Consequences - Contessa

Just a short tale of the justifications people use to try to make the possible consequences of their actions unimportant. But not surprisingly, what to one is justification, to another it's just crap.

Edited by LadyCibelle with care and comments and my thanks.

Consequences-Contessa

I looked at my reflection in the mirror, straightened my tie and pulled it a little more snuggly around my neck. I smiled, making sure my teeth were clean and no lingering piece of something-or-other was there to mar my visage. To my image I said, "Jeff, my man; you look marvelous!" I nodded once to myself, impressed at my own cleverness, stepped back, picked up my wallet, watch and a clean handkerchief and then, as ready as I would ever be, walked downstairs to the kitchen. I smelled coffee as I strode in and reached for a cup as I passed the counter where they were kept on a small rack.

"Coffee smells good. I really need a cup before I have to do this thing."

This thing was a meeting I really didn't want to have with a vendor I disliked immensely, but he was a necessary evil and I had little choice. It was first thing so at least the rest of the day would be tolerable. I didn't hate my job but it was really boring. I needed a change and if something didn't happen soon, I was going to make my own change.

I was speaking to Essie, my wife of nineteen years and the love of my life. Actually, her name was Contessa but everyone called her Essie. That came from a little sister who couldn't pronounce her name and Essie is what came out. It stuck. We had a son, Phillip, who left for college a month ago, leaving the house an empty nest. At least that what's they called it when the last or only child left the home. Why, I had no idea. Essie and I would still be here and we counted for something, or at least I felt we did. But, hey, who understood those witticisms that everyone said when they didn't know what else to say?

I directed my attention to my quiet wife. "Have any plans of your own today? I should be home on time, and I thought maybe we could go out to dinner tonight. Save you having to fix anything and we haven't done that for a while. Might be fun." I threw it out, expecting her to turn it down as usual.

"No, I don't have any real plans, but I might go do some shopping, check out some shops, anything like that. And no to the dinner. I'll be too tired anyway. I'll just call for some takeout."

I looked at her, not the least bit surprised by her answer. She was not even looking at me and probably hadn't even when I came in or spoke first. She hadn't been looking at me for some time now, longer than I could remember.

"Well, I didn't expect you would go for it, but I wanted to ask. Takeout is fine. It's something you've gotten very good at preparing."

That was a sarcastic and mean response, but it was also true. I knew I could say it however, since it would be too much trouble for her to respond in anything other than an apathetic word or two. As I waited, I was proved correct when she simply looked up for a second and then back down, ignoring me. Her response was typical and what I expected. It fit the pattern I had learned to live with; one that began long before today. It began sometime before Phillip left for college and had nothing to do with the 'empty nest' syndrome that Art, my friend and resident amateur shrink, kept telling me was the cause.

Essie had changed a lot in just a short time. Short in that we had been happily married for those nineteen years and we dated a year before that. She and I had been a team, a couple with dreams and plans and we shared everything. That began to change about a year ago and the change had become more pronounced as time passed. The Essie I married was becoming a stranger in our home and the loss was tearing me apart. The real problem was that she didn't see it and refused to do anything about it.

In truth, a lot of things had changed now. She used to go to the gym with Phil when he was home, but he told me she had stopped that several months before he left. She still looked trim and buff but it was beginning to be obvious that she was starting to slip around the waist, and I could see just a little bit of a tummy beginning. Not enough to make her less attractive but enough to let me know something had changed.

In addition, she had begun to be irritable and snappish with me. Nothing major, but it was rare that we could have a conversation without her ending it with some snide comment about me or my habits. Little things, like my hours being too long or the trips, too many. I hardly ever worked overtime now and I hadn't traveled for almost seven months. But it didn't have to be correct; just something to snap at me about. The old Essie would never do that without trying to smooth things over by discussion. Essie always talked first and acted later.

