation.

"We have a problem," she said. "Stubby wants to come with me to the convention. I tried to talk him out of it but he says he wants to see New Orleans and he'll pay his own way."

"Shit," said Asswipe. "Do you think he suspects something?"

"Of course he does. He's been playing little games with me for months. He knows, he's just toying with me."

"Well, my dear, we'll toy with him right back. If he's been a knowing cuckold all this time, we'll give him a straight shot of cuckoldry and make him watch us. Then you can dump his sorry little stump and we can go full time."

There was more, but you get the idea. I still don't know what he meant about them going full time, since he has a wife and kids at home, but that's not going to be my problem. The bottom line was that they decided to be cool, make me feel welcome, and then spring their special arrangement on me.

So there's the background, leading up to the big week. We flew to New Orleans Sunday afternoon. I had booked my seat after Asswipe and Julie's tickets had been purchased, so while they were waited on in First Class, I sat by myself back in steerage. It's funny, their tickets cost twice as much as mine, but we all arrived at the same time. We rode together to the convention hotel in a limo that Asswipe had reserved for the occasion. Julie sat between us in the back seat. I tried to hold her hand in a husbandly way, but she wasn't interested. There was a mini bar in the car, and the lovebirds shared a little bottle of champagne. They didn't offer me any. At least the two of them had the decency not to make out in front of me. She did scootch over closer to him as we rode along. I didn't care. I expected it.

It was fun at the hotel watching them register. Their original registration had been for one room, with her as his companion. But that wasn't going to work now, so they had to book an adjoining room for her and me. The room they'd originally reserved did not have a connecting room, and with all the convention guests filling the hotel, the management had to scramble to find them a place. Finally they agreed on a two-bedroom suite, with a common living area. It cost more, but Asswipe thought it was worth it to have his squeeze close by, and at that point I wasn't going to sweat the money. I had bigger goals than saving a few bucks.

After delivering our luggage to our suite, the three of us went downstairs to the restaurant for dinner. I think they would have preferred a booth so they could sit together, but no booths were available, so we sat at a table for four. Asswipe and I sat across from each other, while Julie sat to my right and his left. We both made a move to pull out her chair for her, but when he saw me asserting myself he backed off and took his seat. It was a little awkward, to say the least - each of us knowing what was on the others' mind but pretending we didn't.

They told me about their plans for the convention, and he mentioned that he'd be doing his presentation Tuesday afternoon in one of the smaller ballrooms. Tax law evidently is not a big attraction. I borrowed a line from Lyndon Johnson and quoted, "Giving a speech about tax law is like pissing down your leg. It feels hot to to you, but not to anybody else." They laughed politely.

Finally, over dessert, Asswipe got down to their real business at the convention. "Jack," he said, "I think you know that Julie and I have been involved with each other for some time."

"Yes," I acknowledged, "I have suspected as much, and Julie has been rather clumsy about keeping it from me."

"Well," Asswipe continued, "As I am sure you have surmised, Julie and I have been expecting to have this week to ourselves to enjoy each other's company. Your presence here was not part of our plan. Julie tells me that you are going to amuse yourself during the days seeing the sights, and I think that's a great idea. But you may as well know that we are attending this convention as a work activity, and we will be conducting ourselves throughout the convention as work colleagues. The evening dinners and couple's events included. I don't know how you are going to amuse yourself in the evenings, but it will not be with Julie. I hope you understand."

"Y'know, I understand more than you think I do," I said to the both of them. Then I addressed Julie. "I will be sleeping in the second bedroom of the suite. I expect to go to bed with my wife. I expect you not to shred our marriage by sleeping with another man right under my nose. But you are an adult and can make your own choices. Just know that the choices you make have consequences, and it is possible that the choice you are planning to make will create a situation you will not like."

She looked at me with a mixture of defiance and fear. Asswipe reached out and took her hand, as if to give her confidence. And, of course, by way of staking his claim. She did not take her hand away. She looked at me, then she looked at Asswipe, and she said, "Jack, I love you. I also have feelings for this man. You have had me for 15 years and can have me for the rest of our lives. I'll let you know my decision at bedtime. Right now, I suggest you go upstairs. We'll be up in a little while." She leaned over and kissed me. Then she leaned the other way and kissed Asswipe. I pushed my chair back and got up. I walked out of the restaurant and to the elevators. If they could have seen my face as I walked away they would have seen that I was smiling.

