No realities were predictable that day, not the day I learned that my ever loving wife was a whore.
Praise whatever gods you idolize when your life moves onward effectively though haphazardly. Forget reality. Take it from me, you don't want to experience reality or an orderly process of fate.
If only I could turn the clock back to a time before I demanded reality and ended the day in blood bath. I would still have my happy home, and Bill and Marcie would be on their way to our house for steak and our Friday night card game.
I know! We require that life be rational. But we know it isn't and never can be reduced to philosophic satisfactions through double-entry bookkeeping.
That's the natural state of affairs, everything screwed up but functioning beautifully. We always bitch and bellow demanding that just once God should permit everything to make sense.
It was Friday. I needed to leave my office early to pick up the take-out steaks at Outback. Our Friday night gathering of friends would begin at 7 o'lock.
But Parker "Bruno" Saudi walked into my office at five minutes to five demanding that I review the legal aspects of another bar he wanted to buy. He owned seven bars, truck stop cafes and two strip clubs.
You simply cannot afford to like the surly, swaggering piece of personified obscenity. Oh! He always exudes the fragrance of some cologne that I couldn't afford to sniff. Of curse, his wardrobe is directly from a Fortune magazine picture depicting the fashionable ease sleaze of 21st Century movers and shakers.
After I scanned his brief outline of the proposed purchase, he packed his briefcase and strode to the door. Then he turned and dropped the first piece in my wished for orderly philosophic procedure.
Fate was about to give me my first installment of unfabled reality in the staging of life's rich pageant. Bruno had previewed my Saturday night. Revelations come with reality.
Revelations are essential to logic and order, you know.
"I got my letter of acceptance from the country club," He said. "Thanks for sponsoring me. I just knew someone would black ball me."
What!
I had not and never under any circumstances would have recommended this bundle of pure garbage for anything in my civilized world. Then he added insult to injury, to use the only applicable cliche.
"I really enjoy dancing with your wife and her friend," he said seriously, as if exchanging a sacred confidence. "Did your wife tell you that I danced professionally as a stripper to work my way through college?"
Bruno assured me that he would be at the country club's Saturday night charity casino. He was "no piker" when it came to opening his wallet for charity, he boasted.
"Tell your girls to get their dancing shoes greased," Bruno said, laughing in a gross display of self awareness.
It was 6:45 by the time the waitress had packaged my steaks, and I was on the way home. As I waited for the steaks, I found that I could not dismiss Bruno's strange dialogue about my sponsoring his country club application.
Of course, the burgeoning concern beginning to take root in my unconscious and bleed into my conscious was the beasts' comments about dancing with our wives.
What the hell and when and where? Implications of Bruno's strange remarks and obvious confidence could quickly explode into damaging questions.
Cell phones save many marriages, making it possible to assure wives that you are 15 minutes away. No one will miss a beat in taking the first bite of succulent Outback prime cut.
Everyone stood on the patio cheering for me as I got out of the car with the steaks at precisely 7:00 p.m. Our night's well practiced routine proceeded to it's usual happy conclusion with coffee in the living room.
Marcie's rings were not on her fidelity finger.
As she served the after dinner coffee in the living room and handed me my cup, I spontaneously looked up at her with an idle question in my unconscious expression. It was a novelty.
Our wives made a big thing of never removing their rings.
It still wouldn't have given credence to the disturbing overtones if Marcie had not reacted with a flash of fear. When she realized that I was looking at her barren ring finger, she stiffened and mouthed a plea for me not to say anything.
Our standard of measuring success was found in the equation that gave happy sums of family plus friends plus respectfully gained fortune. For our four families, that creed had worked phenomenally.
Agreed! It sounds too idealistic to be true. Well! The ideal continues to flow in the river of life's continuum, but my little slice of life turned sour for a time, so bitterly humiliating that my anger threatened my sanity.
This customary Friday night get together was always a pleasing end to a busy if not hectic work week. All of the usual suspects were at our house for good food, rational drink and mutually refreshing conversation.
