Consequences - Meg

She thought her beauty could get her anything. After all, it meant nothing to her but it meant so much to others. That was until she met him. Surprise!

*

You sit down on a stool at the end of the bar and look around. Your eyes rest on me as I take a drink from my glass. I smile inwardly, and enter into a silent conversation with you as if you're actually sitting here beside me. It's a conversation I've had many times and probably will again. I just wish you were someone else, someone I would rather be talking to. But you're here and he's not. In fact, he won't be here tonight or any night. As usual, that thought causes a flash of pain but it seems to be less each time I feel it. After all, it's been two years.

But, as I said, you're here tonight, so my imaginary conversation goes something like this.

Hi. You're probably asking yourself right now,

"Who the hell is she? I know I've seen her around but I just can't place the name with the face."

You would be right: you would recognize me if I was the face behind that glass screen, surrounded by that black plastic frame and the studio backdrop was behind me. Right! My name is Megan Reilly and I'm an anchor on Channel 9, a channel you get right here in your little city.

The problem you're having is that we're sitting in a bar on seventh street in downtown Podunk City, USA, not my TV studio. You keep looking back at me as you sit at the bar, trying to convince yourself that it would be worth it to come over and try to hit on me. But then I see the hesitation in your eyes. Hell, I've seen it so many times before, and it was always the same reason. Just look at me! Have you ever seen anyone sitting in a bar alone that looked like me? Of course not! Beautiful women, especially ones that look like me with my long, wavy, platinum-blonde hair; high cheekbones under clear, translucent skin; eyes so blue most people thought they had to be contacts; a body that made men drool; those women never sit alone in a bar in Podunk City. And I

am

sitting here alone. Why, was a story in itself and I am going to tell you all about it.

First you have to know who I really am. Not the public face and body that everyone sees. Not the voice of the network writers who tell me what to say. Not the story that holds your attention for the three days we allow it to dominate the airwaves. No, the real person behind all of that crap is the one who you have to understand to understand my story.

Next, know that regardless of how much you love to look at me and how much you think you admire me, I loved to look at myself and I admired myself even more! Sound narcissistic? It is! Massively so! I am a narcissistic bitch! I have been since my early childhood when everyone told me how beautiful I was. I was a beautiful baby who grew into a beautiful child and later into a beautiful young woman. All through growing up, I remember people telling me how beautiful I was. I was almost ten when I suddenly realized that when men told me I was beautiful, it sounded different than when women would tell me the same thing.

That's when I realized that my looks and my body were things that men valued far more than women. My men teachers in grade school were far easier on me and gave me better grades than the women teachers. The same carried over into high school. I did nothing at that time to earn those marks but I did understand that my looks were the key. I learned to smile mysteriously at the men teachers and the young men who surrounded me all through school, and as I graduated grade school, then high school and went on to college, I began to perfect those gifts that God gave me.

You also have to understand how I grew up. My parents were strict evangelicals and I was forbidden to date or to go out with even a group of girls during high school. I went all the way through high school as a virgin, and not only that, I had never been seriously kissed by a boy. I was almost eighteen before I went out with a boy for the first time and that was prom night. I was allowed to go because my dad was in the hospital with a massive stroke and mom was with him so I was staying with my aunt who said I could go.

As a date, it was a bust! He was nervous at being with me, the most beautiful girl in school, and I was nervous being with him, the team quarterback, the most popular boy in school. I was afraid that my ignorance would turn him off, and he was afraid that his imagined lack of experience with beautiful women would make me think less of him. Together, we were hopeless. The night ended before midnight and while many girls lost their virginity that night, I went to sleep, my virginity intact and my mind confused.

Shortly after that, my dad died and my mom kept me home under a tight reign. That disastrous date was my first and only date with a boy until I graduated and went out on my own. I graduated high school, still chaste and still unsure of what I could accomplish. I was about to go out on my own with a full scholarship to college and while I was anxious to be on my own, I was also afraid of what I didn't know.

