Diary of an Obsession 05
Despite Leo's outrage at Ana's cheating, he was still beside himself with indecision. After all that he had been through in the past few weeks, he still did not know how to proceed without a catastrophic negative reaction from his wife for his own untrustworthy behavior.
Despite everything, he still wanted her. In fact, he wanted her more than ever. He just had to put a stop to this madness of Ana's. However, there was still the stalemate issue of his finding out about her cheating by reading her diary. Everytime in the past few days, when he was ready to confront her, he backed down at the last minute.
Compounding his anxiety, whenever he tried to initiate sex with her in the past few days, she'd shut him down. She had not been in the mood for some time actually. That was not a good sign.
The biggest problem was that he still very much loved his beautiful wife. In fact, during the past few weeks, the idea of them moving forward together as a couple with some kind of an open marriage arrangement was beginning to appeal to him. However, the cheating behind his back had to stop.
On Friday, she went out and came home with a choker around her neck. Or at least it could have been a choker. It was made of braided gold, with a ring hanging from the middle and a buckle in the back rather than a clasp. Some might call it a collar.
It looked expensive, but when he asked about it, she said it was nothing and just a new fashion trend she was trying. He was not convinced the explanation was that simple.
When they went to bed that night, he noticed that she did not remove the collar. She did not take it off even to shower the next morning. It appeared to be a new permanent fixture in their lives.
One final thing had him extremely worried. Ana had stopped writing in her diary. After writing at least one entry a day for years and years, she hadn't written anything for days now. It was not like her.
What that could mean left Leo wondering if she knew he was reading her diary. Or worse, that she was just too excited about her illicit behavior and had no time to write. She was certainly being even more guarded and secretive than ever.
While his mind was spinning through these thoughts, he came to learn something that brought everything to a full stop. Ana had quit her job. When he asked if she was going into the office the Monday morning following the four-day holiday weekend, she told him the news.
"What did you say?" he asked incredulously.
She seemed a bit surprised at his question, but said, "I won't be going back."
"What do you mean? You quit?"
"Yes. I'm going to... look for something... more fulfilling."
"Christ, Ana. That's going to impact our budget. How will we pay our bills? My God, we won't even be able to afford the rent on our lease."
"The lease?" she said with raised eyebrows as if she hadn't considered that dilemma before. "I don't think that will be a problem."
"Not a problem? Don't you think we should have discussed this?"
She stopped and gave him a long stare. He had trouble reading her eyes in the deafening silence. They seemed to turn from disinterested to confused to angry within seconds.
"Does it surprise you that I have decided to do as I please... my husband... the man I once trusted?" The venom in her words and the way she punctuated his marriage role, struck him full force and set him back on his heels. The fact that she said she had trusted him -- in the past tense -- alluded him for the moment.
"What?"
"What, indeed."
"What are you talking about?" If this was what he thought it might be, playing innocent was the only option. If it was something else, he was quite sure he was innocent.
"Did you think I wouldn't find out what you've done, Leo?"
"What I've done?"
"Don't play stupid with me. You went to Anton. You told him that you read my diaries."
It was if a black hole had collapsed in front of him. Realization hit the young husband with a nuclear force he had never experienced before. Confusion followed closely on the tail of its shockwave.
Anton. Sir was Anton, and that damn old man told Ana about their conversation. Leo had walked into a trap that day in their landlord's office.
"Whaaa..."
"Yes. You read my diaries, and I've caught you. You snuck into my closet like a thief in the night and read them one after the other... over months, possibly years. How could you? I trusted you!"
"Wait a minute!" he shot back in anger and confusion. "I'm not the only one who violated a trust here." That seemed to be a poke at an angry cobra, because now she clenched her fists and looked like she was ready to strike.
"And no wonder? Why shouldn't I find satisfaction with a real man when you can't do the fucking job. You're too busy sneaking around trying to find out my most intimate thoughts, you asshole."
She pointed at his chest and shouted, "You're not the man I thought you were."
Another shockwave rolled past him. Hurt followed in its wake. The only noise he heard for some time was his wife's angry breathing.
"OK, listen. Ana, honey. I made a mistake, and I...I'm sorry, but I think of the two transgressions, cheating is worse. Don't you?" It was all he could think of to save this. He was trying to be reasonable, but she wasn't having it.
