Can They Come Back From The Abyss

Lack of communication started them drifting apart. A witch took advantage. Can their marriage be saved? This will not suit BTB devotees.

My wife Donna and I had met when at university. She was twenty-two studying law and I was twenty-three studying computing. We had been introduced at a party by her friend, Christine, who knew my friend John. I was attracted to her but again I was attracted to any beautiful woman. She was 5'6", slim with knockout breasts, a lovely trim ass and a smile which wrapped itself around you. She had long blond hair and blue eyes. I'm Ray, not that bad looking, 5'11", toned not muscular, brown hair, green eyes. My best features are that I'm a good guy, with a good sense of humour and helpful to my friends. I suppose I'm slightly on the geek side.

We spent some time chatting, dancing and found much we liked in each other. We arranged to meet up again which led to other dates. I found myself falling in love with her. Before I could allow that I had to have a serious talk with her. I had met a couple of women previously I had thought I could fall deeply for but when I spoke with them, they left me.

I arranged to meet her at a spot we both liked. I think my nervousness gave her cause for concern. She was thinking the worst yet I suppose that would have been an improvement.

"Donna, " I started, "I am starting to have really deep feelings for you. In truth, I started the night we first met. I feel you are beginning to feel the same about me. I cannot let this build further without being honest with you. I have to tell you something very personal and ask that, no matter your decision, you never reveal it to others."

Donna looked shocked, "Ray, I do feel we could be good together but this is scaring me. Are you dumping me?"

I shook my head. I spoke firmly, "Donna, we haven't spoken about our future plans. We haven't reached the stage of discussing our dreams, our desires. I see you with your sister Ellie's kids and how you love playing with them. I can't give you children. I was gravely ill as a young child and the treatment has left me infertile. I know infertility treatment has come on a long way but there is nothing which can help with zero fertile sperm.

"I know this will seem selfish, while I can, just, I think, accept in vitro with a sperm doner, our child would be fifty percent you after all, I could never accept you becoming pregnant by another man who you fucked. I couldn't accept you fucking another man period. I would walk away no matter how much I loved you.

"I know this is a shock. Take some time to think about all of this. Make a decision which is for you. I won't think any the less of you if you walk away. You have to have the life you want."

She was crying. We hugged and parted.

To my surprise about a week later she came to me and told me she loved me. She had her career and if she became broody we would discuss in vitro. We married eighteen months later. She found a position in a local law office and I was headhunted to a cyber software company.

At first we couldn't keep our hands of each other but as demands at work increased, our sex life took a hit. I suppose it had a long-drawn-out death which I never truly recognised. Like I had never realised her love for me had disappeared to be replaced by contempt.

Donna was approaching thirty. For my thirtieth the year before I had suggested a holiday which indulged my passion for history and hers for spas and beaches. We ended up in one which catered solely to her needs. Again!

It was at an evening out with some of her work colleagues, that a conversation killed our marriage. I had been to quite a few over the years but since Melissa had joined the staff, about a year ago, the atmosphere had changed. She was older, mid-forties. She was on her fourth marriage. I saw she hated men, especially those who refused to go along with her plans. We did not get on.

The evening started badly. Donna came down the stairs wearing a dress which exposed a lot of her. Something she had never done for me in all our time together. She was laughing at my expression which wasn't happy. I instinctively knew this wasn't for me.

My comment stunned her, "Have you the divorce papers in your bag?"

As she digested that, I continued, "Remember what I said about you fucking other men. It ends us. Don't try and say this was for me, I can read your face, it was about rubbing something in mine." There was another reason but I left that for another day.

The taxi journey was silent. At the restaurant, I wasn't surprised that she sat as far away from me as she could. I was drinking slowly, watching their interactions to see if it was anyone there. The only one happy was Melissa whose expression revealed she was delighted Donna and I had obviously quarrelled badly. I'd no doubt Melissa had set this up. The way she was dressed, she could stand on any corner and attract business.

It was during the dessert that Melissa asked Donna about her thirtieth plans. Donna said, "I loved where Ray and I went last year on his thirtieth so I think we'll go there."

