"Thank you for coming in to see me," Brunder said.
We were seated in the waterfront office she kept in a small building at Lake Epsilon. It was on a hill overlooking a wide swath of the beach on which a few dozen people were sunbathing or throwing footballs or frisbees. To the left of her big bay window could be seen the restaurant patio, and, to the right, the big outdoor dance floor and sitting area of the main pub. It was a beautiful, commanding view.
We'd met Brunder only briefly back in the city since our invite - she'd asked us to her office for a brief session and then a blood test administered in a little nurse's office further down the hallway from her office at Kerr Brunder and Associates. Since the pandemic, she explained, they were very weary of contagion at the highly sociable lake property.
It had been a three-hour drive inland, the last of it down backroads and finally up an easily-missed lane, past a gate sentried with a security camera and speaker where we were greeted by name by a disembodied but friendly female voice and let through, and finally into a parking lot, which was full of dozens of cars and SUVs. The had ranged greatly in expensiveness, a varied demographic mixing conspicuous consumption and brute necessity - Hondas, Porsches, Fords, Teslas, Toyotas and Jaguars. At the parking lot, our bags were packed into a little trailer and we were delivered in a four-seater golf cart, through the beautiful grounds, to which the photos had barely done justice, past strolling people who waved and shouted greetings, to Brunder's office.
"This has all been a bit rushed, and I wanted to give you two a bit more of a heads up on what to expect while you are here," she continued.
At our last meeting, I had expressed some trepidation. There was little to no information about Lake Epsilon on the internet. No adverts, no reviews. Brunder had explained that, being essentially a clinic of sorts, it was essential that the privacy of Kerr Brunder's clients and patients be protected. And of course, there was the NDA which each and every visitor signed.
"As you know, the purpose of Lake Epsilon is as a retreat for our patients, and so there is a need for a great deal of discretion not just on the part of the mental health professionals, but on the part of everyone here. You are familiar with our description of Lake Epsilon as 'your safe place' - well, that's exactly what it is for everyone here. It is a place for people to feel free from the judgments, real or perceived, of the outside world, and a place to take advantage of the opportunities that that affords. They, and you, are encouraged to engage whatever behaviors they want to that align with their course of therapy, but from which they feel prohibited in the outside world. Obviously, we report any illegal behavior, but there are some things that are legal here that would not be in most other places."
"Such as?" I asked.
"Well, for example, you may see people engaging in exhibitionistic behavior that could get them into legal trouble in most places, but which here is fine because they have the explicit consent of everyone on this property to do so."
"You mean, like, fooling around in public?" Lisa asked.
"Don't expect to see a wild, bacchanalian orgy out there," Brunder replied. "But I wouldn't be surprised if you occasionally come across people being sexually intimate in a setting which ordinarily would be considered public and therefor either taboo or illegal."
"Wow. Like... where?" she asked.
Brunder shrugged.
"Everyone here has enough sense of social decorum to not expose themselves in a restaurant or somewhere that others might find off-putting. Exhibitionism means letting people observe them if they want to, but they don't want to make other people feel uncomfortable. You won't be likely confronted by anything like that until you stray from the center of our little village or the main part of the beach, or unless it's very late at night."
"Wow, okay. Thanks for the heads up," Lisa said.
Brunder nodded.
"And of course, it is important that you play your part in making this everyone's safe place, so we are absolutely intolerant of any shaming here. I know I needn't worry with you two, you are both compassionate people, but I make it a rule to make that clear to everyone here. No shaming, no judgments."
"Of course," Lisa said earnestly. "We wouldn't kink-shame."
"I don't like the term 'kink.' I know you mean well, Lisa, but to call something a kink is to mark is as abnormal. What people call kinks, I consider a component of their legitimate sexual orientation."
"Oh, that totally makes sense," Lisa agreed. "But, so... I mean this is kind of new - I don't know if I'd know how to behave if..."
Brunder nodded her understanding.
"If you come across people being sexually intimate? Behave however you want within the boundaries that are made clear by the other parties. You can pay no attention, or go somewhere else. On the other hand, exhibitionists often welcome voyeurs, of course, so unless you get a signal that it is unwelcomed, you can go ahead and watch if you want. You may even be invited to participate."
"Hold on..." I said.
Brunder held a hand up.
"This isn't some kind of swinger's resort, John, don't worry. I only want you to be prepared for things that might happen so that you are not shocked or offended in the moment, and end up getting upset, and upsetting others."
"Listen, Dr. Brunder, I hope you don't expect...." I trailed off.
Brunder waited a moment.
"John, these are my expectations of you and Lisa. You have been given shifts to work during the day at your respective workplaces, we expect you to honor your commitment there. You are expected to treat everyone with respect, and in no way shame or judge others for engaging in behavior that does not impinge on the rights of others. There is no expectation of either of you to accept any such sexual propositions, or to engage in any exhibitionism or voyeurism. Though, you are free to, of course. But your main obligation is to focus on your course of therapy."
She leaned forward.
"John, I do encourage you to take this as an opportunity to work on your anxiety. And we can talk about ways to do that."
"What anxiety?" I asked.
"You don't feel any anxiety right now, John? Am I wrong in sensing it? Just now, when I only mentioned the possibility that someone might proposition your wife, John, you seemed to become very anxious."
"Well, yeah, of course - I think it's natural to... I mean, obviously...."
"And earlier we talked about the anxiety that you suffer about your wife's behavior when she is not around. And about your anxiety that men might be flirting with her."
"Well, I mean, given her history...."
"John. Listen to me. Men are going to flirt with your wife. Men are going to hit on her. I don't mean here, or not just here, John, I mean
everywhere
that there are heterosexual men. It's not her fault, and it's not yours. It's a fact of life. Lisa is very attractive and men are going to make sexual overtures to her. We can't change that. We shouldn't want to, in fact. What we
can
change is how you deal with that reality."
I sighed.
"What do you have in mind?" I asked with trepidation.
"Well, let's look at the root cause of your anxiety. The idea of men flirting with, or hitting on Lisa is one of the biggest triggers for you, possibly because you are associating that behavior with an event that caused you to feel, among other things, a certain degree of trauma. Does that make sense? Would you agree?"
I nodded.
"Okay. So we need to separate the trigger from the trauma. I think it would be useful for you accumulate experiences where those triggers are not followed by the trauma. It's essentially desensitization therapy, which is often used to treat phobias. People who suffer a fear of heights, for example, are encouraged to put themselves in positions that would trigger that fear, so that they can recondition themselves and see the fear as irrational, and unnecessary."