"Sure! Try to make me out to be the bad guy!" she stated, slipping her wedding ring off and placing it on the nightstand. "I'm done."
She walked out the door, not just the bedroom door, but the apartment door, as well, slamming it as she went. That did not go well. He would not see his wife again for weeks.
Ana's (New Digital) Diary Entry -- July 6
Leaving the apartment I ran into Mrs. B in the elevator. Just what I fucking needed. She gave me an angry side glance, but I wasn't in the mood.
"We're exactly the same, you know," I said matter-of-factly, turning to her. "You can hate me if you want, but we could also be friends. It's not like your husband means all that much to you. He certainly meant nothing to me. We're just two women who were used by a man. What else is new?"
She said nothing for several minutes, but I could feel her distaste for me dissolving. Soon I went on. "We have a lot in common, I think. I would like to be your friend. And, I am sorry for what I did."
She turned and looked at me. "You want to be my friend?" All anger was gone from her voice. She seemed... what?... intrigued? God, she has such a cool accent. It's kind of funny to see a refined British voice come out of a brown lady.
"I definitely do."
"You intimidate me. You're all breathtaking blonde beauty... a so fucking sexy." Wow! Was she coming on to me? Best to ignore it for now.
"You're very pretty, too. Remember that Sergei threw me over for you."
"And then, he threw me over for someone else. I think he's working his way down to the bottom." We both laughed.
"I have to go now," I said, "but we should get together and talk." The doors opened, and I turned to leave.
"My name is Kanta, by the way."
"I'm Ana," I said as the doors closed.
Minutes later, I sat in the coffee shop absentmindedly touching my beautiful gift from Sir. It felt so good around my neck and made me smile.
It calmed me and made me feel desired and loved by a man worthy of my love and admiration. I kept remembering the utter joy of that monumental moment when he put it around my neck with great ceremony.
He said it was a special time for us, one that we would both remember all of our lives. It was the day he made a commitment to me, and I gave him my heart and soul.
I looked at my finger where my wedding ring once rested. It felt empty, and the indent in my skin the ring had left behind looked funny. I would have to get something appropriate to replace it. Maybe Sir would.
When he told me of Leo's treachery, I could not believe it. It was easy to agree with my new owner that my husband did not respect me or deserve me.
After learning that news, I had a great feeling of ambivalence toward my husband. I didn't love or hate him. I just stopped caring. Maybe I actually stopped caring a long time ago, and I had just chosen to ignore the fact. I'm not sure. I do know that whatever I once felt for Leo paled in comparison to what I was feeling now.
I also knew that I was going to put all my trust in Sir. I would put my future totally in his hands. I quit my job, because Sir said he would find something better for me. I was ready to leave everything up to him. As a good pet should.
Two young men at another table were staring at me and whispering to each other. I looked down and understood why. My nipples stood out from my sports bra as hard as bullets, and goosebumps covered my bare legs as I sat and thought about Sir.
Just the idea of Sir at any random moment would cause sexual lightning to strike me. All I could think about was his delicious mouth doing wicked things to me, or that magnificent cock reshaping my tight little pussy.
I sat there thinking that every aspect of him fascinated me. How big a difference a week had made in my mind? I had only recently looked at him with suspicion and anger, but now had been completely tamed.
We talked so much in the past few days about everything under the sun. I liked him. He was someone I could admire, someone who had come to this country and made something important of himself.
He was so smart, and he cared about the things I cared about. We matched in so many ways. We even talked about what it would be like to have children.
As I sat there, I realized that I missed his smell. What experts call pheromones, I now thought of as a distinctly Russian male smell -- sweat and virility. My grandfather had it, too. Leo, by contrast, just smelled like plain old deodorant soap.
I thought about Sir's body. He wasn't pretty, not even handsome in a conventional way. He wasn't young or thin or ripped. He was just male. So very male.
When I stormed out of the apartment, I was dressed for a run, but I had no desire to run anywhere but to my new man. That's when I sent him a little text.
Me: I walked out on Leo, and I need your guiding hand right now, holding me down, making me do nasty things.
Sir: Tell me more.