That confusion lasted only until my first semester in college. I was staying on campus in a room with three other girls and when I was asked out by a boy in my freshman English class, I accepted. My roommates tried to prepare me for my first real date but it was a bust again. He was nervous as usual and I was afraid, as usual. It was like that until I went out with a senior boy who was very popular and who didn't seem to be awed by my beauty. He took me out for some dancing, then a few drinks later at the lake where we sat on a blanket looking at the moonlight reflecting off the lake. It should have been very romantic but all he wanted to do was paw me and get into my pants. Fortunately for him, I was of the same mind. That was the night I lost my cherry and it hurt like hell!

I talked to my roommates about what happened and believe it or not, they were a great source of help to me. I learned from them a lot of what I needed to know, but that night opened my eyes to my charms over men and I began to be more selective in my choices. I now knew what it was like to have a boy between my legs and it was OK, I guess. It wasn't a turn-on for me but they sure liked it. I let a few more take me that first year but more and more, I began to keep my legs shut and my eyes wide open. Opportunities presented themselves to me as the year went on. I quickly learned that a smile and a wide-eyed response made some of the male teachers look twice at me and my grades seemed to respond accordingly. Just like high school! I began to use that mysterious smile I learned in high school and my grades continued to improve. I even used it with some of the more butch women teachers with the same results. I was learning!

I used my ample charms in my sophomore year for the first time to seduce one of my professors. I was having trouble with my first math course and I needed the credit to go on in my chosen profession in Communications. I decided one night as I sat in my dorm room studying that I would try something overt. In other words, I would actually do something to make him give me a good grade. I was twenty and he was closer to sixty but I decided he would be no challenge for my charms. So, after making an appointment, I found myself one afternoon on my knees in his office with the door closed and locked. What he asked and what I gave was enough to give me an 'A' for his course. He made no trouble when I told him that was the price for my silence.

The next two years were much the same. My dates were reserved for those who could do me some useful favor. That included professors, student advisors, student assistants. My grades were high and I had no trouble navigating my final years. I found during those years that using my looks and my body for personal gain had only good consequences. They were satisfied and I got what I wanted. So much for those dire warnings from my evangelical parents about the consequences of my actions!

The only area where I actually applied myself honestly was in front of the camera. The camera loved me and I adored it. Together we were a team that even those who hated me and my looks agreed was one that had a great future. My life was preordained. I would be a media star!

Fast forward a little. I graduated at twenty three with outstanding grades and a recommendation from all of my instructors whose opinion counted. I applied for and got a position with CNN as a junior reporter. I began to film on-site interviews and in only four years had a part-time gig on weekends. I parlayed that into a once a week show doing human interest stories and finally after paying my dues for seven years, got an anchor position in prime time. My face was known by almost anybody who had a TV set and I was making a nice living.

During this time, my personal life was on hold. I dated a little, but as with college, my dates were with people who could help me in my career. Sex was not something I gave out much, and it certainly wasn't free. I was known as serious and cold and not available, but a very select few had sampled the charms that I had in ample quantity and the rewards to me were well worth it. After all, I needed to maintain my public integrity but for those who could move me up the ladder fast, I could be had.

To be honest, sex held little appeal for me because I had never enjoyed it that much. Oh, I had very competent lovers at times and they were able to draw me out as much as possible but it was clear they enjoyed it more than I did. I had tried oral, anal, missionary and doggy-style, cowboy style and some sideways sex. I enjoyed it all but no more than delivering a good story in front of the camera. Actually, I loved the camera more than I liked sex. I learned early on to fake it most of the time and I had gotten very good at that. I had to fake it almost all the time.

Things remained much the same for the next two years as I left the magic thirtieth birthday behind. In my profession, age was an enemy as I well knew, watching other anchors get the boot and shoved aside. Since I was already an anchor and had achieved most of what I wanted in front of the camera, I decided to get into the management branch, where age was less a factor and more of a boost for your career. All I had to do was get someone to sponsor me and push for me. That chance came during one of our team meetings.

