COUPLES THERAPY
Jerry Kostner and his wife Mimi were waiting in the outer room of a psychologist/therapist for their first of six ordered sessions of therapy. The therapy was ordered by the judge in their divorce case. They did not look at one another, nor speak. The young receptionist was used to these cold wars. She had only worked for Dr. Nellie Bligh for ten months. She had noticed some patterns in these situations. Dr. Bligh was watching the interactions, or lack thereof, from her office, via a closed circuit system. She found it instructive to see what the spouses would do when thrust into a room together for the first session.
In this particular case, she could see that neither spouse wanted anything to do with the other. That was somewhat unusual. Mostly one was apologetic in some way, and tried to initiate at least some contact, even if only a nod or scowl. These two studiously and completely ignored each other. That wasn't good. But she was not charged with pasting back together a marriage. Rather, she was supposed to evaluate the situation to see if it could be saved. If she concluded at any time that further sessions were futile, she could tell the judge, and he would call the parties back to court.
After ten excruciating minutes -- excruciating to them, not her -- she opened the door and invited them into her office. The office was set up with a small desk for Nellie to sit at, and two less than comfortable chairs for the spouses.
When they were all seated, Dr. Bligh started by using her standard prefatory speech. She told them that the goal of the sessions was to evaluate in an even handed way whether their union could continue, even if under changed circumstances. She told them that such sessions were often ordered in situations such as theirs, where there were minor children involved.
Nellie outlined her preferred procedures. She would set the stage by outlining what she had learned from the court papers. Then each of them would have a short time to speak about what their goals were in the sessions, if any. From there, a discussion might follow. There would be a session each week, for ten or fewer weeks. After each session the participants were to write up a summary of the session, and an evaluation of any progress. Or lack of progress.
"So, I'll begin. As I understand it Jerry works for a real estate firm, selling houses and commercial real estate. You and Mimi have two children in junior high school, George and Winfred, thirteen and twelve years old. Each one of you is thirty-five years old. You met in college and married soon after graduation. Mimi was a homemaker until six years ago, when she began work as a teacher in a private high school near here.
On a Saturday six weeks ago, the two of you went to a picnic sponsored by Mimi's school, for staff and parents. At that event, Mimi went to a secluded location with the school's physical education teacher, Blake Drake. Mimi and Mr. Drake did not walk away together, but Jerry was suspicious due to some interactions he had observed earlier in the day. Jerry knew the park quite well. He believed, correctly, that if Mimi and Drake meant to have sexual contact, they would do so near a shed at the back of the park, because it was secluded, and there was little risk of someone happening by. However, Jerry asked his friend Brenda, a neighbor who also worked at the school, to accompany him when he went to check on Mimi. He asked Brenda to have her phone camera ready.
The two walked to a spot where they could see behind the shed. Mimi and Mr. Drake were together behind the shed. Brenda took a video of them as they embraced and kissed. Mr. Drake, as it turned out, had his erect penis outside his pants. Mimi was stroking it as they kissed. One of Mimi's breasts had been exposed.
Jerry walked over and shouted at the two. His words were harsh. Mimi and Drake separated. Drake turned away and seemingly put his penis back into his pants. Mimi straightened the top of her dress and apologized to Jerry. Jerry swore at her, and called Drake an asshole. Drake was a bigger man than Jerry. He took offense, called Jerry a wimp, and started toward him in a threatening manner. Jerry stepped back from Drake, who kept advancing, and threw a punch at Jerry. Jerry then hit Drake several times, including a hard blow to the groin area. Drake was incapacitated. Jerry called for an ambulance.
Police and medical help arrived. A crowd had gathered. Drake was taken to a hospital. He was released the next day. Police were about to arrest Jerry when Brenda showed them the video. They declined to act.
Jerry and Brenda left the picnic, leaving Mimi there.
Jerry filed for divorce the next week, alleging infidelity, and incompatibility. Mimi contests the divorce, claiming that she had not engaged in sexual behavior with Drake. Jerry then filed the video as an exhibit in the divorce. I have watched it.
"Jerry, why did you file the divorce so quickly. Had you had a chance to speak to Mimi about her behavior?"
"I don't feel that any conversation would help the matter. She cheated. We agreed before we were married that that would never happen. It was a long and intense discussion at that time. We wrote it down and signed it. I have a copy, if you need it."
"Right now, that won't be necessary."
"Mimi, what led to the scene at the picnic?"
"I was....attracted to Blake. He was hired at the beginning of the school year. He's big and handsome, and he paid me some attention, flattered me. I was swayed by that. I had gained some weight from when we were married. I was insecure about it. And I thought Jerry was no longer attracted to me."
"Was this the first instance of sexual contact? Because it seems to me to have been very risky, under the circumstances."
"That day was as far as we had gone. I never saw his penis before that. We had kissed and hugged, with clothes on."
Mimi, why have you contested the divorce? What makes you believe that your marriage can be saved?"
"I am certain that, given some time, we can get back to close to where we were. Maybe not all the way, yet. I made a mistake with Blake. I crossed some lines, but I never had full sex with him, or oral sex."
Jerry piped up, "But she would've if I hadn't busted them."
"Is that so, Mimi?" Nellie did not ask this in a confrontational way.
"Maybe. I hadn't intended things to go that far. We were outside. But we got carried away. I can't say how far it would have gone."
Jerry was again at her, "Even if you wouldn't have done him there, eventually you would have fucked him."
Jerry turned to Nellie, "After I whupped him, Mimi came home with her friend, and she wanted to go to the hospital to see about Drake. She said she felt sorry for him."
Nellie asked Mimi, "If you hadn't been discovered, would you have had full on sex with him?"
"Yes. Yes, I would have done that."
"She still would do it, too, I think." Jerry was bitter.
Nellie asked, "Mimi, is it true that you might still have sex with Drake, even after being discovered?"
"Well, I don't have the same attitude toward sex and fidelity as Jerry. That was one of the matters we discussed prior to marriage. We did agree to be faithful. But also in the agreement is a clause that says the fidelity matter could be renegotiated if one partner made a serious request. I insisted on that. So, I am still attracted to Blake. I would like to invoke the renegotiation clause."
"Your answer is yes, then. You want an extra-marital sexual relationship with Drake?"
"Yes."
"Do you believe that you could have that and remain married to Jerry. His attitude appears to be different from yours.?"
"If he's reasonable. I wouldn't see Drake, or anyone else, very often. It wouldn't interfere with the marriage. Jerry and I would still have the same sex as before."
"What if Jerry refuses your request?"
"I don't know. I hope he allows it."
