Chapter 10 – Pleasure and Pain – Always Together
Joanne:
“My god, …… I’m lonely!”
The words sounded hollow in the huge house; not even an echo because of all the carpets and drapes. The past few months have convinced me that life alone is not for me. Jack and I living together for all these years created a dependency that only comes clear now that I am alone. No matter what life together had in the way of complications, the uncomplicated life alone is …. .. complicated. The silence of the house bore down around me and I felt purposeless.
Getting with old friends is a problem. Most of them are married and you know what they say about three being a crowd. Even getting together with the girls is difficult because they don’t understand exactly why Jack and I are separated and they feel uncomfortable about it. Conversation becomes tense and difficult.
I turned out the lights and went up to my lonely bed. It was not possible to think of what Jack might be doing. And yet, to call him would be giving in. I wasn’t ready for that, and besides, our conversations still become hostile. I blamed Jack, and he certainly blames me.
Fitful sleep led inevitably to another day dawning. It was Thursday, time for my weekly visit to Good Hair Lair and my longtime hairdresser, Joy.
“You know, Joanne, why don’t you and I go out for dinner sometime? It would be fun!” she said, tipping me back into the shampoo sink while she tested the water temperature.
I looked at Joy with a wry smile. I realized she was serious. Joy had been doing my hair for five years, at least. My weekly appointment was usually an adventure. Guessing what her hairstyle would be, guessing what new adventure her single-mother lifestyle had produced during the past week; it was always something new. We had a lot of laughs comparing our differing live styles over the years.
t would never have occurred to me that we had enough in common to make an evening together of interest. She is aware that I am on my own since Jack decided not to come home and she also knew that I was having my ups and downs. I had even told her of my young lover, to which her encouragement had been: “Good for you! You deserve it! About time you took care of Number 1!”
“You’re serious,” I said, smiling into the gray-blue eyes framed today with black hair streaked generously with platinum, curving under her cheeks.
“Sure!” She should have been chewing gum to make the stereotypical hair stylist complete, but instead there was just that devilish grin with lots of white teeth behind bright red lipstick and a thorough make-up job. “Ever been to Captain Billy’s? You’ll love it.”
I thought it over, staring at the ceiling, as Joy washed my hair and continued her steady flow of conversation. I said nothing, still thinking that it was a bit strange going out to dinner with Joy knowing that her nightlife included casual romantic adventures that spiced up her chatter.
As she spun me around to see the result of her labors, she grinned into the mirror.
“So, …. What ‘ya say?”
“Looks fine, as usual. You couldn’t take out those wrinkles while you’re at it, take about ten years off?”
She laughed at my joke.
“Hey, you’re looking great! Don’t need any years taken off. You’d be too much competition.”
“So, …. What do you say, Joanne, want to take a walk on the wild side?”
I paused and stared into her eyes. Smiling self-consciously, I finally replied.
“Well, .. .. why not? It would be fun.”
“Great, how about tonight?”
“OK, tonight it is! I had better drive and meet you, though. I think you might outlast me.”
Billy himself greeted me at the door, leaning against one of those fake posts with a huge rope twined around it that seafood restaurants usually have.
“Bet you’re looking for Joy, Right?” He smiled expectantly, slapping the menu against his hand. “She told me to watch out for her glamorous girl friend.”
He led me to the back of the bar area where Joy seemed deep in conversation with a good-looking guy in a tie and jacket. The music was quiet and the lighting subdued. Joy’s long legs flashed around toward me as I approached.
“Ah, there you are. Our table ready, Billy?”
She slipped off the tall stool, displaying silky legs as the young man gaped at her, then looked disappointed as his eyes took me in. Her skirt rode up over voluptuous thighs and she landed smilingly in front of me.
“Nice talking to you, Jeff. This is my friend, Joanne. Joanne, Jeff.”
“Uh, hullo,” He muttered, not forgetting to smile.
“Sorry I’m a little late,” I apologized.
We went off to a table on the upper level of the plush restaurant, leaving Jeff looking longingly after Joy as she switched her cute little fanny through the maze of tables.
It was easy talking to Joy. We didn’t have the baggage that existed with my married friends, and I soon found myself letting it all hang out. My innerrmost thoughts about my life alone spilled out.
“So, are you seeing this young guy now?”
I looked into my lap for a moment before responding.
“Occasionally, yes. I can’t seem to resist …,” I smiled sardonically into her smiling eyes.
“The sex is good, then, right?”
“Yes, the sex is good. He’s becoming a good lover, actually. I guess I’m addicted. I keep telling myself that I have to just cut it off, but then he comes home from school and, well ….” I trailed off into silence and looked off over the restaurant, which beginning to fill up.