I went to the room, showered, and climbed in bed. It had been a long day and I was tired. Julie kept her word, it wasn't long before the two lovebirds came into the suite. I heard them kissing and speaking softly in the living area, then she came into the room and closed the door. "I'm here, Jack," she said. That's all she said. She undressed in the bathroom, came back into the room in a robe, then climbed into bed. She did not snuggle. She did not kiss me. She lay on the far side of the bed with her back to me.

"Thank you, Julie," I said. "Thank you for showing me at least this much respect. Now rather than wait for me to go to sleep and sneak off, why don't you go to Asswipe and have a good time. Try not to make too much noise. I'm tired."

"Asswipe?" she said. "You call him Asswipe?"

"Yes I do. It could be worse," I said. "I could call him Stubby." With that her head spun around and she looked at me with wide eyes. Then she got up and walked to and through the connecting door.

"See you at breakfast, dear," I called after her.

Monday morning dawned sunny and bright. I know because I was awake. I had slept for a couple of hours after Julie left to go join her lover, but it was fitful sleep and I finally got up and fixed some coffee and read a book. It's all about a cheating wife. I had worn ear plugs to bed because I did not want to hear any noises coming from the next room.

About 7 a.m. I took out the ear plugs and heard the sounds of the love birds stirring. I went and showered and got dressed. He evidently showered in the other room because when they came out he he was dressed and ready for a day of conventioning. She was as naked as the day she was born. Asswipe grinned at me like the cat that ate the canary. Or the stud who ate my wife and then fucked her. I grinned right back at him. I was damned if I was going to let him see me flinch. I noticed that she had shaved her pubic region, and there was a hickey on her mound.

"I have an idea," I said. "Tonight, why don't I get a bottle of champagne and I can sit in the room with you guys and watch you get it on, just like a real cuck. Would you enjoy that?"

I anticipated that they would go for it, because I had heard them talking about it last time I downloaded the recorder in Julie's purse.

"Sure, Stubby, that would be fine," said Asswipe, reaching his arm around Julie and giving her boob a squeeze. It was the first time my nickname had been thrown out in my face. I just grinned.

"Gee, maybe I can get some pointers from watching you guys. Kinda like a live action porn film."

"Sounds good. I gotta go down, Baby," he said to Julie. "We're having a team meeting to divide up the sessions among us. Why don't you come down in about an hour." With that he took her in his arms and kissed her deeply and long. She kissed him back. His hands moved up and down her body, ass to tit and back to ass. She had her arms around his neck. I looked away and went back to reading my book.

After he walked out the door, she looked at me sheepishly. "Jack, I did not mean for things to turn out this way," she said. "I love you and I want to spend my life with you. But having you here makes everything so awkward and uncomfortable. I am going to tell him never to use that insulting nickname in front of you again. And I will ask him not to flaunt our relationship in front of you like he just did. It's hard enough for me to know that you have been aware of what we've been doing. I just wish you had let me come on this trip alone so I would not feel so uncomfortable about the whole thing."

I looked up from my book. "Whatever," I said. "You'd better go get ready for the events of the day and put on some clothes. Unless you plan to let him show you off to everyone else this way. Don't worry about me. I'm a big boy and I can take care of myself." I looked down at my book, but I wasn't reading. I was marveling to myself about the degree of self absorption and insensitivity this woman had just displayed. I wondered what I had ever seen in her.

At any rate, she went and showered and dressed in proper business attire and headed out to the convention. She looked for a moment like she wondered if she should kiss me goodbye, but then decided it would be best just to get out the door. Just before she closed the door I told her I thought I saw a little cum at the corner of her mouth. She stopped dead in her tracks and began to go back to the bathroom when she realized I was joking. She was not amused. She stomped off. "Bitch," I thought.

I had on tourist gear, so I headed out to see some sights, eat some Cajun food, drink some beer, and prepare myself mentally for the night ahead.

I returned from Bourbon Street about 5 p.m. As I entered the suite I could see through their bedroom door that they were back at it. She was on all fours on the bed and he was fucking her doggie style. They both appeared to be enjoying it. From my angle I couldn't tell if he was in her cunt or her ass, but I thought it was the ass. I snapped a couple of photos with my phone and went on into my room and closed the door. I made no effort to see them or speak to them as they finished their romp and got ready to go down to dinner.