Coincidence Ch 02

Just what is a man supposed to do when he walks in the door expecting to find his pretty wife waiting for him and it seems she isn't?

Some guy I didn't know from Adam is in my fucking closet still sporting the remains of a hard on?

Hell, I was a good and faithful husband! Sure, I looked and things like that but I never acted on any of those thoughts.

Well, there was that situation that just happened down in Sacramento with that broad named Donna but that was nothing. Kinda fresh in my mind since it was just a couple of days before, but that was no big deal.

After all, I am a guy, for Christ's sake.

That was different, it was an accident.

This was no accident, Jennifer had been fucking some prick in my god damn bed!

"What the fuck is going on?" I yelled, walking over and jerking the closet door open. The asshole stood there naked as a jaybird, his hands trying to cover his nuts.

My being pissed off would be the understatement of the century!

But I fixed the jerk in my fucking closet, I was bigger than him and could see that I scared the piss out of him, I even poured my glass of milk right over his fucking head.

Then I gave Jennifer a ration of shit, she had it coming, too. I yelled and she broke down and told me, I guess it was the truth anyway.

Fucking some asshole not just once but twice?

Yea, I knew she had fucked a couple of guys before we met because she told me so when I asked her about it way back when we were dating. That I could handle even though I didn't like it one bit.

It's nice to get a relationship off on the right foot, no secrets. So I told her about my own lack of experiences.

I left out the parts about the massage parlors, a few one night stands I had managed to score, and the time I picked up a hooker out on 82nd and it seemed she had a half dozen over sized friends nearby.

They had badges too. The bitch even let me have a look at her nipples when she leaned over into my car. I tried to bring that part up in court but she just lied through her teeth.

Portland used to be a pretty nice town until we got a woman mayor that was uglier than a mud fence. It seems since she never got any, nobody else was supposed to, either.

Hell, they even named a fucking sidewalk for that broad, put it in the fucking river!

Portland is one weird town, let me tell you.

Me? I got three fucking days in the pokey. It would have been just one but I yelled at the judge.

"Jail for getting laid? Are you out of your fucking MIND!" came out of my open mouth before I could even think.

"$300 and three days!" The asshole banged his gavel so I cleverly kept my mouth shut after that.

So yep, no point in going into any detail about some of my early years shit. I owned right up to a few of my fumbling attempts at getting laid. That other stuff?

Just guy shit.

So after my coming clean, Jennifer told me about her own experiences growing up.

She told me they didn't know what they were doing and my cock was way bigger than theirs were. She also told me that nobody else could make her feel the way I did.

Hell, I knew that already.

+++

But this crap? Asshole in my closet?

I really did care for Jennifer, people make mistakes and things like that. She had always been one hell of a good roll in the hay, she kept a spic and span house and the laundry was always done.

Hell, she was even careful with money! That all by itself was worth a couple of points.

She cooked good, looked good too. When we went out I could always be proud of her on my arm, Jennifer kept herself in shape and it helped my ego seeing other guys checking her out.

Things could have been a hell of a lot worse, my first wife mostly ate chocolate, spent my money on bullshit and gave me a blow job once or twice a month.

When her ass got to be so big my pants were too small for her that was it, I got rid of her. She really didn't act like she cared all that much, she got the fucking bank accounts and the car which I had to make the fucking payments on.

I got the house just because she wanted no part of it, we were so far upside down on the mortgage that if we did sell it we would have to pay someone to take it.

Probably have to agree to mow their fucking lawn for a year or two, also.

Then it took me 5 days and two dumpsters to get rid of all the butter dishes and milk jugs, every fucking thing my first wife brought home she kept. Yep, empty boxes, too.

Never know when we might need an empty box or a butter dish, she told me many times.

I never did figure out what she did with all the little over priced shampoo bottles that had tops on them that looked like someone's dick.

Well, I guess I had an idea though.

Yep, no doubt I was way better off with Jennifer. I gave that a lot of thought that night in the spare bedroom.

Letting some asshole dip his wick in her was a bit much, not something I was going to stand for.

If I did kick her ass out into the proverbial snowbank, that meant sure as hell she would get the dab of money we had saved up, the fucking car, probably the fucking furniture too.

I wasn't about to go through that shit again.