There were Bill and Marcie, Francis and Claude, Jerry and Gilda and my wife, Margie, and of course me. I'm Craig McGee Stone. Laugh if you will, but my mom had a reason for giving me that conversation stopper of a name. You guessed! They call me Mcgee.
No need for background. Just remember that Marcie and my wife, Margie, had pledged their friendship as long ago as when they were in the third grade. Their bond had endured through adolescent years and matured as roommates in college. All of us had been acquainted during the college years; but it was only happenstance that we had found jobs or established ourselves professionally in the same town and bought homes in the same neighborhood.
For 18 years our four families, all neighbors or business partners, had marched to the same drummer. We supported our church and advocated its core values. Of course, the key to our pleasure and success as a close knit unit was the word "fidelity."
Though a bit pretentious, perhaps, it was the shared creed of our circle of four families. Just last year all four couples had participated in "ceremony of renewal" in which we stood at the altar and before God and held up our left hands to display our rings.
"Eternal love is embodied in the ring of gold," we said in unison. "Gold is the purest material element representing beauty and the ring is a circle and in physics we have learned that circles have continuity that never ends."
No pretensions of being richer, smarter, sexier or funnier were expected. And come to think about it, we all had tacitly agreed over time not to indulge the more obnoxious aspects of close friendships.
Until the time I began this story, I had considered that eventuality to be a good thing.
As the party ended, and Margie and I had accompanied our friends to the parking apron beside the house, I grasped Marcie's hand while saying goodnight. One again I discovered an anomaly.
When I quickly met her eyes in response to my surprise, her mouth moved as if to speak but no sound came. Then she turned abruptly, slid into the car and averted her eyes from my questioning gaze.
Fate was not finished with me that night.
As we prepared for bed, Margie walked into the bedroom from the bath working lotion into her hands. I asked her to rub some of the residual on a rough spot on my arm.
My blood pressure spiked as she placed her left hand on my arm and rubbed the oil into the tissue. Her rings were missing.
"Where are your rings?" I asked suppressing the tension.
"Oh! I left them at the jeweler's to be cleaned," she said casually.
Firsts in all things matter and have significance. This was the first lie in what would become an avalanche of deceptions. Incredibly all of the lies would flow logically.
Holding my peace in the face of a bald faced lie required all the reserve I possessed. I stared at her in silence until I almost lost my advantage.
Well! This particular Friday things did develop by the numbers.
Rationally, three things fell into place before midnight; and I will regret forever seeing my wish granted for logic and revealed truth by the numbers. Oh, God, I pray that you will never again stop my merry-go-round and grant me leave to get off.
You can bet that I did not leave the witch's brew simmering. I was out of the house an hour earlier than normal, having stealthily called Bill Mason after Margie slept soundly.
We met at the pancake house where Bill devoured a stack, two eggs and a rack of bacon. I Could drink only black coffee. To say the least, I was not well; and the thought of food rattled my digestive system.
During the night, my rabid brain had forced the issue and butchered rather than refined the facts. I awoke with a settled though sickening conviction that my wife and Marcie were anything but what they seemed.
Of course this manifested as a destructive force. I had loved Margie as one of God's most exemplary achievements. For more than 20 years, she could do no wrong in my view.
Now! What the hell! Reluctantly, though with determination, I told him what I knew as fact and did not hesitate to adduce what my instincts were producing as dire probabilities.
Bill Mason's face became wooden and paled before flushing with a feverish red tint. He was a big man in all senses. I admired his brilliant engineer's genius that at time functioned incredibly in discussing Aristotle or the theology of Abraham, Moses and Paul.
Rest assured that neither Bill Mason nor I failed to remember the good times and all that had come before. I will presume that all witnesses would expect and understand our painfully passing through stages of riotous emotion.
To be sure, I agreed with Bill that our enjoyment of sport shooting at the gun range might suddenly become a fundamental exercise in redressing merciless reality's galvanizing grievances. Where to start was the only question.
We agreed that spending $20,000 for PI's was not required. Apparently, the country club event that night would suffice as a crucible.
No. We wouldn't kill Margie and Marcie. But Bruno the Moose was dead meat.