I laughed, though my tone was more anger, "No. We'll go to the hotel I wanted as it was MY THIRTIETH! When was the last time we went where I wanted?"

My response took Donna by surprise. She was mad, "I'll book where I want. You don't need to come." Before I could respond, it got worse.

Melissa was laughing, "Go Donna, you'll find a stud to fuck your brains out, make you pregnant not like Mr Blanks over there. Have fun."

The others looked at me, I was mad. I glared at Donna who had to turn away when she saw my anger. I turned on Melissa, "You're just a fucking witch. You're on your fourth marriage as you can't keep your legs shut. You've got more wear on you than the Clyde tunnel!

"Yes, due to an illness as a child, I can't father children but I told Donna upfront soon after we first met. She had an option to walk away. I see you've poisoned her. You want someone as beautiful as her to help you attract the dregs you fuck. You don't give a shit about her. The only person you care about is yourself. You want someone you can manipulate and control.

"You want her to become another you. If she fucks anyone, we are done. They'll be so disappointed. She doesn't know what a cock looks like or what to do. We don't have pity sex, we have pitiful sex! After tonight, we're probably done anyway."

I glared at Donna as I rose from the table and walked away.

There were taxis outside but I thought the mile and a half walk home would help me order my thoughts. I was fuming. She'd told the witch my secret! The fucking witch! She knew how I felt about her. I stopped in my local bar for a pint or two. My brain was reeling. I had calmed down a little by the time I left. I was surprised when I arrived home to find Donna there.

I snarled, "I thought you were going dancing to trawl for someone in those fishnets!"

Donna was mad, "You ruined the whole evening. You were so cruel to Melissa. I didn't know you could be like that. She went home in tears. The others went home. You can sleep in the guest bedroom! You can forget any pitiful sex!"

I stood my ground, "I'm going to my bed. If you don't want to share it, you go to the other bedroom!"

I went up to our room and changed for bed. Donna came in and collected some stuff and left.

I lay in bed thinking over everything which had happened. I couldn't settle but fell asleep in the early hours. When I got up I went to the gym and had a serious workout. Once home, showered, breakfasted, I headed to my home office. I had work to do.

I'm a spreadsheet guy. I listed everything, for/against our relationship.

It didn't look good. There was nothing in the For column.

Against was fairly full. The last two years we had only gone on holidays which suited her, i.e., spa and beach. I liked history so suggested ones where she had spa, beach and I could roam historical sites. Not one. Our cars were her preferred choices. Name brands overpriced crap. I loved the theatre and we used to take weekends away, visit cities to see plays, musicals. During the day we'd take in a museum or other attractions but we hadn't in almost three years. There was nothing in my calendar about walks, family visits (to mine), even attending football matches together. I don't record our sex life but I knew we seldom made love and what we did was now very basic. If I had to describe her involvement during sex I'd have to say - missing.

As I reviewed everything, I recognised, I had not been considered at all in our marriage for some time. How had I allowed this to creep up on me? Why hadn't I realised this?

I looked at my work life. My firm was so well thought of it had been taken over three times since I started. My contract allowed me to have my intellectual property rights patented. I received royalties for those. Some were due to my work so the firm shared those. I had designed a few on my own time for which I had engaged a patent agent who arranges deals for me. All the monies from those went to a special account. They are highly controlled due to the need for secrecy and only involve HMRC and the clients.

The latest owners of the firm were highly unlikeable. My new boss wanted me to sign a new contract which took away my intellectual property rights. It was on my desk awaiting my signature. He hadn't been happy when I told him I wasn't signing it and neither was I going to suck his little dick like the others in the office had done to get their bonuses.

As I surveyed everything, I knew I was at a crossroads. Serious changes had to be made, personally and professionally.

I could use my skills to hack Donna's emails and phone but I wouldn't do that. If I did it would show no trust and for me that ended a marriage. I hoped we could discuss what had been happening and resolve it but I wasn't hopeful, especially if Melissa interfered. She, I may very well hack!

There was no sign of Donna when I had more coffee so I returned to my office and went through my divorce plan. Over the years so many colleagues had been divorced, I'd prepared one for such an eventuality. Finances, assets, debts.

