I shook my head violently from side to side, "No, this doesn't mean reconciliation, or all is forgiven or my plans have changed. I will do what's best for our kids. Just accept it."
I didn't tell her that the thought of sharing a bed with her made me sick.
"Okay, Alan and thanks. I want you to know how much this means to me." She paused and looked me in the eyes for the first time in days, "Alan, I am so sorry!" And she got up and left the table.
About a week after the divorce petition was published I finally went over to Mom and Dad's and told them that Lisa and I had been having problems and I was the one who had filed for divorce. But after I did that we found out Lisa was pregnant so we decided to put the divorce on hold. Mom wasn't satisfied but the news about Lisa being pregnant distracted her. I knew she figured the divorce wouldn't happen because of it. Mom and Dad thought a lot of Lisa and I knew it would break their hearts when I moved out.
For the rest of the winter term my schedule remained unchanged. School was going well. I was hard pressed to find time to study but everything looked good for graduation. Lisa went to the doctor and the pregnancy was confirmed. Our blood tests all came back negative which was somewhat of a relief. Maddy continued to complain about not seeing me enough. I did my best to make up for it on the weekends, playing in the snow, taking her sledding, taking her to the mall or to the movies.
Living with Lisa and being essentially separated was weird in the extreme. We avoided each other and worked at not being alone in the same room at the same time. Every time I looked at her I would get pissed all over again. But I also found I was still sexually attracted to her. The thought of dating again depressed me. It didn't help that I couldn't figure out a way to attempt it with my schedule and given the fact we were still living in the same house. I was relying on Rosie and her five friends for some relief.
I couldn't or wouldn't ask Lisa what she was doing or who she was seeing socially. Pat didn't know if Dan was seeing her or not. I assumed she was staying home nights since there was never any mention of babysitters.
A few weeks into the term I woke up in the middle of the night with an unfamiliar, but not unwelcome feeling in my groin. Lisa had snuck down the stairs and gotten my shorts open and was slurping away on my hard cock with more enthusiasm than she had shown in the last two years of our marriage. I wanted to kick her off the bed but you know what they say about a stiff prick having no conscience. After a few more minutes of great head, she stood up and swung her leg over my cock and slowly lowered herself onto me. I was not surprised to see she didn't have a stitch of clothes on. Lisa came with a groan as I entered her fully. She sat there with her eyes closed for a few minutes. Finally she looked down at me and she hissed, "Fuck me Alan, please fuck me!"
Without thinking I rolled her over and under me without breaking our connection. I reached under her hips and lifted her ass and legs as high as I could and started pounding my cock into her. Lisa started wailing and thrashing around like she was having one continuous orgasm. I slammed into her as hard and as deep as possible without caring how she felt. I could feel myself working out all my frustrations, all my anger and all my hate into that one physical act.
Finally with almost a scream I came, and came, and came. I stayed there, covering her for what seemed like an hour before I finally rolled off of her. My mind was a total blank. We both laid there in silence gasping and heaving and trying to catch our breaths. After a while Lisa got up, picked up her robe, looked down at me and said simply, "Thanks Alan," and walked up the stairs.
I have to admit the whole thing confused me. And that set the pattern for our relationship until Lisa got too big for sex. Once every week or two Lisa would wake me in my bed in the middle of the night. I never knew what night it would be or what time. And I couldn't make myself kick her out of bed when I woke up enough to realize she was there. I still didn't want to talk to her but I didn't instantly get angry anymore when I saw her.
One subject I did bring up with Lisa was what plans she had for living arrangements after the baby was born. Every time I brought up anything concerning our separation she would start crying. But I felt she had to face the facts and think about the future. When the baby came she would need another bedroom for the baby. I suggested we look for a three bedroom townhouse or duplex or maybe even a house to rent. It would be best to get moved before the birth and before I moved out.
She reluctantly agreed and after about a month of looking we found a house that was in a decent school district and would be within her price range given her income and the anticipated child support I would be providing. There were even a couple of apartment complexes within walking distance that I thought might be suitable for me when I moved out.
We arranged to move at the end of the term. It seemed everything would come to a head about the same time. I would graduate, my temporary job would end and we would move, all within a couple of weeks.
I have been attending the National Guard drills for about three months now. To be honest the weekends there were kind of boring and uneventful. The big push was to be ready for the summer annual training period when most of the units would move to Camp Grayling in northern Michigan for fifteen days.
One of the things I discovered after a couple of drills was that the guard had a wide variety of opportunities for full time employment. I had no desire to work on the assembly line forever or to go back to construction again. I decided to see what they had to offer.
I put together my resume and starting applying for positions. I found that with my prior service and the fact that I was completing my degree this semester made me very attractive to the guard officers that were doing the interviewing.
After two or three interviews I was offered and accepted a position in the central supply facility. The money was less that the assembly line but the opportunity for advancement was much better. I asked for and was given a start date that would allow me to finish classes and to get the family moved.
The end of the semester came and Mom and Dad insisted on having our entire family over for a celebration. I was the first one to complete college in our family although eventually all my brothers would complete theirs. Everyone fussed over Lisa and avoided the subject of divorce.
With the help of family we got moved and settled in. I set up my bedroom in the basement again after everyone had left. Maddy was thrilled with her new and bigger bedroom and was looking forward to having a new brother or sister. She even liked her new school and loved her new teacher. I started my new job and was trying to get used to working days and wearing an Army uniform everyday.
Since the holidays I had become something of a gym rat. I worked out at the YMCA almost daily. Running, swimming, racquetball and weights were all part of my weekly routine. With the exercise, my schedule and loss of appetite due to stress I had lost almost thirty pounds. When I looked in the mirror I marveled at the changes in just four months. The beard and mustache were gone. My hair was cut short. Even my face was thinner and harder. It was quite a change. Even Lisa had commented on it a couple of times.
Being home again evenings I went back to the routine I had of leaving the house or going down into my basement room after Maddy went to bed for the night. Socially we had very little contact with anyone other than family. I had joined the American Legion and started stopping there once a week with some of the people I worked with. Lisa had become somewhat of a recluse since the filing become public. I knew she did visit her sister regularly and I had overheard her speaking to Connie on the phone a couple of times. Other than work she pretty much stayed home.
The little contact I had with the friends from our old social circle was quite enlightening. It seems it became common knowledge that the reason for my filing for divorce was infidelity on Lisa's part. That apparently led to some speculation that pointed to some past behavior of John's and Craig's. It seems that their spouses had become suspicious and now the entire group was unraveling with accusations and denials of other suspected indiscretions. I couldn't help but think they were getting what they deserved.
Lisa was approaching the seventh month mark when she asked me if I intended to be in the hospital room with her when she delivered. I hadn't given it any thought since when Maddy was born it wasn't that common. But the last few years that had changed. I asked her what she preferred me to do. She said she wanted me there. But it would require I attend birthing classes with her for about six weeks. I decided since it was very likely this might be my last child, it was something I should experience.
As a result we were spending more time together, discussing the pregnancy, the baby, Maddy's school and any other safe subjects. One night as we were returning from the birthing class, without looking at me, Lisa said, "You remember me telling you I started therapy last January?" Not sure I wanted to hear about this, I said, "I remember."