Her behavior changed radically and that affected the way we interacted with others. Essie was just forty two but looked younger. I was older, at almost forty nine but I tried to stay fit for her. Most people would think we were both younger than our ages and we had always been proud of that. But that was when we went anywhere together and that hadn't been the case in almost a year. No reason; just her refusal for one reason or other. In truth, I had stopped asking about five or six months ago. There was no longer any point. The comment about tonight and dinner was asked in a sarcastic tone, not that she would notice, just like her answer had been automatic.

The thing I noticed of course, being a man, was that our love life had simply faded away and died. We had always had an active and varied sex life. We did everything and enjoyed each other completely. We knew what the other liked and we always made sure that they were satisfied. But that changed. I asked, I begged, I pleaded; I did all I could to find out what happened and why she suddenly stopped wanting to make love but her answer was just a shrug and a comment about change of life and being too tired most of the time. She refused to see anyone and finally got angry when I continued to bring it up. Being the man I am, I simply let it go, hoping it would pass once she got through the 'change'. Being the man I am may be one of the reasons our life is in the state it is.

All of these things went through my mind as I sat alone with my wife at the table. I finished my coffee, rinsed my cup and placed it on the drain-board. I walked over to the door, picked up my briefcase, looked back at her sitting motionless at the table and said, "I'll see you tonight." There was no response.

I opened the door and walked out to my car, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. God, how I had loved that woman my whole adult life! How I had wanted to grow old with her and do all the things we talked about when we were younger: all the things we dreamed about, the things we could do and the places we could go. It was not even a year ago when she talked about the possibility of our moving to Florida if I got that promotion to regional VP. It was a strong possibility and still was. She hated living here in the Midwest where the winters were long and cold and the summers were short and not all that warm. She hated the cold.

I was still depressed as I opened the door to my office and turned on the lights. I settled down behind my desk, opened my computer and waited for it to boot up. I got a cup of office coffee, grabbed a doughnut from the box someone had brought and went back to open my email. I was munching on a coffee-soaked bit of doughnut when I opened the email from my boss requesting I get my butt into his office ASAP. I smiled at that since it was not that uncommon to be summoned that way. TJ and I went back a long time, both of us joining Edmonds Manufacturing around the same time. Now he was a senior VP of Design and Implementation and I was a senior manager of Research and Design.

I finished the doughnut, wiped my face and walked down the hall to his corner office. I passed the desk of Art Malone, my friend and confidant and waved in greeting. A quick word or two, a promise to stop on my way back and then on to TJ's lair. I stopped to talk to Maurine, his secretary, who told me to go right in; he was waiting.

That meeting was one that changed my life both for better and for worse. He told me I had been promoted to VP of Design for the Southeast Region! I was going to Miami as soon as I could turn everything over to my second in command and finish the projects I had open! I should be able to make the move in less than a month. I had finally climbed to the position I had coveted for so long. Essie and I could move to Miami and we could afford to buy a very nice home there, subsidized by the company. Maybe one on or near the shore, with a slip for a boat and a nice sized sailboat; motorized of course.

After sharing the news with Art, making plans with my second in command, and summarizing the open projects with provisions for either closing them or transferring them, I found it was way past lunchtime. I sent everyone out to lunch and called home. I wanted to tell Essie the news. I dialed and waited but got only the answering machine. I didn't leave a message and tried her cell next. That also went directly to voice mail so I just let it go. She was probably with Jane as she said. I decided to go home early and try to convince her to go out to dinner to celebrate. This had to be worth a dinner, at least.

I stopped at the florist and picked up two dozen long stemmed roses, pink, her favorite. I also got a large box of chocolates with nuts, also her favorites. I had the card printed with the message:

We finally got the transfer to our dream location. I love you. Jeff

I drove the entire way home humming to myself, a silly grin on my face. I was happy and on top of the world. Finally, things were coming true for us. A new future and a new life waited in Miami. Essie would change, become my active wife again and we could begin our new life together. A team like we had always been, before she started to change. I stopped that thought: this was a new day and a new beginning! Nothing could stop us now! I drove into the driveway much faster than usual and almost slammed into the garage door before stopping. I had to calm down! I was almost delirious with happiness. It was all coming up roses! That reminded me to grab the roses from the back seat, along with the candy and the card before I went inside.

