So, the effect of having a woman that I was attracted to more than anyone else, but knew that she was bad for me, asking me to marry her...well, you know what my answer was. That night was the best sex of my life. It was the hottest. The sheets on the bed were tangled and, on the floor; we made the bed twice that night.
We showered three times to cool off and rehydrate as we continued the frantic pace to wear out the bed. I couldn't believe how hot and sexy this woman was. Lara was unlike any woman that I had ever known. Her smile and her eyes pulled me in to the point of no return. Her touch on my skin was electric. She knew just how to excite me and keep me going. I tried my best to return the attention to her pussy and her clit. She loved having me suck on her clit and I enjoyed the effect that it had, and still has, on her.
As I would suck and pull on her clit, she would push her hips upward, her legs would flail around and her hands were pulling on my ears trying to suffocate me with her pussy.
This time we negotiated our relationship. We struck a bargain that I, somewhat reluctantly, felt would allow us to be happy and be a couple. Or so I thought. We would have an open marriage.
The deal was that we would both be able to have casual, infrequent, sexual relationships with other people. The commitment that we agreed to had rules for both of us to follow. The idea was that our marriage wouldn't become a free-for-all sex orgy every night. There were definite limits to what we could do, who we could do it with and how much time we spend with other people.
To my mind we were, after all, supposed to be married to each other and, again, to my mind that meant that Lara was my priority and, I hoped, that I was her priority. But we have to set rules for our life away from each other. If didn't agree to this I knew that Lara would ultimately be gone from my life and that I would regret it. Maybe I would regret agreeing to this lifestyle. The knot in my stomach was there whenever I though too much about it. I knew that I had to be very careful around her and not get too possessive. Going all cave-man, outside the bedroom, was only going to drive her away.
Agreeing to an open marriage was, I suppose, like giving the drug addict a tiny bit of the drug every day to chase off the cravings that would otherwise take over. With Lara knowing that she could have a variety of sex partners and feed her needs, it would ultimately control her cravings. Whether that was a good or bad thing I didn't know, but it was what we needed to do in order to have a marriage. As stupid as that sounds.
My attraction to Lara was inexplicable. I suppose you could say that I loved her unconditionally. So, if agreeing to an open marriage meant that I could have her, then that is what I was prepared to do. Some of you might think of me as really stupid and fucked up and you might be right about that. I mean what husband agrees to let his wife fuck other men without repercussions for the marriage. Especially since I wanted children and for us to be a family, not just a fucked-up conglomeration of people. My little head was doing the thinking for the big head.
So, we sat down and had a series of heart-to-heart discussions about what an open marriage meant for both of us and our individual expectations. Here are some of the things we talked about:
We set sex boundaries: it was the four W's, and one H: who, what, where, when and how much. I was very concerned about Lara hooking-up with unknowns. The chances of a bad ending were great and frankly my biggest fear. To have sex with an unknown was playing with fire. So, we agreed that there would not be any sex on a first meeting. There had to be some getting to know and vet the other person. We also set a hard rule that neither of us would bring another sex partner back to our apartment.
We kept a schedule of things that we were going to do together and promised to not let any hook-ups interfere with that. We also promised that we would limit our extra-marital activity to not more than once a month. We would try to coordinate things so that we both were out at the same time, but we agreed to be flexible if something that was a priority was not on the schedule.
We set emotional boundaries: if a casual sex relationship turns to love, what will that mean to our marriage. I told Lara that is she was looking for love then she had to tell me up front and be honest about it. If her love for me was that thin, then maybe it was a bad idea for us to be married. I didn't put it that crudely but that is the essence of our talk about love and sex. Love and sex were something that we shared together. Sex with other partners was exclusive of love. I know it's hard for most people to have sex with someone that they don't have some basic feeling for but this had to be one of the things that an open marriage had to define. I didn't want to share my wife's love. I wanted to be the only man that she loved. I wanted her to be the only woman that I loved.
How much time it was okay to spend with the other partners: There are limits to the time commitment to casual sex and that meant no overnighters or weekends. Our marriage had to be the first priority for our time. The number of times that we would have sex with another partner was limited so that emotional bonds didn't form. We needed a way to tell if there was an emotional aspect of the sex we were having with others. That was tricky. I don't think we really understood the methods by which to gauge that. We agreed to talk about it.
Decide how much information we would share with each other and the sex partners: We had to be up front with the people that we were going to have sex with that it was just recreational sex and not a love relationship. For most one-time hook-ups that wasn't an issue, but for repeats that has to be said up-front and made clear.
Schedule how often we'll review what we're doing and make decisions to keep going or change something or stop altogether: We agreed that we would talk about things every two weeks. It wouldn't be on our date night, that was a time for purely fun for us, so we though that a Sunday afternoon might be the best time. Commit to being open and honest with each other and talk about problems, especially jealousy. That was going to be the killer to this open marriage agreement, if there was a killer. Human emotions are always there and difficult to put aside. It takes a special person to be able to dismiss jealousy and not let it affect a marriage.
There were other rules that we added as time went on but one that I needed was that we don't come home fresh from a hook-up and describe in great detail just how amazing the other person was. That was a problem for me. That dug into my psyche a bit too much and meant that I was being compared too much to the other men that my wife had sex with. Don't get me wrong, I was having sex with other women, too. So, I had to be careful not to quietly compare them to Lara. I love women with big breasts, I do, but Lara is only a C cup. So, it wouldn't be a good thing for me to come home and tell Lara what wonderful tits so-and-so has and how I had such fun with her.
This all seems so clinical, and maybe cynical, and maybe fucked-up too. But we agreed to try and make it work. And for the first two years of married life, it did.
And then it started to not work.
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Lara was happy. I was happy. Life was busy and we accepted that we each had careers that were demanding. Quietly, oh so quietly, we carried on with life as a couple and separately. Lara had a succession of lovers that she saw and I had two different women that I was seeing. And then that was reduced to one.
We did lots of couple's things, like vacations, weekend activities, and hobbies. I'm a cyclist and I like to compete in local events in Washington and Oregon. I'm not too bad at it but I rarely win. If I can have a top-ten finish I take that as a good day. I own two bicycles, one is a Trek road racer, and my main bike is actually a Rocky Mountain Growler that I bought for less than a thousand dollars. It's tough and does the job for my needs. I don't have any illusions that I'll ever be a champion cyclist of any type or a Tour de France competitor, but it's something that I really enjoy and it's a damn good workout. On the days when I can't get out on one of my bikes I run or try to get to the gym.
I suppose you want to know a bit about me and Lara. I'll start with me. My name is Daniel Lewis Stuart. My father has traced our family back to Scotland before the Battle of Culloden. My forefathers were key leaders at that battle. I've been to the battlefield and walked the areas where the Jacobites and the English were lined up that day in 1746. While the Jacobite side lost that day, the war has continued. Even today the Scottish are working for independence.
The Battle of Culloden was the final confrontation of the Jacobite uprising. On 16 April 1746, the Jacobite army of Charles Edward Stuart was outnumbered and decisively defeated by a British government force under the Duke of Cumberland, near Inverness in the Scottish Highlands.
Today the weapon is words, the media, opinion and the vote. Scotland will rule itself one day. I don't know what day that will be, but it will be celebrated by both the Scottish and ex-pat Scots the world over. They're nice folks in a land that is both rugged and beautiful. Kind of like the terrain of Montana and Wyoming and yes, Washington state. I love this region. I'm proud of my heritage. But back to the story.
