Stop me if you've heard this one before. A happily married couple with kids is doing great for decades, until the kids leave the nest. At this point, the wife feels something is missing, and wants to fill the void. She approaches her husband about something she feels will indeed "fill that hole" in her life, and the husband is less than thrilled.
Since you didn't stop me, I'll continue.
I'm the husband, Desmond, aged 42 and not one of those men who somehow looks more distinguished as he has passed into middle-age. Unless your definition of distinguished includes baldness and an increased waistline. On the other other hand, my adorable wife Mary, stands out even more than she did when she was younger, she's grown into her age. As it happens, our age is the same.
Mary and I met in college. We had the same interests, computers. Now a woman who wanted to write code in the 90s, was a rare find. Even more rare, one that was hot. Oh, Mary isn't model quality, she's cute. Cute as a button. My pet name for her was, of course, "Button."
Her body though, is just great. Even better as she's aged. Smaller boobs tend to age better, and hers were not an A cup, but big enough to be noticeable. Her boobs straddle that fence nicely. Her butt had definition, but was never heavy. She definitely looked younger than me at this stage in our lives. Add the right clothes and makeup, that gap looked like it could be as much as 10 years. I have been accused of being a "cradle robber." I think we both took pride in that.
We were scheduled to graduate the same year. And then ... we got pregnant. She wasn't on the pill, because she was worried about possible side effects. So we used a combination of condoms and the rhythm method. I don't know which one failed, other than our strategy. We rushed the marriage, but that wasn't an issue. I wanted to marry her, she wanted to marry me. We both had good jobs waiting for us after graduation. The plan was she'd give birth, and start her career. Except it didn't go according to plan. James was a handful.
Actually, let me rephrase. Our first child was a monster. He got better later, but for the first three years I halfway seriously considered that an exorcism might be worth trying. As a baby, he cried constantly. It seemed he never slept for more than an hour. Of course, neither did we much.
The only way he'd stop crying, is if Mary held him. He had no use for me. In fact, I could swear my picking him up made it worse. Needless to say, our sex life became almost non-existent. Six weeks after giving birth my ass. We'd sometimes try to sneak a session in, and as often as not, we'd be interrupted by the wailing of the spawn.
It was so bad, Mary relented and went on the pill. The thought of having another child while dealing with the worst case of separation anxiety I'd ever heard of was, in the end, what made it an easy decision.
He did stop crying. Right about the time he started walking. It seemed like two days after he started walking, he was running. You could turn your back on him for a minute, and he was gone. Childproofing the house was the next priority. No babysitter was equipped to handle him.
After he settled down, our sex life resumed to something actually approaching that of a normal couple with a child. That was a great year. He went from a holy terror to a normal child. Mary and I talked about her being able to go to work now, and find childcare.
And then ... we got pregnant again. They say birth control pills are not 100% reliable, and if you are looking for proof, we're Exhibit A. Things had calmed down though, and we were glad James would have a sibling. He got two. Twins. Fraternal, if it matters to you. It certainly mattered to us. Melanie and Alicia were very different from each other, and had different needs. Melanie liked being outside, Alicia liked being inside. And if you don't think that's a big deal, well, you probably aren't ready to be the parents of twins. After that, I got snipped. It was clear that either I had some amazing swimmers, or Mary was as fertile as the Nile Delta. Either way, we weren't letting lightning strike a third time.
At that point, there was no question of Mary returning to work. She had her hands full. Mary was disappointed, at first. She was never the type who just wanted to go to college to get married. It was a hard decision on her part. Once she made it though, she became a super-mom. She threw herself into the lives of our children with the same passion she had thrown herself into programming. She made lunches, costumes, spoke to every teacher. You name it, she did it.
I became the typical working career man. My promotions came a bit before the average man in my line of work, as well as the accompanying raises and perks. Mary became a housewife, but even in this she was an over-achiever. When we dated, we always used to eat out or order delivery. She learned to cook, and cook magnificently. She became knowledgeable on every aspect of how to run a household budget. We used to discuss expenditures, and until I just told told Mary to spend what she thought was required. That woman always had her research down pat.
As the kids grew older, Mary juggled their increased extracurricular activities with aplomb. I was getting more responsibilities at work, and Mary picked up all the slack. She planned the holidays, told me the events I couldn't miss, and those I could. Through all of it, she made time for us. Sure, the sex had to drop as kids got older, but she scheduled sleepovers and other things to make sure we had our time.
Everything was great, from my point of view. I had no reason to think it wasn't from hers either. I can honestly say, we never had a significant problem until the twins went to college. I was still working, but she now had time on her hands. Going back to work in her field was impossible. Technology had changed so fast, her knowledge after graduation might as well have been prehistoric. Getting hired in another field at her age, without any work experience at all on a resume, was an equally difficult task. There was no possibility of me retiring and the two of us traveling the world. We were certainly well off compared to many, but sending three kids to college isn't cheap.
After a few months,
the discussions
began. At first, she just confided that she felt she no longer had an identity. Her whole adult life had been about our family. With the kids gone, she didn't feel she knew who she was any more. We talked about it over the course of a year. She subtly suggested, and then kept coming back, to an idea that I was not ready to even consider. Finally, it came to a head.