So I spent the rest of the night making damn sure she knew I was really pissed off about it. Make her life fucking miserable for a while, scare the piss out of her, get her back under control.

Hell, I had gotten a little nookie myself and damn fine nookie it was, too. It wasn't like I had me a pure white as snow virgin in Jennifer anyway, she had at least a couple of dicks in her before and it didn't hurt anything, so no big deal.

By the end of the next day I more or less had come to accept that the jerk had just gotten her drunk.

Took advantage of her, what a horse's ass.

Not everyone can hold their booze like I can, I guess.

Best to just forgive her and let things get back to normal. Since I had caught her cold in the sack, it was kinda like sitting on three aces and watching the other guy raise big.

I play poker very well, nice straight face too.

The little situation with that Donna gal down in Sacramento?

Yep. Keep a nice straight face. No point in bringing that up, it would just cause trouble.

Anyway, Jennifer and I had makeup sex, probably best described as me pounding the dickens out of her, teach her a fucking lesson by God.

I finished her off by sticking it right up her ass, too, usually she squawks about me trying that.

Funny, she acted like she kinda liked it? Of course then I got the "I'm sorry" and "Never do it again" along with "I was drunk" and some "You are the only one that can make me feel like that!"

Then she does the "Boo hoo hoo" shit.

That did make me feel better but not much. But by God, at least I had control of things here.

Now some guys might go all goofy crazy and do something stupid, raise hell and throw the baby out with the bath water. Hell, every fucking day on the news some dick wad goes and gets a gun and shoots somebody over pussy.

It just pussy, for Christ's sakes.

Sex to me is a lot like the five second rule, drop the bacon on the floor, so what? Still bacon.

Some guy hoses the old lady? So what, wash her off real good, still the same old lady. Hell, I washed my own dick real careful after sticking it in Donna everywhere I could think of, I even checked for hickeys.

Not a single sign left, so what's the big deal?

Besides, I was a good and faithful husband! Had to be, except for that trip down to Sacramento, Jennifer was damn near always within sight.

But I was still pissed off at the guy. Get MY wife drunk on her ass and take advantage? That's every bit as bad as using MY fucking lawnmower without asking, or opening up one of MY emails on MY goddam computer!

I needed to put the fear of God into that prick.

Just one thing left to do. Go down to that bar and have it out with that asshole, John.

Why?

Hell, I don't know. I really wasn't sure what I wanted to say to him, I mostly wanted to yell and create a fuss or something, maybe even beat him up.

I was pretty sure I could beat him up, anyway, I was a good 40 pounds bigger than he was. Of course most of that 40 pounds is on my belly and ass but it still counts.

+++

I really had the upper hand once we got there, I was sure that John was afraid of me and Jennifer was standing there blushing and looking down.

Everything under control, I was getting my pride back and all.

I was going to be the better man in this situation.

+++

Then in walks Donna.

Big fucking smile, she goes "Hi, Frank! We keep running into each other."

Heads turn my way.

Oh, shit!

I put on my very best innocent expression, the same one I used when my Mom caught me eating her batch of fresh baked Chocolate Chip cookies that time.

Which I would have gotten away with except for the fact that I ate all of them.

It took John about three seconds to go from being scared to being pissed off.

"You son of a bitch!" He yelled. His face went dark and his fists clenched.

I glanced at the door but Jennifer was between me and it and the look on her face would back down a Grizzly Bear.

I didn't think that John would actually swing at me, after all, I was way bigger than...

The mother fucker swung at me!

He might have hit me too, except it surprised me and I didn't duck. His fist whistled right by the end of my nose. I hauled off and hit him back except he moved and my fist went right over his shoulder.

We met smack dab in the middle, I had one hand pushing on his neck and I was pulling on his arm with the other, he had one hand on my neck and was pulling on my other arm.

We went around in a little circle just like that for a few seconds. I growled at him and he growled back.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Donna march over to Jennifer.

"Come on, honey." She said and they both turned and walked out the door.

I would have gone after her but I was kind of busy with this asshole, we were still going around in circles.

I was going to kick his ass from here to Kansas and back if I could ever get the motherfucker's hands off of me.

Finally I saw him giving up and his grip relaxed, so I let go and made it to a chair, panting.

"Had enough, mother fucker?" I gasped.

