"But why didn't you tell me? There are many things we might have tried and done?" David almost sobbed.
She thought for a moment, trying to put words in proper order, then began. "I have always thought of myself as a slut, not someone who is sick or just different. If there is a psychological reason, it was because I was made to feel like one from an early age. It was how I was treated by my parents, my other family and friends and as you know, the police. So the truth is, I have always been afraid of losing you if you found out what I truly am. I am just a fucking whore slut."
She continued. "Then what happens? I drove you away anyway, so it became more a case of 'what the heck' my life is already over anyway, so what if I die. But then I would yearn to have your attention and I started stalking you and that pissed you off even more."
After a breath she said, "I think I have covered your last item, but when I came back from my capture I started to wean Sean and subsequently began taking the medicine to suppress my horniness. Sean, taking after his Dad, didn't want to come off the nipples so it took longer than expected but he has accepted the bottle now, and even a small amount of solids in mashed form. The others are doing or have already done the same. We are all glad to have given our little ones a year of best mothers milk but it's hard on busy mothers and, once the others decided to move the office, it became essential, at least during working hours." David scowled at that and she took note not to labour the point.
Anyway, the meds haven't had a chance to fully kick in yet but it's getting slightly better. I still can't get orgasms except from certain people but I am trying hard to get control by distracting myself."
"Who are the people you can orgasm with?"
"Must I tell you?"
"No, it's up to you, I think Jill is one, isn't she?"
"Yes, if only I'd recognised that women were exempt from my problem, but Jill came to me after you had had sex and I could taste and smell you on her. It's nuts I know but I went off like a rocket."
"Are others still around?"
"You have done a number on most of them. Others? Well I am sure you would find out if you wanted. I don't want to say more right now because we are talking and I don't want you to shut me down again. You can't imagine how jealous I am of the women you are close to. I hear you talking to them about some important thing or other or something intimate like when you torment Lauren. I get so jealous it makes me throw up."
David felt no sympathy, despite her story he couldn't excuse what she had done to him. After so much abuse he couldn't accept that if she loved him that she could do what she did. He reached forward to his briefcase, searched around for a particular folder, and pulled it out face down. "We have had an application for a job from someone who I am told came out top of the pile of applicants. I am about to turn it down but Jane said that you had been different lately so I should see what your opinion is. It is an important application because it's a junior architect for the Retreat's design team and as you know, a trainee is an expensive investment.
Olivia's mind was racing, and the thoughts sent a little tingle to her clit and she tried her best to shut it down.
"Do you want to see who it is?" He tested.
Olivia's thoughts raced on, 'He's asking me, giving me the option, ohh god should I risk a reaction if it is who I think it is?'
David thought he could see her dilemma so he thought devilishly he would help out. "I can see what a difficult question this is for you right now. On the one hand you want to have some kind of normal working relationship with me but on the other you can't help wondering what it would be like to have someone around who might give you the sexual release that you crave."
She bit her lip as she nodded prettily. 'Much too prettily!' David thought, but his thoughts weren't about lust but about how she reacted to the thought of a certain someone else.
He put the folder away making sure she saw where it was and made sure which documents were either side, then sat back to allow his thoughts to digest what he had learnt and more importantly, what he believed. They sat quietly then he felt her hand rest on his arm, so he looked across and she smiled, not one of her entrancing smiles but a reassuring one, so he let it stand at that.
He mulled it over for a while but eventually he couldn't help himself, "Tell me about him, how you feel? What do you have together? What do you hope for in the future? Don't try to influence me, one way or the other. If I could understand, I might be able to eventually find a way forward."
She didn't answer for a long, long time. "I am not sure what to say, what is real and what isn't sometimes becomes blurred at the edges. For a while he was what my inner demon was desperate for. He was very, very, wrong, he was a vision from one of my fantasies and I could treat him like a sex slave and for that I adored him more than any other."
"My lusts soon became much more than that. I wanted to fight you and each time I wanted to do something more obscene, something that would make you sick, it became more of an obsession, it was my whole life. I was a filthy slut and I might as well live up to the title. My sickness was, if you like, completely out of control. But things change as they always do, your actions started to prevent me indulging and he went back to college. So, I had to look for new pastures and you know those stories, there was Josh and Daniel's brother amongst others."
"One day I might be well enough to thank you for all that you did, to try and protect and save me, the next I am out of control. The problem is getting the right balance, I need my lust not to define who I am, but my medicines only go so far. During our ten years I was sustained by your passion and our day to day challenges to make a success. I have lost both now and every day is a battle, the same as your friend in California."
"If Daniel or someone who satisfies my needs comes into my life now, it is always going to be short term and in my most lucid moments I realise that it is never long before I have to start all over again."
"Have you really answered how you feel? You must have spent endless time trying to get him a job with us and when I tell you he might have a chance, you look like you're ready to celebrate."
"Guilty as charged, there's no point in pretending."
David thought cynically that that had probably been the first time Olivia had ever been truly honest and his face probably expressed his disgust amongst other feelings.
"I don't blame you for hating me, it's what I forced you to. But when you were leaving for England I realised that you are my only hope and I am so sorry to say it because I am the image of any man's worst nightmare; you most of all." She turned a little sideways so that two hands held his bicep, leaned across and kissed him on the cheek, then said, "I am sorry I've burdened you again."
A sense of pointlessness came over him, he found himself feeling bereft again, such a waste of life. He just sat there staring into nothing. A stray tear worked its way out of the corner of his eye and made its way slowly down his cheek and she watched it all the way, her own heart, what little there was left of it, broke into a thousand pieces making her feel so wretched that even her demon would not have been able to overcome it.
"You know, the saddest part of all is that your lusts are more important to you than your baby. Maybe if it had been someone else who fathered the baby you might have cared, but with me it has always been a means to an end. How worrying it must have been for you that it might have been Daniel who was his father."
