Just a quick, fun one, with no real sex. Hope you enjoy.
*****
Doing a long distance sales run through the prairies or heartlands has its disadvantages: the cities are rather spaced out and the terrain is flat and mostly empty. However, on my third time of making the four-week trek, I started to appreciate some of the advantages: many of the small towns and villages were so unique and full of interesting characters and colorful local tales that more than made up for the boring drives between them.
On this one specific trip, I stopped at a tiny town that I've never been to before for supper. I made a point each time to find new places. As soon as I stepped into the only pub/restaurant, I was so surprised by the décor that I let out a loud giggle. Everything was UFO themed, from the green flying saucer bar chairs to the neon alien lights. All over the walls were pictures and new paper clippings from alleged sightings. The place was almost empty except a group of three elderly men sitting together playing cards at a back table.
"Problem with my place?" said a grisly man who had to be in his late sixties, looking quite offended by my reaction.
"Sorry, just was caught off guard," I said looking around, "I'd expect this in New Mexico, not Montana. This is great."
"Can I get you something?" the man said, looking like he wasn't completely sure I was sincere.
"A pint of draft and a menu, please," I said.
I sat down at the bar, and was pleasantly surprised to see even the menu was UFO themed. Hotdogs were probes in buns; burgers were mutilated cows; and onion rings were crop circles.
"So, I'm guessing locally there's been a few sightings around here? Crop circles?" I asked the bartender as he brought my beer.
"Shit, crop circles are just damn kids with too much time on their hands," he said while looking at me like I was a complete idiot, "Kids around here know better; they'd get such a whopping pulling shit like that. We have had a couple of sightings, though. One made national news in the sixties, and an abduction that's a bit of a local legend."
"Oh, someone was abducted?" I said very interested. I didn't believe in aliens, but still found stories about them fascinating.
"Couple people at once." He gestured towards the card players. "Larry, his ex-wife Betty was abducted at the same time as Slappy. It's quite the story if you're interested."
"Yeah, sure..."
"Hey Lar, get over here. This fella will buy ya a round to hear about Betty's abduction," called out the bartender.
The oldest looking of the three card players, who also looked to be in the best shape physically replied, "Sure, Merv. We're done for a bit any way."
I turned to Merv. "But wasn't the other guy abducted too?"
Merv grinned and shrugged. "Yeah, but Larry tells the story way better than Slappy."
"Yes he does," said a shorter chubby man who was approaching the bar beside Larry.
"Mike," I said extending my hand to both older gentlemen.
"Larry." For looking around eighty, he had a firm grip.
"Don, but everyone calls me Slappy. Used to brawl a bit in my late twenties," said Slappy, who didn't look like he could fight much now, except a couch cushion for the remote control.
After Merv served all three of us a beer, Larry started, "Well, I guess a bit of background would help. This was decades ago, me and Betty were in our mid-thirties and Joshua, our only kid was a teen. Already old enough to drive around - just not legally. I worked as a mechanic, specialized in farm equipment. We lived on an acreage about ten miles from town. Across the road was the old Finkle farm homestead; that is until he passed away. Another farmer bought his land and rented the homestead out as an acreage to a young married couple, barely in their twenties. And both as attractive as any people you'd ever meet."
"You're being kind," said Slappy with a grin, "You were still a big bean-pole back then, but Betty was turning as many heads as my Louise. We both lucked out there - at least until she left you..."
The look Slappy was giving Larry, it seemed like friendly teasing but felt cruel. Seeing Merv glance between the two, I'm sure there was something else to their relationship.
"That's the past and we both had good lives apart, may she rest in peace," continued Larry, "Anyway, us couples became friendly and cracked open plenty of beer and wine bottles. Slappy worked at the bank, and was brilliant with numbers, but wasn't a handy man, so I helped out as much as I could. I admit, he did have an eye for designing and cultural stuff and helped Betty whenever she wanted to change things up in our house. From time to time, he'd volunteer to head to Graniteville - bigger town in the area, which actually had a little mall - to take Betty to pick up something for the house.
"On this particular day, Betty was baking and out of baking soda. She went next door to see if she could borrow some from Louise. About ten minutes later, she calls me from Louise's house and said Slappy needed to head to town to grab something so she was catching a ride with him.
"Now, it should've been less than an hour that they'd be gone, but there was no sign of them for over two hours. I was in our front yard when I saw Slappy's truck pull up. There was my Betty and Slappy looking complete disheveled and with no supplies from town.
"Betty looked in shock and speechless when she saw me. She exited the truck in tears and came and hugged my so tightly I thought she'd crush me. 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry,' was all she'd say.
"It was at this point, Slappy came out and told me that they never made it to town because they were abducted by aliens. 'Aliens?' I said. Betty looked up at me and said it was true and so horrible. As she told me, they were driving and then the truck just started acting funny. They turned down a side road so Slappy could look into it. The truck then stopped working all together and then there was a blinding light. Next then they knew, they were outside the truck on the grass and their clothes messed up and it was over ninety minutes later.
"Apparently, besides getting roughed up a bit, Slappy wasn't worse for wear. However, my poor Betty was probed. When we went inside, she went and showed me her privates and sure enough, her asshole was puckered like the mouth of a balloon and awful alien seed dripping out. Looked like human semen, just thicker."
I couldn't help watching Slappy's and Merv's reaction to this. Both looked like they were trying hard not to smirk or laugh. Alien semen in her ass? I was really starting to dislike Slappy and felt a little sorry for poor gullible Larry. I was thinking it probably was for the best that his wife left him.
