Burn the Bastard

I was waiting to be arrested.

When I woke I immediately remembered where and why I was and became afraid. I had left myself in a vulnerable spot. Even without a gun June could have extracted a heavy toll on me. She had a rolling pin and I am sure she knew how to use it. There were also knives and cast iron pans in the kitchen. All could inflict a great deal of harm.

Tuesday

When I woke I felt like I had done the heaviest labor of my entire life. My back, my legs, my arms, my neck, and my gut all hurt. I was hungry and slowly I got up and made my way out into the kitchen and made myself a sandwich and guzzled down a glass of water. I made my way to the guest bathroom and relieved myself before barricading myself in one of the two guest bedrooms and falling back asleep for a couple of hours.

By six a.m. I was up and had crept into the master bedroom and retrieved some clothes and my soap, shampoo and shaving gear. Yes I grabbed my toothbrush and tooth paste even and escaped to the guest bath and got ready for the day. I was surprised to have not been visited by the cops but there was plenty of time for either June or Pete to swear out a complaint against me and have me arrested. Maybe they were waiting to nab me at one of the construction sites I would be working at today. That would go over good with the other guys, me being arrested on the job site for rape and sodomy.

I really didn't feel like eating but knew a good breakfast was important to start the day so I stopped at the nearest Denny's and got a Grand Slam and pounded it down. I really didn't even pause to taste it today.

Then I was off to the first site. We were pouring a driveway today along with the front sidewalk. It was shaping up to be a hot one and the concrete would set up quick so the work would be fast and furious for a while. After lunch I headed over to another house and hauled rock into each room so the dry wallers could do the whole place in a day. After that it was off to another site to pull some wires. It seems the prospective buyers were really into smart home technology. Thankfully we hadn't hung sheet rock yet and so these modifications could be easily done.

Finally it was five o'clock and the rest of the crew clocked out and headed home. I was still anticipating a visit from the local constabulary so I was in no hurry to go home. I finished picking up all my tools, cords and miscellaneous stuff and locked it all in my job box in the back of my pickup. Since I was not planning on being back in the near future I didn't want any of the vultures I worked with grabbing my equipment.

I was about ten blocks from home when I decided to stop and have a brew and some bar food. You know the type, greasy burgers with greasy fries and a couple of cold drafts to wash it down. Hell on the arteries but good comfort food. With the specter of jail looming near I felt I should get whatever I could enjoy now.

I finished up my beer and wished all the patrons a good year. I think I surprised them all with that farewell since it was the middle of summer. I headed on home, well to my house as I shouldn't really call it a home anymore. When I arrived I expected to see all my clothes either on the grass in the front yard or in the garbage. Nope to both places.

I carefully locked up the pickup and made sure nothing worth stealing was in the cab in plain view as I felt I would not have the opportunity to check it when the cops nabbed me. Who knows when I would be able to retrieve it? Conceivably it could be years. I was sure that June would never authorize my bail request.

Again I was surprised when I unlocked the door. I had fully expected the locks to be changed. It was about eight o'clock in the evening. I usually got home at about six but had been getting home much later recently. I think right then I walked into an episode of

The Twilight Zone.

Nothing was amiss in the house that I could see. Our wedding picture still hung on the wall. It isn't your normal 8x10, no it is at least 14x20, almost poster size. I fully figured it would be gone or slashed.

June was in the kitchen and I could hear her softly singing to the radio. She didn't sound angry or disturbed at all.

When she noticed me standing there perplexed in the kitchen entryway she just said, "Hello, Dear Heart, you are finally home, I see. Was it a hard day at work? You didn't call so I didn't know when to have supper ready so I cooked a roast and it can be served at any time. Why don't you go and get cleaned up for supper."

I know I must have nodded but for the life of my I don't remember speaking to her at all. Where was the righteous anger? I turned away to go to the bedroom and grab some clothes and then get a shower when she stopped me. "Do you want a beer?"