"Have YOU had enough?" He barely managed to get out.

We sat there and glared at each other for awhile.

"Where in the fuck did the girls go?" He asked, scowling at me as soon as he finally stopped gasping for breath.

"They went out front." I panted.

"We better go get them."

I was thinking we were both better off with them out there and us in here, at least right at the moment.

"So you fucked Donna, huh, you fucking cheating cocksucker?" He growled at me.

"Well, you fucked Jennifer!"

"Yea, I did. Nice piece of ass, too, cocksucker!"

"Just fuck you, John, quit calling me that or I will fuck you up! Besides, Donna sucked my dick!" I snarled.

"Big fucking deal, Frank, Jennifer sucked mine too!" He retorted.

"Prick!"

"Asshole!"

I went for him, we met in the middle and did a few more circles.

Finally he got tired and let go, I sat back down trying to catch my breath again.

We glared at each other again for awhile.

"I just can't stand the idea of you sneaking over to my house and fucking my wife when I'm not around!" I was starting to catch my breath now.

"I suppose you want me to come over and fuck her just when you ARE around then?" He snarled.

We both looked at each other. Then we both broke out laughing, somehow that was funny as hell.

"Screw this, let's go see what they are up to. We are all assholes. Maybe we should take them out someplace nice or something?"

"OK. That will probably work. Where?"

"Beats me, we will think of something. Let's go see how pissed off they are."

We got up and went out into the main bar.

Nobody was there, except for one old man down at the end of the bar nursing a beer and a guy over playing a video poker machine.

"Hey, Bill! Where did the girls go?" He asked the old man.

"They came out and said something to Caroline and then they all left." He said, smirking at us as he took a swig.

"Who the fuck is Caroline?" I asked him.

"My bartender, at least I think she is."

I walked over and stuck my head out the door.

My car was gone.

Just fuck!

"They took off." I told John.

"Oh, shit." He said.

"Just fuck'em, they will come back." I said.

"I'm not so sure of that." He had a worried look on his face now.

"Drink up, we are closing!" He yelled out.

"Hey, it's only 9:30!" The old man protested.

"I don't give a fuck, drink up!" He yelled again.

"Hey, I still have $30 in credits here!" The guy on the video poker machine complained. He took one look at John and hit the cash out button.

John went over to the register, looked inside.

"Just fuck!"

"Now what's the matter?"

"The bitches took all the fucking money!"

"What about my ticket here?" The customer demanded.

"Hey, loan me $30.00." John asked me, holding out his hand.

"Jesus, you are a real piece of work!" I told him, but I handed him a twenty and a ten.

He had them out the door in record time.

"Come on, we will take my truck." He said.

"I'm not riding anywhere with you." I snarled.

"Walk then, you ain't got no damn car!" He snarled right back.

I sighed and got in.

We were a half dozen blocks down the road when I asked him why they had taken his bartender, Caroline.

"I have a feeling that Donna knows about that, too." He said, casting me a worried look.

"Oh? Knows about what?....OH!"

"Man, you really are a piece of shit, aren't you?" I told him.

"You ain't exactly a fucking priest, asshole!" He growled.

Nobody was at my house, we went past a half dozen other bars, the car wasn't there. I called Jennifer's cell phone but it went to voice mail.

I was pretty sure her phone was sitting on the charger at home. We even drove out to Oregon City to John's house, nobody there, either.

On the way John asked me a few questions, I told him how I met Donna. I even told him that we just got drunk on those goofy looking drinks and her dipping the slice of Orange into the drink and feeding it to me.

"Yea, the bitch does that with me when she gets horny, too."

"Hey, I am really sorry about that." I lied.

"Things just happen I guess."

"Yea, I guess. Let's just see if we can find them, get the air cleared out."

We were coming up 82nd avenue and passed a bar I had been to a few times.

"Hey, fuck this shit. They will show up sooner or later, let's get a drink." I said.

"OK." He pulled a U turn right where the big sign said "No U turn" and went back and pulled in.

There was a half dozen people in there, we sat down. I ordered a Kesslers and cola and he ordered one of those pink things with the Orange slice in it. He used his credit card, least he could do, I thought.

"You gotta be kidding me!" I told him with a snicker, eyeing the glass the bartender sat down.

"Hey, fuck you, I like them." He told me.

