After being married for 19 years, our sex life dwindled quite a bit. Don't get me wrong, I didn't need it 3 times a day or anything, but we were down to just a few times a month. I understand she was tired from the kids and everything, but now that they were no longer babies, sleeping through the night, going off to school, etc. the excuses should no longer be there.
Some of the excuses got old. She didn't like lingerie because it "degraded her" or because she "looked fat in it." Blowjobs became once or twice a year because she didn't like doing them and because she thought it was demeaning to be on her knees. The woman who used to go down on me in a bar bathroom now acted like it was demeaning to give me a blowjob. I don't want to hear about the reciprocal, either. I went down on her all the time. I would every time if she wanted.
So, here I was in my early 40s, the time when I always heard that women were insatiable, and my wife rarely initiated sex and often turned me down. On nights I was really horny, I gave up even trying. It was easier to let her go to bed while I watched a movie or a sporting event and then masturbate. It became pretty much the norm during the week. She went to bed early, I took care of myself.
Like a lot of guys, I started into erotic pictures and porn on the internet. I know what they say, porn is addicting, etc., but I like sex. I need sex. More importantly, I needed a woman who was interested in sex. So, one night, not unlike many others, I was surfing for porn for a few hours. I had lot of my favorites and, depending on my mood, some perversions. I had just come to one of my standby favorites - a MILF in a red French Maid's costume giving her husband a blowjob - when I heard behind me, "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?!?!?"
I am not sure how I didn't hear my wife coming down the steps. Somehow, she came down steps to get something and came up behind me to see me looking at porn. My reaction was not unlike you would expect. I slammed the laptop shut, was embarrassed as hell and left the house with her yelling at me. Thank God I didn't have my cock out and was wanking. I was really just surfing. Still, I was embarrassed as hell and left in a hurry. I even forgot my wallet. Fortunately I had my phone and some cash in the glove box, so I went to a bar to cool down. I had a couple of beers and was there for maybe an hour when I got a text:
"I'm not mad anymore. Please come home so we can discuss."
I didn't reply. I didn't want to come home. I nursed a beer when another text came.
"Please come home and you won't have to masturbate tonight."
Well, that was a first. She never initiated sex via text. Hell, she got mad at me for initiating it with her via text because "her coworkers could see."
So, I told her I would be home in 5 minutes and grudgingly went to the car. Maybe I had a bit too much to drink - 3 beers - but I feel I was safe to drive. I got home and opened the door with trepidation. When I got in, she was sitting in the living room with a robe and the long wool socks she usually slept in. This didn't excite me too much, but I sat down.
"How long have you been looking at porn?" she enquired?
"About an hour I would guess," I responded, though I knew what she really meant.
"No," she replied in too soft of a voice, "how long have you been surfing the net at night and jacking off?"
Honestly, I wasn't sure. I would put it at maybe 15 years or so. When porn first came out on the net, the internet wasn't that fast. It wasn't until I could look at videos that I really surfed. I shared as much with her, though I was embarrassed to say so.
"Do you like what you watch? I mean, does it get you off watching that stuff - pretending to do that stuff?" My wife had a general look of interest on her face when she asked this.
I couldn't lie. I really did like doing that. It gave me variety when my sex life had none. Hell, it gave me a sex life when I had none. Though I didn't share with her intimate details, I did confirm what she asked.