I've been accused of being a wimp husband as a result of my wife's attempt to help out the marriage of our friends Tom and Deb - you can read about it in "Lana Helps Out." Hopefully shedding some light on what happened on my end of the swap will change some opinions.
*
As my wife was walking out the door for her date with Tom, she stopped to say good-night to our kids.
"Mommy's going out to a party tonight," she said, "but Daddy will be here with you for a little while and maybe Aunt Deb will stop by. Then you're going to have a sleep over at Whitney's." This brought cheers from the children.
I didn't know what to do after she left. I stayed upstairs, just sitting on the bed, until there was a knock on the back door. That would be Deb, I knew, since we modified that door slightly for her wheelchair. My daughter Sara let her in, and Deb immediately followed her into the TV room to see what they were watching. I made myself more presentable, put on some cologne, and went downstairs.
"Hi Deb." I said.
"Oh, hi, Eddie. Sara was just showing me her sing-along microphone." Deb returned her focus to my daughter and giggled with her as they played along. Since the accident, I have admittedly not been as attracted to Deb as I once was. But seeing her playing singing games with my children was off the charts, turn-off wise.
So I sat and watched straight-to-video Disney movies for an hour, not saying anything, until Whitney rang the bell at about 8:30. She came in to gather the children's things up – all the while looking more than a bit confused at the fact that Lana was out, I was here with another woman, and I was giving no appearance of leaving the house that evening. She is a good kid - the daughter of my friend Bob - so I tried to cover it by telling her my wife was staying with some friends who were having trouble with their marriage.
Once I closed the door behind her and the kids I thought, "Now it's going to get interesting."
I opened some wine and we sat around and talked for a while, but the conversation really sucked. It was not erotic or even remotely stimulating, just normal shit about work, weather, the Tar Heels, etc. I like to think that I have "moves" or at least the remaining vestiges of them, and that I could put them on if I wanted to. But since nothing was working at all, I finally said, "So, how is this supposed to work?"
"Well, isn't that romantic?" she said. "Well, maybe if you came over here I could give you a little kiss."
So I approached her, but I wasn't totally sure what to do – in her wheelchair she was too far to bend down and kiss, so I half attempted to sit on her lap or something before kneeling down next to her. I started to go in slowly, and her head tilted to meet mine, but as she shifted her weight the chair swiveled and for lack of a better phrase, we missed.
"Here," she said, clamping down the wheel-lock, "Let's try this again." Although it wasn't the most ideal start, I'll admit I did have butterflies as I leaned in to her lips. The kiss started off great, very slow at first and lots of sticky kiss sounds that turned me on. I ran my hands across her beautiful face and through her blonde hair, and she put her hand on my cheek and started to lightly caress. But it was like she had sandpaper in her hand, and my natural reaction was to jump back.
"Oh, sorry," she said. "Working the wheels on this thing makes my hands all callous-y. I'll be more gentle."
I smiled, and we started to kiss again, but I no longer had a good feeling about this. I was actually a bit surprised when she let me start lifting her shirt – I was half expecting her to deny me. I was getting a little more into it as my hands made their way up to her breasts. Her bra cups were silky and I delicately ran my hands over them. It was a very strange feeling to touch a smaller, unfamiliar pair of tits when you're used to much larger ones.
I started to unclasp her bra when she said, "Why don't you take me to the bedroom, you big stud."
The "big stud" comment seemed a little patronizing, but I went along with it. I lifted her from the chair and carried her up to the bedroom. I'd heard the term "dead weight" but never experienced it until I carried her – her upper body was nothing, but her rubbery awkward legs kept nearly throwing me off balance.