Team meetings were meetings with the writers, anchors, news director or managers, and some of the network bigwigs. All were present when the direction of the next several weeks was laid out and agreed to. This meeting was one where I wanted to make my pitch to begin training in the background area of directing. I knew some would see it as a threat and would push back but I had to try and get the ball rolling. I was prepared for this when the meeting was called. I would use my charms again to see what I could arrange.

I dressed for the meeting accordingly with a short, tight black skirt that was three inches above the knee, a blouse with the top three buttons undone and an understated look with my makeup. I brushed my hair until it shined and I used a touch of eye shadow to bring out the blue in my eyes. I looked at the final effect in the mirror and told myself that someone was going to go down today. I would turn it on like never before and honestly, when I did that, it was really something to see. At least, that's what many men have told me.

As I sat at the table with my coworkers, waiting for the rest of the attendees to show up, I was aware of the looks from the men, as well as the women. The men were all trying hard not to pant and the women were doing the same with their envy. I was oblivious to it all, having lived with it all my life. The reactions however, were what I wanted when the rest arrived. I was not prepared for who did show up.

Howard Rawlings, the Station Manager; Jeff Rawlings, his son and assistant; Julie Harris the News Director, three others in the accounting and advertising departments, and finally, Kendrick Lawless. Mr. Lawless was the Sales Director and Vice President of the Network News Department. In effect, we all worked for him. But that was not what got to me. I took one look at him and suddenly understood what all those men had felt when they looked at me! I fell head over heels for him at first sight.

The shock of that was like a bucket of cold water dumped over my head. I shook hands with him as he was introduced and I don't remember what I said. I know I said something because he smiled at me but I don't know what. I sat back down and watched him as he continued around the table and then the meeting started. I tried to avoid staring at him but I couldn't help it. Whatever he said or did, I was mesmerized. I was so confused and off center that I can't remember the rest of the meeting. I know I didn't bring up my request to begin training and I didn't even say a word during the information part. No one called on me and I didn't volunteer. I was still stunned.

As the meeting broke up, I remained sitting, my mind slowly clearing of its funk. I finally stood and walked out of the room, heading toward my cubicle. I was still trying to understand what had happened to me. I began to smile to myself, now aware of what I had been doing to men and boys for my whole life. God, it was terrible! I felt a sudden sympathy for them that lasted until I rounded the corner of the barrier wall between my cubicle and those of my coworkers. We all had cubicles instead of offices.

He was sitting at my desk, waiting for me. I stopped, my throat squeezed shut and my mind went blank again. Just as it had been in the meeting.

"Good morning, Miss Reilly. I've been wanting to meet you for some time. I am very impressed with your work. Would you care to have a cup of coffee with me so that I could ask you some questions? It won't take very long."

I swallowed and reached back inside myself for my confidence. I had so much, surely it couldn't have all disappeared. I tested my voice and found it relatively steady as I answered.

"I would be happy to answer your questions. And please, call me Megan."

"Wonderful! And you can call me Ken. My friends don't much like Kendrick or Mr. Lawless. Please, consider me a friend by all means."

He rose and I followed him down the hall to our small cafeteria, ignoring the looks of the men and women around us. He motioned to one of the tables and I took a seat, letting him get the pot and some cups. He held up the cream and sugar with a raised eyebrow and I declined both. He seemed to like that and brought the filled cups over to the table. As I watched him, some of my confidence returned and by the time he sat down, I had myself under control. At least until he spoke.

"Well, Megan. I guess you want to know why I asked you to have coffee with me. I hope you'll forgive me for my little lie. I don't want to ask you a bunch of questions. Actually, I only have one question to ask you. Would you have dinner with me tonight?"

