It was another usual evening. The usual well-dressed gangs of upscale cheating cunts gathered around the usual decorated tables with the usual fruity cocktails. The usual snide gabbing paused when a tall young guy in clean denims and a shoulder pack pushed through the door and grabbed a seat with the bitchiest bitches. I kept cleaning glasses and nodded to Trey, my security guy. We will have no trouble here.
"You're the cheating cunts I heard of, right?" he asked, slurping a strong Margarita he snatched from Kittra. "Lots of cheating cunts like you out there, maybe not everyone, but lots." He drank from Sharla's Harvey Wallbanger and peered around the place. "Yeah, it's a full house. Cheating cunts galore." He finished Julie's cherry Daiquiri before she could blink.
"Hey!" Yolanda almost yelled, 'what is this shit? Who you think you are? Stomp in here, bad-mouth everyone, steal our drinks - hey Louie, I'm running dry!"
I mixed replacement cocktails. They will go on appropriate tabs.
"I know there's zillions of cheating cunts because I get-em every day," the guy said. "They're just the usual."
"Yeah sure," Imelda said, "you can brag, so you got a story. You got a name, too?" She held her drink close.
"Call me Doug and yeah, I have stories."
"So tell us how you get oodles of pussy," Yolanda demanded, protectively cradling her fresh drink. She carefully sipped.
"It's a fucking clichΓ©," Doug said, "and absolutely true. I work door-to-door sales, ringing doorbells, block after block, I get lucky more than you'd expect."
"What are you selling, commemorative bibles?" Shelley asked, smirking.
"Worse than that," Doug said. "Portrait packages. Sign up for pro-quality photos, commit to buy something, and seal the deal with a small cash deposit, that's my cut, whatever I can talk them out of. It's like this..."
---
There's one scruffy guy on the team, only knows broken Spanglish, but he goes through Latino neighborhoods and makes unbelievable sales. Says he gets laid a lot, too.
Most of the time I just get sent away. Maybe every tenth or twentieth door, I'm invited inside and make a sale, and more than every hundredth door is opened by a lady not wearing much and a bit drunk or just lonely.
Like today in 'burbs around here. I made four sales on one block this morning and near the corner this Vietnamese babe opened the door of her Mid-Century Modern and she's got only a thin silk shawl around her body and an almost-empty tumbler in her hand. I started my basic spiel and she invited me into her living room, very sparse, all sterile Danish Design.
She warbled at me, "Oooh, photographs! Do I need to buy any? Can I get skin shots, y'know, like erotic? No wait - do you know how to use a Polaroid? Just a minute." I put my sales folder on the coffee table. She stumbled down her hallway and returned with a camera and a refilled tumbler,
Cuba Libre
it smelled like.
"Will you take my pictures? Oh sure you will. Here," and she handed me the camera, an SX-70, the old high-end model. "Which part of me looks best? Maybe my face is okay? Take a picture of my face from right there."
She stuck out her tongue. I focused. The camera flashed. The picture emerged and self-processed. She glanced at it and dropped it on the coffee table.
"Not too bad. How about my face and my left tit?" She shifted the thin shawl and threw her long obsidian-black hair over her right shoulder. "Yeah, shoot from right there." She cupped her boob with one hand and stuck her tongue out again. I snapped. That picture got the same treatment - glance and drop.