"You try to feed me that Orange slice and I will knock you off your bar stool!" I laughed.

He laughed too.

Hell, the guy was an asshole but not that bad, I decided.

We sat and had several drinks. It turned out he liked to bowl and so did I, we chatted about that quite a bit.

Then we talked about fishing, turned out he liked to fish, too. His 12 1/2 pound Rainbow Trout was no match for my 58 pound Spring Chinook Salmon I told him I caught out in the Multnomah channel.

When I mentioned that was on four pound test line he sulked awhile and mentioned his 778 series he bowled a couple of months back.

After rolling a few amazing imaginary games back and forth at each other, he asked me if I wanted to shoot some pool.

I just happen to be damned good at pool, so why not?

"Five bucks?" He asked me, grinning.

I nodded, grinning right back.

Then it hit me.

"Hey, I thought you didn't have any money!"

"I will in a minute." He grinned.

"Oh yeah? We will see about THAT!" I said as I chalked up.

Sixty bucks later I gave up, we went back and had some more drinks.

Double fucking banks into the side pocket on the 8 ball? What kind of shit is that?

I hadn't thought about the fact that the fucker had two pool tables in his own bar.

More drinks, why not?

Something in there later about a skinny broad with oversize fake tits shoving them in our faces, doing one dance in my lap, then one in John's?

I wasn't too sure where that was. Hell, I wasn't too sure how we even got there.

+++

Which is how we ended up at my house with no idea at all how we got there, either.

I opened my eyes, looked around. It was daylight out, nobody was there. I managed to get out of the bed, I was still dressed in the clothes I wore the night before. In the bathroom I turned on the sink faucet, turned my head sideways and drank a couple of gallons of water. Then I washed my face.

In the living room, I spotted John. He was asleep on the couch, I guess he had managed to get undressed because his clothes lay in a pile on the floor. He had one of the blankets off our spare bed pulled over him. I went over and looked out the window, John's truck was parked on top of what used to be our hedge. I think he might have driven all the way into the house but our Cherry tree stopped him.

I groaned and headed for the kitchen.

Jennifer, Donna, and the woman I figured was Caroline were sitting there drinking coffee.

Oh, shit!

I would have run but it was far too late.

"Morning, honey!" Jennifer said brightly. I looked at her, expecting to see her mad as an old wet hen but she just sat there smiling.

"Uhh...morning." I said, standing there with a stupid look on my face.

"Big night, huh Frank?" Donna pipes up with a grin.

"I need some milk." I went over to the fridge and poured a glass.

"Hey, can I get some of that?" I looked back and John stood there, all he had on was his briefs.

"Go put some fucking pants on!" I growled.

It hit me that he had a big red smear on the front of his white briefs. That sure as hell wasn't blood.

My mind flashed back to something about the big titted broad, normally they won't do some things in the back room during lap dances but she had his credit card.

I grinned to myself. Just wait until the fucker gets the bill for that one, I thought.

Donna scowled, Jennifer gave me a dirty look. I put on my best completely innocent face.

John looked down, realized, he turned and went back into the living room.

"It's no big deal, we have all seen him in his underwear before!" Caroline said, and then all three of them laughed like that was fucking funny.

"Where in the hell did you go last night?" Jennifer asked me, a dark look on her face.

"We had a couple of drinks, shot some pool. John is really good at pool, why he made this double bank on the 8 ball shot that...."

"Asshole! You were in some strip joint, weren't you?" Jennifer growled.

"Well, where in the hell did you girls go? We looked everywhere, we were worried sick, about to call the cops...and stuff."

Best defense is a good offense, everyone knows that.

"Yea, it looks like you were real worried, all right. We went to a Pizza parlor, we ate and had a nice chat and then we went dancing." Jennifer said.

"Pizza? Dancing? ....What?"

"You guys were being such assholes, we decided to go somewhere more...pleasant." Donna stuck in there, grinning.

"Yea, we had a ball!" Caroline said.

I glanced at her, she had on a blouse and a pair of slacks, she didn't look quite as skanky as she did in her black gown at the bar.

"Dancing? Who with?" I asked.

"Just some cute college kids at the country place on Foster." Jennifer grinned at me.

"Yea, that guy with the black cowboy hat, what a hunk!" Donna said.