Walking in the basement door after work, I heard a repetitive banging noise upstairs, directly under my bedroom. It sounded like the headboard hitting the wall, and as I listened closer, I heard the squeal of mattress coils. Damn!
Not a good sign for someone who had only been married four days...
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Standing at the altar in St. John's Episcopal Church, Phil Houston, my best man and friend since the third grade, adjusted his bowtie and whispered in my ear, "I give her two..."
I glanced over at him. "Years?" I asked.
He just stared at me.
"Months?"
"Weeks," he laughed. "You know, your ushers have a pool going, just in case you want any action. The over / under is twenty days."
"Some friend you are..."
"Bro... I luv ya man, but you have lost your fucking mind."
All my friends were predicting the worst because I was about to become betrothed to Debra Anne Walinski. Debbie was, by almost anybody's definition, the most sexual woman I had ever met. She was a damn firecracker in bed, "sexual nitroglycerin" I called her, and easily the best piece of ass I had ever had. She would suck and fuck for hours on end and never quit, and to someone who rarely dated through high school and college, Debbie was a sexual epiphany.
There was one caveat, however, in that Debbie was also quite sexually experienced. OK, that might be a slight understatement. In truth, she had fucked every male I knew dozens of times, but hey, it was a small town. We had fallen in love, and she swore to me that she would become a changed woman. I believe that true love changes people, and there was no doubt in my mind that we would live happily ever after.
The wedding was great; however it was the first one I had ever attended where everyone laughed as the bride walked down the aisle.
"What's so damn funny?" I asked Phil.
"She's wearing white," he grinned.
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Because money was tight, we stayed local and had our honeymoon at the Inn of the Dove. In-room heart-shaped Jacuzzi and a round bed that rotated. It was a little cheesy, kind of reminded me of a seventies porn set, however, I was so busy getting my ashes repeatedly hauled, that I barely noticed anything but the stars of orgasm for two whole days.
Debbie's mouth was like some type of futuristic Hoover Vacuum cleaner that George Jetson might use. She could suck the cum out of your balls with such force, I worried about bruising the back of her mouth. And her pussy? It was like having your dick massaged with a crushed velvet glove. We made sweet soft love, we fucked with rage, and the first forty eight hours of wedded bliss passed in the blink of an eye.
On the drive home, I was slightly relieved that our honeymoon was over. I had cum so many times that my whole groin was completely numb, as my new bride kept pushing for "just one more time." After we got home, I finally felt a slight sensation in my left nut, and made the mistake of telling Debbie. Four minutes later she drained me again.
I got back to work on Monday morning, and all the guys came by and congratulated me and wished me good luck. My life was finally set. A decent job that paid the bills and a wife to love and cherish until my last breath.
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I grabbed the Glock out of my desk drawer and raced up the stairs. Who the fuck would dare rape my new bride?
Standing at the bedroom doorframe with the handgun pointed and the safety off, I saw this giant dark blob smothering my beautiful wife on our California king. I was about ready to pop his sorry ass when I heard Debbie scream out from underneath him, "Fuck me harder! Is that all you got?"
"Sonofabitch!' I swore to myself.