I shuddered. Now I was sure of something else. She was going to poison me somehow. Would I just be given GHB so she could beat the hell out of me or did she get some Ketamine somewhere so she could just overdose me and make my death look like an accident?

I backed out of the kitchen then. I still don't remember if I could say anything but I was positive I couldn't turn my back on her. Her boyfriend and she had all day to plan on my demise to get retribution on what I had done to them.

I went into the guest bathroom to contemplate my next move. The door had a lock on it and I would be safe from a physical assault for now. I just hope she hadn't gone out and bought some ammo for the shotgun as the hollow core door would not stand any kind of blast from my 12 gauge. Yes, she knows how to load and shoot that piece of artillery as we had undergone the threat of a serial rapist in our neighborhood just after we moved into the house. She had not wanted to learn how to use the 9 mil but had agreed to learn how to use the shotgun.

As I tried to understand her demeanor I was hit with the thought. What if yesterday was all a nightmare and it was actually Monday evening instead of Tuesday evening? Could I have dreamed up the whole affair, the attack on June and Pete, the rape, and the call to Stacey? Is there really a Pete or Stacey? Was this all a figment of a diseased mind? That would explain why June was so solicitous right now instead of the harridan I was expecting. Actually I had expected her to have moved out citing mental cruelty and, it goes without repeating, calling the police.

I checked my phone. No, it was actually Tuesday. I looked around the bathroom. My stuff was missing. Shit, she must have moved it all back into the master bathroom.

I remember having a hell of a headache and that the greasy burger and fries were wanting to make a reappearance as my gut was roiling. My day to day stress was all about getting things done on the job sites in a timely manner, not worrying if my wife was conspiring to do me great bodily harm.

I like confrontation about as much as the next guy. I think I told you already about my ability to fight. I don't think I am a wimp either so the day before I had needed to do something positive for my own peace of mind as well as my own sense of self worth.

I washed my hands and face and dirtied one of the guest towels drying off. That might make June act normally. She hated it whenever I used one of the guest towels or washcloths.

I took a couple of deep breaths to settle my nerves a little. It did nothing for my stomach but my heart rate slowed a little. After unlocking the door I went back to the kitchen. Whenever we have guests we use the nice dining room table that I built for our house but usually we ate sitting side by side on stools at the kitchen island. I had custom built the island on two levels. One height was for mixing and food preparation and the lower height was for eating at.

Tonight the table had a table cloth on it and it was set for two. There were candles and a centerpiece. The dining room overhead light was on a dimmer and June had the lights down low to give the room a romantic look. There was soft music playing on the stereo in the living room. Like I said before, I was in an episode of

The Twilight Zone

. Strange shit was happening and I was not in control.

I know I am belaboring this simple fact but I had been anticipating a visit from the cops for twenty-four hours. I expected yelling. I expected crying and recriminations. Hell, I even anticipated the dreaded "I love you", "it's not what it seems", or "it meant nothing" and other statements along those lines. What I never anticipated was a nice romantic sit down meal. June had even gotten a wine that I could tolerate rather than her pretentious vinegar tasting shit she usually demanded that we imbibe.

June brought the food in. While I won't say she is a bad cook, we have had some poor meals in the past. This meal smelled delicious. June had gone all out to make sure it was perfect. I still wondered if she was planning some nefarious demise for me.

Thankfully she brought out a platter of meat, a bowl of mashed potatoes, bowls with gravy, green beans and corn along with a plate of cornbread. All I had to do to make sure that nothing had been added or doctored was to be polite and let her eat the first bites of each dish. I can safely say the meal was as delicious tasting as it smelled.

Finally I was too full. I was stuffed. After all I had already eaten a burger and fries at the bar. I leaned back in my chair and cast my gaze on my errant wife.

"Thank you for this delicious meal, June. You have outdone yourself. It was fantastic."

She blushed and dropped her eyes. "It was the least I could do after what I did to you." Her comment was so soft I almost couldn't make it out.

I couldn't let it just be. "Why did you cook me this fantastic meal? Why eat in here versus the kitchen island?" I know, you all reading this think I am some kind of asshole but again this was not what I expected today.