I opened the door, put down my keys and carried the flowers and candy into the living room, ready to place them on the couch for a surprise later when Essie got home. I rounded the corner and moved toward the couch only to stop at the sight in front of me. As I stood paralyzed, I saw Essie with her blouse open and her skirt pulled up over her waist sitting on the couch. Between her legs was Bill Parker, our next door neighbor and one time friend, his arms under Essie's legs, holding them open for his assault on her sex. In that sudden burst of clarity that comes suddenly during some event, I noticed the room, her position, his, her panties lying on the floor in front of the couch and his pants down around his ankles. It was all crystal clear and etched into my memory for all time.

Neither of them heard me so they continued what they were doing. That was Essie, moaning and urging Bill Parker to keep on doing what he was doing. She had both hands on his head, holding him in place. For his part, Parker was licking away, one hand now stroking his own penis as he ate Essie out. It was obvious that this was not something new to either of them as Parker clearly knew what turned Essie on. I used to know that quite well. Seems I had been replaced.

I stood there another twenty seconds or so before sense returned. I felt the shock and disgust of what I was witnessing replaced by a cold anger. I wanted nothing more than to kill both of them but that was not my way. That passed and then I knew what I wanted to do. Still holding the flowers and the candy with the card, I walked into the room, moving around the couch and stopping in front of Essie, standing behind the naked ass of Bill Parker. I kicked that naked ass hard with my foot until he stopped what he was doing and looked over his shoulder. All he said was, "Oh, Shit!"

Essie's eyes had opened and she met mine staring back at her. The lust began to fade and they got wider and wider until I was afraid they were going to pop out of her head. Then she began to shake her head back and forth, saying. "no, no, no" over and over again. She realized her position and began pushing Bill's head away at the same time he was trying to pull back. The result had him sitting on his ass in front of me, almost sitting on my shoes.

As she stared at me, her eyes now full of tears and her lips trembling with her shame, she was trying to pull her skirt down and close her blouse, neither one easy to do with her hands trying to do both at the same time. I watched; the disgust on my face clear. As she looked back up at me, her mouth working and trying to form words, my disgust faded but only to be replaced by pain at seeing what my world had become. I felt the betrayal, the loss, the anger and finally the pain and I knew it was over. I had lost her forever and there was no way back. I decided to finish this now.

I took the two dozen long stemmed roses and pulled them out of the small vase they came in and threw them at her where she sat. I watched as they hit her in the face, falling around her body onto the couch and the floor. The vase followed, hitting the wall behind her. Finally, I took the box of candy, opened it and dumped the chocolates on the floor as well. The card followed, landing on the edge of the couch.

"Now I understand why you are always too tired to go to dinner with me or to make love with me. I see it now."

I turned to Bill Parker who was trying to get his pants up and his shoes on. I waited until he straightened up and then I hit him in the face with all of the anger I felt inside. I was pleased to see the blood spurt from his mouth as he fell down again. I watched as he levered himself up on his arms and I directed my next comments at him.

"I don't know how you intend to explain this to your wife after I fill her in on your afternoon activities with my soon to be ex-wife but be prepared to explain it. Now, get the fuck out of my house before I throw you out!"

I said no more but went upstairs to pull down a suitcase and begin packing. I was still furious but the anger was now fading and a new feeling, one of a deep and wracking pain began to fill me. The loss of all I had believed in was almost too much for me. The long rise from the euphoria of the promotion and then to the equally long fall to the worst depression of my life left my legs suddenly shaky. I was almost finished packing when it became so strong that I had to stop. I fell to my knees there on the bedroom floor and I cried as I hadn't since the day my mother died. I let it come, knowing there was little I could do to stop it. I waited until it had run its course, leaving me empty.

