"Why don't you all come and see the game at my place on Saturday?" invited Eddy.
The consensus was that this would be a fine idea. Eddy had converted his basement to what he called a media room, but what anyone else would call a man's hideaway. He had mounted a big plasma screen on one wall and put in a pool table and a fridge. We had to supply our own beer of course, but with six of us contributing we'd be able to mix the drinks up a bit.
I was the first to arrive on the Saturday, and so I copped the initial chill. Eddy's wife, Jasmine, hadn't been asked about the little get together, apparently, and had made alternative plans that Eddy had ditched without a qualm. She was livid and Eddy was oblivious.
When I arrived Jasmine invited me in. The words she spoke sounded reasonable, but there was a chill in them that made me look up at the sky to see if snow was falling. Jasmine was being icily correct, directing her husband's guest down to the media room. (You may have noticed I said her husband's guest, not hers.)
Jasmine, what can I say about Jasmine? She was about twenty five, slender but with a pair of prominent attributes. When she was walking away from you, you found your eyes automatically following that swaying bottom and wishing. Today she was wearing yoga pants and a tight top. It was an odd situation. She was walking around looking like a Playboy fantasy, while icicles formed in the air around her.
When I met Eddy downstairs I thought that maybe I'd imagined the chill coming from Jasmine. Like I said, he seemed completely oblivious to it.
Then Brian and Mark fronted up, Mark winking to me, hitching a thumb in Jasmine's direction and making hot, hot, hot, signs. They didn't seem to notice any ice.
Shortly after the others arrived and I put Jasmine out of my mind while we settled down to watch the game, which soon proved to be rather boring from my point of view. It's odd, but I always get bored watching a game where my team is losing. Does that ever happen to you?
Just after quarter time I needed the bathroom, but the one in the basement was already in use, so Eddy told me to just run upstairs to the main bathroom. So I went, went when I got there, washed my hands and started to return to the game. That's when Jasmine struck again.
As I stepped out of the bathroom Jasmine swept past me and in. Conspicuously straightening the towel I'd used and checking the room generally as though I might have turned it into a pigsty in my brief visit.
Now the correct way to handle a situation where your host's wife is being rude and obnoxious, is to smile politely and pretend you don't notice anything is amiss.
So I smiled politely and said, "Jeez, Jasmine. What is your problem? You're snarling around the place like a bear with a sore tooth."
"I'm sorry?" she comes back at me. "I'm not sure what you mean?"
"I mean that you're acting as though I'm carrying the plague and that the slightest bit of civility will cause you to catch it," I said.
"I am being perfectly polite," she told me, ice literally forming on the walls as she spoke.
"Why bother? You're not fooling anyone. If you want to have a go at someone, go right ahead, but if you're thinking of trying it on me take a friendly bit of advice. Don't."
"Or what?" she challenged. "You'll run crying to Eddy?"
"Now why would I bother Eddy about a silly little thing like you being rude and disrespectful?" I asked. "No, I'd just smack your bottom and tell you to behave and leave you to go running crying to Eddy for protection."