She actually looked up in a surprised way. "I wanted to show you how much I love and respect you."

That tore it. I threw down the napkin. "You love and respect me? It that what you call fucking some asshole in my house and in my bed? That's respect to fantasize about tying me up and fucking me with his cock?"

I know intellectually she was trying to apologize and seek my forgiveness but the stress of the last twenty-four hours, especially the anticipation of getting arrested had my nerves on edge. On top of that the feeling of complete dissociation with reality in this house was close to driving me crazy. The whole world was upside down today.

I stood up so quickly the chair fell over backwards. It crashed to the hardwood floor and the sound made her jump. I moved around the chair without putting my back to her and ended up with my back against the wall. Her eyes got big as she realized I literally had my back to the wall. My head was on a swivel as I looked for danger.

"Mike, what is wrong?" She seemed distressed.

"I don't understand anything tonight. I have been on edge all day wondering when the cops were going to show up. I came home and you didn't act as though I had done anything to you. I was almost convinced I had dreamed the whole of yesterday and that it was only a figment of my tortured mind. Of everything I possibly could plan for, this, you, the meal, everything is not what I even remotely envisioned."

She shook her head. "I won't be calling the cops on you. That is the truth, plain and simple. You are not responsible for what happened to make you take your revenge on us yesterday. I can only hope that yesterday was enough. I got off lucky. You didn't hit me or rape me or inflict any physical harm on me." She showed me her wrists. "There are not even any marks to show that I was tied up."

She continued. "I know I was scared for a bit at how you were so angry and out of control, but you have never raised a hand to me and you didn't yesterday either."

She sighed. "I take that as a small indication that you still care for me on some level. I thought long and hard today about what led us to this moment and I am not pleased with myself in any way. I don't know what I expected from my husband but I somehow decided that I should get some physical pleasure out of a strange cock while you work your fingers to the bone and your back to the breaking point trying to make a difference to so many people."

She paused to see how I was reacting. I guess she took my silence as an indication to keep talking. "I know you don't like the people I work with. We stand around at parties making out that everything we say or do is so important to life. I never intended to do this but I started to act as though you weren't good enough or intelligent enough to understand our points of view. Hell, I even started to believe some of my female co-workers who denigrated you as some kind of eunuch because you didn't fall for their seduction attempts. I remember Pete and I standing at one of the parties and snickering about how uncouth you were and so out of place with us real people, you know, the real movers and shakers. Now I look back and we, my company that is, is just a place filled with paper shufflers who would be the first to die in a disaster movie."

She paused and took a sip of her wine. "I sat here this morning and looked at this beautiful table and chairs. You crafted these things just for me. You build houses for people to live in. Hell, you built most of this place for us. No one I work with can even put together a kit from

Ikea

. We hire it done and then stand around and say, 'Oh, look at what we did' as though we had designed and manufactured the product ourselves.

I now realize that we are takers and fakers. We take credit for other's work and fake our way through our days and especially through our nights. Most of the women I work with treat their husbands like shit. They have fucked their way through the male population at work. I was almost the last holdout but then I started to believe their stupidity and decided I was missing out on the pleasure I deserved. I actively sought out Pete as my first extramarital lover. He wasn't hard to seduce as he had already fucked most of the other women. He felt it was his due to fuck me too."

She started to tear up. "Now that I think about it, I suppose you heard how we denigrated you just before you busted in and stopped us. I can only imagine how hurtful it was to hear that kind of crap come out of my mouth. I won't try to say that it was just sex talk as I had been disrespecting you in my mind for quite a while. It took you taking charge in our bedroom and taking retribution on both of us cheaters to open my eyes and see you for the good man you are. You are truly better than us."

She got up and started to clear the dishes. "What have I got to show for it now? My husband hates me. From the way you are standing you even fear me. I have destroyed something good and fine." She pulled the cloth back from the edge of the table and exposed the glossy finish. "I might as well have taken an axe to this table and whacked at the surface until it was too damaged to be repaired."