“Would I know him?” She laughed, realizing how that sounded. “I mean ..”
“No, I don’t think so. Just one of the neighborhood hunks. It started as one of those sexual fantasy conversations that Jack brought up. But then, it got closer and closer to reality, and suddenly, …. It was real.”
“No kidding, ….that is .. well, .. . wild!” She laughed and then stifled the laugh.
The wine was good and I found myself relaxing for the first time in weeks --relaxing and letting my hair down to an eager listener.
Dinner came and I picked at it, continuing to air my woes and not a little of my sexual adventures. Joy pressed carefully for more details, seeding the conversation with her own experiences.
“ …. …. So, once in awhile I let someone take me home, .. .. you know, nothing serious, …. Just loneliness, .. well, also just needing to get laid, let’s face it.” She laughed a bit too loudly and looked toward the bar self-consciously. “But, sex is good, for chrissake!” she ended, reaching to touch my wrist.
I nodded agreement. “I haven’t done the bar scene so far, Joy, but then, I am still married.”
“So?” she said. “What do you think Jack is doing? You think he is sitting home looking out the window? Not likely!”
“You’re probably right. But, anyway, I don’t think I can do that. Wouldn’t solve my real problem, I guess.”
“Where’s the little girls’ room?” I said, looking around.
“That way; you go ahead, I’ll meet you in the bar, then, OK?”
The Ladies’ Room was large and sparkling clean. As I washed my hands, I looked into the mirror into the eyes of the beautiful black girl next to me. She smiled.
“Hi.”
“Hi, having a good time? Nice place isn’t it?” I said.
“Yes, and yes,” She said, her white teeth brilliant against full red lips.
She was dressed tastefully, and the dress emphasized her gorgeous figure. The silk scarf around her neck was perfect with her skin color and with the dress. She looked enough like a model to be one. I watched as she fussed with the neckline, leaning forward to see how her cleavage looked. It looked lovely, her breasts round and inviting, even to another woman.
I followed her out and we chatted, walking together down the hall, and then parted as she turned down the steps to the lower level dining area. A row of plants served as a divider.
“Bye! Nice talking to you,” She smiled.
I waved and then watched her pert bottom and swinging skirt as she walked gracefully down the stairs. I glanced around for Joy and then swept my eyes over the lower level to see the black girl join her date at a table in the back.
He was white.
He was older.
He was Jack!
A lump formed in my throat. I realized that I was very jealous. The jealous reaction burned. I wanted to storm over to the table and demand an explanation, but I didn’t. Instead, I turned and took my rage to the end of the bar where Joy was already in conversation with a man.
“This is my friend Joanne. Joanne, this is … did you say David?”
“Derek,” he corrected, “glad to meet you, Joanne.”
They were facing each other and Joy’s skirt draped across shapely legs. I couldn’t help thinking that her skirt tented across her thighs where you couldn’t see her panties, but formed a cave where a man’s eyes would begin yearning to see the panties just an inch from sight. I wondered if it was intentional. She touched his knee as she made a point. I wasn’t tuned in to the conversation yet, my mind and eyes being on the couple at the other end of the restaurant.
Derek signaled to a friend across the bar and I saw him make his way toward us. Derek introduced him as Craig. Craig turned on his brightest smile and asked me to dance.
“Yes, I’d love to,” I smiled up at him. I realized this was crazy, but it wouldn’t hurt to give Jack something to think about, I thought.
Each time we turned, I looked out to see if Jack was looking our way, and each time I was disappointed. I wanted him to feel the same jealous, empty feeling that I had in seeing him. Craig’s hand slipped down from my waist to my hip. I thought a moment, then pressed closer to him. His hand smoothed across my back and stroked the band of my bra. I had to admit that it was a seductive thing to do, just hinting at intimacy, exploring my underwear. I felt his finger find the size tag under my dress and trace its outline.
“What are you doing, “ I giggled, and looked up into his eyes.
Craig grinned. “Exploring, just exploring. Making a mental map,” he laughed.
I laughed along with him and felt his thigh between mine as he turned to make that contact happen. My mound rode against his thigh and I felt his erection inside the thigh I was riding against. It felt nice, even though I had no intention of being picked up.
His hand pressed against my bottom, urging me closer. I pulled his hand back to respectability.
My mind was across the room, though. I finally decided that I had every right to stalk across the room and confront Jack. After all, we are still married and he is cheating on me, regardless of what I have done. “If he thinks he is going to go completely unscathed when he is out with some tramp, he has another think coming!” I thought.
Craig’s hand strayed lower on my hip.
