I died on Christmas Eve.
That's right, Christmas Eve. I know, it was a major inconvenience for my family and friends and I'm going to miss them dearly, just as I'm sure they're going to miss me. But, just a few years ago I made a wish for just one thing for Christmas: I wished that should ever find my true love but then met with my demise, on the Christmas Day following my death I would return to make love to my true love just one more time. The lucky guy that I am, my true love was found in two extremely remarkable women. That's why I'm dead, and that's why I'm writing this account of the events that led up to my death.
Unfortunately, the gentleman that I made the wish to was the devil himself.
It was something like one of those stupid dares you do when you've been drinking and you figure, "What's the worse thing that can come out of this?"
I'm betting that, in hindsight, that same mentality probably was the cause of the world's greatest civilizations coming to an end.
Some buddies and I had been out hopping from titty bar to titty bar on Christmas Eve a few years ago. We were all eligible bachelors who had been smart enough to get our careers on track before allowing ourselves to get tied down by women. I think the bachelor lifestyle agreed with us because even after becoming rapid successes in each of our fields we simply didn't seem to feel the need for the kind of relationship that would tie us down into a domesticated routine.
We walked into the newest titty bar in town, "Johnny Goodsins Adult Nightclub." The place was fuckin' amazing! I mean it wasn't just your average, ordinary, every-day, run-of-the-mill amazing. The place was fucking amazing! Never in our dreams or travels to places far and near had a titty bar lived up to the broad spectrum of true male, testosterone-driven delights. You see we were connoisseurs of titty bars. We'd been to the titty bars in Vegas, Chicago, New York, L.A., South America, Canada and most of Europe and we'd seen some pretty incredible establishments and had some really wild times, but this place, even as early in the morning hours as it was, had instantly given us a renewed desire to thoroughly enjoy the rest of this night like we had just started the evening.
This place had television screens intermittently placed throughout the establishment playing all the greatest moments from all the greatest sports games, there were two bars; one in the same area as the dancers and one separated by a double-pain glass wall where people could sit and have conversations without yelling over the loud music being played for the dancers but still able to see them. In the segregated bar there was another room that was a huge walk-in humidor filled to the ceiling with the finest cigars and pipe tobaccos in the world and they could be smoked right there in the bar area. At the other end of the bar was a massive game area with several pinball machines, foosball, shuffleboard, dart boards and my personal favorite; Pool tables.
The bar itself had to be thirty feet in length and appeared to be all hand carved and very ornate mahogany, cherry wood and what appeared to be zebra wood, something that almost no one would recognize except myself since I've been an avid hobbyist wood sculpture since I was a boy. There were large, ornately etched mirrors set into the bar behind the pit that the tuxedo-clad bartenders were in. They were hustling like scurrying ants trying to keep every glass fresh with a tremendous spectrum of firewaters, beers and ales from around the world. The etchings themselves were of beautiful women seemingly floating through what appeared to be an assortment of water, clouds and vineries and were even etched to varying depths in the glass to add greater dimension, detail and class.
The walls were also decorated with images of all things erotic in framed paintings, illustrations and even murals on the walls themselves. The furniture in both areas was something of an eclectic collection ranging from very plush crushed velvet to supple suede of varying colors and patterns and all of it was made for one to simply sink into and relax in absolute comfort. Within the "quiet" bar area the bartenders were all tuxedo-clad midgets and dwarfs, I'm guessing to make the guests feel truly large and important in this atmosphere. It didn't appear that they minded their jobs in the least as each one of them wore a sincere smile and seemed to be adorned in gold watches and other jewelry that suggested they were very well compensated for their servitude on the job.
Within the main area where most of the "action" was taking place with the dancers, who also performed in the silent bar with only the low hum and thump of the music from the main area, there was a dance floor of all things. Here the men, women and couples were able to dance close and intimate with the women, and the men, who performed at the club. The dancers didn't appear to be getting naked while they were bumping and grinding with the patrons. I'm certain that this was a brilliant way to lead towards paid dances back at the tables and plush booths.
On the stages, there were three that I counted in the open and a private dance area that I wasn't able to get full view of, but I knew I'd be there before we left, the dancers were working the polished brass poles that appeared to be fastened to marble stage decks. It appeared that the cool brass and probably cooler marble were intentional as each of the performers had pleasant little goose bumps adding a pleasing texture to their skin. There were also other nude and semi-nude performers on swings and in cages that hung from the ceilings. Even the crow's nest that the DJ resided in was ornately decorated in brass, hard woods and more finely etched glass. This DJ even knew how to keep the music at less than an ear-splitting level unlike the other clubs we had frequented. In this main area, and I'm assuming because of all the extra activity, there were taller than average waiters and waitresses. They were all attractive with the men in tuxes and the women in long and slinky body-hugging gowns with stilettos, but strangely taller than even my buddies and I, the shortest of which was 5'11". These people didn't move as you would expect to see waiters and waitresses move. Their movement through the maze of enamored patrons, bare flesh and tables and chairs was long, purposeful, seemingly fluid and completely elegant. These people were again well adorned, though not gaudy, in jewelry and accessories that were only conducive to tremendous compensation for their skills with the patrons.
But, it was the performers, and more specifically, the female performers that were clearly the cherries on this cake made of male and female desires and vices. The women appeared to be of every nationality and body-type. There were light ones, dark ones, blondes, redheads and brunettes and every other deviation of hair color that could be represented. There were even a few that were as bald as a cue ball. I suspected that with as much detail as went into this place all the women probably had "carpets that matched their drapes," so to speak. The body types ranged from the obviously very athletic to at least two women that I saw who would fall under the category of AC/DC's song: "Whole Lotta Rosie." Judging from the sprinklings of full nude performers this was definitely the case. I was over-hearing the male and female performers as we made our way to a booth. Some of them were clearly American and spoke the language as if well educated and read. Others spoke with accents, Spanish, Jamaican, German and a few I didn't recognize, but they also seemed well educated in the way they spoke and the confidence they carried in their mannerisms.
As soon as we were seated one of the tall, brunette, slender and gorgeous waitresses approached our table and parted her slightly grinning, glistening ruby-red lips to ask us with a low and sultry voice, "How are you gentlemen this evening?" We all smiled and answered with the same smart-ass answer of, "Better now that you're here." We couldn't have rehearsed that better than it came out of our still half-stupered mouths.