She turned away and took the dirty dishes to the kitchen. Her shoulders were slumped and shaking as she cried. I half expected her to drop the dishes.

Thinking back I know I wanted to say something supportive but I was in no frame of mind to allay her fears and sorrow. I just stood there pressed against the wall and waited.

It took about five minutes before she regained control and came back for more plates and flatware. I could see her in the kitchen trying to stop the sobbing that was shaking her.

When she came back she had a forlorn look on her face that spoke volumes of the despair she was feeling. I used to think she was always open and easy to read. Hiding her affair with Pete in such a way that I was broadsided made me believe she was a great actress. Could I believe her now?

June finished clearing the table. Even the table cloth was put into the laundry to be cleaned. I recognized it as the one her grandmother had made and given to us for a wedding present. June had never allowed it to grace the table before this as she was so afraid that it might be damaged as it literally was the last thing her grandmother had made. I guess I should believe she was contrite just from the use of something that precious to her.

After getting the dishwasher loaded and started she came back into the dining room. I was still trying to decide what to do next. She squared her shoulders and looked me directly in the eye. I was suddenly afraid of what she was about to say.

"I think that I should move out immediately. It is obvious that you do not trust me to not harm you physically. I just realized as I put the last of the dishes into the dishwasher that you did not drink or eat anything before you saw me taste the same thing. Did you believe I would poison you?" She put up her hand. "Don't answer that. You do believe I mean to harm you. Thus, I cannot stay here while you believe me to be a threat to you."

She turned and went toward the bedroom. She kept her shoulders squared and slowly walked. I suppose she was walking slowly so I could have the time to stop her from leaving. The problem was: did I want to stop her? On the one hand she was the love of my life before yesterday. On the other hand she had completely disrespected me and our marriage. Back and forth I listed the reasons to hate and love her. Again it seemed to take forever to list everything and I came up with an absolute nothing decided one way or the other. I looked around as I came to my non-decision. I was still standing against the wall looking for danger. Was June gone? Had I been in a fugue state?

As I looked around I could still hear movement down the hallway. No, June wasn't gone yet. She would be soon if I didn't do anything. I needed to decide. If she left would she be going to Pete or did she already have a replacement for him? I think that is a valid question as it didn't take her long to replace me with Pete and he was already married.

If she left and I decided I wanted her back would it be too late? I could square a foundation, true a wall, make a roof leak proof but I couldn't figure out what to do right now.

I finally forced myself to move from the wall. With heavy steps I walked down the hallway toward the master suite. When had I last darkened this door? Was it only yesterday afternoon? So much time seemed to have passed since I came home and discovered them fucking. I stopped in the doorway. With my height and breadth I took up enough space so June wouldn't be able to leave easily unless I let her.

I cleared my throat. I had not shed a tear since this all started but now my throat was tight with emotion and I could feel the tears building. "Where. . .Where will you go?" It was all I could get out.

She paused in her perusal of the clothes she had spread out on the bed. I suppose she was trying to decide what to take now and what could wait for later. She didn't look at me. "I guess I will start out a couple of nights in a motel. After that I suppose I should find an efficiency apartment somewhere close to work. Maybe it will be close enough to walk to work so I can save money on transportation. That is a good idea, don't you think?"

I had to ask. "Who. . .who will you be with?"

She looked up then. "What do you mean?" She paused but I didn't say anything more. "Do you actually believe I will go out and fuck somebody else? Do you believe I am that kind of slut?" She shook her head. "I suppose you do. I had a few lovers before meeting you. I never had any after starting to date you, well, until Pete."

She shook her head. "I know you will not believe me but there will be no other men in my life until after you divorce me. I have accepted the fact that since I pose a threat to your mental wellbeing that our marriage is probably over. I am sorry for every bad feeling, every heart ache, every doubt, and the fact that I have destroyed your love. I just hope you heal quickly so you can move on. I will let you know my address so you can have me served. If you can't wait then I will be ready for the papers to be delivered at work."