Please forgive me if this missive seems disjointed. Sanity is not my strong suit. Last night my wife made a confession that has pierced me to the core. My only hope is that I will one day be able to sweep up the fragments of my shattered psyche and move on. But for now I am a broken man.
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Dexter Pym. I am the manager of the Safari Room, a snack bar and café located inside the monkey house of the city zoo. I am a productive member of society. I pay my bills, mow my lawn, and keep my hedges trimmed. I have been married to a beautiful woman named Maria for nearly a year. Until yesterday our marriage has been a dream.
The only smudge on our otherwise perfect life is that Maria has a checkered past. She's had plenty of boyfriends, to put it politely. I've come to accept this, but there is one ex-boyfriend who I wish I didn't know about. His name is Thor and he's a male stripper. I am still trying to get my head around that fact. When Maria told me about him I was greatly bothered. After all, male strippers are known for their large penises. My own penis is kind of average, or maybe even a bit smaller than average. I guess I felt intimidated. All I know is that I hate the idea of a man with a bigger dick having sex with my wife. But that is what happened and there's nothing I can do about it.
When Maria first mentioned Thor, back when we were dating, I asked her to never bring his name up again. She honored my request, and that was the last I'd heard of him. In fact, I'd almost forgotten about his existence. As I've said, our marriage has been picture perfect.
But all that changed last night. It pains me to write this but I must describe the conversation that Maria and I had just as it took place. We were sitting on the couch watching television when I looked over and noticed that Maria had on a pair of earrings that had disappeared a few months ago. I knew they'd been missing because she'd been very upset when she couldn't find them.
"I see you found your earrings," I said, simply making an observation. My wife returned my comment with a strange look. In her expression I detected alarm, but with a trace of relief underneath.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
Maria sighed and said "I didn't exactly find them."
"You didn't?" I was confused. "Then how do you have them?"
"Thor gave them back to me."
My heart stopped beating. There was that name. The name I hoped I would never hear again.
"Thor?"
She nodded. "That's right. I guess I should tell you. I still see him from time to time. I accidentally left the earrings at his place and he gave them back to me yesterday."
I was speechless. Gradually my heart began beating again and I was able to move my tongue.
"You said you still 'see him'. Does that mean that the two of you...have sex?"