There was still one unanswered question about me. Did I still love her? I was so angry I couldn't answer it.

I had a few questions about Donna which needed answers.

It was mid-afternoon, I went through for yet another coffee when I saw Donna. She was sitting at the table looking at some forms. I recognised them. They were the downloaded divorce forms.

I smiled, "Had them long?"

She just glared at me, "After last night, I thought I'd better check them. I hadn't realised your ego was so fragile."

I snorted, my anger just contained, "You abused my trust by informing that witch about me, my most personal secret. Something I had specifically requested you keep secret. Did you see the stares your colleagues gave me? I was a worthless piece of shit.

"Probably explained to them why you were dressed to go dancing with her to get fucked by some young stud. She and you set the evening up to fuck me up. You just didn't expect me to fight back.

"You left this marriage years ago and I have only just noticed. I needed that wake-up call. I'm going to look after me. If you want a divorce, we can do it now. If you want to fuck before we're divorced I'll invoke the prenup."

Donna was mad, "What do you mean I left this marriage years ago?"

I brought up my spreadsheet. "Anything there which says we did something I wanted in the last two years. I've been fucking blind but no longer. You want to go on holiday on your own or with the Clyde tunnel? Do it. I no longer fucking care."

I took off my wedding ring and put it on her papers.

Donna began to cry.

I went back to my office. It was after six pm when I came out. Donna wasn't downstairs. I realised I hadn't had lunch as my stomach growled. I headed to the fish and chip shop, something she hated for me to do. I came back and ate it on the patio, washing it down with a couple of bottles of beer.

I was looking at the house when Donna came downstairs, dressed for an evening out. I laughed, "Wow, the ink isn't even dry on the forms and you're off auditioning replacements. Maybe you should go to a sex therapist first, give you a clue what to do."

Donna was not amused, "I'm going for a meal with my sister. What are you looking at?"

I pointed out the two areas which needed decorated if we wanted a good price for the house.

She was shocked, "Why would we sell the house?"

I laughed, "If you haven't fucked anyone we split everything fifty-fifty. Can you buy my half out?"

Donna looked daggers at me, "You're fixated on a divorce. We need to talk properly but you're so angry we can't. I don't want a divorce, I do love you. I can see why you think I don't. Ray, give us a chance to fix this."

She left. Her sister, that dress, some fucking story!

As I looked around I saw a number of jobs I had let slide. They would need done. I was in bed when or if Donna came in.

The next morning, I started with the shed. It was full. I cleared it out. I had over forty tins of paint, many beyond salvaging. I loaded my trailer. More stuff followed until it was full. Trip number one to the tip. Three trips were done before the shed and garage were cleared of stuff I should have gotten rid of years ago. If this continued, I'd need a bigger trailer.

I stopped, showered and was making a sandwich when Donna returned. She saw my look, "I stayed at Ellie's last night. She was mad at me. She blames me. We've spent time discussing what I can do to make things better between us. I need to think hard about everything."

I laughed, "I can't fault her judgement!"

After my sandwich I returned to my office. I had had a thought regarding my patents. It was confirmed. I now had that other change in my life confirmed.

At night Donna was making notes on her laptop. I spoke, "I offered you the use of my office or I could have made you your own but you declined. You could use speech type and save the hassle of not having a desk."

Donna nodded, "I know but I don't want you hearing my thoughts until I have them right. You spend so much time in your office, there was no us so I didn't want my own one."

I snorted, "The last two years I see how your contempt for me has grown. I was never in my office unless you were out with your friends. I was invited less and less especially after the witch joined you. Then you made it clear, I interfered with your evenings being in the same room as you so I spent the time in my office. I should have taken the hint then."

She was angry at me for stating the obvious. We'd never had any time like this where anger ruled us. We had always discussed stuff, passionately at times but never with this anger. Every word was full of fury.

Again, we went to our separate bedrooms.

The next day, I arrived at work and checked out my position with HR. My contract expired in twenty-four days and I had twenty-four days leave accrued. That was an unexpected bonus. I didn't need to resign as the contract automatically expired. I returned to my desk and shredded the new contract. I was boxing my personal items when the boss came up.

