Carrie felt guilt's enormous weight. Here she was, in her hotel room, waking up to the morning's light, piecing together her rather blurry memories of bedding James.
James was still asleep beside her. James was a vendor her company dealt with -- a good looking man, who had made it known to Carrie that he had the hots for her. And now, at her company's annual conference, he had maneuvered himself into her bed.
Carrie was dismayed with herself. Twenty four hours earlier she'd have been willing to bet a big amount of money that she wasn't the kind of girl who would cheat on her husband.
And yet, here she was, lying naked in bed with another man she didn't know well, having had sex with him, while her husband was back in their apartment in their home city.
Carrie couldn't reconcile her actions. She wasn't a prude by any means, but she had never ever engaged in such casual sex before. Until now, sex was something you had with a guy when you were in a committed relationship with him. And it was wrong to cheat!
So, Carrie had cheated. Carrie had had casual sex with a guy. This alone made her feel tremendous guilt. But adding to this burden were two other aspects of what had transpired; first, Carrie had, last night, enjoyed the sex (she could recall her two orgasms); and second, it had never occurred to her to have the guy wear a condom.
Carrie wasn't concerned about getting pregnant. But to put herself at risk to STD's -- and then possibly put her husband at risk was mind boggling to her. Carrie felt like she was having an out of body experience. She no longer knew herself or what to believe.
She lay there contemplating this. It wasn't wrong to enjoy sex, but how could she have so easily betrayed her husband? It wasn't wrong to find James attractive. But how could she have acted on this attraction? How could she have given in to James' advances?
Carrie realized she couldn't blame the alcohol. Nobody had told her to drink like that. And it's not like she was incapacitated. The alcohol had merely removed her sexual inhibitions. It had made her much more prone to accept the advances of a sexy man.