I felt her as she put her arms around me, holding me tight with her cheek pressed to the top of my head. She was crooning at me as if I were a baby: "I'm so sorry Jeff, I'm so sorry."

That was enough to stop my crying as the anger returned undaunted. I swallowed once, letting the anger grow until it burned bright again. It pushed the pain down and back, forcing it to release its hold on me. "Take your filthy hands off me! And get away from me; you stink of sex and you make me sick!"

I stood, my legs still shaking but beginning to get stronger, and closed the suitcase. I turned to look around and saw Essie kneeling there, her own face contorted in shock and covered with tears. Her shoulders were shaking with her sobs but I no longer cared.

I went into the bathroom and grabbed my shaving kit. It had my razor, my toothbrush and several other odds and ends that I kept for traveling. I took those things, dropped them into a small plastic bag and walked back out to grab my suitcase. I pushed past Essie still standing in the doorway and threw the bag and the suitcase down the steps, caring little where they landed. I went back in, looked around, picked up one or two small things from my bedside table and then walked down the steps to find my bags.

As I walked out the door, I heard Essie screaming at me to stop, to come back and talk to her but I wanted only to be gone from that place. I knew then that my marriage was over and I think I felt a small breath of relief that it had finally come to this. Everything had been moving this way for the past year and now it was time to accept that it was finished. All the sniping at me, the avoidance, the disregard for me and my needs and the total disrespect that I had endured were over. Miami was waiting and I was going alone.

I decided as I drove away that I wouldn't say anything to Bill's wife. Joyce had her own demons to fight and a useless husband wasn't going to change anything for her. Bill had his own hell at home to live in and I wished him and Essie the best. They deserved each other. I had a new job, a new place to live and freedom to enjoy the rest of my new life with someone who would love me for who I was. I never looked back.

Contessa

I had been feeling depressed and anxious for some time now. I knew part of it was that Phillip was going to be going to college soon and I would be alone for most of the day then. Part of it was the beginning of that time in a woman's life before menopause when she begins to believe that she is no longer young and beautiful and alive to all life has to offer. My world had been Jeff and Phillip and the house and the things I could do to make their world a pleasant and safe place for so long now that the fear of losing all that was almost a sickness.

Most of all, I was feeling very strange a lot of the time. Nothing I could put my finger on, or something I could tell a doctor about, just a strange feeling that something was wrong. I felt off, not myself, and I was beginning to become worried about it. I hesitated to talk to Jeff about it knowing he would try to get me to go for help somewhere. He was a man and all he could think was to try to fix things. I didn't want things 'fixed'! I just wanted to be left alone to take care of myself. Nothing needed fixed!

He had already talked to me about my unwillingness to go out or do things, and the death of our love life, something I had little or no interest in now but for the life of me, I didn't know why. I used to love making love with my husband and nothing happened to change that. I just couldn't get up the energy to do it now. But that would change again. Things would run their course and I would be back the way I was. I just needed time.

He wouldn't believe me but I knew I was neglecting him something awful. He tried to do things for me, ask me to go to dinner or to a play or just out anywhere. I said no: nothing he suggested raised any interest inside me. I soon got tired of his asking and began to snap back at him and say mean things to him that I later regretted but never apologized for. I finally began to let it go, just let his pleas slide off my back. I began to ignore my husband, and often, my son. Later, it got even worse but by then it was too late for me to change it.

I didn't realize it at first, but my decline had begun. I began to let my time at the gym with Phillip slide since I doubted I would continue once he left. I didn't enjoy it that much anyway but Phillip loved the way it made him feel and he wanted that feeling for me. While I enjoyed his enthusiasm, I never got into it the way he did. I began to miss some sessions and then more and more. But it was dumb luck that things happened then, just after I decided I was going to quit.