He was gruff, "Have you signed your new contract yet?"

I smiled, "No, I just shredded it. I told you I wasn't signing it. I have twenty-four days leave which runs till my contract expires. So, goodbye.

"By the way, my patent agent will be in touch regarding your failure to pay for my codes. It will no longer be mates' rates. I have put a cancel on the codes so if you don't pay, the codes will deactivate."

I was laughing as I walked away. His face was a picture of concern and fear. The security system wouldn't function.

Once home I started on the next stage of my divorce plan. I went through all of my electronic stuff which I had collected over the years. I'm a geek! I listed the good stuff which I'd put on Ebay and Gumtree. I sold most of it over the next few weeks. The rest I put to a local electronic recycling centre. I had a lot more space now. Next I went through my clothing. My style hadn't changed in at least a decade. I needed to modernise but with more coordination. The clothing bank was full when I left it.

By mid-afternoon I had most of what I needed done. I cut the grass and edged the lawn. The paving and parking needed power washed so I'd do that the next day.

Donna was surprised I was at home when she came in. "Ray, you're never home before me, what's going on?"

I laughed, "So many changes I needed to make. My boss was trying to reduce my salary, stop me being paid for my work. I wouldn't sign the new contract. The old one had twenty-four days left and I had twenty-four days leave. He wasn't happy I walked out. I've put my CV to other companies and I'll have offers soon. I won't bother you for alimony."

Donna looked at me, "Ray, I know I've behaved badly but I do love you. Can we discuss all of this and see if there is a way for us to be better? I'm serious. I don't want a divorce. I don't want to lose you and I know it is me who has to change."

She appeared earnest but again she is a solicitor, though mostly civil stuff.

I shook my head, "I don't know how. When I think about what I thought we had and what we actually had, it is two entirely different things. You wanting to fuck others is something I never thought I'd see. How do we rebuild our marriage? It can't be what it was. Is there anything to build a new relationship on?"

Donna looked lost, "It may have seemed like that but I didn't want to fuck others. I don't know what I wanted. I didn't want what we had. I need help to help me see and how to explain what I was feeling to you. Friday night was a big earthquake in my life. Saturday, you handing me your ring, about killed me. We've both been rocked and we needed rocked.

"I don't want to fight. I want to recover the loving us, to be what we thought we'd be. Ellie told me to ask if you would see a counsellor with me. I found one. She's called Sarah and deals with couples' relationships and their sex lives. What she told me scares me witless but I know I need to face it to have any chance to keep you."

I looked at her closely, something wasn't true, "You said you didn't want to fuck others, you never said you didn't fuck others. So, you've been fucking others. You knew my feelings so it's too late."

Donna, cried as she dissolved into tears, "Ray, I wanted to tell you, beg your forgiveness but I couldn't. I don't know why it happened. I'm so sorry I've hurt you. I wanted to know why before I told you. I do love you."

I looked at her. I'm sure she realised she wasn't convincing me. I spoke slowly, "I never thought this would happen. You knew my feelings."

We had our first meal together for days but there was little chat. The anger was palpable in both of us. Again, we went to our separate bedrooms. My mind wouldn't let go of the thought she was fucking around. Why? I could only think of one reason. It made me feel even more worthless.

The next morning, I still had no answers. I was looking for a polo shirt which I thought would have been washed. Donna had done the washing on Sunday after she came home. I found that she'd only done her own. I did mine but this was the final straw. I needed answers. I was going to find them.

Once I had completed the tasks I had set myself in the house, I went into my office. I'm not going to explain how I did what I did as it would help cheaters evade people hunting for the truth. Suffice to say, I had warned Donna's firm about how insecure their system was. They were cheapskates for a lot of stuff apart from billing! I fairly easily managed to get into their systems. I hacked the wicked witch via her work computer as she accessed her social media. She was synced to a personal one she only kept at work. This allowed me access. It was a revelation. If she had not opened it up when I was browsing their office for clues, I wouldn't have known it existed until I had examined all her software. I put a hidden programme on it which meant every time it opened, it would download, photos, documents, emails to my secured VPN account without leaving a trace.