Without any hesitation, or without thinking it through for advantages or if it had an edge for me, I said, "I would be happy to have dinner with you."

He said he would pick me up at my apartment at six thirty for dinner and I said I would be ready. I was actually going out on a date with a man who could probably do me a lot of good and I hadn't even considered that when I said yes. So on the one hand, this could be like all my dates; advantage to me. On the other hand, I had no interest in what he could do for me. None at all. Business was the furthest thing from my mind as I prepared for my date with Ken.

Dressed in my sexiest dress, my makeup impeccably done and my accessories perfect, I waited for one of the sexiest men I had ever met to pick me up for dinner. I wanted nothing more than for him to find me attractive and if he wanted to pursue anything tonight more than dinner or dancing, I was willing and able. I had worn my black lace bra and a black thong just in case. I was on birth control so I never had to worry about that.

As I waited I thought about Ken Lawless. What was there about him that turned me on so? I had never had a man do that for me. I turned them on, not the other way around! This was not like anything I had ever felt. I began to think about sex with him. What would it be like? Could he make love with me and bring me to a climax? I had never had a climax with a man. Sometimes with my trusty dildo, and sometimes with my fingers, but never with a man. I knew they always had a climax. I was caught unawares the first time it happened and that was the last time I allowed a man to come in my mouth. Never again!

As I felt myself becoming moist between my legs, the doorbell rang. I grabbed my purse and my wrap and opened the door. Ken stood there, a single rose in his hand, looking like the most perfect man I had ever seen. I was unable to say a word as he put the rose in my hand and smiled at me. He cleared his throat, bringing me back to reality. I took the rose and started toward the kitchen.

"Excuse me, I'll put this in a vase and I'll be ready. Would you like a drink first? I have some Scotch, I think. Somewhere, I know I have something. I don't drink much so I never think about it. But I can look for it if you life?"

I knew I was babbling but I couldn't stop. He was so perfect, so much a man. I found a bud vase and put the single perfect rose in it and set it on the counter. As I turned back around, I found myself in his arms. I stood there, rigid, hoping he would make a move and kiss me. And he did. Oh, did he! I felt his lips on mine and the feeling was like nothing I had ever felt. I raised my arms and clasped them around his neck and pulled him closer. My lips opened to his questing tongue and I allowed him full access. My own tongue wanted to move into his opening and search out his taste. He welcomed me in and we enjoyed each other as our kiss deepened. I felt a heat begin in my stomach and it quickly moved up into my chest.

My legs were growing weak with my passion as I felt him reach down and pick me up, one strong arm under my knees and the other around my shoulders. I held on to his neck with my arms as he carried me into my single bedroom. I wanted nothing more than for him to take me right then. I had known this man for no more than an hour and I wanted him more than anyone I had ever met. I had to have him right then. I knew it was crazy, insane! But I didn't care. I wanted this here and now!

Ken laid me softly on the bed, his arms sliding away from my body. I was breathing hard, looking into his eyes. I watched his hands as they unbuttoned my blouse and lifted my body as he slid it down over my shoulders and down my arms. I lifted again as he slid my skirt off my hips and down my legs. I lay there in my lacy black bra and thong as he devoured me with his eyes. I knew I was beautiful and my body was enough to excite any man. I smiled as I watched the familiar look of lust grow in his eyes, but this time my smile was tempered with a tinge of fear. Fear of what I was going to feel with this man. I knew I was about to experience something unique, unique to me at least. And I wanted it!

Ken undressed quickly as I watched each move with eyes that never left his body. I wanted to see him, naked and aroused by me. I wanted to see his muscles as they flexed when he moved. I wanted to feel his skin against mine and I wanted the heat I knew existed inside him. I was surprised to know that I wanted him inside me and I wanted that very much. I wanted to feel that rigid softness that defined a man in arousal. I wanted to feel it in my hand, taste it in my mouth and feel the fullness that it would cause inside my body. That was new and different for me.