Cynthia Jamison and I were entering a new dimension in our relationship. We had been married for eighteen years, and mostly faithful throughout. I had strayed at about the eight year point, when I was traveling a lot in South East Asia; it was a year late for the seven year itch, and I was traveling for my company, and setting up foreign manufacturing facilities specializing in technical tooling.
Thailand had been an erotic oasis in its heyday, during the Viet Nam war, for American service men on R&R from combat. After the war it became a sex Mecca for European and Japanese groups who booked entire flights to take eager singles or couples who wanted to experience the unrestrained sensual delights of the Orient.
Hustlers would approach any foreigner on the street, especially Caucasians (American and European) and would try to become an expediter for sexual activity hoping in the course to earn generous tips from satisfied parties.
I was intrigued by what I thought was reference to ‘light shows’ and tried to picture in my mind what one would be like, until I realize I just couldn’t translate the accent, they were actually ‘live shows’ where viewers watched real couples having intercourse, and novelty sex acts as well. The acts included women shooting objects out of their pussies like ping pong balls and bananas, pussies smoking cigars or cigarettes; I saw one where supposedly sharp razor blades were inserted one after another and then extracted without damage to the performer. Some of the expediters even said there were some shows where women were fucked by donkeys.
One night I let myself be led to one of the tamer shows where the specialty was straight boy girl fucking. I sat with several other men in a miniature amphitheater containing no more than ten wooden chairs. There were two rows with the back one slightly elevated to make sure the audience had unobstructed views. I sat near the end of the first row, and waited somewhat anxiously with the others. A beautiful young Thai woman sat down on my left and seemed to be waiting like the rest of us for things to start.
She engaged me in conversation with limited English and it excited me to be so close to a beautiful girl who looked like she was drawn in there from curiosity just like me. She seemed nervous and I think she was asking me if I liked the idea of live shows in front of people. I nodded yes to answerer and she picked up my hand nearest and caressed it lovingly. I was getting hot until she started to urge me toward the stage. Then it dawned on me that she wanted me to perform with her for the others
Although many of my private fantasies would have placed me in a similar situation, I was still unprepared and held back, and she seemed disappointed when it became obvious I was reluctant. With a look that conveyed both arousal and nervousness, she dropped my hand and looked to my right at a young Thai man about her age and took his hand instead; the two of them stepped to the stage and immediately seemed to enter into their own private intimate world.
The couple began touching and communicating in a familiar way that revealed their off-stage marital relationship. I expected to see the emblems of their union when I Looked at their ring fingers; they were both wearing similar simple wedding bands and as they moved in the early stages of making love, it was obvious they were husband and wife, deeply in love.
As I observed her arousal at being on display along with the comfort she felt in her relationship with him, I regretted that I and not been prepared to take the opportunity she offered me. My voyeuristic inclinations took wing under the influence of those live shows in Thailand, and I’m sure those experiences had a profound influence on the high level of interest I have in voyeurism today.
During those days away from home I found my self in a body massage businesses as well, I call it a business because in some ways it looked like a brightly lit shopping center. There was a large room with platforms covered in thick plush carpet on which about 60 attractive young girls walked around or relaxed while being ‘selected’. Most were wearing short robes over the near uniform color of white lingerie. Each girl had an oval disk pinned onto the robe over one breast that had a number on it. The girls were behind a large window while male customers on the other side made their selection of a masseuse for the evening.
I selected number 37, worn by a beautiful innocent looking girl and relayed the number to a cashier, who took my money. I watched as someone approached #37 with a note, and she walked off; I hoped that someone else had not selected her first. I was led to a surprisingly comfortable private room; #37 joined me along the way. She said her name was Nol in surprisingly clear English, and took the lead knowing she was with a first-timer.
Nol bathed me in warm soapy water that had already been drawn in the large tub. When my impatient arousal made me pull her toward me, she said if I wanted her in the tub, she needed to undress. I watched her sensual motions and observed her natural comfort as she removed her clothing and joined me in the soapy water. She washed my body with hers and brought me to complete hardness before we both climbed out and lay on the bed. She made beautiful love to me although we were strangers and couldn’t hope to feel the deep emotional bond and familiarity shared by true lovers.
In spite of how good and satisfying the sex was itself, watching Nol as she expressed herself so naturally and completely in everything she did made it a special, warm and memorable experience and I couldn’t help but imagine how magical it would have been to be there with her as an observer in one of the rooms and watch as she brought pleasure to an endless supply of aroused men.
In spite of how exciting it was in Bangkok, It tortured me as I thought of Cynthia and all she meant to me. When I returned home I plunged myself into caring, and loving her more than ever. To the best of my knowledge, Cynthia never strayed, and was expert in making my life and the lives of our three kids all that anyone could hope for. It wasn’t until only a short time ago that Cynthia showed that she was mortal and capable of weakness, and had levels to her sexuality that I had effectively untapped in the first 18 years of our marriage.
She returned to work recently and with her guard underdeveloped and innocently let down, she was seduced into sexual obsession dominated by the overwhelming emotions of exhibition, daring and risk taking.
I discovered her hidden sex life and confronted her, and then took the kids away for only a few days so we could both think independently and without influence from each other. When I brought the family back together again, Cyn and I started to work out the elements of our future life. We needed to know if we could look past the violations of fidelity on both our parts, but more than that we needed to find out if we could accept the temptations that resided within our natures and allow them to be expressed within the contexts of our relationship together.
In Cyn’s infidelity alone we both discovered eroticism that gave both of us intense pleasure, and after reason and discussion, I think we both knew that suppression and denial of the erotic compulsions would only frustrate both of us and lead to a disastrous consequence. I was prepared to accept and handle the likelihood of sexual involvement with others outside our marriage for both of us, what neither of us could handle was being excluded by the other and left behind or out again.
I knew Cyn would always have a weakness for exhibitionism and was basically submissive, what I didn’t know was how much strength she could find or exercise if it became necessary in the ‘heat of the moment’, so to speak.
